Walter Germain

“ A man on a first or a formal call carries his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in the hall shows great intimacy—even relationship—in the house. He, however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella. His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. ”

“ I know that there are letters written by one once dear, but now perhaps turned fickle or false, or separated from us forever, from which we feel loath to part; but we must be men and reduce to ashes what would hurt in the very least degree or cast a reflection upon an innocent if silly woman. Suppose you were to die suddenly, and among your papers these letters were found, with you alone, dumb in death, perhaps, only able to vindicate the unfortunate writer. ”

“ If you are going to a very fashionable resort, a black frock coat, waistcoat, and fancy trousers would not be amiss, but in that case you would have also to take a hatbox for your top hat. Of recent years men in the country have been consulting their comfort more than absolute accuracy in the details of dress. Even at garden parties, at church, and at afternoon teas during the month of August at Newport, which is, after all, only the fashionable metropolis transported to another locality for the summer, you seldom see a frock coat or a top hat. ”

“ Every young man starting in life and wishing naturally to take a part in social functions and to become a member of that body indefinitely known as society, is confronted with the problem of clothes. A few years ago the ordinary changes of morning, afternoon, and evening were all that were requisite, but to-day, with special costumes for various sports and pastimes, the outlook at first glance to one of limited income is not encouraging. And yet a man with a modest salary can dress very well on two to three hundred dollars a year, and even less. ”

“ Men in New York only ride in the Park, and many of them do not belong to riding academies or have lockers. A complete change of costume is not convenient, and you never see a New York clubman on the streets in riding togs. The evening classes always end with a supper and a dance. The woman's habit is easily changed, but to appear at night in riding costume or with boots in a drawing room is certainly absurd. To wear evening dress on horseback, even a Tuxedo coat, is also outlandish, and thus the compromise has been effected, and the old black diagonal cutaway brought into use. ”

“ The golf "links" is not a place for criticism, and if you are allowed to follow the players around, you must control your feelings alike when enthusiastic or when contemptuous. Besides being a breach of good manners, remember that golf is more or less an outdoor game of whist.
Golf is the easiest game at which to cheat, but as it is a sport in the repertoire of a gentleman, it would seem almost an insult to hint at such a contingency. However, apart from the moral effect of cheating at any game, if a man [Pg 155] is dead to all sense of honor, he should be alive to the fear of being found out. ”

“ CHAPTER XVII. A BACHELOR'S TRAVELS AT HOME AND ABROAD.
To seem entirely at one's ease is the best maxim I can give for traveling. You can not actually pretend to experience that which may be totally lacking, but by making yourself comfortable you will increase the pleasure of others. There is, in these days of luxurious traveling, but little occasion to be flurried, and no excuse whatever for not being as well dressed as you are calm and self-possessed. ”

“ One's talents should not be altogether in one's heels and one's toes. The leader must be an excellent dancer and a firm disciplinarian. He must see that the wall flowers have an occasional turn, and that every one gets at least one favor. As he has to marshal a large force of people he is bound to find among them—of course in the orthodox society manner—a few turbulent spirits, a few who would mutiny, and who must be taught their places in a conciliatory but positive manner.
The cotillon in New York is generally danced after supper. ”

“ English customs and our own are so much alike that it would be strange, indeed, if an American could not get along in the land where his own tongue is spoken. One of the first difficulties which once beset traveling Americans in London was the regulation in theaters that the audience, or that part of it occupying the best stalls, should be in evening dress. As evening dress is now also the rule in New York, this quandary is a thing of the past. ”

“ In traveling he takes care of the luggage, tickets, and all the little annoying details. He travels second class abroad, and in this country he should never be allowed to be a passenger in a drawing-room car with his master. The valet wears no livery. He dresses quietly in a plain sack suit of dark material, and wears a Derby hat. Should he be required to wait on table, he dresses in semi-livery if the affair is a luncheon, and in evening dress if it is a dinner.
The butler is a very rare functionary in a bachelor's establishment, only the wealthiest being able to afford him. ”

“ In a church, in going down a narrow aisle, the woman precedes the man.
The lift or elevator, as well as the corridors and lobbies of a public building, the office of a hotel, and the vestibule of a theater, are public highways. In these places a man keeps on his hat, his deportment being the same as he would observe in the street. But when the lift or elevator is fitted up as a drawing room, such as is used in hotels and other semi-public buildings, a man removes his hat when the other sex is of the number of its passengers. ”

“ This does not apply to theater corridors, theater or hotel lobbies, or offices. In such houses as the Waldorf in New York, where the hall is utilized as a general sitting room by both sexes, it is not good form for a man to keep on his hat. In London, however, the rule is not as strict.
Men in this country do not lift their hats to one another, except when they are introduced in the open or a public place. Civility is never wasted, and it is proper, as well as an act of reverence, to thus salute a clergyman or a venerable and distinguished gentleman. ”

“ It does not cost a fortune to return in some manner the civilities once received, and every man, even if his income be limited, can once in a while entertain, even if it be on a very small scale and in a very modest way. Bachelor functions are always enjoyable. For a host of moderate income, I would suggest a luncheon, a dinner, or a party to the play, followed by a little supper.
A bachelor luncheon can be given either at the host's apartments or chambers, at a restaurant, or in the ladies' annex of his club, if that organization possesses such an institution. ”

“ The individual valet, however, is a very valuable aid to a young bachelor of wealth, especially if he is a man of leisure, or if he goes out a great deal in society. A valet's duties are first and principally the entire charge of his master's wardrobe and toilet, the details of which have been given in previous chapters. They begin an hour or so before the master rises, when clothes are to be pressed and put in order, boots and shoes to be polished and placed on their trees, and the costume of the day to be made ready. ”

“ Everybody rises, and the ladies leave the table in solemn procession, the man nearest the door opening it for them. A prettier custom, and one much in vogue in New York, is the escorting of the ladies by the men to the drawing room, the host leading the way. When the drawing-room door is reached the men bow and retire again to the dining room, where coffee, liqueurs, and cigars are served. At the end of a half hour they return to the drawing room. Another half hour of conversation, during which sometimes there is dancing, and the guests make their adieus to their hostess and host and leave. ”

“ If, while smoking, a man should meet a woman and there should be any stopping to talk, he must at once throw away his cigar or his cigarette. A pipe is never smoked on fashionable promenades, and a man in a top hat and a frock coat with a pipe in his mouth is an anomaly. ”

“ I include under this title the bachelor guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one or two o'clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. ”

“ The etiquette at a house where the Prince of Wales or a member of the royal family in England visits is rigorous, and on the Continent, when royalty is present, it is even more severe. The prince is never addressed unless he speaks to you. He alone has the privilege of changing the subject of conversation, and all plans for the day's recreation are submitted to him. ”

“ The bridegroom should, as soon as the wedding day is appointed, choose his best man and his ushers. The vogue is to ask his nearest unmarried male relative or his most intimate bachelor friend to serve in the capacity of best man. More recently a number of very fashionable New Yorkers have had married men take that position, and thus the innovation has sanction through the action of the "smart set." A married best man is said to be an English fad, but I find that it could be more correctly termed an Anglo-Indian mode, as this new idea is much more popular in Calcutta and Bombay than in London. ”

“ Should you have a man serve at your dinner, he must be in evening dress. Both at dinner and at luncheon he must have gloves, but this is not required of a maid.
A bachelor's supper in his own apartments is sometimes given after the play. Of the menu, I will speak a little farther on. A chafing-dish supper is, however, an unique and enjoyable entertainment. Several chafing dishes should be ready, so that each course can follow without delay. Terrapin, truffled eggs, curried oysters, and other dainties of this kind comprise usually the menu. ”

“ It is now so firmly established, and it is so popular that there is not a village or even a settlement in the United States which has not at least its casino, or its little coterie organized for golf, tennis, athletic, or merely social enjoyment. All of these, from the great metropolitan clubs of the cities down to the very humblest in the "wilds," are governed by club laws and are regulated by club etiquette. In New York, now a city of clubs, this etiquette differs much from that observed in London, Paris, or any of the large continental centers. In London, a man is identified with his club. ”

“ A man always rises from the table at which he is sitting when a woman bows to him and immediately returns the salutation. Should the place be in the open, he doffs his hat, which under such circumstances he is obliged to wear. When he is in a party and a lady and her escort chance to stop at his table to exchange greetings with his friends, he should rise and remain standing during the conversation. If a man is introduced to him, unattended by a woman, and he is with a stag party, politeness bids him also rise. ”