Lillian Eichler

“ Orison Swett Marden says, "If you are a victim of timidity and self-depreciation, afraid to say your soul is your own; if you creep about the world as though you thought you were taking up room which belonged to somebody else; if you are bashful, timid, confused, tongue-tied when you ought to assert yourself, say to yourself, 'I am a child of the King of Kings. I will no longer suffer this cowardly timidity to rule me. I am made by the same Creator who has made all other human beings. ”

“ Beautiful indeed is the celebration of the golden wedding. With her children and grandchildren and friends grouped around her, with her husband at her side, doing her every honor he might pay a newly-won bride, the bride of fifty years can be naught but inexpressibly happy—though memories of lost youth rise constantly to haunt her. It is glorious—this reaching fifty years of married life—and any couple may well be proud to commemorate its occasion. ”

“ Where in the city can you find the good-fellowship, the spontaneity, the courteous kindliness that you find in the small town and village? Where in the city can you find the open-hearted generosity, the sympathetic understanding and the simple courtesy that you find among country people? The elaborate ball room with its richly gowned women is charming and impressive; but the simple country party with its Virginia reel, the daughters in their party clothes and mothers in their "best black silks" are no less charming. ”

“ We find a worried, anxious business man, forgetting for the moment his pressing affairs in the diverting entertainments provided for him by his hostess; in return, exerting every effort to contribute to the success of the evening, to join in the conversation when he would rather be silent and pensive, to be witty and humorous when he would much prefer being moody and despondent. And so it goes on, a constant giving and returning of hospitality, so beautiful and so inspiring that it is worthy of the stress given to it in the social world. ”

“ Self-confidence is what makes success, whether it is in the social world or the business world. It was self-confidence that helped Edison with each new invention. It was self-confidence that enabled Madame Marie Curie, penniless and obscure, to discover radium, the greatest and most wonderful metal in the world. All achievement is founded on self-confidence—not of the aggressive sort, but of the quiet, calm, unassuming sort that is so easy to develop if one will only try.
Determine that you will no longer allow timidity and shyness to rule you. Assert yourself! ”

“ Old satin slippers and handfuls of rice are thrown after the departing couple. It would not be an objectionable custom if some over-enthusiastic individuals did not overdo it to the extent that it becomes almost riotous. After a solemn, dignified, well-ordered wedding ceremony, and a charming reception, it is nothing short of ridiculous to spoil it all by boisterously overdoing an old tradition. The cultured person is always well-poised, always calm—whether it be during the tense moments of the wedding-vow utterances, or the half-glad, half-sad moments of seeing the happy pair off. ”

“ Life is no longer shown to the young daughter as a plaything by fond parents who plan no future except marriage and social success for the young woman whose future rests in their hands. To-day life is shown to her as it is shown to her brother—as something beautiful, something impressive, something worthy of deep thought and ambitious plans. ”

“ La Rue says: "We may say there are four kinds of parents,—spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts." The spade parent, he explains, is buried in his work, eager only to clothe attractively the body of the child, but willing that its soul go naked. The club parent is engrossed in social activities; the father with his clubs and sports, the mother with her dinners and entertainments. The diamond parents love glitter and ostentation. They must seem wealthy and prosperous at all costs. They devote their time and thought to their home and outward appearance—they never think about knowing their children. ”

“ It is no time to "take a chance." At the party out in the woods or down by the bank of the creek refreshments should consist of picnic fare. The motion picture party or the matinée party might be followed by ice-cream or by a simple dinner. But however many of these entertainments one may give one must remember that there is after all not a great deal of art in amusing people when the amusements are furnished by someone else, and also that the art of entertaining charmingly at home is perhaps the greatest art of them all. ”

“ If it is necessary for a woman to call upon a man at his home, she must be accompanied by a male relative, or by a woman older than herself. This holds true only when she is entirely unacquainted with the members of the man's family, and is only acquainted with the man himself through business interests. She does not send up her cards, merely her name, and she makes her visit as short as possible. When a woman calls at a bachelor apartment or at a gentleman's studio it is an unimpeachable law of etiquette that she be correctly chaperoned. ”

“ Children should not be taught "party manners." If they are to be well-bred at all, they must be so at all times; and ill-bred parents can no more have well-bred children than an oak tree can have pine needles. And the chief beauty of perfect manners is that they are so habitual as to be perfectly unconscious.
Of great importance, therefore, is the law of teaching by example. Show the children that you yourself follow the laws of good conduct and courtesy. Whether guests are present or not, let your table etiquette be faultless. ”

“ No, it means none of these, for even in the most humble home one can find the truest hospitality. There need be no rich display, no obvious effort at ostentation. For hospitality is that open-hearted, open-handed, generous, lovable; beautiful fellow-feeling for fellow-mortals—the kind of feeling that makes you throw open your home, small apartment or mighty mansion, as the case may be, and bid your friends and acquaintances welcome. ”

“ But to force a child to wear a garment against which its very soul revolts, is to crush whatever natural instincts the child may have for the beautiful and artistic.
It is sad to see a child fretting uncomfortably in a suit that is too tight, or a huge sailor hat that laps down over the eyes. Simple, comfortable clothes are the best for children, but they should be of excellent material. Rather give the child one dress of excellent material and workmanship, than two that are faulty and inferior. Teach her to appreciate material and she will always prefer quality to gaudiness. ”

“ Fortunately, the twentieth century girl is less of a butterfly than the tight-laced, hoop-skirted young miss of the latter part of the nineteenth century. Perhaps the war had something to do with it. Perhaps it is because so many new occupations have been opened up to her. Perhaps it is evolution. But the young miss of to-day is certainly more thrilled with life and its possibilities than her sister of two or three decades ago ever was. ”

“ And strangely enough, the hostess who manages to bring the sunshine and merriment into the hearts of her young guests, feels young and childish herself for the time being—and the feeling is one of such utter delight and happiness that it is well worth the effort. ”

“ The man who calls on a lady's day at home, and whose call has no reference to any social debts or obligations, leaves only one card—and if he is an intimate friend at the house where the call is made, he leaves no cards at all.
Men's social calls are few. Business affairs require most of their time, and the duty of card-leaving is generally given into the hands of a feminine relative—either mother, sister or wife. Married men invariably entrust their formal social duties to their wives, but single men must not take advantage of this privilege. ”

“ It is a pretty custom for the bride to throw her bouquet among the bridesmaids (especially lovely when the wedding takes place at home and the bride turns to throw the flowers as she mounts the stairs) . It is a happy omen for the young lady who catches the bouquet. She may divide it among the others or she may keep it for herself. It is not compulsory for the bride to part with the bouquet if she prefers to keep it herself. She may press the flowers or she may have rose beads made from the petals or she may dispose of it in any way she desires. ”

“ PARENTS AND CHILDREN
THE HOME
The home is the unit of our social life, and just as the whole can be no greater than the sum of its parts so the standard of behavior in a community can be no higher than the sum of the standards in the homes that make up that community. If in the home one observes strictly the rules of politeness, which means kindness, one will have very little trouble with the rules of etiquette, which is simply the way politeness finds expression in our intercourse with each other. ”

“ Then there is the occasion of the young daughter's introduction to society—an event which is important, indeed, and requires the utmost hospitality on the part of host and hostess alike. When one's son graduates from college, a little dinner party and perhaps some musical entertainment afterward is an appropriate time to show by one's hospitality, sincere gratitude for the splendid educational opportunities afforded the youth of America. ”

“ It is quite permissible when certain pressing affairs claim one's attention to request to be excused or postpone the business call until some later date. Or if he wishes her to be brief, the gentleman may courteously request the lady to do so, and he will invariably find that she will be only too willing to comply with his request. But there can be no excuse for the man who insists upon being curt to women who call at his office on matters of business, any more than there is an excuse for lack of gallantry and courtesy in the drawing-room. ”

“ She will find that to be perfect is to be natural, and that one must be simple and unostentatious to be beautiful in the true sense of the word. After all, what can be quite so lovely as beautiful manners? And what can be more worthy of admiration and respect than a sweet, well-mannered young girl?
Politeness and courtesy are two other important virtues that the young girl should develop. She should be as polite to her mother and sister as she is to strangers. She should be courteous and kind to everyone. And she should learn the art of listening as well as the art of conversation. ”

“ It is touching to have the maid of honor and the best man present, if they are both still living. As many of the original bridal attendants as are available should be invited, and all the old friends and acquaintances of the family. There must be no levity, the couple must be treated with reverence and honor, and the occasion must be given every appearance of dignified importance.
Unlike the silver wedding, gifts are always presented to the aged couple at the golden wedding. Delicate pieces of gold jewelry are always pleasing to the "bride." ”

“ A correspondent has written to inquire whether or not it is correct for a young girl to thank a young man for his escort just before leaving him at her own door. Evidently the young lady who has written has herself been in doubt as to whether or not it is correct. In this instance, circumstances alter cases. If she were a young country miss returning from an informal village function, she would by no means offer thanks. But if the young man has obviously put himself to an inconvenience to escort her home, then it is only polite that she offer him some expression of gratitude. ”

“ And so we find that the American girl who is well-bred, who is well-mannered and high-principled, may attend the theater and the dance with gentlemen, unchaperoned. It is only when she travels abroad or stops at a hotel for any length of time that social requirements still command that she be chaperoned. But even then, the girl who travels on business purposes, need feel no embarrassment when she is alone, if her manner and speech are as polished and correct as they should be. ”

“ And so you see that self-consciousness can be overcome. There is no reason for the bride to feel embarrassed and ill at ease when she is hostess for the first time in her new home. There is no reason for the young girl to feel shy and timid when she is introduced in society. There is no reason for the young man to be self-conscious in the presence of ladies. ”

“ The fact that America is the home of hospitality and land of the most generous hostesses, does not indicate necessarily that the guest, in his selfishness, should take advantage of it. A well-bred, considerate person always seeks to minimize as far as possible the efforts of his or her hostess, and to make the visit or stay pleasant. She, or he, constantly endeavors to aid the hostess in providing entertainment. ”

“ There is a slight prejudice against giving money as a present at a wedding or at any other time, but one has only to see the joy that the bride and groom get out of spending the money over and over again before they finally do spend it to have this prejudice dispelled. ”

“ Prolonged farewells are not the best taste, for they keep the hostess standing and distracted when there are others who are entitled to her time and attention. As soon as one intimates that he or she wishes to depart, a quick but cordial farewell should be taken and the departure made as soon as possible. To bow oneself out of the drawing room is a foreign and wholly undemocratic custom which no well-bred man or woman recognizes. A slight inclination of the head, a cordial good-afternoon to the guests, and a formal farewell to the hostess should be followed by immediate leaving of the room. ”

“ All parenthood is made up of denial—for from the time the youngster first opens its eyes in its cradle, the parents must deny themselves everything that is necessary to make that child a perfect man or woman. ”

“ In training our children's manners and speech, we must not forget that their physical development is most important. Etiquette requires that the child know, not only how to act at the table, how to greet visitors and how to be well-behaved and mannerly, but also how to appear polite and polished. Dancing gives them just the right foundation for grace and courtesy of manner. ”