Louis Couperus

“ Lili started, frightened at a spider which hovered over her attached to its silvery thread, and when de Woude brushed away the insect they became the objects of general teasing: she, as the timid maiden; he, as a brave knight, slaying the dragons that surrounded her.
“But what have we done, that you are always down upon us?” cried Georges.
“Oh, Georges, don’t you trouble yourself about it,” said Lili. “They think they are very witty. Oh, Paul, how you let us clamber along in this heat. ’Tis quite a journey to that pretty spot of yours. And those tiresome branches too. Ooh!” ”

“ Jeanne Ferelyn had died in Bangil. Eline’s eyes filled with tears.
“Great heavens! Great heavens!” she repeated slowly, and a nervous sob shook her frame. Her poor friend was dead! Oh! how tenderly Jeanne had nursed her when she was prostrate with bronchitis in that little home of theirs! How gentle and loving Jeanne had always been! How affectionate she was to herself and her children. And now she was dead! What happiness had her life brought her? None—none at all! And Madame van Raat, she had her sorrows. Paul had his. What was life but one great sorrow? ”

“ Betsy closed one of the red curtains and sat down.
The little white night-lamp glowed like a star on the table, and in the panelling of the wardrobe, in the toilet glass, over the flask and vases, on the muslin toilet duchesse, fitful gleams of light played hither and thither, while the big, black shadows lay about everywhere, motionless and gruesome, like so many dark spectres. [225] Betsy sat shivering in her dressing-gown; she wanted to think, but could not, for continually the one idea returned to her mind, that Eline had written to Otto. ”

“ Eline returned through the Java-straat to the Laan van Meerdervoort, and found Madame van Raat alone, seated in her high-backed chair, her hands folded in her lap. And in the young girl’s eyes she appeared such a picture of mute sadness; over the rich faded furniture there hovered such a melancholy shadow of past comfort; the whole apartment was filled with such an atmosphere of sorrow, and about the folds of the dark green curtains there hung such a mist of melancholy, that on entering, Eline felt her heart grow cold within her, as though a voice had told her that life was not worth living. ”

“ In the atmosphere of that sick room, permeated as it was with an ætherealized odour of drugs, the virtues and prowess of the noble heroes, the spotless beauties of the arch-wicked or divinely righteous heroines, became endowed with an irresistible charm of tempting unreality; and Eline often felt a passionate longing to be in one of those old English mansions, where earls and duchesses were engaged in such exquisite love-making, and had such romantic meetings under the moon-lit trees of a grand old park. Aunt died, and Henk and Betsy invited Eline to make their house her home. ”

“ Mathilde laced in the satin bodice, and Madame van Erlevoort smiled in admiration at her airy Undine. But what was that shuffling sound behind her? Looking round, she caught sight of Johan and Lientje, both numbed with cold, and in their nightgowns.
“No; this is really too bad. ’Tis enough to drive one mad,” cried Mathilde, and she left Frédérique standing with her bodice half-laced, and rushed away to the young rascals. “How can you be so naughty, all of you, and worry ma so! To-morrow you will all be ill. Come, up-stairs at once!” ”

“ At table, Eline chatted pleasantly with de Woude, next to whom [34] she was seated. Betsy sat between her two gentlemen guests, Emilie between Henk and Frans, Jeanne between Eline and Henk. In the somewhat sombre dining-room, with its antique furniture, the table glistened with snowy damask, with silver and fine glass, whilst the rays of gas-light glinted on decanters and glasses, making the dark-red or amber-coloured wine appear to quiver under the glow of its radiance. From amid a nest of flowers in a silver basket rose the prickly crown of a splendid pine. ”

“ She would miss Eline so terribly, she would be so lonely, and Vincent could be so sociable, and chat so pleasantly about his wanderings; so he must not refuse, he would be doing her an immense favour. Vincent was overjoyed at the request, opening to him as it did a prospect of peace and placid luxury. He would lead a life of luxury without having to spend a cent, a month long! and a month of rest seemed to him, in his wretched hand-to-mouth existence, a period of bliss without end, an eternity of happiness. ”

“ And the odour of the moss and the violets became mingled together into a fragrant sigh, whose sweetness made her feel faint, whilst her little hand closed caressingly, and disarranged his light-brown hair. She listened, still with that same happy smile, to his soft voice, as he was telling her of the conversation he had had with his sister, before he knew whether Lili would ever care for him. For a time he had certainly felt anxious; now, however, the whole world seemed to him one smiling landscape.
“Emilie thought you would not have a poor husband. Won’t you have a poor husband?” ”

“ In the midst of all this wealth of pink and white the mirror glittered like a sheet of burnished silver. The bedstead was hidden among red draperies, and in the corner against the door a tall cheval glass reflected a flood of liquid sunshine. [22]
For a moment Eline glanced round, to see if her maid had arranged everything to her satisfaction; then shivering in the chilly atmosphere she returned to her sitting-room and closed the door. With its semi-Eastern luxury the room was a most pleasant one, its comfort seemingly enhanced by the cold white glare reflected from the snow outside. ”

“ Cathérine liked her out of light-heartedness, but their sympathy was not firmly rooted in affection; with old Madame van Raat, with little Cateau, with Tina, it was otherwise. And with a smile she leant heavier on Otto; what cared she for all of them? his love well repaid her for what she missed in others, his love was her wealth, and for the sympathy of others she cared nothing. ”

“ As for that Betsy, oh, how I hate her.”
“Eline, I entreat you, be calm now.”
“Why did she mention Otto’s name? What right has she to mention Otto’s name? I hate her! I hate her!”
“Eline! Eline!” Jeanne cried, clasping her hands.
She flung herself before the couch.
“Eline, I beseech you, I beseech you, in Heaven’s name! Be calm! Rest yourself now, Eline.”
Eline, with her feverish, staring eyes, looked long at Jeanne, then she threw her arm round her neck.
“Lie down and rest yourself now, Eline; rest yourself, if you cannot sleep.” ”

“ I feel—nay, I declare, I am convinced of it—that if you married Eline, you would never, never be happy. She might like you for a time, but her love would only be egotism, as everything in her is egotism.”
“Freddie, you are severe,” he said, softly but reproachfully. “’Tis very nice of you to feel so much for me, but you are very, very hard on Eline. I don’t think you know her, and, on the contrary, I believe that she would sacrifice herself altogether for one she loved.”
“You say I don’t know her; but how can you know her then? You only see her when she is all smiles and amiability.” ”

“ A chill trembling came over Betsy.
“I am so frightened,” she faltered in a quivering voice.
Henk left the room as quietly as possible, and walked across the dark landing. The servants were in bed, the whole house was in darkness. In Eline’s sitting-room, however, the gas was alight. There he sat down, and he heard Eline in the adjoining room—she was sobbing, sobbing with such intensity as he had never heard any one sob before; it sounded hoarse, screeching, wild, as the voice of a sorrow that was past comforting; every sob must pain and torture her, every sob re-echoed in his own brain ”

“ He is certainly a little quiet and rather gloomy, but then he was never very boisterous, was he?”
“No,” murmured Eline, brimful of past memories.
“He is not in the Hague now; he is at the Horze, I believe.”
“Have I driven him away, I wonder?” thought Eline, and with an effort to make it appear as though the interest she took in him was for his own sake, not for hers, she softly said, “Then I suppose he has got over it; there is nothing I should like better than to know him to be happy, he deserves it. He is a very good fellow.” ”

“ Between luxurious draperies something like an [4] oasis could be perceived, a blue sky, two pyramids, some palms. On her couch, supported by sphinxes, lay Cleopatra, at the point of death, an adder curling round her arm. Two slaves were prostrate in despair at her feet. The parti-coloured vision of oriental magnificence lasted a few seconds; the poetry of antiquity revived under the eyes of a modern audience.
“That’s Freddie,” said Betsy. “How lovely!” and she pointed out the dying queen to Mrs. Van Erlevoort, who was dazzled by all this luxury. ”

“ No life without change Vincent had said.
“I really do not know what to say, uncle,” she said with some emotion. “I am not very cheerful just now, and I fear you won’t find me pleasant company.”
“That is nothing at all, my girl; when you find yourself in different surroundings, and see different faces, your ideas will change too. There is nothing so necessary in this life as change; we cannot live without it!”
She started, and looked at him with a smile. It was as if Vincent had spoken! ”

“ It was only old Madame van Raat who continued affectionate as ever; but just at present she felt but little in the humour to display that amiable frankness, tempered with a flavour of veneration, which had won the old lady’s heart. Yes; her life was a useless existence, she was continually swinging from one day to another, without any object, and she longed for—for something like the vague vision, without definite shape, which seemed to rise as in a sphere of love, sometimes purely ideal, like an idyll, sometimes simpler in form and suffused with a halo of homeliness and domestic happiness. ”

“ All these she connected, until to her mind they formed an unbroken chain of irksome burdens. Yes, she felt she was growing old; time had little more to give her, and so, in silent egoism, she mused her life away in the long-vanished poesy of the past. She had had three children: her youngest, a girl, was dead.
Of her two sons, her favourite was Henk, who, strong and big, reminded her the most of his father, whilst in her eyes his sleepy good-nature had more of open, frank manliness, than Paul’s finer-strung fickleness and airy geniality. ”

“ She returned home in ecstasy, and told Madame van Raat excitedly about the eloquent sermon to which she had listened. She inwardly regretted that a Protestant Church was so cold, so empty, so bare, that the singing was so bad; gladly she would have been a Catholic; on an Ave Maria, or on a Gloria in Excelsis, her soul would have risen on high as on the wings of melody; at the holy transfiguration, in the mystic glamour of the altar, she would have trembled with glorious fervour, while the incense would have imbued her very being with a flavour of theatrical piety. ”

“ From the first, her house had been filled with the shrill voices, the boisterous laughter, and the continual running to and fro of her children, until they grew up, in all the joyful freshness of their youthful spirits. Then with the death of her husband, Théodore Otto, Baron van Erlevoort ter Horze, member of the Second Chamber of the States General, commenced a period of unwonted calm and peacefulness, which grew even more so when her four children, one after another, left her house and got married. ”

“ But Emilie de Woude brought her own boisterous gaiety with her. Her lively chat infused a little brightness into the dull atmosphere of the drawing-room—in which the gas was not yet lit—into which, along the heavy folds of the draperies, a darkening twilight penetrated which seemed to transform the brightness of the gilded panelling, and the glistening sheen of the fawn-satin cushions, into undefined and gloomy shadows. Emilie wanted to see Eline’s presents, charming trifles—a few bouquets arranged on a table, round about a big basket full of flowers and fruit. ”

“ Gradually the noise of the music and laughter-laden atmosphere subsided into a restful calm, whilst here and there the gas-lamps were already being extinguished, and only a stray group or two were still sitting down, enjoying the balmy air, which was growing fresher and purer at every moment.
“It’s glorious here; shall we sit a little longer?” asked Betsy.
“Let us rather have a drive round,” said Eline; “at least unless you think it will be getting too late, and the horses are not tired, Henk.” ”

“ Je perdrai tout mon pouvoir, si vous continuez ainsi!” exclaimed Madame van Ryssel despairingly, as she glanced over the banisters, for down below Madeline and Nikolaas were giving Miss Frantzen a terrible trouble and would not go up-stairs with her.
“Lientje, Nico!” cried Madame van Ryssel in her severest tones.
“Come, Mathilde, do leave the children alone for a moment, and come and look at my dress!” Freddie implored.
“I can’t keep them in order any longer, really,” said Mathilde, with a sigh of despair.
“Make haste, Freddie; we dine rather earlier to-day,” said Madame van Erlevoort. ”

“ All at once, with sudden determination, he set down his glass and grasped her hands.
“Come, girl, tell me; there is something—something has occurred [12] with Betsy, or—come now, you generally trust me.” And he gave her a reproachful glance with his sleepy, kindly, stupid eyes, like those of a faithful sheep-dog.
Then in a voice broken with sobs, she burst forth in a stream of lamentations, though without apparent cause. It was her heart’s inmost cry for a little tenderness and sympathy. What was her life to her? to whom could she be of the slightest use? ”

“ Otto did not answer; his mind was too much filled with doubt that Henk’s kindliness could have cheered him. He recollected how he had once told Eline that she had but one single fault, that she did not know herself, that there were hidden treasures within her, that he would arouse those latent gifts, but now he saw but too well that he had not the power to do so, that he only irritated her, and—that he drove her mad!
“She can be confoundedly hasty at times!” resumed Henk, as he walked inwardly enraged up and down the room. ”

“ In the distance arose a farm-house from between a group of trees, with a line of smoke rising like a faint gray plume against the blue of the sky.
“I suppose you feel yourself here like a king in your own country?” said Howard.
“Oh no!” answered Théodore. “I feel myself more peasant than king. But look round a moment; there, right across the garden, there’s our palace.”
They turned round and stood still, so that Otto and Eline soon overtook them. ”

“ Freddie and Marie were returning home, they would go up-stairs she supposed; no—they were coming this way, and entered the room, their wet wraps removed, but bringing with them a rush of wind and a chill dampness.
“Well, I never!” cried Marie; “my lady seated by the fire warming herself. That’s right!”
“Would my lady like a pillow for her back?” asked Freddie teasingly.
“Yes; you laugh as much as you like,” murmured Lili with a smile, and she nestled herself more snugly in the chair. “I am warm and jolly here, and my feet are not cold and damp. You go and splash in the mud by yourselves!” ”

“ Death was so black, so empty, so mysterious, but still, if it were so? And suddenly her fears melted away into a restfulness immeasurable. Well, if it were so she would not care. And she began to laugh with inaudible, nervous little laughs, while the dullness descended upon her with a crushing weight as of the heavy fist of a giant. With her hand she wanted to defend herself from those giant fists, and her fingers became entangled in a cord about her neck. Oh, that was—that was his portrait, Otto’s portrait. ”

“ Anyhow, she was not going to satisfy their unmannerly curiosity, and she rose and put a stop to Madame van Raat’s chat—from which it appeared that the old lady liked Otto very much—with a kiss and a few little words of endearment.
And the increased lovingness of Madame van Raat’s trembling kiss, no less than the playfulness that twinkled in Paul’s eyes, annoyed and irritated her, whilst she was waiting for Ben, as his grandma was still caressing him in her arms.
No; Eline did not know how to decide. She shuddered at taking a step that could make her happy or unhappy for life. ”

“ Without mercy for herself she would wrench away that blossom from her soul, she would again and again blot out that vision. It was torture, but still she must do it.
And as she stared away into that melancholy mist, ascending in gray layers over the valley yonder, a beloved face rose up before her moist eyes—a manly face, with an expression of frankness and sincerity in its eyes, and beaming with a winning smile; but it was not upon her, but upon Eline, that that smile threw its brightness.
The tramcars running between the Ouden Schevening road and the Kurhaus were thronged. ”

“ She did not feel equal to going down-stairs; how should she approach Betsy? Should she take up an attitude of expectation merely? Why did not Betsy meet her half-way? Why must she continue bearing a grudge like that, about such a trifling matter? Eline felt almost afraid to see Betsy in the breakfast-room, and she walked into her boudoir, where the fire was already burning brightly, and threw herself on her sofa, wretched and weary with grief and loneliness. Why, yes, why did she live? ”