Lillian Eichler

“ Every day, in the social and business worlds alike, there is the constant need of introducing people correctly. But the correct introduction does not consist merely of making two strangers known to each other—perhaps just temporarily. To create an immediate friendliness between two people who have met for the first time, to do away with all hesitancy and embarrassment, to create smooth and pleasant conversation, to make the strangers want to continue their acquaintance—that is the purpose of the correct introduction. ”

“ The secret of correct introduction at dinner is to avoid all obvious effort to present certain guests to one another. For instance, it is not the best form to interrupt a conversation and draw a young man to another part of the room to present him to a young lady. Nor is it necessary for the hostess to incommode herself by rising, during the course of the dinner, to greet a late-comer and make him known to the other guests. ”

“ The bow is only acceptable when a stranger is presented to a group of guests. And even then it should consist merely of a nod and genial smile that includes the entire company.
A hostess rises to receive all introductions, and offers her hand both to men and women. But a woman guest retains her place when introduced to a gentleman, or when she is one of a group to whom a woman guest is presented. ”

“ A courteous acknowledgment is essential to every introduction. It is not enough to chant a stilted phrase each time the hostess presents you to a stranger. Parrot-like repetition will make you appear dull and ordinary. But to make gracious, cordial acknowledgments is to gain the immediate sympathy and friendliness of those to whom you have been introduced. ”

“ When the reception is a large one—a ball, for instance—the roof may serve as an introduction; that is, the guests may take it for granted that everyone present, being an invited guest, has already the endorsement of the hostess. Thus they may address and converse with anyone they choose, without trespassing any laws of good conduct.
If a lady passes two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, both raise their hats and greet her, but no introductions are made. If he stops for a moment—and it must be only for a very brief moment—he does not present his companion. ”

“ Similarly, the lady traveling across country may comment upon the splendid open stretches of country, the hazy impressiveness of the mountains in the distance and the surprising beauty of the train's smoke against the azure sky, to the lady sitting opposite her, even though they have never been introduced. ”

“ It happens, sometimes, that a hostess unknowingly will introduce to each other two men, or two women, who have long been on unfriendly terms. To ignore each other completely under such circumstances would be a breach of good conduct, and an embarrassment to everyone concerned. It is certainly wiser, if not more agreeable, to nod as though one were a stranger, and later tactfully avoid the man or woman whose company you do not wish to share.
The acknowledgment to an introduction is important. ”

“ An awkward or haphazard introduction can not be effective. A common fault seems to be to mumble hurriedly over names—a very bad fault, indeed, as it leaves the strangers in ignorance as to each other's identity. Names should be pronounced carefully and distinctly, leaving no doubt whatever in the minds of those who are being presented to each other. To slur over names in haste or embarrassment, is to create a strained and uncomfortable atmosphere. ”

“ It is, of course, an established rule that a man should always be presented to a lady. But the rule does not hold true when a lady is presented to some gentleman of exceptionally high and distinguished position. ”

“ At a very large, formal ball or dance, it is good form to ask permission of a lady before presenting a gentleman to her. It is certainly the safest and most satisfactory way, and reflects good taste and courtesy both on the part of the gentleman who wishes to be introduced and the gentleman who is the medium of introduction. ”

“ In the business world, introductions are made whenever a mutual acquaintance or friend is present. Business introductions are governed very largely by diplomacy, although the gentleman will make sure that his business introduction is just as courteous and graceful as his social introduction. ”

“ A lady is introduced to a group of people in the same manner. It is indicative of bad taste to conduct a young lady around a large room and introduce her individually to each stranger. Gentlemen should always be taken to her to be presented to her. It is only when the young lady is a débutante or a youthful member of society that she is conducted across a room to be presented to some elderly dowager, or to the guest of honor. It is inconsiderate to present any one person to a great number of others all at once. ”

“ It is important to remember that the first intimation of recognition after an introduction must always come from the lady. A gentleman does not offer his hand, nor does he bow or nod to the lady he has met only once before until she has made the first movement. ”

“ Thus, if a lady is presented to the President of the United States, or to an ex-President, or prince, duke, or archduke, the gentleman's name is mentioned first. Another exception to the rule is when unmarried ladies are presented to important members of the clergy, such as the bishop or archbishop; here also the gentleman's name is mentioned first.
There is only one great exception to the rule that all unmarried women are presented to matrons: all women, no matter whether they are young unmarried women or elderly matrons, are introduced to the wife of the President of the United States. ”

“ The purpose of the hostess will be achieved, for the guest addressed will join the conversation, although there has been no formal introduction.
When two people are brought together in this manner, the question of whether or not they continue their acquaintanceship depends entirely upon themselves. In taking leave of each other, women who have been only semi-introduced may nod or shake hands as they please. It is not necessary to seek out a woman to whom one has been indirectly introduced in order to take leave of her. ”

“ Granting that all your friends and acquaintances are of the very best society, it is quite safe to say that you may introduce two people to each other, or a group of people to one another, whenever you chance to be a mutual friend. ”

“ The gentleman who escorts a lady to a dance has a very distinct duty with regard to introductions. He must present to her, at various intervals during the dance, as many of his masculine friends as he feels she would welcome as partners. ”

“ We find that the introduction of to-day is still made and acknowledged with a certain measured grace and courtesy of manner. What it lacks in old-time picturesque gallantry it gains in a new friendliness that is in accord with whole-hearted warmth for which the Americans are famous. ”

“ If there is a distinguished guest, or a guest of honor, for whom the dinner is given, all guests must be presented to him at some time during the evening. If the introductions cannot be completely achieved before dinner, the host and hostess may continue them when the guests reassemble in the drawing room. ”

“ It is certainly better form to introduce two people, even though you are in doubt as to their similarity of character and personality, than to have one of your friends—or several of them—feel slighted. There are few things more unkind and discourteous than to neglect introducing strangers to each other. ”

“ As in everything else in good society, ostentation is extremely vulgar. Deep bows, flourishes, and forced phrases have no place in the right sort of presentations. Brief, simple introductions, with a note of sincere cordiality, are certainly more impressive than much elaborate waving of hands and bowing. ”

“ If it is a very small dance, the strictly formal introduction is rarely performed; the girls introduce their partners to their particular friends, and the young men present their friends to their partners without asking permission to do so. ”

“ Children should be taught not to use stilted, unnatural phrases. Their introductions should be easy and natural. A child introducing his young cousin to a friend would say, "Bob, this is my cousin, Ralph." When introduced to an adult, the properly trained child waits for the elder to speak first. ”

“ Patronesses and reception committees are not obligated in any way to make introductions at subscriptions or public balls, though it often helps to make the affair more pleasant when they take part in presentations. ”

“ It is important for children to be taught early the significance and value of formal introductions. But parents must carefully avoid all suggestion of snobbishness in their young sons and daughters. There is an amusing story related of a certain little English lad who was visiting in America with his father, who happened to be a member of the House of Lords. ”