Margaret M. Robertson

“ But, Graeme, I did not get this check before I needed it. It is pleasant to be first, and I was beginning to like it. Now this precious month taken from me, at the time I needed it most, will put me back. To be sure,” added he, with a deprecating glance, “it is not much to be first among so few. But as Janet used to say, Pride is an ill weed and grows easily—flourishes even on a barren soil; and in the pleasure and excitement of study, it is not difficult to forget that it is only a means to an end.”
“Yes,” said Graeme, “it is easy to forget what we ought to remember.” ”

“ It was, “No, no! no, no! it cannot be,” that went up through the stillness of the pines; the cry of a heart not so much rebellious as incredulous of the possibility of pain so terrible. The darkness fell before she rose to go home again, and when she came into the firelight to the sound of happy voices, Menie’s the most mirthful of them all, her terrors seemed utterly unreasonable, she felt like one waking from a painful dream.
“What could have made Janet frighten herself and me so?” she said, as she spread out her cold hands to the blaze, all the time watching her sister’s bright face. ”

“ If Rose felt any vexation, she hid it well.
“I will ask Fanny whom they met. No, I will not,” said Graeme, to herself, again. “Why should Rose care. It is only I who have been foolish. They have known each other so long, it would have happened long ago, if it had been to happen. It would have been very nice for some things. And it might have been, if Rose had cared for him. He cared for her, I am quite sure. Who would not? But she does not care for him. I hope she does not care for him. Oh! I could not go through all that again! Oh, my darling, my darling!” ”

“ It was growing quite dark—too dark for Mrs Snow to see Graeme’s troubled face; but she knew that it was troubled by the sound of her voice, by the weary posture into which she drooped, and by many another token.
“My dear,” said her friend, earnestly, “the wild carrying away of the fancy, that it is growing the fashion to call love, is not to be desired at any age. I am not denying that it comes in youth with great power and sweetness, as it came to your father and mother, as I mind well, and as you have heard yourself. But it doesna always bring happiness. ”

“ The blessed lesson that suffering teaches, each must bear for himself; and I need not tell you that there never yet was sorrow sent to a child of God, for which there is no balm. You are young; and weary and spent as you are to-night, no wonder that you think at the sight, of the deep wastes you may have to pass, and the dreary waters you may have to cross. But there is no fear that you will be alone, dear, or that He will give you anything to do, or bear, and yet withhold the needed strength. Are you hearing me, my child?”
Graeme gave a mute sign of assent. ”

“ Graeme did not move.
“My child, the backward look over one’s life, is so different from the doubtful glances one sends into the future. I stand now, and see all the way by which God has led me, with a grieved wonder, that I should ever have doubted his love and care, and how it was all to end. The dark places, and the rough places that once made my heart faint with fear, are, to look back upon, radiant with light and beauty—Mounts of God, with the bright cloud overshadowing them. ”

“ Over on the rising ground beyond the pond stood the meeting-house, and scattered to the right and left of it were the white houses of the village, half-hidden by the tall elms and maples that fringed the village street. Close by the farm-house, between it and the thick pine grove on the hill, ran Carson’s brook, a stream which did not disappear in summer-time, as a good many of these hill streams are apt to do, and which, for several months in the year was almost as worthy of the name of river as the Merle itself. ”

“ Rose laughed.
“Dear, wise Harry! He always said Charlie was pure gold.”
“And so he is,” said Graeme.
“I know it, Graeme; and he says he is not good enough for me.” And Rose laid down her cheek upon her sister’s lap, with a little sob. “Ah! if he only knew, I am afraid—”
“Dear, it is the humility of true love, as you said about Harry. You love one another, and you need not be afraid.” ”

“ But, Harry, it would break your sister’s heart, were you to change into a hard, selfish, worldly man, like the rest of us.”
There was nothing Harry could say to this.
“So many fail in the struggle—so many are changed or ruined. And, dear lad, you have one temptation that never was a temptation to me. Don’t be angry, Harry,” for Harry started and grew red. “Even if that is not to be feared for you, there is enough besides to make you hesitate. I have known and proved the world. What we call success in life, is not worth one approving smile from your sister’s lips. ”

“ Rose’s dignity and self-reliance were for her brothers and her friends generally. With Graeme she was, in a day or two, just what she had been before she went away—a dear child and sister, to be checked and chided, now and then; to be caressed and cared for always; growing, day by day, dearer and fairer to her sister’s loving eyes. She was glad to be at home again. She was very fond of Norman and Hilda and their boys, and she had been very happy with them; but there was no one like Graeme, and there was no place like home. ”

“ Graeme was, in Janet’s eyes, just what the daughter of her father and mother ought to be. If she could have wished anything changed, it would have been in her circumstances, not in herself. She was not satisfied that to her should be denied the higher happiness of being in a home of her own—the first and dearest to some one worthy of her love.
“And yet who knows?” said she to herself. “One can never tell in which road true happiness lies; and it is not for me, who can see only a little way, to wish for anything that God has not given her. ‘A contented mind is a continual feast,’ says the Book. ”

“ It is not nice to have the child’s name coupled with—with any one,” said Graeme.
“It may not be nice, but it cannot be helped,” said Harry. “It is the penalty that very pretty girls, like Rose, have to pay for their beauty—especially when they are aware of it—as Rose has good right to be by this time. Small blame to her.”
“And I don’t see that there is really anything to be annoyed about, Graeme,” said Arthur. “A great deal more than the coupling of names might happen without Rosie being to blame, as no one should know better than you.” ”

“ Graeme was set at rest about one thing. If there had lingered in her heart any fear lest her brother’s happiness was not secure in Fanny’s keeping, or that his love for her would not stand the wear and tear of common life, when the first charms of her youth and beauty, and her graceful, winning ways were gone, that fear did not outlast this time. Through the weariness and fretfulness of the first months of her illness, he tended her, and hung about her, and listened to her complaints with a patience that never tired ”

“ How exactly like the old time before Arthur’s marriage, and before Will or Harry went away, some of the days were, that followed the coming home of Rose. They seemed like the days even longer ago, Graeme felt, with a sense of rest and peace at her heart unspeakable. For the old content, nay, something better and more abiding had come back to her. The peace that comes after a time of trouble, the content that grows out of sorrow sanctified, are best. ”

“ And Janet never knew, till long years afterwards, how that night, and many a night, Sandy woke from the sound sleep of childhood to find his grandmother praying and weeping, to think of the parting that was drawing near. Each could be strong to help the other, but alone, in silence and darkness, the poor shrinking heart had no power to cheat itself into the belief that bitter suffering did not lie before it. ”

“ Rose hung her head, and was silent. Graeme went on,—
“My darling, there is danger for you—for me—for us all. How can we ever hope to win Harry from the society of those who do him harm, when we are living only to please ourselves?”
“But, Graeme, it is better that we should all go together—I mean Harry is more with us than he used to be. It must be better.”
“I don’t know, dear. I fear it is only a change of evils. Harry’s temptation meets him even with us. And, oh! Rosie, if our example should make it easier for Harry to go astray! But we won’t speak about Harry. I trust God will keep him safe. ”

“ Haste, Rosie, before the finest of the evening is past. Are you coming, Will? Man! you shouldna read by that light. You will blind yourself. Put away your book, you’ll be all the better for a walk.”
They lingered a moment at the gate.
“Here is Harry!” exclaimed Rose. “And some one with him. Charlie Millar, I think.”
“We will wait for them,” said Arthur.
The look that came to Graeme’s face, as she stood watching her brother’s coming, told that the shadow of a new care was brooding over her, and the light talk of her brother and sister told that it was one they did not see. ”

“ School-keeping is said to be hard work, and thankless, often. And I daresay it is no better than it is called. But, my dear, if it is the work you want, and not the wages, surely among the thousands of this great town, you might find something to do, some work for the Lord, and for his people. Have you never thought about working in that way, dear?”
Graeme had thought of it many a time. Often had she grieved over the neglected little ones, looking out upon her from narrow lanes and alleys, with pale faces, and great hungry eyes. ”

“ We have not been living a good or wise life of late. Do you mind, love, what Janet said to us, the night before we came away? Do you mind the charge she gave us, to keep our garments unspotted till we meet our father and mother again? Do you think, dear, the life of pleasure we have been living, will make us more like what our mother was, more like what our father wished us to be—more fit to meet them where they are?”
Graeme spoke very earnestly. There were tears in her eyes.
“Graeme,” said Rose, “do you think it wrong to go to parties—to dance? Many good people do not.” ”

“ When he returns to the quiet and comfort of his well-arranged home, the face that smiles opposite to him is none the less beautiful because it beams only for home pleasures and humble household successes. The voice that coos and murmurs to his baby in the cradle, that recounts as great events the little varieties of kitchen and parlour life, that tells of visits made and received, with items of harmless gossip gathered up and kept for his hearing, is none the less dear to him now that it can discourse of nothing beyond. ”

“ Indeed, I never let the thought trouble me till last night, after Mr Millar came, and again, to-night. Rosie, you must not be angry with what I say.”
“Of course not. But I think you must dispose of Mr Perry, before you bring another name into your accusation; Graeme, dear, I don’t care a pin for Mr Perry, nor he for me, if that will please you. But you are not half so clever at this sort of thing as Harry. You should have began at once by accusing me of claiming admiration, and flirting, and all that. It is best to come to the point at once.”
“You said you would not be angry, Rose.” ”

“ But, child! the grave is a safe place in which to keep our treasures. Mine are nearly all there. I would not have it otherwise—and they are safe from the chances of a changeful world. You will be glad for yourself by and by. You should be glad for your sister now.”
“If I were sure—if I were quite sure,” murmured Graeme through her weeping.
“Sure that she is going home?” said the doctor, stooping low to whisper the words. “I think you may be sure—as sure as one can be in such a case! It is a great mystery. Your father will know best. God is good. Pray for her.” ”

“ Harry, dear, what is it? Don’t you remember one night when something was said about Mrs Gridley—no, don’t be impatient. You were annoyed with Rose, then, and it was not about anything that was said at the time, at least I thought not. I don’t wish to seem prying or inquisitive, but what concerns Rose is a great matter to me. She is more to me than any one.”
“Graeme,” said Harry, gravely, “you don’t suppose that I love Rose less than you do. I think I know what you mean, however. I annoyed her once by something I said about Charlie, but it was only for the moment. ”

“ I am sure this great sorrow is not waiting you.”
He paused a moment, and then added, hesitatingly,—
“I have had many thoughts since I sat down here, Graeme. I think one needs—it does one good, to make a pause to have time to look back and to look forward. Things change to us; we get clearer and truer views of life, alone in the dark, with nothing to withdraw our thoughts from the right and the wrong of things, and we seem to see more clearly how true it is, that though we change God never changes. We get courage to look our troubles fairly in the face, when we are alone with God and them.” ”

“ The wind moved the tall laburnums in the lane without a sound, and the murmur of running water alone broke the stillness, as the gurgle of the burn, and the rush of the distant mill-dam met and mingled in the air of the summer night.
In the primitive village of Clayton, at this midsummer time, gentle and simple were wont to seek their rest by the light of the long gloaming. But to-night there was light in the manse—in the minister’s study, and in other parts of the house as well. ”

“ Indeed, they were too young to think much of possible evils. A new life was opening before them, no fear but it would be a happy one. Graeme had seen more trouble than the rest, being older, and she was naturally less hopeful, but then she had no fear for them all, only the thought that they were about to enter on a new, untried life, made her excited and anxious, and the thought of parting with their friend made her sad.
As for Janet, she was herself again. Her courage returned when the sea-sickness departed, and now she was ready “to put a stout heart to a stiff brae” as of old. ”

“ If you mean for Rosie, she must have her share of the small tribulations that fall to the lot of most women, at one time or other of their lives; but she is of a cheerful nature, and not easily daunted; and dear, you have come safely over rougher bits of road than any that are like to lie before her, and she ay will have you to guide her. And looking at you, love, and knowing that the ‘great peace,’ the Book speaks about, is in your heart and in your life, I have no fear for your sister, after all that has come and gone to you. ”

“ How can I bear to think of you going the way so many have gone, knowing the danger all the greater because you feel yourself so safe. I am afraid for you, Harry.”
It was useless to speak, she knew that quite well. The words of another can never make danger real, to those who are assailed with poor Harry’s temptation. So she shut her lips close, as he rose from her side, and sat in silence; while he walked up and down the room. By and by he came back to her side, again.
“Graeme,” said he, gravely. “Indeed, you may trust me. The shame of that night shall never be renewed. ”

“ Behind the elms, where the old brown house stood, stands now a snow-white cottage, with a vine-covered porch before it. It is neat without and neat within, though often there are children’s toys and little shoes upon the floor. At this moment there is on the floor a row of chairs overturned, to make, not horses and carriages as they used to do in my young days, but a train of cars, and on one of them sits Arthur Elliott Greenleaf, representing at once engine, whistle, conductor and freight. ”

“ There are other necessities that a woman must feel—some more than others, I suppose. It is an idle, foolish, vain life that I am living. I know that I have not enough to fill my life, Graeme. I know it, though I don’t suppose I can make you understand it. I am past the age now to care for being petted, and amused, and made much of by the rest of you. I mean, I am too old now to feel that enough for my satisfaction. It is different with you, who really are good for something, and who have done so much, for Arthur and Fanny, and us all. And, besides, as you say, you are content ”

“ Menie was better now. How merry she had been with her brothers for the last few days. And though she seemed very weary to-night, no wonder. So were they all. Even Rosie, the tireless, was half asleep on Arthur’s knee, and when all the pleasant bustle was over, and they were settled down in their old quiet way, her sister would be herself again. Nothing so terrible could be drawing near, as the dread which Janet had startled herewith that day.
“Emily,” said Harry, “why do you persist in going back to that horrid school? Why don’t you stay at home, and enjoy yourself?” ”

“ Even when the autumn beauties hung shrivelled and black on their stems, and afterwards, when the snows of winter lay many feet above the pretty garden beds, many a rare hot-house blossom brightened the little parlour, where by that time Graeme was able to appear.
“For,” said Mr Stirling, to the admiring Nelly, “such were Miss Elphinstone’s directions before she went away, and besides, directions or no directions, the flowers are well bestowed on folk that take real pleasure in their beauty.”
The autumn and winter passed pleasantly away. As Graeme grew strong, she grew content. ”

“ I thought you were going to stay at the West, Rose?”
“I could not be spared any longer; they could not do without me.”
“And are you going to keep house for Harry, at Elphinstone house, or is Mr Millar to have that?”
And so on, till she was tired, at last, and went away.
“What nonsense that woman talks, to be sure!” said Rose.
“Worse than nonsense, I am afraid, sometimes,” said Graeme. “Really, Harry’s terror of her is not surprising. Nobody seems safe from her tongue.”
“But don’t let us lose our walk, altogether. We have time to go round the square, at any rate. It is not late,” said Rose. ”

“ Janet,” said Graeme, with a sigh, “I shall never be able to make you understand.”
“You might try, however. You havena tried yet,” said Janet, gently. “It is not that you are growing too proud to eat bread of your brother’s winning, is it?”
“I don’t think it is pride. I know that Arthur considers that what belongs to him belongs to us all. But, even when that is true, it may be better, for many reasons, that I should eat bread of my own winning than of his. Everybody has something to do in the world. ”

“ Nothing but wrong-doing on your sister’s part should make you look like that.” For there were tears in Graeme’s eyes as she watched her sister, and she looked both anxious and afraid.
“Wrong-doing,” repeated she, with a start. Then she rose impatiently, but sat down again in a moment. Was it “wrong-doing” in a woman to let her heart slip unawares and unasked from her own keeping? If this was indeed the thing that had happened to Rose? Or was it “wrong-doing” to come to the knowledge of one’s heart too late, as Harry had once hinted might be the end of Rosie’s foolish love of admiration? ”

“ About this time Will was threatened with a serious illness. It did not prove so serious as they at first feared, but it was long and tedious, and gave his eldest sister an excuse for denying herself to many who called, and accounted for her pale looks to those whom she was obliged to see. In the silence of her brother’s sick-room, Graeme looked a great sorrow in the face. In other circumstances, with the necessity laid upon her to deceive others, she might for a time have deceived herself; for the knowledge that one’s love has been given unsought, is too bitter to be accepted willingly. ”

“ Well, Rose has come to the same place in her life, and she would like to have work, real work, to do in the world, and she has got impatient of her useless life, as she calls it. It has come on her sooner than it came on me, but that is because the circumstances are different, I suppose, and I hope it may pass away. For, oh! Janet, I shrink from the struggle, and the going away from them all; and I have got to that time when one grows content with just the little things that come to one’s hand to do, seeing they are sent by God, as well as nobler work. ”

“ You are much too severe,” said Arthur. “Graeme’s idea of insincerity is better, though very severe for her. And, after all, I don’t think that she is consciously insincere. I can scarcely tell what it is that makes the dear lady other than admirable. I think it must be her taste for management, as Miss Fanny calls it. She does not seem to be able to go straight to any point, but plans and arranges, and thinks herself very clever when she succeeds in making people do as she wishes, when in nine cases out of ten, she would have succeeded quite as well by simply expressing her desires. ”

“ She did not go very cheerfully. She had had two or three glimpses of her sister’s face, after she had gone to the other side of the hall with Harry, before Miss Goldsmith had commenced her whispered confidences to Rose, and she had seen there a look which brought back her old misgivings that there was something troubling her darling. She was not able to put it away again. The foolish, light talk between Rose and Harry did not tend to re-assure her, and when she bade her sister good-night, it was all that she could do not to show her anxiety by her words. ”

“ By and by, came letters from the lads; those of Norman and Harry full of bitter regrets, which to Graeme seemed almost like reproaches, that they had not been sent for before the end; and the grief of those at home came back strong and fresh again.
The coming of the “bonny spring days” for which Norman had so wished, wakened “vain longings for the dead.” The brooks rose high, and the young leaves rustled on the elms; and all pleasant sounds spoke to them with Menie’s voice. The flowers which she had planted,—the May-flower and the violets by the garden path, looked at them with Menie’s eyes. ”

“ Why should such a woman be pitied or despised, I wonder?”
“Miss Graeme, you look as though you thought I was among the pitiers and despisers of such women, and you are wrong. Every word you say in their praise and honour is truth, and canna be gainsaid. But that doesna prove what you began with, that the chances of happiness in married and single life are equal.” ”

“ Out of the entire trust which Fanny had come to place in her sister Graeme, grew the knowledge of a higher and better trust. The love and care which, during those days of sickness and suffering, and before those days, were made precious and assured, were made the means of revealing to her a love which can never fail to do otherwise than the very best for its object—a care more than sufficient for all the emergencies of life, and beyond life. ”

“ Janet aye said that the first gloom of the cloud, troubled me more than the falling of the shower should do. Such folly to suppose that anything could happen to our Harry! I won’t think about it. And even if Harry has to go away, I will believe with Arthur, that will be for the best. He will be near Norman, at any rate, and that will be a great deal. Norman will be glad. And I will not fear changes. Why should I? They cannot come to us unsent. I will trust in God.”
But quite apart from the thought of Harry’s temptation or prospects, there was in Graeme’s heart a sense of pain. ”