Frederic J. Haskin

“ Q. Is it permissible for a diner to pass a dish at an informal dinner?
A. If it is so informal that there is no servant to wait on the table, then of course it is permissible. In ordinary circumstances, however, it is not done.
Q. When a servant errs, the hostess sometimes feels that she must let her guests know that she sees that a mistake has been made. ”

“ The well-poised woman makes fashion her servant. Others foolishly make themselves the slaves of fashion. Many so-called fashions are merely fads which have nothing to do with the proprieties of dress. The best-dressed women adopt so much of the current fashions as may be becoming to them. Very few types of women can afford to follow all of the current fashions. Out-of-date fads should be shunned but new ones adopted only if found suitable.
Q. What sort of hat should be worn with evening dress?
A. None. No hat is ever proper with evening dress. Afternoon dress is never proper without a hat. ”

“ A. According to European etiquette, whether it is a private carriage, a car, or a taxi, a woman must never sit on a man’s left. This is the rule because in Europe a woman “on the left” is not a “lady.” This etiquette, however, is not observed in America and usually the woman takes the far seat upon entering a taxicab or private car. This eliminates the necessity of the man’s stepping in front of her. ”

“ The best man stands one pace behind the bridegroom. Anticipating the moment that the ring is to come into requisition he advances and places it in his friend’s hand. At the conclusion of the ceremony the best man procures the groom’s hat and gloves for him and slips the envelope containing the fee into the clergyman’s hand. ”

“ In parties of four persons, two men and two women, the men ordinarily occupy the outside seats, with the women between them, the hostess next to the male guest, the woman guest next to the host. If the seats are toward the side of the theater, where there is a preference as to view, the host may go in first, thus taking the least attractive seat. Every effort should be made to engage seats early so that they will all be well placed. ”

“ A. When at table the left hand remains in the lap if one is not using it to hold his fork. When waiting for a course to be served both hands should rest in the lap. This rule is not strictly observed when one is in a cafe or restaurant.
Q. Should meat be cut into small pieces on one’s plate or should it be cut only a mouthful at a time?
A. It is never correct to prepare one’s food as if for a child. Only one mouthful is cut at one time.
Q. In an hotel if one drops a knife or fork while eating should he pick it up? ”

“ A. The most fashionable New Yorkers rarely occupy boxes at the theater, except at the opera. This is due to the fact that the best seats in the theater are those in the center of the orchestra.
Q. Is it considered fashionable to arrive late at the theater?
A. It is very bad form to arrive late for any public entertainment. If it is unavoidable, one should wait in the rear of the theater or auditorium until the first intermission, or until under cover of applause he may take his seat without inconveniencing those seated near him.
Q. Does a man precede a woman when going down a theater aisle? ”

“ Every sort of low or half-low evening dress is in fact a dinner dress. The informal dinner dress is higher in the back, and often with half sleeves, whereas the formal dress is sleeveless. The informal dinner dress is worn at the theater, restaurant, or the opera, except in a box.
Q. Should a woman serving her own dinner to a small number of guests wear a formal dinner gown?
A. Formality is not expected at a dinner served by the hostess without servants.
Q. In presiding at a club meeting should a hat be worn? ”

“ Elbows are never put on the table while eating.
Q. When dining in a cafe if food is brought in individual dishes is it correct to place dishes in one’s plate and eat directly from them?
A. When food is served in such dishes it should be eaten directly from them. The dishes should remain on the table approximately where they have been placed by the waiter. In no circumstances should a dish be placed on the plate.
Q. Just what is the proper position of one’s left hand during a meal when it is not being used? Should it rest in the lap or lightly on the edge of the table? ”

“ Formal dress is not out of place at the theater, but modern custom does not require it for informal attendance.
Q. Should flowers be presented to an actor or actress one admires, and if so should they be sent to the stage?
A. Actors and actresses are no different from other people except as their work is for the entertainment of the public. Admiration for their work does not entitle one to their personal acquaintance. ”

“ A. It is not improper for a woman to converse briefly about the trip, the scenery, or such matters with courteous men she may encounter in the observation car on long trips. She should not encourage such an acquaintance by accepting an invitation to a meal, unless the acquaintance is established by mutual friendships to such a degree that she is certain the man is one she would care to have as a guest in her own home. It is always proper to decline attentions from a stranger, but on long trips there is no occasion to repulse casual conversation on general topics. ”

“ A. The duties of a godparent are not many. He promises to befriend the child always and advise it at any time he is called upon; at the christening he gives the baby a gift, usually a silver mug, a knife, fork, and spoon, some suitable piece of jewelry, or a check to start a bank account. ”

“ A. It is a growing custom in many of the best shops. Many men refuse to do it, and oppose any growth of the tipping habit, but continuous tipping by the well-to-do or careless is spreading the habit everywhere. ”

“ Q. Should one tenant in an apartment house be announced when calling on another tenant?
A. The same formality should be observed as in the case of an outsider. The telephone operator should be asked to announce the visitor.
Q. Should people living in the same apartment house speak to one another in the elevators or lobbies if they have never been introduced?
A. Personal inclination or discretion must govern. It is courteous to speak to a tenant who is often met in lobby or elevator.
Q. Should a woman call on a new neighbor in the same building? ”

“ If there is a mother and two daughters, or a hostess and two guests three cards should be left. Never more than three are left even though there is a mother and several daughters, as well as a guest.
Q. What is the correct size for visiting cards?
A. The card of a woman is usually from 23⁄4 to 31⁄2 inches wide, by 2 to 23⁄4 inches deep, but there is no fixed rule. The card of a young girl is smaller and more nearly square in shape. It is usually about 2 inches deep by 21⁄2 or 25⁄8 inches long, depending upon the length of the name. ”

“ Q. Are wedding presents ever sent to the groom instead of the bride?
A. All wedding presents are addressed to the bride, even though they are sent by friends of the groom. It is not customary to give a bridegroom a personal wedding present.
Q. Should one send a gift upon receipt of an invitation to a wedding?
A. While anyone who receives an invitation to a wedding may send a present, it is not necessary to do so. This is also true of a wedding announcement. ”

“ One should exchange greetings at the first meal with one’s nearby table companions.
Q. Should one play cards with strangers while travelling?
A. A woman should not. A man may if he chooses, but it is very unwise to play for any stakes. The man who politely announces that he does not play for stakes will not be victimized by card sharks.
Q. Are dinner clothes worn on shipboard?
A. A woman should wear nothing more elaborate than a semi-formal dinner dress, even on de luxe steamers. A man should wear a tuxedo. ”

“ James Brown,” or in the case of a hotel register where a woman signs her name as it appears on her visiting card, a married woman has no occasion to use as her signature “Mrs. James Brown.” When signing a letter she should use her given and married name together with her maiden name or the initial thereof, if she so desires. In the case of a letter which requires that she be identified as her husband’s wife, she puts in parentheses at the left of her signature (Mrs. James) . When making out a check, she uses the form of signature decided upon when she opened her account at the bank. ”

“ A. It is not only correct to use the title, “Miss,” on a visiting card by an unmarried woman, but the omission of the title is a social error.
Q. Does a woman, calling upon a married woman, leave a visiting card for the hostess’ husband?
A. She never leaves cards for the masculine members of a household upon which she calls.
CALLS
Q. Is it proper to telephone before calling?
A. Yes, on intimate friends whom a woman especially wants to see. A man usually telephones before calling, since a man pays very few courtesy calls and usually calls only when he wishes to see his hostess. ”

“ Q. Is it polite to take bread with the fork, or with the fingers?
A. In no circumstances is it ever permissible to lift bread with a fork.
Q. Should pickles be eaten with the fingers, or cut into pieces and eaten with a fork?
A. Small pickles are eaten with the fingers.
Q. Should luncheon or dinner guests fold their napkins when they have finished eating?
A. Guests should not fold their napkins when finishing a meal unless they are to pay a visit of several days, when they follow the example of their host and hostess. ”

“ However, one should always be considerate of the rest of the party and, if it is objectionable to them, should refrain. There are a few tea rooms and such places where the management requests that women not smoke. A woman should never smoke in a public place if by so doing she makes herself conspicuous. ”

“ He may properly assume minor tips.
Q. Should a gentleman sit with a woman friend on a train?
A. He may properly sit and talk with her on the Pullman, but is not expected to spend the entire trip talking to her. It is more thoughtful for him to leave much of her time for herself, while he visits the smoking car. Long, tiresome conversations are not required as a courtesy.
Q. Should a man making a chance conversational acquaintance with a woman who is travelling alone, ask to accompany her home from their destination, or to call on her later? ”

“ However, if there are only one woman and one or two men in the elevator, the men usually remove their hats, as they can do so without difficulty. In the Southern States the removal of hats in elevators is still a universal custom.
Q. In going up the stairs, should a man precede a lady?
A. Yes, a man precedes a woman when ascending the stairs, but walks behind her when descending.
Q. When a young man sees a young lady home after the theater or a dance should he ask for her key and unlock the door or should she do this after he has left? ”

“ The invitation should come from either his mother or his sister.
Q. Should a woman always accept a seat offered her in a street car or bus even when she feels that she is better able to stand than the person offering it?
A. A considerate woman always accepts a proffered seat from a man with a word of thanks. Also, if offered a seat by a young girl she should accept graciously, since an embarrassing situation is created if she hesitates or argues. A woman offering her seat to another must be exceedingly tactful, since this usually signifies deference to an older or infirm person. ”

“ IN A RESTAURANT OR HOTEL
Q. On entering a cafe does the woman precede the man?
A. If there is a waiter to assign the table, the woman follows the waiter. If not, the man goes first and chooses the table.
Q. When entering a cafe does a woman take the first chair pulled out by the waiter?
A. When a woman is dining alone with a man she should take the first chair offered by the waiter. If there is a party the host or hostess usually indicates seats for the guests.
Q. When dining with a man does a woman give her order direct to the waiter? ”

“ Not infrequently the friends of the newly wedded pair answer an announcement card by a brief note addressed to the bride or to the groom. This, of course, is usually done only when the friend lives at a distance.
Q. What is the proper procedure of a best man in regard to the handling of the wedding ring?
A. The best man carries in his right-hand waistcoat pocket the wedding ring and in his left-hand pocket the fee for the clergyman. He joins the groom in the room set aside for their use and walks with him to the spot where the marriage is to take place. ”

“ A. All authorities agree that the well-dressed woman would rather have one or two really good dresses than half a dozen cheaper ones. If one has a gown of excellent material made on good lines she may feel well dressed at all times. It is economical to put money into good clothes, too, because they hold their shape better and last longer.
Q. What is the correct dress of a business woman? ”

“ A. Inclination may guide a person. The lettuce may be eaten if one chooses.
Q. Does a woman usually have any difficulty in getting rooms at an hotel if she is unaccompanied?
A. It is sometimes difficult and embarrassing, therefore it is always better for a woman to write or telegraph to the hotel and engage rooms in advance. It is also better not to arrive late at night.
Q. Is there a right and a wrong way to offer a tip to an hotel chambermaid?
A. A recent article on hotel etiquette says that the most tactful way is to offer the money in an envelope. ”

“ A. A woman in the business world should always avoid the “faddish,” and wear simple, dark and preferably tailored clothes. Light, perishable clothes, or those which are very elaborate, are not appropriate in an office. ”