Maud C. Cooke

“ She is quiet, she is reposeful, she has the tact that puts every one with whom she meets at ease, and, above all, she is sympathetic. A judiciously expressed sympathy with our fellow-beings is one of the highest attributes of our nature.
"Unite sympathy to observation and the dead spring to life." It is tact to so express that sympathy as not to seem aware of the weakness that we would support and conceal from others. Madame Récamier had this gift of hidden sympathy, this power of drawing out the best that was in those who approached her. ”

“ In our own customs of salutation we bare the head in token of respect, never thinking that in the olden time it was an act of adoration practiced before gods and rulers. Our formal bow is simply the modification of a servile prostration, and the graceful bow of a lady of society is but the last remaining trace of a genuflection. When we rise and stand as our friends enter, or leave, our reception-room, it is an act of respect, it was once an act of homage. ”

“ Sweet simplicity alone should be the guide for the young girl's costume. The dewy bloom of the cheek, the clear young eyes, the soft-395- rosebud lips, the sweet curves of the lithe form that come but once in a lifetime, are what we want most to see.
No heavy velvets or gorgeous trimmings should be worn by any girl under twenty-one. To call attention to her ornaments is to detract from her priceless ornament of sweet and fleeting youth. ”

“ And there is wholesome living and vigorous exercise, and daily and revivifying baths to call the flush of health to the cheek; and loving thoughts and kindly deeds to keep the eyes soft and bright, and thus to set the inroads of time at defiance for many years. And since a woman is no older than she looks, and since the prerogatives of youth are dear to the heart, it is her bounden duty to keep herself sweet and young. ”

“ There is no better exercise to acquire a good habit of breathing than reading aloud. Try how much can be read easily, without strain, upon a single inflation of the lungs. Never gasp, catch up, or piece out a breath. "You may add years to your life by the simple act of breathing." Every public speaker knows, or should know, the feeling of repose and self-possession that comes over him as he calmly, silently, faces his audience long enough to draw three of these deep, full breaths. ”

“ As whatever grows has its natural period for maturing, so has love. At engagement you have merely selected, so that your familiarity should be only intellectual, not affectional. You are yet more acquaintances than companions. As sun changes from midnight darkness into noonday brilliancy, and heats, lights up, and warms gradually, and as summer "lingers in the lap of spring;" so marriage should dally in the lap of courtship. Nature's adolescence of love should never be crowded into a premature marriage. The more personal, the more impatient it is ”

“ Yet there is reason in the custom that has, in great measure, withdrawn them from the heated ball-room and the artificially illuminated dinner table.
Corsage bouquets, in dancing, become an early ruin. Carried in the hand at a ball, they are speedily tossed aside on the nearest point of refuge and left there to ignominiously fade. When flowers are worn at an evening entertainment, choose those that will best stand the light and heat. ”

“ Some ladies make it a point to be "at home" almost every day at a certain hour, and serve tea or coffee in their drawing-rooms, accompanied by either wafers, maccaroons, fancy cakes, or small delicate sandwiches, and perhaps bouillon for masculine callers.
Such a lady who is bright and interesting, who gives a warm welcome, yet does not bind any one to a longer stay than the conventional ten minutes, is sure of drawing about her a delightful circle of acquaintances, men and women alike being pleased to drop in on their way home from the city, or from more pretentious gatherings. ”

“ Too much gilding, too many gaudy oil paintings attract the eye and distract the mind.
There is a simple picture in my room, red curtains, a white-robed child kneeling, that is all, but everything in it harmonizes, and it harmonizes with the furnishings of the room, and my eye is often drawn toward it.
One authority objects to portraits as a decoration. "Their presence, if at all impressive, is too stimulating."
Picture frames should never be so gorgeous as to distract the mind from the picture. "Frames are to protect the picture and relate it to the walls." ”

“ When perfumes are used, it is a dainty custom to choose one favorite scent and to use that, and that only, so that in time the sweet, illusive odor becomes almost a part of the personality.
Flowers, fresh, dewy flowers seem the natural adornment of youth especially, and to forswear the pretty custom would appear an uncalled-for giving up of the sweet thought which dedicates the flowers of the field to their human prototypes. ”

“ But, if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction, we must not expect to be amused only, we must be amusing, we must offer some tempting equivalent; something that has the ring of pure gold, rather than the glamour of fashionable dress, dancing or music. ”

“ A woman's surroundings of necessity play a great part in her appearance, but it does not by any means follow that luxurious furnishings have any more effect than the very simplest and plainest, particularly if they do not throw out well the beauty of the coloring. What shades of ribbon to choose, what colors to wear are far more serious matters than the majority of people realize.
The most stunning gown in the world, if it be unbecoming, will not be half so efficacious as the simplest and plainest of gowns of a becoming color and cut. ”

“ Any man who can begin to elicit any woman's love, can perfectly infatuate her more and more, solely by courting her right; and all women who once start a man's love—no very difficult achievement—can get out of him, and do with him, anything possible she pleases. The charming and fascinating power of serpents over birds is as nothing compared with that a woman can wield over a man, and he over her. ”

“ A small dinner of one's most intimate friends is easily arranged. An eminent artist, author, musician, to pose as chief guest, renders it always easy to select among one's other acquaintances a sufficient number who would be pleased with, and pleasing to, this bright, particular star. Or, if it be a bride, or a woman of fashion, to whom the courtesy is to be extended, it is equally easy to find a sufficient number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations to make the occasion a success. ”

“ Formal calls, as a rule, are at best but a duty performed that brings a satisfaction in itself, but it sometimes happens that, as a reward for our well-doing, some word may be said, some friend may be met by a happy chance that is like a gleam of sunshine on a cloudy day. ”

“ The Golden Wedding, from the advanced age at which it occurs, has an element of sadness in its celebration. The aged couple who stand so near the brink of separation can have little of bridal joy as they look back to the day when they stood before the altar in the first-164- flush of youth, with life before them, or as they look forward to the shortened span of years that links them to their loved ones here. ”

“ In conversing, too many educated men fall into the error of talking commonplaces to all women alike, as if "small talk," to the exclusion of all weightier matters, were the only species of conversation suited to a woman's ear. On the contrary, she is more often either hurt or angered at your evident condescension, or, on the other hand, she credits you with just the amount of knowledge that you have evinced in your conversation with her.
In the search after suitable topics it is well to remember that all are pleased by a display of interest in their especial affairs. ”

“ She of a deficient figure must never wear a plain, tightly fitting gown, unless it is relieved, and filled out with soft full vests, or veiled with falling folds of lace.
There is only an occasional perfect form that will bear the merciless revelation of the plain, tight habit, and even then the suggestion of a concealing drapery heightens the beauty of the revealed curves. "All dress should be governed by shawl instead of glove rule," assert the latest canons of costume. ”

“ Read together, talk together of art, of music, of literature, of the stirring events of the outer world, and put afar the evil day when topics of mutual interest shall have been worn so threadbare that the average man and women must feel a strange desire to fall asleep directly dinner is over.
Then, too, the children hunger for new ideas, and one of the greatest educational advantages they can enjoy is to listen daily to the conversation of intelligent people. ”

“ A letter may, from a business point of view, make or mar the fortunes of its sender, while none the less surely, from a social standard, will our epistles approve or condemn our claim for consideration. Every position in life, and every occasion which may arise therein, demand more or less exercise of our epistolary powers, and while but few can hope for the grace, the wit, the repartee that sparkle in the missives of a de Staël, a Récamier, a Walpole, a Macaulay, every one can and should learn to write a clear, concise, intelligent, appropriate letter. ”

“ On the road the woman who wishes to ride à la mode has to know a number of little things that are overlooked by another woman, just as the smart set have a code for riding and driving that is as inexorable as that they should not eat with their knives or put sugar on oysters. Society insists on an upright position, with, of course, no attempt at racing pace. ”

“ I want to know the number and quality of his guests, whether he drinks wine with his dinner, and his views on sanitary questions; for this home-building is not mere spending, it is the shaping of human destiny."
In a home things must be beautiful and true and good, and as a celebrated art critic says, "related to us, belonging to us, expressing us at our best; our taste and culture, our personal likings, our comforts and needs, and not merely the high-tide mark of our purses." ”

“ This man, too, would be far more apt to hold a woman's affection than the best and most upright of his sex, who is thoughtless and indifferent, not of her physical comfort, but of all her pet fancies and sentiments, who never saw her new gowns, and is profoundly neglectful of all those trifles, light as air, which go far toward making up the sum of woman's happiness or misery. ”

“ If a man wear a dress suit it is expected that the woman will show him sufficient respect to wear an evening gown. The man's costume is donned out of respect for the occasion and the woman, and she betrays utter ignorance or remissness of duty when she does not return the compliment in kind.
High hats are an abomination at opera or theater. Where anything is worn upon the head, it should be in the shape of a tiny bonnet, a dainty confection of tulle, flowers and ribbon. ”

“ Whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily intercourse with others is through our obedience to the laws of etiquette, which govern the whole machinery of society, and it is largely to women with their leisure, and their tact, that we must look to create and sustain the social fabric.
"To know her is a liberal education," was the stately compliment once paid a woman, and there are women left to whom it still applies.
As Emerson says in his essay upon "Manners:" "Are there not women who inspire us with courtesy; who unloose our tongues, and we speak; who anoint our eyes, and we see? ”

“ A quick, ungovernable temper is not as destructive to household peace and comfort as the nagging, carping, fault-finding spirit that sees good in nothing. A temper that is like a tornado in its violence at least clears the air as it passes, and is usually followed by quick repentance and ready reparation. But the fault-finding, nagging, suspicious temperament is a veritable foe in a man's own household. ”

“ Who does not remember gratefully and admiringly the sympathetic people who seem to draw out the very best there is in us—in whose company we appear almost brilliant, and actually surprise ourselves by the fluency and point of our remarks? Such people are a boon to society. ”

“ ARDS are the sign manual of society. Their use and development belongs only to a high order of civilization. They accompany us, as one writer has justly remarked, all the way from the cradle to the grave. They begin with engraved announcements of the birth of a child, then cards for its christening, and, later on, dainty little cards of invitation for children's parties, until, in due time, the girl crosses that line
sets up a card of her own, and blossoms forth into a young lady. ”

“ I feel that a mother's sorrow for the loss of a beloved child cannot be assuaged by the commonplaces of condolence, yet I must write a few lines to assure you of my heartfelt sympathy in your grief. There is one thing, however, that should soften the sharpness of a mother's agony under such a bereavement. It is the reflection that "little children" are pure and guileless, and that of such is the kingdom of heaven. ”