Anonymous

“ In the cultivation of a taste for music, flowers, and home ornamentation, for art and poetry, for female purity and spiritual grace, we find the means of a right development. These are the messengers of the beautiful, and by their guidance we approach the true shrine.
It is one of the most cheering signs of our civilization, that a taste for music and art is fast spreading among all classes of the American people. Pictures and books are now found in houses where, a few years since, they were utter strangers, and their introduction has caused such a delightful change! ”

“ If you are ignorant of the laws of politeness, of the rules and observances of true sociality, of the means necessary to render yourself an agreeable companion and a useful member of the social circle, you begin life at immense disadvantage, and will never cease to regret that ignorance. It is such an easy matter to become familiar with the usages and proprieties of social life that ignorance is inexcusable ”

“ What has elsewhere been said in regard to dress and ornament will apply fully to the occasion of the dance. Let simplicity be the guide, and not display. The lady tricked out in many jewels and ribbons looks too much like a moving advertisement to command respect for it. If ladies generally knew how deep an impression a pure style of dress makes upon the other sex, and realized how trifling a gaudy dress seems to the person of true taste, we surmise their vanity alone would impel to simpler attire, rather than to elaborate and costly display. ”

“ Let it not be said that the first principles of good breeding are unknown to the working-man; he may be ignorant of the usages of society, but he can, if he please, maintain a becoming and agreeable deportment. What generally makes him coarse and surly, is the prejudice, unhappily too widely spread, that the rich man feels above him. This is a great mistake; it is not the blouse that is shunned, it is the rudeness of the man who wears it. Labor is always held in esteem by any man of sense; but who can regard coarseness and rudeness with respect? ”

“ If you wish to make yourself agreeable to a lady, turn the conversation adroitly upon taste, or art, or books, or persons, or events of the day. Make her smile—suffer her to be superior in any encounter of wit—and she will pronounce you "the most charming of men." You will have shown yourself clever and well-bred. Never seem studied in your phrases, nor talk above the comprehension or contrary to the taste of the person addressed, otherwise you may be voted either a pedant or a bore. ”

“ And as the taste for these things expands, there will be still more beauty around that house. Vines will creep over the door, the yard will be turned into form and shape, a [61] piano will enter over the door-sill, and "send its wild echoes flying" through all the rooms to make hearts beat with new emotions. Then must follow that intelligence which has the truest appreciation of life, which sees something else in existence than the mere necessities of subsistence, which finds in nature a language before dead, or unmeaning. ”

“ ETIQUETTE. ENTRANCE INTO SOCIETY.
Has the moment arrived when you are called upon to cast aside your youthful associations and youthful irresponsibilities to take your place in society as a man or woman? It is a most important moment—one which deserves the consideration of a thoughtful study; for, upon a proper knowledge of what belongs to true manhood, true womanhood, does much of your after-life success depend. ”

“ In such a case there is almost always a compensation of Nature's own providing. You will observe that with unprepossessing features, there is generally an elegant figure, or a great deal of expression, or lively wit, that makes you forget that Nature has been less bountiful than is her wont.
Fanciful modes of dress suit the coquette; she knows how to make use of them: they are her counters. She has the art of arranging tastefully even the folds of her dress. Her costume should be full of variety, to be the reflection of her caprices. ”

“ A man of religious feeling holds himself bound to those duties, in respect to old age, that were observed in ancient times. But the young men of whom we have been speaking make a parade of rudeness in the presence of an old man; they pay him no more respect than if he were an unfledged youth of eighteen like themselves; they smoke cigars under his nose; scarcely deign to acknowledge him in the street; and never are willing to remember that their father is or was an old man, and that they will themselves grow old. Such respect neither their parents nor themselves. ”

“ If it is impossible from sickness, or otherwise, to accept an invitation to a private party, an excuse, or declination, should invariably be sent in on the day prior to the party, that the lady of the house may be advised as to who is coming and who is not. This is a rule too little observed, but a really necessary one, to be made the study of all to practice. For a gentleman not to attend a party, after having received an invitation, and to send in no excuse for absence, is to be construed into a designed "cut," or as an evidence of ignorance. ”

“ It will be found, by both sexes, that timidity wears off rapidly by simple social converse; and the young man or woman who proposes to become a gentleman or lady should not fail to embrace every opportunity for meeting with well-mannered and intelligent friends—to spend an evening with them—to read, talk, walk, ride with them—to go out to concerts, to the theater, to the pic-nic, excursion, church, or evening party. ”

“ In a married woman, a richer style of ornament is admissible. Feathers in her bonnet, a necklace, a camellia or jewels in her hair are allowable in the wife, but for a young girl, a style of modest simplicity is far more impressive and becoming. We shall state what is known to be a fact, when we say ladies who attract most observation, are those dressed with the most studied simplicity, while those with most ornament are treated with less deference, and excite less compliment.
An important maxim to be observed is, that the most elegant dress loses its merit, if it is not worn with grace. ”

“ A religious course of training can alone impart to the feminine character that spirit of yielding gentleness which, in domestic, as in public life, is the basis of politeness. Deprived of these qualities, a woman would be unamiable in [55] the family circle, as well as in the world, where, in spite of her efforts to appear pleasing, her bad education would inevitably display itself. Young ladies of this class, if they do not go the length of impertinence, have a dissatisfied air, and indulge in the habit of criticising every thing with severity. ”

“ Some are actually ignorant of what constitutes true politeness, and err not from willfulness, but from want of knowledge. But such persons are readily forgivable, for, if their disposition is to be polite, they will find the way very easy into the confidence of all, and will learn, ere long, what custom and usage has sanctioned as fit and proper regulations for the intercourse of men with men, women with women, and all with one another.
It is to such persons as those last-named, that we especially address this little manual. To learn the usages of society is easy, if one only will learn ”

“ In the matter of Love it would be hard to lay down any formal rules; the heart is its own teacher; if its impulses be true and pure, your looks, words, and actions will be in no danger of doing you any particular discredit. Even awkwardness is sometimes eloquent, and makes a better companion than the [49] most elegant self-possession, since it proclaims the reality of your passion, and the diffidence of real affection. Love has a language of its own, and will not thank any book of etiquette for a lesson. ”

“ There is so much practicality in our American life, that we are in danger of growing sordid, covetous, unsympathetic, unpoetical; and our lives threaten to be as barren of beauty as the pile of unhewn marble, out of which the glorious edifice can be built, if only the hand of the master touches it, and molds it into forms of unity and grace. ”

“ View wealth, as honorable only when honorably attained and rationally enjoyed; and your life will be one which you, your friends, and your children will call blessed.
If you design a professional life, it should be determined on before the years of school-life are ended, that you may direct your studies and mold your thoughts into the most effective channels. As in a commercial life, remember that the key-stone of success lies in your honesty. ”

“ Good-nature is every thing in society, as in business—it overcomes many a mountain of difficulty, and achieves a success where no sternness or anxious solicitude would avail.
In regard to the formulas of introductions, cards of invitation, etc., too much stress is laid by writers upon etiquette, who leave the impression that there is a whole chapter of Greek verbs to learn before the debutant in society can become familiar with necessary forms. There is little, indeed, to cause alarm, the forms being just what any person's common-sense would dictate as being proper. ”

“ A frock-coat would not be tolerated a moment in any fashionable society in Europe. Whether it be esteemed a prejudice or otherwise, we are free to confess that, in our own opinion, the frock-coat is a violation of good taste, as unsuited either to a ball-room or private assembly. The ordinary dress-coat, which is in no respect in the way, and which leaves the limbs perfectly free to move gracefully, is the only proper coat for the party and dance.
When a lady has accepted refreshment, her attending gentleman should hasten to relieve her of her glass or plate ”

“ You should be ready to act the knight, if a lady in your company is attacked. If she give offence, and that without reason, your office is that of mediator. You should even ask pardon for your companion. A bully would act otherwise; but it is absurd to get into a quarrel for the sake of maintaining that a person who is insolent has a right to be so, and that because he is of your company. ”

“ No outside admiration can compensate for the want of love and respect at home. Gross neglect of attire, unseemly morning apparel, uncombed hair, and total neglect of those little arts and charms which make the female portion of the household so much more lovable, are inexcusable. We should bear in mind that the love of friends is worth more than the flattery of strangers. Only absolute ill-health, or great stress of employment, can excuse slovenly appearances at any hour of the day, in any member of the family. ”

“ An irreligious woman is as much to be abhorred as a drunken woman: she is no longer fit to lead in society and to give tone to its morals; she is not fit to be a mother; for her children will surely be reckless and godless; she is not a grace, but a blot on her sex, disliked even by men who profess to no religious conviction.
SPECIALLY FOR LADIES.
What is becoming to one woman, may be just the reverse to another, and in such a case it is foolish to be the slave of fashion. A tall, elegant, and well-formed figure requires a material that will exhibit and set off to advantage these charms. ”

“ It is a poor triumph for a young lady to say, or to feel, that she has refused five, ten, or twenty offers of marriage; it is about the same as acknowledging herself a trifler and coquette, who, from motives of personal vanity, tempts and induces hopes and expectations which she has predetermined shall be disappointed. ”

“ The veriest vagrant, who comes honestly by his poverty, is a nobler being than he who comes dishonorably by his wealth.
As has been said, in previous pages, gentility has much to do with success in life. It opens a way for progress where no rudeness would avail—it unlocks sympathies, awakens friendships, commands confidences which are better than mortgages and bonds in our dealings with men; and we therefore commend earnestly to your attention what we have said on previous pages in regard to the rules and observances of the good-breeding which indicates true gentility. ”

“ Never fails to raise his hat politely to a lady acquaintance; nor to a male friend who may be walking with a lady—it is a courtesy to the lady.
Of course a lady will not be rude, nor dress so as attract undue attention, much less to create unpleasant remark. She will be kind to all; she will not absorb too much of the walk, nor fail to give half the way to either a lady or gentleman; she will not allow her skirts to drag upon the walk to the annoyance of other pedestrians; she will not fail to recognize friends by a pleasant smile and slight bow ”

“ Be gay, be cheerful, be the spirit of every company, but at the same time preserve the delicacy, the refinement, the grace, which are the surest virtues for conquering admiration, for winning love.
"Snobs" are always impudent, and generally are ignorant persons. They are rude as the monkey is rude, because they really do not know what constitutes good breeding. Their tailor literally "makes the man"—their whole mind is given to the tie of their cravat, and their boots absorb much of their hardest efforts at philosophy. They are simply nuisances—a blot on the fair name of man ”

“ It is a most admirable experience to meet in friendly chat with a friend or two—to spend an evening with an intelligent lady, and to learn by degrees the confidence and reliance which will serve to carry you bravely through the evening at the brilliant rooms of fashion and gay company. ”

“ We honor the generous conduct of those, particularly the "well-favored," who bestow their attentions on ladies who, from conscious lack of beauty, least expect them. The real man of sense will not fail to recognize most solicitously any lady who may seem neglected or unattended.
On the other hand, no lady, however numerous the solicitations of her admirers, should consent to dance repeatedly when, by so doing, she excludes other ladies from participating in the same amusement; still less, as we have hinted, should she dance exclusively with the same gentleman, to the disadvantage of others. ”

“ HOW TO ORDER A HOME.—RULES FOR HOME CONDUCT AND FAMILY ETIQUETTE.
As we have said, all true politeness is founded in kindness and unselfishness. Nowhere is there a better chance for its better display than in the family circle. Here we may be certain that it springs from genuine goodness, as there is nothing to be gained by its practice, except the reward which comes from all well-doing. We may say that in no place is there so much need of its exercise, in order to keep the wheels of life running smoothly ”

“ Let it suffice for us to say, a man or woman is a bore when they [12] are intruders, either upon persons' time or company. To know when to leave, when to cease conversation, when to offer attentions, to solicit favors, is to know how to behave well; and no person will err who is educated in gentility, or whose apprehension of what is right is not befogged by "charming illusions." One of the worst bores we ever met was a female, who acted as a kind of purveyor-general to the community for every charity which called for an active benevolence. ”