Anonymous

“ Be not ostentatious in the display of jewelry: if, however, you have superb jewelry, your dress and your establishment should harmonize therewith, or the world will either not give you credit for their real worth, or it will charge you with ostentatious extravagance. ”

“ Perfumes are a necessary appendage to the toilet; let them be delicate, not powerful; the Atta of roses is the most elegant; the Heduesmia is at once fragrant and delicate. Many others may be named; but none must be patronized which are so obtrusive as to give the idea that they are not indulged in as a luxury but used from necessity. ”

“ If you are singing second, do not drag on, nor as it were tread upon the heels of your prima; if you do not regard your friend’s feelings, have mercy on your own reputation, for nine out of ten in every party will think you in the wrong, and those who know that you are singing in correct time, will believe you ill-natured or not sufficiently mistress of the song to wait upon your friend. ”

“ It is unladylike to cut a person; if you wish to rid yourself of any one’s society, a cold bow in the street, and particular ceremony in the circles of your mutual acquaintance, is the best mode to adopt. ”

“ The plainest dress is always the most genteel, and a lady that dresses plainly will never be dressed unfashionably. Next to plainness, in every well-dressed lady, is neatness of dress and taste in the selection of colors.
XXVII.
Let your dress harmonize with your complexion, your size, and the circumstances in which you may be placed: for instance, the dress for walking, for a dinner or an evening party, each requires a different style of both material and ornament. ”

“ An introduction at a ball for the purpose of dancing does not compel you to recognise the person in the street or in any public place; and except under very peculiar circumstances such intimacies had better cease with the ball. ”

“ Singularity of dress and ostentatious ornament are by no means characteristic of a lady, but their adoption proves a primâ facie case against the wearer of being a nouveau riche striving after notoriety. ”

“ Dean Swift, I think, remarks, that good breeding does not consist so much in the observance of particular forms, as in bringing the dictates of refined sense and taste to bear upon the ordinary occurrences of life. ”

“ A lady is at liberty to take either a [30] gentleman or another lady to pay a morning visit to a friend, without asking permission; but she should never allow a gentleman the same liberty; if he desires to make any of his friends known to her, he must first ask if the acquaintance would be agreeable. ”

“ If you have no brother or near relation, you may at any time request a gentleman of your acquaintance, who has not been invited by the lady of the house, to accompany you.
XCVI.
The lady of the house should dance, if at all, but little, unless there is a distinguished stranger present to whom it is desirable to pay a compliment. This is necessary, that you may be enabled to attend to your guests, and make the evening agreeable to them. If you do dance, you may select your partner, who should feel honored by the act. ”

“ In winter the most honorable place is the corner of the fireplace; therefore, if a married lady enters, offer her that seat. If this place is occupied by a young lady, she ought to rise and offer her seat to the other, taking for herself a chair in another part of the room. ”

“ If you should do so with the idea that all others present are equally or more ignorant than yourself, you may be very disagreeably undeceived, by some quiet, unpresuming person, who may have been listening to the development of your ignorance. ”

“ Ladies should not leave the table before the end of the entertainment, unless from urgent necessity. If it is a married lady, she requests some one to accompany her; if unmarried, she goes with her mother. ”

“ Never introduce persons to each other without a knowledge that it will be agreeable to both parties; this may sometimes be ascertained without a formal question: very great intimacy with and knowledge of each party may be a sufficient assurance that the introduction will be agreeable.
II.
The inferior should always be introduced to the superior—ladies take precedence of gentlemen; you will present [6] the gentleman to the lady, not the lady to the gentleman. ”

“ It is proper to vary the phraseology of questions concerning another’s health as much as possible, and to abstain from them entirely toward a superior or a person with whom we are but little acquainted, as such inquiries presuppose some degree of intimacy. Custom forbids a lady to make these inquiries of a gentleman, unless he is very ill or aged. ”

“ When at concerts or private parties where music is being performed, never converse, no matter how anxious you may be to do so, or how many persons you may see doing so; and refrain from beating time, humming the airs, applauding, or making ridiculous gestures of admiration. ”

“ A person with a short neck should be careful as to the sort of frill she wears, if she considers one necessary; while a person with a very long one may relieve the awkwardness of the appearance by judiciously adopting this article of dress.
XXXI.
A hostess should not dress so richly as when she is a guest: it is good taste in a [16] lady not to appear to vie with her guests in the richness of her attire. ”

“ Women should never play, unless they can retain the command of their temper. She who wishes to win a heart or retain one, should never permit her admirers to behold her at cards, as the anxiety they produce is as destructive to beauty as to sentiment. ”

“ A lady cannot shake off an improper acquaintance with the same facility as a gentleman can do, and her character is more easily affected by contact with the worthless and dissipated.
VI.
Upon a first introduction to a lady or gentleman, make a slight but gracious inclination of the head and body. The old style of curtsying has given place to the more easy and graceful custom of bowing. It is ill-bred to shake hands. ”

“ If a gentleman presumes to ask you to [39] dance without an introduction, you will of course refuse. It is hardly necessary to supply the fair reader with words to repel such a rudeness; a man must have more than ordinary impertinence if he was not satisfied by your saying, “I must decline, sir, not having the honor of your acquaintance;” and recollect that his previous rudeness ought to be punished by your refusing to be introduced.
CI.
Draw on your gloves in the dressing-room, and do not take them off during the evening, except at supper-time, when it should be invariably done. ”

“ At the ordinary public balls, it is desirable to make up a party sufficiently large to render you independent of the introductions of the master of the ceremonies, as, in spite of his best efforts, objectionable individuals will gain access to such. When a party is thus formed, you can easily and without rudeness refuse to be introduced to any gentleman, by stating that you are engaged ”

“ As hostess, in your attentions, consider all your guests equal; the greatest stranger or person of least rank should, if any, receive more attention than others.
LXXXVII.
If your guests are about to remain on a visit of any length, see before their arrival that their room is furnished with everything [34] which can contribute to neatness, and their comfort. ”

“ When visitors enter, rise immediately, advance toward them, and request them to be seated. If it is an elderly person, insist upon his occupying the arm-chair; if a lady, beg her to be seated on the sofa. ”

“ If anything is sent you from the host or hostess, do not offer it to any other person; and when helped do not wait until others are served, but at once arrange your napkin, and proceed to the important business of the moment.
CXXXVIII.
In helping a joint, do not overload a person’s plate; and if game, or any [50] particularly select dish is placed before you, serve it with discretion.
CXXXIX.
In helping, wherever a spoon can be conveniently used, it is preferable to the use of a knife and fork. ”

“ A lady ought not to present herself alone in a library or museum, unless she goes there to study or work as an artist.
CLXXXVII.
Perfect order, exquisite neatness and elegance, which easily dispense with being sumptuous, ought to mark the entrance of the house, the furniture, and the dress of the lady.
CLXXXVIII.
The most obvious mark of good breeding and good taste is a sensitive regard for the feelings of others. ”

“ Never lose your temper at cards, and avoid the exhibition of anxiety or of vexation at want of success. If you are playing whist, not only keep your temper, but hold your tongue; any intimation to your partner is not ladylike. ”

“ If you intend to sing, do not affect to refuse when asked, but at once accede. If you are a good singer, your prompt compliance will add to the pleasure of your friends, and to their regard; if you are not the desire to amuse will have been evinced, and will be appreciated. ”

“ If your guests express an intention of leaving you, affectionately endeavor to detain them; if not successful, renew your invitation for another visit, and express your regret at parting so soon.
LXXXIX.
The art of receiving company can only be acquired by education, experience, or close observation. Have a determination to act naturally, not hurried, and let a desire to please be a ruling principle; you will then generally act correctly. ”

“ When about to be absent a long time, make your farewell visit short, announcing the fact; if necessary to leave your card, mark on it T. T. L. or P. P. C. When you return, those upon whom you have called will pay you the first visit; those whom you have neglected, will properly conclude the acquaintance is discontinued. If you are married while abroad, this is especially the case.
LXXIX.
Visits after a party or dinner should be paid within the week. ”

“ Double entendre is detestable in a woman, especially when perpetrated in the presence of men; no man of taste can respect a woman who is guilty of it: though it may create a laugh, it will inevitably excite also disgust in the minds of all whose good opinions are worth acquiring. ”

“ The hostess follows her guests to the dining-room, the host having led the way with the lady of most consideration; the gentleman of the greatest distinction accompanies the hostess to the dining-room.
CXXVIII.
The hostess takes the head of the table: the seat of honor for a gentleman is at her right hand; for a lady, it is to the right of the host.
CXXIX.
Ladies do not wear gloves during dinner.
CXXX.
In the best houses, the operation of carving is performed at the side tables; i. e. the principal joint, or joints, which [48] require strength in the operation, are there carved. ”

“ If you have an introductory letter, do not deliver it yourself, unless upon cases of urgent business, but send it with your card and the number of your lodging, enclosed in an envelope, as soon as you have made yourself comfortable after arriving at your destination.
XIV.
On receiving a letter introducing any [10] person, so soon as convenient wait upon her, and show such attention as the nature of the introduction may require: upon meeting the party introduced, you will easily perceive whether any further INTIMACY will be desirable. ”

“ Invitations to a ball or evening party should be given in the lady’s name, and answers to such invitations should be addressed to her, cards of invitation are usually issued from one to three weeks previous to the entertainment.
XCI.
The hours for the arrival of the guests vary from nine to twelve o’clock: in this you will be guided by the usages of the circle in which you move.
XCII.
Never go early to a public ball; and do not be frequently seen at such. When you do attend, do not dance from the time you enter the room until you leave ”

“ Steel forks, except for carving, are now seldom placed upon the dinner table.
CXXXII.
It is usual to commence with soup, which never refuse; if you do not eat it, you can toy with it until it is followed by fish; of either of which never take more than once.
CXXXIII.
When all are seated, send a plate of soup to every one. Do not ask any one if they will be helped, as every one takes it, of course.
CXXXIV.
Always feed yourself with the fork; a knife is only used as a divider. Use a [49] dessert spoon in eating tarts, puddings, curries, &c., &c. ”

“ As persons are necessarily introduced at a dinner party, only such persons as are known to each other, or who mutually desire to be acquainted should be invited, except under the circumstances alluded to in No. ”