Molière

“ SCENE II.--OCTAVE, SCAPIN, SILVESTRE.
SCA. How now, Mr. Octave? What is the matter with you? What is it? What trouble are you in? You are all upset, I see.
OCT. Ah! my dear Scapin, I am in despair; I am lost; I am the most unfortunate of mortals.
SCA. How is that?
OCT. Don't you know anything of what has happened to me?
SCA. No.
OCT. My father is just returning with Mr. Géronte, and they want to marry me. ”

“ We must spare no trouble, scour the town, and not forget one single spot Let us search on all sides. Which way shall we go? Let us go that way. No, this. On the left. On the right. No; yes." (To GÉRONTE in his ordinary voice) Hide yourself well. "Ah! here is his servant. I say, you rascal, you must tell us where your master is. Speak. Be quick. At once. Make haste. Now." Ah! gentlemen, one moment. (GÉRONTE looks quietly out of the bag, and sees SCAPIN'S trick.) "If you do not tell us at once where your master is, we will shower a rain of blows on your back." ”

“ SCA. I don't know if such is his intention, but he won't consent to give the two hundred pistoles you asked; he says it's too much.
SIL. S'death! s'blood! If I can but find him, I'll make mince-meat of him, were I to be broken alive on the wheel afterwards.
(ARGANTE hides, trembling, behind SCAPIN.)
SCA. Sir, the father of Octave is a brave man, and perhaps he will not be afraid of you.
SIL. Ah! will he not? S'blood! s'death! If he were here, I would in a moment run my sword through his body. (Seeing ARGANTE.) Who is that man?
SCA. He's not the man, Sir; he's not the man. ”

“ GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for? Ah! cursed galley! Scoundrel of a Turk! May the devil take you!
SCAPIN (alone) . He can't get over the five hundred crowns I wrench from him; but he has not yet done with me, and I will make him pay in a different money his imposture about me to his son.
SCENE XII.--OCTAVE, LÉANDRE, SCAPIN.
OCT. Well, Scapin, have your plans been successful?
LEA. Have you done anything towards alleviating my sorrow?
SCA. (to OCTAVE) . Here are two hundred pistoles I have got from your father.
OCT. Ah! how happy you make me. ”

“ Security in love forms a very unpleasant calm. Constant happiness becomes wearisome. We want ups and downs in life; and the difficulties which generally beset our path in this world revive us, and increase our sense of pleasure.
ZER. Do tell us, Scapin, all about that stratagem of yours, which, I was told, is so very amusing; and how you managed to get some money out of your old miser. You know that the trouble of telling me something amusing is not lost upon me, and that I well repay those who take that trouble by the pleasure it gives me. ”

“ ARG. Your servant Scapin, in his vexation, only told me the thing roughly, and you can learn all the particulars from him or from some one else. For my part, I will at once go to my solicitor, and see what steps I can take in the matter. Good-bye.
SCENE II.--GÉRONTE (alone) .
GER. What can it be? Worse than what his son has done! I am sure I don't know what anyone can do more wrong than that; and to marry without the consent of one's father is the worst thing that I can possibly imagine. ”

“ OCT. Two hundred pistoles.
SCA. I must extract this money from your respective fathers' pockets. (To OCTAVE) As far as yours is concerned, my plan is all ready. (To LÉANDRE) And as for yours, although he is the greatest miser imaginable, we shall find it easier still; for you know that he is not blessed with too much intellect, and I look upon him as a man who will believe anything. This cannot offend you; there is not a suspicion of a resemblance between him and you; and you know what the world thinks, that he is your father only in name.
LEA. Gently, Scapin. ”

“ The registrar will issue writs and decrees against you for contumacy. The recorder's clerk will make away with some of your papers, or the instructing officer himself will not say what he has seen, and when, by dint of the wariest possible precautions, you have escaped all these traps, you will be amazed that your judges have been set against you either by bigots or by the women they love. Ah! Sir, save yourself from such a hell, if you can. 'Tis damnation in this world to have to go to law; and the mere thought of a lawsuit is quite enough to drive me to the other end of the world. ”

“ No. Gé...Géronte. Yes, Géronte, that's my miser's name. I have it now; it is the old churl I mean. Well, to come back to our story. Our people wished to leave this town to-day, and my lover would have lost me through his lack of money if, in order to wrench some out of his father, he had not made use of a clever servant he has. As for that servant's name, I remember it very well. His name is Scapin. He is a most wonderful man, and deserves the highest praise. ”

“ It shall never be said that a man has with impunity put me into a position of betraying myself, and of revealing secrets which it were better should not be known.
SCENE II.--GÉRONTE, SCAPIN.
GER. Well! Scapin, and how have we succeeded about my son's mischance?
SCA. Your son is safe, Sir; but you now run the greatest danger imaginable, and I sincerely wish you were safe in your house.
GER. How is that?
SCA. While I am speaking to you, there are people who are looking out for you everywhere.
GER. For me?
SCA. Yes.
GER. But who?
SCA. The brother of that young girl whom Octave has married. ”

“ Fate placed me among one of those bands of people who are called gypsies, and who, tramping from province to province, tell you your fortune, and do many other things besides. When we came to this town, I met a young man, who, on seeing me, fell in love with me. From that moment he followed me everywhere; and, like all young men, he imagined that he had but to speak and things would go on as he liked ”

“ But the sad part of the business was that my lover found himself exactly in the same condition as most young men of good family, that is, without any money at all. His father, although rich, is the veriest old skinflint and greatest miser you ever heard of. Wait a moment--what is his name? I don't remember it--can't you help me? Can't you name some one in this town who is known to be the most hard-fisted old miser in the place? ”

“ GER. Five hundred crowns! Has he no conscience?
SCA. Ah! ah! Conscience in a Turk!
GER. Does he understand what five hundred crowns are?
SCA. Yes, Sir, he knows that five hundred crowns are one thousand five hundred francs. [Footnote: The écu stands usually for petit écu, which equalled three franks. "Crown," employed in a general sense, seems the only translation possible.]
GER. Does the scoundrel think that one thousand five hundred francs are to be found in the gutter?
SCA. Such people will never listen to reason.
GER. But what the deuce did he want to go in that galley for? ”

“ I feel for you a tenderness which renders it impossible for me to leave you without help.
GER. Be sure that I will reward you for it, Scapin, and I promise you this coat of mine when it is a little more worn.
SCA. Wait a minute. I have just thought, at the proper moment, of the very thing to save you. You must get into this sack, and I....
GER. (thinking he sees somebody) . Ah!
SCA. No, no, no, no; 'tis nobody. As I was saying, you must get in here, and must be very careful not to stir. I will put you on my shoulders, and carry you like a bundle of something or other. ”

“ Argante.
SIL. (alone) . Well, this is a strange affair.
SCENE IX.--SCAPIN, SILVESTRE.
SCA. Well, Silvestre, what are our people doing?
SIL. I have two things to tell you. One is that Octave is all right; our Hyacintha is, it seems, the daughter of Géronte, and chance has brought to pass what the wisdom of the fathers had decided. The other, that the old men threaten you with the greatest punishments-- particularly Mr. Géronte.
SCA. Oh, that's nothing. Threats have never done me any harm as yet; they are but clouds which pass away far above our heads. ”

“ He sees a young person who wishes him well; for he inherits it from you that all women love him. He thinks her charming, goes to see her, makes love to her, sighs as lovers sigh, and does the passionate swain. ”

“ You give me there a fine reason. One has nothing better to do now than to commit the greatest crime imaginable--to cheat, steal, and murder--and give for an excuse that we were urged to it by destiny. ”

“ Can you put an old head on young shoulders, and expect young people to have all the prudence necessary to do nothing but what is reasonable? Just look at our Léandre, who, in spite of all my lessons, has done even worse than that. ”

“ ARG. But why did you keep her in Tarentum, instead of enjoying the happiness of having her with you?
GER. I had my reasons for it; some family interests forced me till now to keep my second marriage secret. But what do I see?
SCENE VIII.--ARGANTE, GÉRONTE, NÉRINE, SILVESTRE.
GER. What! you here, Nérine?
NER. (on her knees before GÉRONTE) . Ah! Mr. Pandolphe, how....
GER. Call me Géronte, and do not use the other name any more. The reasons which forced me to take it at Tarentum exist no longer.
NER. Alas! what sorrow that change of name has caused us ”

“ Your solicitor will act in concert with your adversary, and sell you for ready money. Your counsel, bribed in the same way, will be nowhere to be found when your case comes on, or else will bring forward arguments which are the merest shooting in the air, and will never come to the point. ”

“ OCT. After a few words, with which I tried to soothe her grief, we left her; and when I asked Léandre what he thought of her, he answered coldly that she was rather pretty! I was wounded to find how unfeelingly he spoke to me of her, and I would not tell him the effect her beauty had had on my heart.
SIL. (to OCTAVE) . If you do not abridge your story, we shall have to stop here till to-morrow. Leave it to me to finish it in a few words. (To SCAPIN) His heart takes fire from that moment. He cannot live without going to comfort the amiable and sorrowful girl. ”

“ GER. Cursed galley!
SCA. (aside) That galley sticks in his throat.
GER. Here, Scapin; I had forgotten that I have just received this sum in gold, and I had no idea it would so soon be wrenched from me. (Taking his purse out of his pocket, and making as if he were giving it to SCAPIN.) But mind you tell that Turk that he is a scoundrel.
SCA. (holding out his hand) . Yes.
GER. (as above) . An infamous wretch.
SCA. (still holding out his hand) . Yes.
GER. (as above) . A man without conscience, a thief. ”

“ I am defending, as I ought, an honourable man who is maligned. "Are you one friend of dis Géronte?" Yes, Sir, I am. "Ah, ah! You are one friend of him, dat is goot luck!" (Beating the sack several times with the stick.) "Here is vat I give you for him." (Calling out as if he received the beating) Ah! ah! ah! ah! Sir. Ah! ah! Sir, gently! Ah! pray. Ah! ah! ah! "Dere, bear him dat from me. Goot-pye." Ah! the wretch. Ah!... ah!
GER. (looking out) . Ah! Scapin, I can bear it no longer.
SCA. Ah! Sir, I am bruised all over, and my shoulders are as sore as can be. ”

“ He thinks that you are trying to break off that match, because you intend to give to your daughter the place she occupies in the heart of Octave; and he has resolved to wreak his vengeance upon you. All his friends, men of the sword like himself, are looking out for you, and are seeking you everywhere. I have met with scores here and there, soldiers of his company, who question every one they meet, and occupy in companies all the thoroughfares leading to your house, so that you cannot go home either to the right or the left without falling into their hands.
GER. What can I do, my dear Scapin? ”

“ Our young man is in despair; he presses, begs, beseeches--all in vain. He is told that the young girl, although without friends and without fortune, is of an honourable family, and that, unless he marries her, he must cease his visits. ”

“ SIL. Why the deuce do you engage in such a business?
SCA. Why the deuce do you trouble yourself about it?
SIL. It is because I can see that you will without necessity bring a storm of blows upon yourself.
SCA. Ah, well, it will be on my shoulders, and not on yours.
SIL. It is true that you are master of your own shoulders, and at liberty to dispose of them as you please.
SCA. Such dangers never stop me, and I hate those fearful hearts which, by dint of thinking of what may happen, never undertake anything.
ZER. (to SCAPIN) . But we shall want you. ”

“ His love increases with the difficulties. He racks his brains; debates, reasons, ponders, and makes up his mind. And, to cut a long story short, he has been married these three days.
SCA. I see.
SIL. Now, add to this the unforeseen return of the father, who was not to be back before two whole months; the discovery which the uncle has made of the marriage; and that other marriage projected between him and a daughter which Mr. Géronte had by a second wife, whom, they say, he married at Tarentum. ”

“ I have made a small calculation in my head of all that justice costs, and I find that by giving two hundred pistoles to your man you will have a large margin left--say, at least a hundred and fifty pistoles--without taking into consideration the cares, troubles, and anxieties, which you will spare yourself. ”

“ He will have to give something else besides money, and for me to answer to his love as he wishes me, he must give me his word, with an accompaniment of certain little ceremonies which are thought indispensable. ”