Hilda

“ The morning came laughing into Hilda's room, and woke her with such a flash of sunshine and trill of bird-song that she sprang up smiling, whether she would or no. Indeed, she felt happier than she could have believed to be possible. The anger, the despair, even the self-humiliation and anguish of repentance, were gone with the night. Morning was here,—a new day and a new life. "Here is the new Hildegarde!" ”

“ These words burst forth involuntarily, as he looked at her in the anguish of his despair.
Hilda's eyes fastened themselves on his, and looked at him out of the depths of a despair which was deeper than his own--a despair which had now made life valueless.
"You can not--you will not," exclaimed Gualtier, passionately.
"I can," said Hilda, "and it is very possible that I will."
"You do not know what it is that you speak about."
"I am not afraid of death," said Hilda, coldly, "if that is what you mean. It can not be worse than this life of mine." ”

“ For a few moments Zillah said not a word, though those few moments seemed like hours to Hilda. Then, with a sudden impulse, she advanced toward her. Her impulse was one of pity and kindliness. She could not help seeing the anguish of Hilda. For a moment she forgot all but this, and a vague desire to assure her of forgiveness arose within her. But that movement of hers was terrible to Hilda. It was the advance of the wrathful avenger of blood, the irresistible punisher of wrong; the advent of a frightful thing, whose presence was horror, whose approach was death. ”

“ Hilda persisted, taking the long tresses in her hand, and running them through her fingers in a tantalizing manner,—"the other hair, Master Obadiah?"
"Oh, dear! what a persistent thing a girl is! I—must you really know? Because you mightn't like it, if I told you the truth." The ingenuous youth here turned a somersault, and coming up on one knee, remained in an attitude of supplication, clasping his hands imploringly. Hilda laughed, but still caressed her locks, unmoved. ”

“ Hilda was willing for this; she pushed a chair to the bedside, and, still clasping the doll in one arm, crept in.
The setting sun glowed ruddily through the western window, and the ticking of the clock upon the mantel, and the purring of the kitten before the smouldering wood fire upon the hearth were the only sounds which broke the stillness of the pleasant room.
“Your father named you Hilda for your sweet, young mother,” said Mrs. Ashley, taking the child’s hand in hers. “He loved his little daughter so tenderly that he gave her her mother’s name. ”

“ But do not be alarmed on Hilda’s account; the Virgin is bound to watch over the good child, for the sake of the piety with which she keeps the lamp alight at her shrine. And besides, I have always felt that Hilda is just as safe in these evil streets of Rome as her white doves when they fly downwards from the tower top, and run to and fro among the horses’ feet. ”

“ To be sure, Hilda, in that enigmatic letter of hers, had implored me not to seek her out; but I think you will admit there is one request which no man can grant to the girl he loves—and that is the request to keep away from her. If Hilda did not want me, I wanted Hilda; and, being a man, I meant to find her.
My chances of discovering her whereabouts, however, I had to confess to myself (when it came to the point) were extremely slender. She had vanished from my horizon, melted into space. My sole hint of a clue consisted in the fact that the letter she sent me had been posted at Basingstoke. ”

“ Hilda looked at him gratefully.
"At present," said the doctor, "you must not think or talk about any thing. Above all, you must restrain your feelings. It is your anxiety about Lord Chetwynde that is killing you. Save yourself for his sake."
"But may I not be carried into his room?" pleaded Hilda, in imploring tones.
"No; not to-day. Leave it to me. Believe me, my lady, I am anxious for his recovery and for yours. His recovery depends most of all upon you."
"Yes," said Hilda, in a faint voice; "far more than you know. There is a medicine which he must have." ”

“ I persisted. "Why fight against your own heart? Hilda, I am sure—I know you love me."
Her bosom rose and fell. Her eyes dilated. "Love you?" she cried, looking away over the bushy ridges, as if afraid to trust herself. "Oh, yes, Hubert, I love you! ”

“ With a sick man's impatience, he was troubled by the clumsiness of the hired nurse, and contrasted it with Hilda's instant readiness, and gentle touch, and soft voice of love.
At last, one day when Hilda was giving him some medicine, the vial dropped from her hands, and she sank down senseless by his bedside. She was carried away, and it was long before she came to herself.
"You must be careful of your lady, my lord," said the doctor, after he had seen her. "She has worn herself out for you, and will die some day by your bedside. Never have I seen such tenderness, and such fond devotion. ”

“ The primitive things she saw helped her to a fulness of life; the south wind brought her profound sweet presciences. A coolie woman, carrying a basket on her head, stopped and looked at her with full, glistening eyes; they smiled at each other and passed on. She found herself upon a narrow path, worn smooth by other barefooted coolie-folk; it made in its devious way toward the rich mists where the sun had gone down and Hilda followed it, breasting the glow and the colour and wide, flat expanse, as if in the India of it there breathed something exquisitely sensuous and satisfying. ”

“ Hilda, when she had time, had the keenest satisfaction in contemplating them. She took the edge off the fact that she was not quite one, in aim and method, with these dear women, as they supposed her to be, with the reflection that, after all, it might be worth while to work out a solution of life in those terms, standing aside from the world—the world was troublesome—and keeping an unfaltering eye upon the pity of things, an unfaltering hand at its assuagement. It was simple and fine and indisputable, this work of throwing the clear shadow of the Cross upon the muddy sunlight of the world. ”

“ Carl and Mrs. Courtney came to take tea at “My Lady’s Manor” Hilda should be invited, and she always accepted the invitation. Thus in time she looked upon the villa as a second home, as when a child in the cottage of her Aunt Ashley she passed so much time there with Anna Ashburton.
Happy summers passed, and winters equally pleasant, and Hilda was growing into healthy, symmetrical and beautiful young womanhood, the cultivation of her fine mind keeping pace with her growth. ”

“ She was living for the moment which should exhale itself somewhere about midnight, after the lights had gone out on her last appearance, living for it as a Carmelite might live for the climax of her veil and her vows if it were conceivable that beyond the cell and the grating she saw the movement and the colour and the passion of a wider life. All Hilda's splendid vitality went into her intention, of which she was altogether mistress, riding it and reining it in a straight course through the encumbered hours. ”

“ Thou knowest not, Hilda, the mysteries of a tender heart; may it be long indeed before thy heart is seared by human passion!" It was fortunate that darkness hid the burning blush which suffused Hilda's face and neck at this pious wish. Judith proceeded:—"Thy father wedded and thou wast born. He poured on thy infant form all the wealth of his great generous heart. Algar nursed his revenge: he dared not act openly, for our house was as noble as his own—nay, nobler!" she added haughtily, "but he bided his time. Haco's tower was near the shore, a pleasant, lovely, spot. ”

“ Then the lover tried to comfort himself with the idea that Hilda’s sanctity was a sufficient safeguard. Ah, yes; she was so pure! The angels, that were of the same sisterhood, would never let Hilda come to harm. A miracle would be wrought on her behalf, as naturally as a father would stretch out his hand to save a best-beloved child. Providence would keep a little area and atmosphere about her as safe and wholesome as heaven itself, although the flood of perilous iniquity might hem her round, and its black waves hang curling above her head! ”

“ It was awful to her to be, for the first time in her life, alone in the world. Hitherto, amidst her bitterest afflictions, she had always had some one whom she loved. After her father's death she had Lord Chetwynde and Mrs. Hart; and with these she always had Hilda. But now all were gone, and Hilda was gone. To a passionate and intense nature like hers, sorrow was capable of giving pangs which are unknown to colder hearts, and so she suffered to a degree which was commensurate with her ardent temperament. ”

“ Hilda arose, a flush of joy illumined her sweet face, she advanced a step toward Mr. Courtney, then withdrew.
“She does not love me, Archie,” said Mr. Courtney, noticing the action, “youth and loveliness can have no affinity with middle age.”
“Please tell him, Archie,” said Hilda, gently, “that youth trusts to middle age for faithful love and protection. Hair tinged with silver is beautiful in my eyes.” ”

“ She sprang up, and Philip rather reluctantly left his steamer-chair and followed her out to the walk along the cliff.
This was Hilda as he remembered her—as he had first known her, fallen in love with her, wooed her. There could be no supine ease in her company—at least for the present! She had said she wanted him to take his ease—oh, yes, Hilda's creed was freedom, “live and let live,” and all that. But, as a matter of fact, where was there a deity with a more absolute will, even in trifles—a more passionate desire for her own way? This was Hilda, this was the girl who had enthralled him. ”

“ Fred laughed in his usual amiable and lighthearted manner, but Hilda was too much disturbed to smile.
“It was never excusable in you, Fred, even with youth on your side; but at your age it is positively culpable. You will lose the respect of all right-minded people, for if there is a person who merits ridicule, it is a light-headed, trifling old beau.”
“But Cousin Hilda, how can I convince you that I am in earnest this time? I really love Miss Erma and intend asking her to be my wife.” ”

“ The bow of the boat passed close against the log, and on beyond. Hilda thought she should never forget the dumb agony of those eyes. They should not be here at all, she thought. It was not decent for human beings to thrust themselves into the sorrows and mysteries of the woods and water. She could not—
Roger leaned forward, paddle in hand; a moment, and all was over. Something slid into the water, and there was a little plashing murmur among the reeds; then stillness again.
The canoe began to move backward, and Hilda opened her eyes, which had been tightly closed. ”

“ Hilda came down among them from the summit of her achievement, clasping their various hands. They were all personally responsible for her success, she made them feel that, and they expanded in the conviction. She moved in a kind of tide of infectious vitality, subtly drawing from every human flavour in the room the power to hold and show something akin to it in herself, a fugitive assimilation floating in the lamplight with the odour of the flowers and the soup, to be extinguished with the occasion. ”

“ She was old, she was slender, her veil was thrown back, and the white face was plainly visible to Hilda as she passed. Hilda stood rooted to the spot, though the other woman did not notice her emotion, nor could she have seen her face through the veil. She stood paralyzed, and looking after the retreating figure as it moved away.
"The dead and the lost," she murmured, as she stood there with clasped hands--"the dead and the lost all come to me! Mrs. Hart! About her face there can be no mistake. What is she doing here--in the same town with Lord Chetwynde? Am I ruined yet or not? ”

“ Hilda saw peasants, citizens, soldiers, nobles, women with bare heads, ladies in their silks, entering the churches individually, kneeling for moments or for hours, and directing their inaudible devotions to the shrine of some saint of their own choice. In his hallowed person, they felt themselves possessed of an own friend in heaven. They were too humble to approach the Deity directly. ”

“ Lady Hilda's eyebrows expressed unutterable contempt; these were sentiments to her entirely incomprehensible.
"How very agreeable—to make the streets the barometer of one's looks—'fair or foul.' So you live in apprehension of a railway porter's indifference, and only approve of yourself if a racing tout smiles! My dear Mila, I never did believe you would have gone lower in the scale of human adorers than your Gommeux and Poisseux."
"At all events I am not so vain as you are, Hilda," retorted the Comtesse. "You approve of yourself eternally, whether all the world hates you or not. ”

“ That cheerfulness which Hilda had assumed in her letter to the governess smote her lover to the heart. A man's mind is not subtle enough to cope with the subtleties of a woman's conduct. Hilda's chief aim in writing that letter had been to hoodwink the Fräulein, to satisfy her with the assurance that she, Hilda, was going away from home in tranquil spirits and with hopeful views of the future. Bothwell saw in this cheery letter the evidence of a stony heart, a heart that had never loved him. ”

“ Hilda: Don't tell me my master builder daren't, cannot climb as high as he builds. You promised me a kingdom, and then you went and—well! Don't tell me you can ever be dizzy!
Solness: This evening, then, we'll hang up the wreath, Princess Hilda.
Hilda (bitterly) : Over your new home—yes.
Solness: Over the new house, which will never be a home for me.
Hilda (looks straight in front of her with a far-away expression, and whispers to herself. The only words audible are) : Frightfully thrilling ”