Anonymous

“ The good hostess is essentially what is known as a considerate hostess; she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking by her extreme consideration for her guests. In the charming hostess this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing, it permeates all she does, while in the good hostess it is her strongest point, and upon which is founded her claim to the name. The lady who bears the undesirable reputation of being "not a good hostess" is not "good" in a variety of ways ”

“ To assume a would-be charming manner for the moment, with the desire to be unusually pleasing to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit easy enough to be altogether natural; it conveys the idea of being put on for the occasion, and, like all other imitations, it hardly ever pleases and seldom deceives. Etiquette and true politeness would have us go further than this, and our manners of to-day should be our manners of to-morrow, and not variable according to place and persons. ”

“ Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far more than at a dinner-party. At the former meal she makes general conversation with her guests on both sides of the table; at the latter she is monopolised by her immediate neighbours, by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner, and by the one who sits at her right hand, while she leaves her guests to be entertained by the gentlemen who take them in to dinner. At luncheon things are different; there is no going in to luncheon, conventionally speaking, save on official and public occasions. ”

“ CHAPTER III LEAVING CARDS The etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and intimacies, to regulate and decide whom they will, and whom they will not visit, whom they will admit into their friendship, and whom they will keep on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish further to cultivate and whose to discontinue. ”

“ As with all things, so with children's parties, the medium course is, perhaps, the wisest to take, running into neither extreme—avoiding too much seclusion or overmuch gaiety, and rendering such gaiety and amusement suitable to the ages of the children invited. When an evening's entertainment consists of a series of amusements, it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into the space of four hours, the usual limits of a child's party, for if so the programme has to be hurriedly gone through, and is hardly finished before the hour of departure. ”

“ GOOD SOCIETY CHAPTER I THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE What is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It is a poor one in itself, and falls very far short of its wide application. It has an old-fashioned ring about it, savouring of stiffness, primness, and punctiliousness, which renders it distasteful to many possessing advanced ideas ”

“ To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number of guests is an achievement in ball-giving which is only arrived at by a careful study of the map of the county, and a judicious selection of night. This selection is of paramount importance to the success of a ball, as when a smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular [88] evening chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the grander ball extinguishes the lesser ball, through the most fashionable people merely looking in at the one, and remaining the rest of the evening at the other. ”

“ Town garden-parties resolve themselves into large receptions held out-of-doors, and those who know what crowded drawing-rooms imply in the sultry days of June are particularly glad of this change of locale, and willingly spend an hour or more at one of these out-of-door reunions, instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's stay all too long within doors, where it is a case of heat versus draught, and difficult to determine where it is the most objectionable, in the drawing-room, tea-room, or on a staircase. ”

“ Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in society by the dinner giver, but it is also a direct road to obtaining a recognized place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to fashionable society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the talent which the host or hostess may possess for organizing dinner-parties. ”

“ But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a "bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but very few exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own, if not on their visiting list. Still, invitations are constantly asked for by people for their friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes they are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon the position of the one who solicits the favour. ”

“ CHAPTER XXXVI HUNTING AND SHOOTING Ladies in the Hunting-Field.—There is no arena better fitted to display good riding on the part of women than the hunting-field, and no better opportunity for the practice of this delightful accomplishment and for its thorough enjoyment. It is urged, however, that it argues cruelty of disposition and unwomanly feeling to join in the pursuit of a poor, miserable, hunted fox, and worse still to be in at the death, and that women are liable to be carried away by the enthusiasm of the hour to applaud and to witness what they would otherwise shrink from. ”

“ A good hostess has great opportunities for distinguishing herself when entertaining a country-house party, from the arrival of the first motor-car to the departure of the last. Her consideration and tact are so successfully exerted that somehow her guests always find themselves doing exactly [214] what they like best and in company with those who are most congenial to them, to say nothing of the comfort of the general domestic arrangements, which seem to have been arranged exclusively for their convenience. If they wish to drive, there is a carriage or motor-car at their disposal ”

“ In hot climates, the early morning hours, before noon, and late evening hours, after sunset, are, according to the fashion of the place, the chosen hours for calling; but in more temperate climes—resembling our own—the afternoon hours are, as with us, the hours for calling. ”

“ Hunt-Breakfasts.—A lady should not go to a hunt-breakfast at the house of a country gentleman if unacquainted with him, or some member of his family, unless asked to do so by a mutual acquaintance. All gentlemen riding to hounds, whether strangers to the host or not, have the privilege of entering any house where a hunt-breakfast is given and accepting the hospitality offered. The breakfast, which is in reality a cold collation, with the addition of wine, liqueurs, ale, etc., is usually laid out in the dining-room, and no ceremony whatever is observed; the gentlemen come and go as they please. ”

“ Dinner Invitations.—An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of esteem, or friendship and cordiality, towards the guest invited, than is conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering, it being the highest compliment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, which in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities.
The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of wealth, and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. ”

“ If the lady who asks for the invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability is that her request will be granted; but if the contrary, the reverse will most likely be the case. Even when writing to an intimate friend, there is always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third person, and society appears to become, year after year, still more exclusive on this point. Many people are reluctant, or decline altogether, to put themselves under an obligation of this nature, even for those with whom they are most intimate ”

“ A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter, but in the eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect, and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is committed; [p.x] the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently not on an equal footing with it. This society resents, and is not slow in making its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender.
Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest assistance to one unused to society, do not suffice of themselves ”

“ Married ladies can, if they please, walk out unaccompanied or unattended in places of public resort in town or on the parades of fashionable watering-places; but married ladies, especially if they are young, usually prefer the society of another lady, not so much, perhaps, for propriety as for companionship, as to walk alone, either in town or at fashionable watering-places, renders a lady more or less conspicuous, especially if she is attractive and well dressed. ”

“ To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous, and this is precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they should run the gauntlet of general criticism. ”

“ Some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening garden-party invitations as to the style of dress that should be worn. Should ladies wear morning dress or evening dress? Men are equally in doubt on this point. Ought they to wear evening dress or not? Although this is not stated on the invitation cards, yet it is tacitly understood that ladies are expected to appear in the usual garden-party attire—smart, pretty dresses and hats or bonnets, and small fashionable wraps carried in place of sunshades in the event of the evening air proving somewhat chilly. ”

“ Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not a tête-à-tête, and a tête-à-tête between two persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and savoir vivre to be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy woman is without repose, without dignity, and without savoir vivre. ”

“ On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining out; formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect, and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests. But now punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In general, people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in good time ”

“ Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom they have merely conversed with in a casual way. In the first place, they are not quite certain of being remembered, and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through forgetfulness of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness, or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are always offending in the matter of not bowing, and almost every third person, comparatively speaking, complains of being more or less short-sighted ”

“ When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany her mother. ”

“ A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or acquaintance, even when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman, with whom she is unacquainted.
Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other, but simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save when a vast difference exists in rank or age.
When a gentleman meets another—a friend of his—walking with a lady or ladies, with whom he himself is unacquainted, he should raise his hat and look straight before him, not at the lady or ladies. ”