Maud C. Cooke

“ And there is wholesome living and vigorous exercise, and daily and revivifying baths to call the flush of health to the cheek; and loving thoughts and kindly deeds to keep the eyes soft and bright, and thus to set the inroads of time at defiance for many years. And since a woman is no older than she looks, and since the prerogatives of youth are dear to the heart, it is her bounden duty to keep herself sweet and young. ”

“ In our own customs of salutation we bare the head in token of respect, never thinking that in the olden time it was an act of adoration practiced before gods and rulers. Our formal bow is simply the modification of a servile prostration, and the graceful bow of a lady of society is but the last remaining trace of a genuflection. When we rise and stand as our friends enter, or leave, our reception-room, it is an act of respect, it was once an act of homage. ”

“ As whatever grows has its natural period for maturing, so has love. At engagement you have merely selected, so that your familiarity should be only intellectual, not affectional. You are yet more acquaintances than companions. As sun changes from midnight darkness into noonday brilliancy, and heats, lights up, and warms gradually, and as summer “lingers in the lap of spring;” so marriage should dally in the lap of courtship. Nature’s adolescence of love should never be crowded into a premature marriage. The more personal, the more impatient it is ”

“ The trained skirt is a most graceful garb, adding to height and diminishing stoutness, but it is never suitable for the street. For house, evening or carriage toilets it is eminently proper and pretty. All the movements of the form are softened and dignified by its sweeping undulations until one comes to feel that short skirts are really a mistake for a house gown, since so much grace and beauty of motion are sacrificed thereby. ”

“ Yet there is reason in the custom that has, in great measure, withdrawn them from the heated ball-room and the artificially illuminated dinner table.
Corsage bouquets, in dancing, become an early ruin. Carried in the hand at a ball, they are speedily tossed aside on the nearest point of refuge and left there to ignominiously fade. When flowers are worn at an evening entertainment, choose those that will best stand the light and heat. ”

“ Among the really admirable selections which are offered by dealers of many sorts, nothing is better than the bonbonnieres shown by confectioners of the higher grade. They are delightful in color, exquisite in design, and while they are made into receptacles for sweets for the time being, they can later be turned to a dozen more permanent uses. One design which is, perhaps, the most elegant of all, takes the form of an opera bag. It is made of the heaviest cream-white silk and has embroidered on it in dainty ribbon work forget-me-nots, tiny rosebuds, or jessamine. ”

“ But, if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction, we must not expect to be amused only, we must be amusing, we must offer some tempting equivalent; something that has the ring of pure gold, rather than the glamour of fashionable dress, dancing or music. ”

“ The Golden Wedding, from the advanced age at which it occurs, has an element of sadness in its celebration. The aged couple who stand so near the brink of separation can have little of bridal joy as they look back to the day when they stood before the altar in the first164 flush of youth, with life before them, or as they look forward to the shortened span of years that links them to their loved ones here. The gifts that are laid before them should be fitly wrought of gold, since their love has been as gold tried in the furnace of life. ”

“ A woman’s surroundings of necessity play a great part in her appearance, but it does not by any means follow that luxurious furnishings have any more effect than the very simplest and plainest, particularly if they do not throw out well the beauty of the coloring. What shades of ribbon to choose, what colors to wear are far more serious matters than the majority of people realize.
The most stunning gown in the world, if it be unbecoming, will not be half so efficacious as the simplest and plainest of gowns of a becoming color and cut. ”

“ I want to know the number and quality of his guests, whether he drinks wine with his dinner, and his views on sanitary questions; for this home-building is not mere spending, it is the shaping of human destiny.”
In a home things must be beautiful and true and good, and as a celebrated art critic says, “related to us, belonging to us, expressing us at our best; our taste and culture, our personal likings, our comforts and needs, and not merely the high-tide mark of our purses.” ”

“ Every public speaker knows, or should know, the feeling of repose and self-possession that comes over him as he calmly, silently, faces his audience long enough to draw three of these deep, full breaths. ”

“ When perfumes are used, it is a dainty custom to choose one favorite scent and to use that, and that only, so that in time the sweet, illusive odor becomes almost a part of the personality.
Flowers, fresh, dewy flowers seem the natural adornment of youth especially, and to forswear the pretty custom would appear an uncalled-for giving up of the sweet thought which dedicates the flowers of the field to their human prototypes. ”

“ Or, if it be a bride, or a woman of fashion, to whom the courtesy is to be extended, it is equally easy to find a sufficient number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations to make the occasion a success.
There is also the satisfaction of knowing that, as one cannot possibly invite all of one’s dear five hundred friends to a little dinner, no one can be offended at being left out, thus rendering it easy to choose one’s list to fit the circumstances.
Do not invite more guests than there is room to comfortably seat. Nothing so spoils a dinner as crowding the guests. ”

“ Read together, talk together of art, of music, of literature, of the stirring events of the outer world, and put afar the evil day when topics of mutual interest shall have been worn so threadbare that the average man and woman must feel a strange desire to fall asleep directly dinner is over.
Then, too, the children hunger for new ideas, and one of the greatest educational advantages they can enjoy is to listen daily to the conversation of intelligent people. ”

“ Formal calls, as a rule, are at best but a duty performed that brings a satisfaction in itself, but it sometimes happens that, as a reward for our well-doing, some word may be said, some friend may be met by a happy chance that is like a gleam of sunshine on a cloudy day. ”

“ The contact of many minds is a constant stimulus to mental activity and its outward expression in animated conversation. It lends new power to brilliancy of talent, and quickens, to a certain extent, even then the lowest and dullest of intellects.
Everyone has been surprised and delighted at times by some unexpectedly brilliant remark that has flashed from his lips during the course of some animated exchange of badinage and repartee, and there is no one but realizes how the mind acquires breadth and the opinions grow tolerant as one converses with persons of intelligence and culture. ”

“ It is hardly to be expected that she should understand the preparation of each dish, but she must be capable of judging it when served. If she distrusts her own power of arranging a menu, and seeing it properly carried out, the dinner should be ordered from the best of caterers. Then, with full assurance of perfect cookery, and faultless service, one may prepare one’s list of favored guests with a peaceful conscience and a mind free from care. ”

“ Any man who can begin to elicit any woman’s love, can perfectly infatuate her more and more, solely by courting her right; and all women who once start a man’s love—no very difficult achievement—can get out of him, and do with him, anything possible she pleases. The charming and fascinating power of serpents over birds is as nothing compared with that a woman can wield over a man, and he over her. ”

“ Jewels and flowers are there, and those who wear visiting or street costume are in the minority.
If a man wear a dress suit it is expected that the woman will show him sufficient respect to wear an evening gown. The man’s costume is donned out of respect for the occasion and the woman, and she betrays utter ignorance or remissness of duty when she does not return the compliment in kind.
High hats are an abomination at opera or theater. Where anything is worn upon the head it should be in the shape of a tiny bonnet, a dainty confection of tulle, flowers and ribbon. ”

“ In the country the rules, both as regards cycling and driving, are not as rigid. The maiden, however, who is a stickler for form, does all her cycling in the hours which come before noon—unless there be a special meet, a bicycle tea, for instance, or a spin by moonlight.
Neither is it correct for a young woman to ride unaccompanied. In the matter of chaperons we are becoming almost as rigid as the French, who scarcely allow a young girl to cross the street, to say nothing of shopping or calling, without being accompanied by an elder woman, her mother, relative, or a friend, as a chaperon. ”

“ Many a wife has, by exercising her own self-control, subdued and shamed a tyrannical, evil-tempered husband into a better disposition, but never by argument, dispute, or anger on her part.
Many a husband, too, has by the firmness and sweetness of his own temper, won his young, impatient wife, tried by the half-understood cares of her new existence, to evenness of spirit and control of temper. “It is impossible to be cross where Charlie is,” said one young wife, taken from a home where self-control had never been taught. ”

“ A letter may, from a business point of view, make or mar the fortunes of its sender, while none the less surely, from a social standard, will our epistles approve or condemn our claim for consideration. Every position in life, and every occasion which may arise therein, demand more or less exercise of our epistolary powers, and while but few can hope for the grace, the wit, the repartee that sparkle in the missives of a de Staël, a Récamier, a Walpole, a Macaulay, every one can and should learn to write a clear, concise, intelligent, appropriate letter. ”

“ That is, gentlemen who do not particularly care for the ball-room, and it is here we are sure to find wits and the aristocracy of intellect. In short, the very best elements of society are found in the elegant unpretentious soirée, where the intelligent woman of fashion has the tact to welcome and make at home the artist, the author, the professional man, and the man of business. The soirée has still another advantage: a lady can give one in a small house and with very little expenditure, and if she has the gift of entertaining, her gathering will always be sought after. ”

“ The wife who dresses for her husband’s sake, who reads that she may qualify herself for conversation with him, who makes him the chief end of her cares, and the husband who brings home from the outside world some of its life and animation to share with her, who has a loving interest in all that she has done for his pleasure, and, if wealth be a stranger at their door, stands ready to lift the heaviest burdens from her shoulders, have solved for themselves the problem138 of married happiness, and found it to be a condition wherein every joy is doubled and every sorrow halved. ”

“ It is far better that your friends should regret your withdrawal than long for your absence. A lull in the conversation, a rising from her seat, or some pretext on the part of the hostess, or the arrival of a guest, all give an opportunity for leave-taking which should be made use of at once.
The Art of Leaving.
Cultivate the art of leaving; nothing will contribute more to your social success. ”

“ The business of providing seats is a comparatively trifling affair when there are to be young people present, who prefer clean turf or the piazza steps to any more luxurious lounging place. For the older guests, less unconventional accommodations may be devised. Light rockers, camp chairs, wooden or wicker settees are pretty, and in harmony with the rustic nature of the reception. It is well, also, to have rugs or strips of carpet laid about, for the benefit of those who dread the dampness that some imagine rises from the ground even in the midst of the most obstinate drought. ”

“ A graceful note, a kindly, sparkling letter, are each the exponent of a true lady or gentleman, though it must be confessed, since our country furnishes no so-called “leisure class,” the art of letter-writing has, in great measure, fallen into feminine hands, the cares of business and professional life ofttimes preventing the sterner half of creation from mere friendly exercise of the pen. It is among women, therefore, that we will find in the present, as we have found in the past, the best and most fluent of correspondents. ”

“ Always remember, however, not to advance your opinions to the utter exclusion of every one else, or your companionship will become tiresome to the best of listeners.
“Drawing Out Others.”
The very essence of the art of conversation is to draw others out and cause them to shine; to be more anxious, apparently, to discover other people’s opinions than to advance your own. ”

“ A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume to join her in her walk without first asking her permission. It may not be agreeable to her, or convenient that her most intimate friend should join her. She has the right, after granting such permission, to excuse herself and leave the gentleman whenever she may see fit; and a gentleman will never take offense at the exercise of such a right. If it is inconvenient for a lady to accept the gentleman’s company, she should frankly say so, mentioning some reason, and excusing herself with friendly courtesy. ”

“ The wedding dress, no matter what its material, must be cut high in the neck and with long sleeves. This in deference to the fact that a marriage is not simply a gala occasion, but the turning point for weal or woe in the bride’s life, and a solemn sacrament of the church, and not to be celebrated in the garb of frivolity. ”

“ True politeness is always known by its lack of assumption. President Tyler, in advising his daughter-in-law previous to her taking her position as lady of the White House, used these noteworthy words: “It is, I trust, scarcely necessary to say that, as upon you will devolve the duty of presiding at the White House, you should be equal and untiring in your affabilities to all. You should remember that nothing shows a little soul so much as the exhibition of airs or assumptions under any circumstances.” ”

“ At a large evening party the arrangements for receiving guests, the dressing rooms, etc., and duties of the hostess in receiving, are the same as at a ball, and the supper served in the same fashion.
Ladies invited to help receive are not simply asked as a compliment to their friendship. It is not their sole duty to stand beside the hostess for the hour of coming and smile and shake hands with each guest and then see no more of them that evening. When a lady issues invitations for a large evening gathering she usually decides to ask some intimate friends “to receive with her.” ”

“ Then, noting the inquiry thus suggested, he went on to say: “What a man most needs is that he should find in his wife a pillow whereon to rest his heart. He longs to find a moment’s rest from the outer whirl of life, to win a ready listener that sympathizes where others wound.” And she whose eyes are flattering mirrors, whose lips console and soothe, will find that she has secured a hold upon the heart of her husband, that the embodiment of all the virtues of her sex could not secure, were she wanting in this sympathetic tact. ”

“ A true gentleman will never confine his attentions exclusively to one lady unless he has an intention of marriage. To do so exposes her to all manner of conjecture, lays an embargo on the formation of other acquaintances, may very seriously compromise her happiness, and by after withdrawal frequently causes her the severest mortification. Hence a gentleman with no thought of marriage is in honor bound to make his attentions to ladies as general as possible. ”