Edith B. Ordway

“ If one holds them a little lower than one's family, and expends upon them effort to charm second only to the effort habitually given to those whom one loves, then intimacy becomes a privilege, no matter what the circumstances, and a lifelong gratification and pleasure. If, however, one considers that intimate friends are entitled to less courtesy than the public, and are to be made to serve one's purpose more effectually than mere acquaintances do, then the burden of friendship is great, and soon dropped. Affection is not mercenary. ”

“ Why is a cook more noisy than a gong? One makes a din, the other a dinner.
What death does the sculptor die? He makes faces, and busts.
When may a room that is full of people be said to be empty? When there is not a single person in it. ”

“ The aim to be beautiful is a legitimate one, and worthy of the attention of every lover of beauty. To make the most of one's self, both for one's own sake and that of those about one, is a duty. Much can be done if good taste is consulted, and one's salient good points studied and emphasized. One can at least dress characteristically, and so bring out the ideals to which one gives adherence.
For instance, the business woman, in business hours, dresses with that same effort after efficiency and economy of time and strength that she has to put into her business to make it successful. ”

“ Why does our army differ from the army of the Revolution? Because in one case the army is bound to defend Washington, in the other Washington was bound to defend the army.
Why is the Republican Party like a celebrated English ruler of the seventeenth century, "Oliver Cromwell, the Blacksmith"? Because it breaks asunder the chains of despotism and adds a link on (A. Lincoln) to history.
Why is an owl in the daylight like the President of the United States? Because he is a-blinkin' (Abe Lincoln) .
Why is one of the new Treasury notes like a young lady's love letter? ”

“ A man who is happy there finds in every turn of the conversation equally lucky occasions for the introduction of that which he has to say. The favorites of society, and what it calls whole souls, are able men, and of more spirit than wit, who have no uncomfortable egoism, but who exactly fill the hour and the company, contented and contenting, at a marriage or a funeral, a ball or a jury, a water party or a shooting match. ”

“ Many a marriage has been wrecked, and many a mother's friendship turned away, because some one friend, of about one's own age and tastes, of pronounced influence and exorbitant demands, has usurped, at first perhaps unconsciously but ever surely, the place in one's life, and at last in one's heart, that some member of the family should have taken.
Some people seem naturally predisposed to this sort of friendship, and as soon as the intellectual zest is gone from absorbing companionship with one person, they turn to another. ”

“ Why is a bride, weary of her apartment home, like a wrecked automobile? They've both got flat tire. [Pg 90]
Why is a gardener like a detective-story writer? Because he works up his plot.
Why is a widower in love again like a good gardener? Because he immediately removes his weeds. ”

“ Why is a mouse entering a mouse trap like a diplomat arguing his policy? Because each has a well-defined end in view.
When may a man be said to breakfast before he gets up? When he takes a roll in bed. ”

“ We each know that we are worth while. We should, therefore, treat others on that assumption, and thereby make them rise to their potential worth. The good that a person, who thus calls out the good within people, may do is limited only by his acquaintance.
Personality is, after all, one's greatest asset in life. No thought or effort should be spared in making it pleasing and inspiring,—a fit expression of one's character and ideals, and a worthy gift to the world. ”

“ No book or person, however, can inculcate etiquette without showing that the roots of all true courtesy lie deep in the spirit of unselfish consideration for others. To master this spirit until it becomes one's own is the best fitting one can have for social achievement. Such consideration is the touchstone by which all social customs are tried, to see whether they be worthy of perpetuation or not. It is the sure test of correct conduct under all circumstances, and can be so utilized in case of doubt.
A veneer of virtue long passes as currency in no society. ”

“ There is no place for anger in social life. To give expression among a group of people to any strong feeling, no matter how justified it may be, is not courteous, because you may be inadvertently treading upon the beliefs or prejudices of some of your hearers. There are times when debate and the taking of sides on questions of common interest are in order, but that is not usually in the mixed society of men and women, who are supposedly dropping, for a time, the burdens of life for the sake of enjoyment and recreation. ”

“ While all the virtues of good management of her household, economy in the expenditure of money, taste in dressing herself and her children, and promptness and charm in fulfilling her social duties are expected of a wife, and should be fulfilled to the best of her ability, there are some minor things which make for happiness which should not be neglected.
The wife who shines socially should remember that her family needs the charm of her presence more than society does, and it should be a daily household quality rather than for use only on state occasions. ”

“ When one is a member of the graduating class of a school or college, or of any small group of people who, as a society, are entertaining, one should show the courtesy of host or hostess to every guest. This does not mean that one is responsible to every guest, to see that he or she is well entertained, but that, aside from his personal responsibilities to his own guests, he should be, at all the public functions, in the attitude of host to any stranger to whom he may show even the slightest hospitality. ”

“ Society is a game which all men play. "Etiquette" is the name given the rules of the game. If you play it well, you win. If you play it ill, you lose. The prize is a certain sort of happiness without which no human being is ever quite satisfied.
Because the demand for social happiness is thus fundamental in human nature, the game has to be played quite seriously. If played seriously, it is perforce successful, even when the outward signs of triumph are lacking. Played seriously, it becomes a worthy part of the great enterprise of noble living, the science of which is called "Ethics." ”

“ When a group of young people go to some public place of amusement or instruction, an older person should always accompany them. Such an attendant, who should be one of the fathers or mothers of the young people, if possible, would be in so great sympathy with the spirit of the group that his presence would impose no restraint and spoil no fun, yet it would be a curb on undue or undignified gaiety, and a protection against criticism. ”

“ Always in a public place the real gentleman and lady will be unobtrusive, speaking quietly, and showing in their manner that they each believe himself and herself but a single unit in the world of humanity, and therefore not entitled to monopolize attention. They will go about their business with none of that idle curiosity which forms the street crowd.
In places of public amusement, they will show true courtesy by not coming in late,—that is, by being on time or missing the performance. They will not rustle their programs needlessly. ”

“ Just as the host and hostess, in sending out an invitation, obligate themselves to make everything as enjoyable as possible for their guest, so a guest, in accepting, obligates himself or herself to meet the efforts of the host and hostess at least halfway. Success in the art of being a guest depends more upon the spirit in which one accepts of entertainment than upon the entertainment offered.
A formal dinner is one of the most solemn obligations of society. After having once accepted the invitation, only death or mortal illness is an excuse for not attending. ”

“ The modern courtesy of letting each one pay for himself in a car, a train, a restaurant, or a theatre, is a much more rational one than the older form of permitting one to act as host, as if he were in his own house. A gentleman might offer to pay for others, if he wished to, but he should not insist upon paying; nor should any one carelessly or designedly permit his expenses to be paid by another, unless he himself expects to offer equal hospitality at another time.
In entering a carriage or automobile, one should step promptly, without either loitering or haste. ”

“ When the meal is finished, the hostess catches the eye of the guest at her husband's right, smiles understandingly, and they immediately rise, and, followed by the rest of the ladies, leave the room, the men standing meanwhile. The men linger for a half-hour or so over their cigars and coffee, or liqueurs, before following the ladies into the drawing-room.
In the United States it is more usual for the men and women to leave the dining-room together, and the hostess to serve the coffee in the drawing-room, than it is for the men to linger by themselves at the table. ”

“ Other and more external facts enter into his social position, but in the circle of his friends and acquaintances, in whatever grade of society he may move, his place is determined by his personality. Personality alone is the final test of a man's worth to society.
A man's worth to the business world as a doer, maker, or as any other executive, his worth to the state as an incorruptible official, his worth to his family as a devoted husband and father, his worth to literature or art as a thinker or maker,—these values are imprinted upon his personality, howbeit with almost imperceptible lines. ”

“ For if one has time to go into society, one should have time and [17] money enough to make one's self presentable mentally as well as physically, and nothing so clearly shows lack of intelligence and appreciation of the matters of the intellect, as carelessness and neglect of the words one uses and the thoughts one utters. No physical defect is more glaring than the mental defect revealed in every sentence of such a person.
Mannerisms of speech or act are glaring flaws in the personality which would delight to charm, and successfully preclude the possibility of popularity among refined people. ”

“ Do not by extravagant applause encourage parlor recitations, for mediocre talent is always profuse.
It is a mark of good breeding to control or at least conceal one's moods, so that in company one always appears to be content, if not happy. It adds much to the happiness of others to give this impression, and is therefore generous as well as wise.
It is always rude to interrupt with conversation, or yawning, or any motion, a musical performance, or any entertainment whether public or private, in which those about one are interested. One should retire if he cannot refrain. ”

“ The hostess who, in order to meet an emergency, is obliged to do much herself, should either simplify her plans of entertainment, so that she could carry them through without too great weariness to play her part as hostess by being with her guests, or should call upon them to assist her, and make it a companionable visit at any rate.
Rural festivities are usually festivals of labor, in which all join first in the work and later in the play. One should endeavor to do one's part of the work cheerfully, and in the spirit of good comradeship, as well as share in the fun. ”

“ When one is a guest on such an occasion, he should remember that while his entertainment may have been official, his obligation for it is personal, and that he should personally thank his hosts and, in particular, his special host and hostess, as if he had been their only guest. No matter how absorbing the business of the congress or conference, no matter how strenuous his own official duties, his obligation socially is imperative, and must be met. ”

“ It is a dreary thing to be always sustaining a sham of any sort. Sincerity has its pleasure as well as its virtue. One should seek to be sincere, as perhaps no social virtue is of greater importance than this. The possibilities of development of character and of the betterment of social customs depend upon the exercise of this virtue. For that reason it is well to follow carefully the acknowledged rules of etiquette, in the hope and expectation of growing into the attitude of mind which will make them a natural expression of one's self. ”