Molière

“ We must spare no trouble, scour the town, and not forget one single spot Let us search on all sides. Which way shall we go? Let us go that way. No, this. On the left. On the right. No; yes." (To GÉRONTE in his ordinary voice) Hide yourself well. "Ah! here is his servant. I say, you rascal, you must tell us where your master is. Speak. Be quick. At once. Make haste. Now." Ah! gentlemen, one moment. (GÉRONTE looks quietly out of the bag, and sees SCAPIN'S trick.) "If you do not tell us at once where your master is, we will shower a rain of blows on your back." ”

“ CAR. Alas! Sir, you will not have that trouble. As he was passing near a building, a bricklayer's hammer fell on his head and broke his skull, leaving his brain exposed. He is dying, and he has asked to be brought in here to speak to you before he dies.
SCENE XIV.—ARGANTE, GÉRONTE, LÉANDRE, OCTAVE, HYACINTHA, ZERBINETTE,
NÉRINE. SILVESTRE, CARLE, SCAPIN.
SCA. (brought in by some men, his head wrapped up, as if he were wounded) . Oh, oh! gentlemen, you see me.... Oh! You see me in a sad state. Oh! I would not die without coming to ask forgiveness of all those I may have offended. Oh! ”

“ SCA. Wait a little; it is coming. Whilst we were eating, the galley left the harbour, and when in the open sea, the Turk made me go down into a boat, and sent me to tell you that unless you sent by me five hundred crowns, he would take your son prisoner to Algiers.
GER. What! five hundred crowns!
SCA. Yes, Sir; and, moreover, he only gave me two hours to find them in.
GER. Ah! the scoundrel of a Turk to murder me in that fashion!
SCA. It is for you, Sir, to see quickly about the means of saving from slavery a son whom you love so tenderly. ”

“ ZER. (to SCAPIN) . But we shall want you.
SCA. Oh, yes! but I shall soon be with you again. It shall never be said that a man has with impunity put me into a position of betraying myself, and of revealing secrets which it were better should not be known.
SCENE II.—GÉRONTE, SCAPIN.
GER. Well! Scapin, and how have we succeeded about my son's mischance?
SCA. Your son is safe, Sir; but you now run the greatest danger imaginable, and I sincerely wish you were safe in your house. ”

“ Scapin, if you could find some scheme, invent some plot, to get me out of the trouble I am in, I should think myself indebted to you for more than life.
SCA. To tell you the truth, there are few things impossible to me when I once set about them. Heaven has bestowed on me a fair enough share of genius for the making up of all those neat strokes of mother wit, for all those ingenious gallantries to which the ignorant and vulgar give the name of impostures ”

“ SCA. I don't know if such is his intention, but he won't consent to give the two hundred pistoles you asked; he says it's too much.
SIL. S'death! s'blood! If I can but find him, I'll make mince-meat of him, were I to be broken alive on the wheel afterwards.
(ARGANTE hides, trembling, behind SCAPIN.)
SCA. Sir, the father of Octave is a brave man, and perhaps he will not be afraid of you.
SIL. Ah! will he not? S'blood! s'death! If he were here, I would in a moment run my sword through his body. (Seeing ARGANTE.) Who is that man?
SCA. He's not the man, Sir; he's not the man. ”

“ SCENE II.--OCTAVE, SCAPIN, SILVESTRE.
SCA. How now, Mr. Octave? What is the matter with you? What is it? What trouble are you in? You are all upset, I see.
OCT. Ah! my dear Scapin, I am in despair; I am lost; I am the most unfortunate of mortals.
SCA. How is that?
OCT. Don't you know anything of what has happened to me?
SCA. No.
OCT. My father is just returning with Mr. Géronte, and they want to marry me. ”

“ GER. What the deuce did he want to go in that galley for? Ah! cursed galley! Scoundrel of a Turk! May the devil take you!
SCAPIN (alone) . He can't get over the five hundred crowns I wrench from him; but he has not yet done with me, and I will make him pay in a different money his imposture about me to his son.
SCENE XII.--OCTAVE, LÉANDRE, SCAPIN.
OCT. Well, Scapin, have your plans been successful?
LEA. Have you done anything towards alleviating my sorrow?
SCA. (to OCTAVE) . Here are two hundred pistoles I have got from your father.
OCT. Ah! how happy you make me. ”

“ Do as you please. "You want to be beaten, then?" I will never betray my master. "Ah! you will have it—there." Oh!
(As he is going to strike, GÉRONTE gets out of the bag, and SCAPIN runs away.)
GER. (alone) . Ah! infamous wretch! ah I rascal! ah! scoundrel! It is thus that you murder me?
SCENE III.—ZERBINETTE, GÉRONTE.
ZER. (laughing, without seeing GÉRONTE) . Ah, ah! I must really come and breathe a little.
GER. (aside, not seeing ZERBINETTE) . Ah! I will make you pay for it.
ZER. (not seeing GÉRONTE) . Ah, ah, ah, ah! What an amusing story! What a good dupe that old man is! ”

“ ARG. Your servant Scapin, in his vexation, only told me the thing roughly, and you can learn all the particulars from him or from some one else. For my part, I will at once go to my solicitor, and see what steps I can take in the matter. Good-bye.
SCENE II.—GÉRONTE (alone) .
GER. What can it be? Worse than what his son has done! I am sure I don't know what anyone can do more wrong than that; and to marry without the consent of one's father is the worst thing that I can possibly imagine. ”

“ Security in love forms a very unpleasant calm. Constant happiness becomes wearisome. We want ups and downs in life; and the difficulties which generally beset our path in this world revive us, and increase our sense of pleasure.
ZER. Do tell us, Scapin, all about that stratagem of yours, which, I was told, is so very amusing; and how you managed to get some money out of your old miser. You know that the trouble of telling me something amusing is not lost upon me, and that I well repay those who take that trouble by the pleasure it gives me. ”

“ SCA. Trust me; he hasn't to do with an idiot.
ARG. I will go home and wait for you.
SCA. I shall be sure to go. (Alone.) That one's all right; now for the other. Ah! here he is. They are sent one after the other to fall into my net.
SCENE XI.—GÉRONTE, SCAPIN.
SCA. (affecting not to see GÉRONTE) . O Heaven! O unforeseen misfortune! O unfortunate father! Poor Géronte, what will you do?
GER. (aside) . What is he saying there with that doleful face?
SCA. Can no one tell me whereto find Mr. Géronte?
GER. What is the matter, Scapin? ”

“ There is not one of these who, for the merest trifle, couldn't knock over the best case in the world. A serjeant will issue false writs without your knowing anything of it. Your solicitor will act in concert with your adversary, and sell you for ready money. Your counsel, bribed in the same way, will be nowhere to be found when your case comes on, or else will bring forward arguments which are the merest shooting in the air, and will never come to the point. The registrar will issue writs and decrees against you for contumacy. ”

“ OCT. Two hundred pistoles.
SCA. I must extract this money from your respective fathers' pockets. (To OCTAVE) As far as yours is concerned, my plan is all ready. (To LÉANDRE) And as for yours, although he is the greatest miser imaginable, we shall find it easier still; for you know that he is not blessed with too much intellect, and I look upon him as a man who will believe anything. This cannot offend you; there is not a suspicion of a resemblance between him and you; and you know what the world thinks, that he is your father only in name.
LEA. Gently, Scapin. ”

“ No. Gé...Géronte. Yes, Géronte, that's my miser's name. I have it now; it is the old churl I mean. Well, to come back to our story. Our people wished to leave this town to-day, and my lover would have lost me through his lack of money if, in order to wrench some out of his father, he had not made use of a clever servant he has. As for that servant's name, I remember it very well. His name is Scapin. He is a most wonderful man, and deserves the highest praise. ”

“ But the sad part of the business was that my lover found himself exactly in the same condition as most young men of good family, that is, without any money at all. His father, although rich, is the veriest old skinflint and greatest miser you ever heard of. Wait a moment—what is his name? I don't remember it—can't you help me? Can't you name some one in this town who is known to be the most hard-fisted old miser in the place? ”

“ Géronte and tell him of my misfortune.
SCA. Sir, if I can be useful to you in any way, you have but to order me.
ARG. I thank you. (Aside) Ah! Why is he my only son? Oh! that I had with me the daughter that Heaven has taken away from me, so that I might make her my heir.
SCENE VII.—SCAPIN, SYLVESTRE.
SIL. You are a great man, I must confess; and things are in a fair way to succeed. But, on the other hand, we are greatly pressed for money, and we have people dunning us. ”

“ The recorder's clerk will make away with some of your papers, or the instructing officer himself will not say what he has seen, and when, by dint of the wariest possible precautions, you have escaped all these traps, you will be amazed that your judges have been set against you either by bigots or by the women they love. ”

“ You give me there a fine reason. One has nothing better to do now than to commit the greatest crime imaginable--to cheat, steal, and murder--and give for an excuse that we were urged to it by destiny. ”

“ I'll give you your fill. Come on, you rabble! come on. That's what you want, you there. You shall have your fill of it, I say. Stick to it, you brutes; stick to it. Now, then, parry; now, then, you. (Turning towards ARGANTE and SCAPIN.) Parry this; parry. You draw back? Stand firm, man! S'death! What! Never flinch, I say.
SCA. Sir, we have nothing to do with it.
SIL. That will teach you to trifle with me.
SCENE X.—ARGANTE, SCAPIN.
SCA. Well, Sir, you see how many people are killed for two hundred pistoles. Now I wish you a good morning.
ARG. (all trembling) . Scapin. ”

“ ARG. But why did you keep her in Tarentum, instead of enjoying the happiness of having her with you?
GER. I had my reasons for it; some family interests forced me till now to keep my second marriage secret. But what do I see?
SCENE VIII.—ARGANTE, GÉRONTE, NÉRINE, SILVESTRE.
GER. What! you here, Nérine?
NER. (on her knees before GÉRONTE) . Ah! Mr. Pandolphe, how....
GER. Call me Géronte, and do not use the other name any more. The reasons which forced me to take it at Tarentum exist no longer.
NER. Alas! what sorrow that change of name has caused us ”

“ Argante.
SIL. (alone) . Well, this is a strange affair.
SCENE IX.—SCAPIN, SILVESTRE.
SCA. Well, Silvestre, what are our people doing?
SIL. I have two things to tell you. One is that Octave is all right; our Hyacintha is, it seems, the daughter of Géronte, and chance has brought to pass what the wisdom of the fathers had decided. The other, that the old men threaten you with the greatest punishments—particularly Mr. Géronte.
SCA. Oh, that's nothing. Threats have never done me any harm as yet; they are but clouds which pass away far above our heads. ”

“ I feel for you a tenderness which renders it impossible for me to leave you without help.
GER. Be sure that I will reward you for it, Scapin, and I promise you this coat of mine when it is a little more worn.
SCA. Wait a minute. I have just thought, at the proper moment, of the very thing to save you. You must get into this sack, and I....
GER. (thinking he sees somebody) . Ah!
SCA. No, no, no, no; 'tis nobody. As I was saying, you must get in here, and must be very careful not to stir. I will put you on my shoulders, and carry you like a bundle of something or other. ”

“ SIL. I pray you, Scapin, don't go and embroil me with justice.
SCA. Never mind, we will share our perils like brothers, and three years more or less on the galleys are not sufficient to check a noble heart.
ACT II.
SCENE I.—GÉRONTE, ARGANTE.
GER. Yes, there is no doubt but that with this weather we shall have our people with us to-day; and a sailor who has arrived from Tarentum told me just now that he had seen our man about to start with the ship. ”

“ He sees a young person who wishes him well; for he inherits it from you that all women love him. He thinks her charming, goes to see her, makes love to her, sighs as lovers sigh, and does the passionate swain. ”

“ Can you put an old head on young shoulders, and expect young people to have all the prudence necessary to do nothing but what is reasonable? Just look at our Léandre, who, in spite of all my lessons, has done even worse than that. ”

“ Vanish both of you; (to OCTAVE) and you, please, tell Silvestre to come quickly, and take his part in the affair.
SCENE VIII.--ARGANTE, SCAPIN.
SCA. (aside) . Here he is, turning it over in his mind.
ARG. (thinking himself alone) . Such behaviour and such lack of consideration! To entangle himself in an engagement like that! Ah! rash youth.
SCA. Your servant, Sir.
ARG. Good morning, Scapin.
SCA. You are thinking of your son's conduct.
ARG. Yes, I acknowledge that it grieves me deeply.
SCA. Ah! Sir, life is full of troubles; and we should always be prepared for them. ”

“ Our young man is in despair; he presses, begs, beseeches—all in vain. He is told that the young girl, although without friends and without fortune, is of an honourable family, and that, unless he marries her, he must cease his visits. ”