Florence Howe Hall

“ The out-of-town hostess does well to select her guests from those who enjoy out-door sports or who are fond of the country and its amusements. Of course, such a choice is not always possible, and in the heat of midsummer every one likes to have a breath of fresh air and to escape from the noise and dust of the city streets. For a house-party it is best to ask persons of more or less congenial tastes, who will therefore be likely to enjoy the same things. ”

“ Should the bridegroom give a bachelor dinner to his ushers and best man? This is a question which each young man must decide for himself, always taking into consideration the tastes and tendencies of those who would compose the party. It should be frankly said that at certain occasions of this sort in the past, too much wine has been consumed with sad results. Therefore if the groom himself or any of his intimate friends finds temperance difficult, it certainly is unwise to arrange a bachelor dinner and thus fly in the face of Providence, as old-fashioned people would say. ”

“ If a guest hears her own name bawled out in stentorian tones, it reminds her that her first duty on entering the drawing-room is to find the hostess and shake hands with her. While the present tango craze lasts this will sometimes be difficult. With old and young spinning about the room like so many dancing dervishes, the visitor must thread her way warily between the couples, lest she be run down as by a motor-car. In order to prevent such a catastrophe, the New York hostess who is giving a tea-dance receives her guests in the tea-room ”

“ At a small dinner the conversation may become general, but where a great many guests are seated at a large table, this is hardly possible. Some charming talker to whom it would be delightful to listen may sit opposite to you, or two or three places away. If you should yield to the temptation and neglect your dinner-partner, or, still worse, if you should talk across her to the more interesting guest, you would be committing a breach of good manners. At a large and formal dinner, the hostess talks first to the man on her right hand and later to the one on her left. ”

“ In a large city one can procure many excellent dishes at the confectioner’s and pastry-cook’s. For a large buffet luncheon, as for a ball supper, the hostess should issue her order to some reliable firm of caterers. For a lunch-party of smaller size, she should endeavor to have the dishes cooked in her own kitchen. Almost every one now prefers home to hotel cooking, if the former is all that it should be. We should advise the young hostess, therefore, if she or her maid has a fair understanding of the culinary art, to have the main staples of her bill of fare prepared at home. ”

“ A guest should never feel obliged to join in anything which he considers wrong. Thus, if it is proposed to play cards for money he should simply say, “Can’t we arrange another table? I always play for coffee-beans,” or make some other half-jesting remark. In a word, while he quietly maintains his own opinions, he should avoid saying anything in criticism of those who differ with him.
If he thinks it wrong to drink wine or beer, or does not care to do so, he should place his open hand palm downward against the side of the glass when the servant offers to fill this. ”

“ The maid of honor and the best man do what they can to facilitate the escape of the young couple from the friends who are waiting in the front hall to bombard them with rice, confetti, or flowers. This method of saluting the bride and groom is so well established that it seems best to accept it philosophically and good-naturedly. Some young men are not satisfied with rice or confetti throwing, but indulge in a rowdyism of behavior that cannot be too strongly condemned. The bride creates a diversion by dropping her bouquet from the elevator or the top of the stairs. ”

“ THE owner of an automobile is able to entertain his friends in a pleasant way with comparatively little trouble. He can take them out for a spin without interfering with the machinery of the household or giving extra work to the servants. Almost every one enjoys motoring in warm weather, and it is easy to stop for luncheon at a country club or an inn or to have a picnic by the wayside, should the owner of the car wish to show more than mere “carriage hospitality.” The trip may be short or long, as he pleases, and as he thinks will be agreeable to his guests. ”

“ The entertainment must be fitted to the guests; they should not be expected to fit exactly into it, as if they were so many pegs in a cribbage-board. The plans must be elastic; a wide margin should be left for the tastes and preferences of different individuals. The hostess does well to think out beforehand, perhaps to write down on paper, a provisional programme for each day. But if every one is happy playing tennis, she will not drag the players out in a motor-car simply because her schedule says, “Tuesday, 5 o’clock, all ride in automobile”! ”

“ There is usually a handsome wedding-cake, on which the date of the wedding and of the twenty-fifth anniversary, together with the initials of husband and wife, are inscribed. Silver leaves may form a part of its decoration. The bride cuts the first slice, as she did twenty-five years before. It adds to the fun of the occasion if the cake contains a ring. Where wine is served, it is usually champagne. The best man or some near friend or relative may give as a toast the health of the hero and heroine of the day, to which the husband should reply in a brief speech. ”

“ If a player does her best, more cannot be expected of her. To find fault with one’s partner, asking her in an injured tone why she did not return a certain lead, or why she played that ace of hearts second hand, is decidedly bad form. We must always remember that among ladies and gentlemen card-playing should be considered as an amusement, serious if you will, but nevertheless a form of diversion and not a matter of business. Hence the well-bred woman loses neither her temper nor her philosophical spirit. ”

“ A guest should embark on a motor-trip with the intention of having a good time and enjoying all that there is to be enjoyed. He should be prepared to take any delay or mishap with cheerful philosophy. A man or a woman who possesses the true spirit of sport will not sulk or complain if the tire bursts or the engine for some mysterious reason refuses to work. All complicated machinery is liable to accident, and if one enjoys all the advantages of very rapid motion, one must expect from time to time to experience the drawbacks. ”

“ When staying at a hotel, one should be dressed well but not in a conspicuous way. Ladies may wear their hats or not, as they find convenient. Thus, if one were going out immediately after breakfast, one would come down in a simply made street costume. Matinées and tea-gowns are very charming in the privacy of home, but their informality makes them inappropriate at a hotel. In summer, pretty tub dresses, which please the beholder by their freshness and simplicity, are especially becoming to young women. ”

“ People who wish to go on a motor-trip in Europe now find it better to take over their own car and chauffeur, rather than to hire these on the other side of the water. It is necessary, however, to procure a permit allowing the party to cross from one country into another. Otherwise the traveler is subject to vexatious delays at the frontiers. The owner of a car must always remember that the chauffeur, like the passengers, requires food at regular intervals. Sometimes an allowance is made to him and he gets his meals where he likes; sometimes his employer arranges for his entertainment. ”

“ The old marriage ceremony is so beautiful, so hallowed by tradition and sentiment, that we are inclined to cling to it, although some of its features are archaic remains of an older civilization. Now that so many women are independent citizens, earning their own living and, in many countries of Europe, as well as in ten States of our Union, voting and holding public office, it seems incongruous to have them “given away in marriage.” ”

“ It is not altogether a compliment to a hostess to leave early in the evening, and if many people did so it would tend to break up the ball. Should one pass near the lady of the house, however, politeness requires that one should bid her good night and express pleasure in the evening’s entertainment or congratulate her on its success. Later on, when the movement to go home becomes general, all take their leave of the hostess, and of the host, if he is standing near. ”

“ A reception for a débutante is often followed by a dinner or a supper for the young friends who have assisted her. Young men may be asked to this, and there will perhaps be an informal dance afterward. A supper is found by experience to be better than a dinner, because the consumption of sandwiches and other viands at the tea takes the edge off every one’s appetite. ”

“ The courteous traveler is a bit philosophical. He knows that delays will sometimes occur and that every one cannot be waited upon first. He will not allow himself to be imposed upon without making a remonstrance, but he will not continually assert his rights. A lady traveling alone needs to be especially careful about the manner in which she makes complaints at a hotel. To hear a woman scold is unpleasant even in the family circle, but in a public place it is lamentable. ”

“ We cannot, therefore, advise our bride to give a bridesmaids’ luncheon if she is already wearied by many tasks. In this case we should advise the substitution of an afternoon tea, to which she may, if she pleases, invite the groom, best man, and ushers. Perhaps, however, she is so fortunate as to have relatives and friends who will take the brunt of the fatigue, or, if she is rich, clever and experienced women can be hired to assist her. ”

“ Where a large number of the audience do so, as at the opera, the case is different. The walking up and down the foyer and the corridors, the consuming of ices and lemonade, are often a part of the regular programme. One should be careful to return to one’s seat when the warning-bell rings.
It is now thoroughly understood that all ladies should remove their hats at the theater, opera, and concert-hall. Occasionally they are kind enough to do so at a lecture. A man who is with a party of ladies may excuse himself for a short absence, if he sees some one to whom he wishes especially to speak. ”

“ At the Charity Ball in New York this year the boxes were deserted, old as well as young capering about on the light fantastic toe. In the second place, the new custom of almost continuous dancing leaves few or no intervals for rest. Hence a girl cannot return to her chaperon so frequently as under the old régime.
Youth is apt to be selfish, often through thoughtlessness. The young woman who is having a delightful evening must not forget that the hours will pass much more slowly for her chaperon. ”

“ The procession then forms, the doors of the central aisle are thrown open, and the organist plays the wedding march. The ushers come first, walking in pairs; the bridesmaids follow, then the maid of honor, and last of all the bride with her father. The bridegroom comes forward, takes the bride’s hand, and leads her before the clergyman. Half the bridesmaids and ushers now turn to the left and take up their places near the bridal couple, the other half do the same on the right, the girls standing on the inside, the men on the outside. ”

“ Sometimes, however, a reception is held in the evening after the family dinner. A good deal must depend on the state of health of the bride and groom. Sons and daughters should remember that to greet and shake hands with many people is in itself fatiguing, especially to those who are no longer young. An afternoon reception is an appropriate way to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of a marriage. The invitations will be much like those of the silver-wedding, except that the lettering should be of gold, or black if preferred. They are usually engraved on a rather large white card. ”

“ When the time comes for departure, she pays the hotel bill before her guest appears on the scene or after the latter has left, escorts her to the train, and sees her off. If a lady comes on the invitation of a club, the secretary or chairman of entertainment acts as hostess and fulfils all the duties named above, except that it is not obligatory to invite the visitor to her house, although it is always kind to do so. There is often some member of the society living in the hotel who will invite the lecturer to take one or more meals at her table, and will see in a general way after her comfort. ”

“ The family clergyman and physician are not expected to make gifts, for obvious reasons. Friends who are in mourning do so, even if unable to attend the wedding. The expense of the present should be in a certain proportion to the means of the giver. Those who are tempted to give something more expensive than they can afford should remember that it would be painful to a bride possessed of delicacy of feeling to think that she had overtaxed the generosity of a friend. If one cannot afford to spend much money, one should atone for it by giving plenty of thought to the selection of the gift. ”

“ At a formal dinner the host offers his right arm to the wife of the guest of honor, and with her leads the way to the table. The other couples all follow arm-in-arm, the hostess coming last with the most distinguished man present or with the one for whom the dinner is given. In official circles in Washington, as in European society, the question of precedence is a very serious one. The hosts must arrange with great care the procession to the dining-room, in order that each person may have his proper place. In other American cities and towns the rules are much less strict. ”

“ Jewelry is so dear to the heart of woman and forms so important a feature of dress that most brides like to receive it, even though it cannot be classed as a necessary part of their outfit. While an elderly friend may send a jewel, the privilege is denied to young unmarried men, unless they are relatives. This is an old rule of Mrs. Grundy, who also forbids the bestowal of any article of clothing by young bachelor friends. ”

“ To induce a young man or woman to play, and perhaps lose a large sum of money, may be thought a greater offense against honor.
Good form demands that all who take part in a game of cards shall pay strict attention to it and follow the rules. Not every one can win, but all should do their best. It is extremely annoying to devotees of bridge to be interrupted by conversation while the hands are being played. The great actress Charlotte Cushman once had her patience severely taxed by a gentleman who persisted in talking to her partner. ”