Mrs. Alexander

“ The good God has sent us such joy; for you and I always were joyful or sad together. Ah, I can no longer speak of myself alone; I have another self, a better, nobler, stronger self. A true heart to lean upon. The wish you have never openly expressed will be accomplished, my own nurse. I have promised to be his wife. Colonel Egerton's, of whom grandpapa was so fond; he would be proud and glad if he knew it; and dare we say he does not? I yearn to hear your voice, and that you too should bask in the sunshine, after such a long sad winter; for he is so fond of you, and always calls you his nurse. ”

“ I do not know whether I love or hate him. I must speak out to you, my own, dear one; let me tell you all that I have suffered!"
"Dearest Georgy, though I hear you with pain, yes, a thousand times; but not now; every moment may bring the earl here, and he must not see you thus agitated; do not let him [90] see any emotion; you must not let him think he has so much power; I dread his influence over you. He is not good. I always think of Milton's Satan, when I hear him speak."
"And what a grand creature Milton's Satan is," cried Lady Desmond; "but, Kate, let me speak now." ”

“ I tell you, if he presents himself here to-morrow evening, neither of you shall see the slightest change in my manner—neither of you shall see a trace of the torture—"
"Georgy, dear Georgy," cried Kate, whose candid mind revolted from the strange constraint forced on it by her cousin, "be just to me, be merciful to yourself, I know it is agony to doubt me."
"God knows it is," she returned, "but at present I cannot trust you or any one, my soul is embittered; time only can show me the truth; [191] and restore me to myself—to you. Kate, if you have deceived me; no! you could not! ”

“ Grief is something so repugnant to the young, that they involuntarily endeavour to throw it off. The morning sun gilds all things with its life-giving, beautifying light, it is only the lengthening shadows of evening to which tender sadness and lingering regret seem natural.
And Kate's true-hearted efforts to submit unmurmuringly to her bitter loss, were seconded by her happy age; and again peace, like a dove, still fluttering its wings before settling in its nest, was slowly and surely returning to her.
Lord Effingham's visits were not quite so frequent as before Lady Desmond's illness ”

“ God forgive them, for in my inmost heart I feel that He never punishes, He only sends messengers after us to keep us in the right path; the poverty was nothing; and even this! we shall yet understand it all!"
They stood there in silence, nurse supporting Lady Desmond, who leant against her, her bonnet thrown aside, her luxuriant black hair drawn back from her lofty forehead, her large dark eyes dilated, as if her soul gazed through them far away. Kate, a smile struggling through the tears streaming from hers, and one hand slightly raised towards Heaven. ”

“ Lord Effingham retired at this silent, but unmistakeable expression of her feelings, with a look of half startled, half sullen, yet not wholly uncompassionate; and Kate, stealing quickly through the open window of the morning-room, reached her own unnoticed.
Lady Desmond was in remarkably good spirits at dinner, and Kate was struck by the air of joyous exultation, that seemed as it were to illuminate her grand style of beauty.
"I am right glad to be well again, cousin mine," she exclaimed. "Glad to be in the world, though, alas! all the mental revolution I intended to make is unaccomplished." ”

“ See, how independent and grand you would be as Countess of Effingham, going down to dinner before Lady Desmond herself."
"I know, my dear Mrs. Storey, how well-meant is your advice; and, believe me, I am grateful for the interest you take in my prospects; but do not refuse my request; help me to avoid Lord Effingham."
"But what shall we do about to-morrow?" said poor Mrs. Storey, ruefully. She could not relinquish an Earl without a pang.
"I am sure Mr. Langley will raise some obstacle. At all events, I will remain in my own room, and you can act as his cicerone. ”

“ Lady Desmond raised her eyes with such a look of dark resentment, of concentrated indignation, that, innocent as she was, Kate recoiled before it with the confusion of guilt.
"Ay, shrink back from my presence," said her cousin, in low, deep tones, as if she dared not lose control of her voice. "Traitress! long practice might have taught you more art than to quail at my first glance. Lord Effingham can place full faith in a wife, who, for months, deliberately deceived and duped her friend, leading her to pour forth the last secrets she would have confided to a rival. ”

“ Think, Miss Vernon, think, before you utterly reject me; I love you, I did not know I was capable of the love with which you have inspired me; I am cold and indifferent to the world, the warmth and tenderness of my inmost heart shall be lavished on you; you like to help those who are in distress; think what ample means of good would be at the disposal of the Countess of Effingham! ”

“ I have overcome difficulties for far lesser objects; for you I will conquer myself—speak to me. I have borne suspense long, in silence—can you love me?"
"No," said Kate, deliberately drawing the hand he had seized, quickly from his grasp, [166] "I cannot love you, for I cannot trust you; you think you love me, because you see you have no influence over my heart; Lord Effingham, you do not know what love is, you must change your nature first." ”

“ I will not dwell on that miserable year—I cannot—for I only remember a dark chaos of black misery and despair—an eternal effort to seem what I was not. All this is incomprehensible to you, Kate—may it ever be so. I despise myself; at this moment I hate Lord Effingham; but yet I would give every hope here, almost every hope hereafter, to see him [127] at my feet—to hear him say, 'I love you,'—this wild longing to touch his heart; the conviction that no effort of mine can do so; the glimpse of his love; the long cold night of his indifference ”

“ I can support your presence no longer."
"I will leave you," said Kate, with mournful sweetness, "but I leave you this solemn assurance, that however you may misjudge me, [175] I would rather die than wed a man I dread so much, and love so little, as Lord Effingham."
"Ha," said Lady Desmond, drawing a long breath, her wild indignant rage stilled for a moment by the unmistakeable truth which spoke in Kate's voice and manner. "I must think. But go, guilty or innocent, we can never be the same to each other again." ”

“ He bit his lips in silence for a moment, and then, with a smile of unusual frankness, said—
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"A retort from Miss Vernon is like a hair trigger in the hands of an angel with shining wings and snowy drapery; leave such carnal weapons to your imperial cousin; truth, simple and earnest, is at once your shield and spear; better say at once what is now in your mind, without circumlocution. 'You despise a good and a useful woman, who is worth a whole nation of 'vaut riens,' like yourself.' Eh, Miss Vernon?"
"That is rather too strong," said Kate, laughing. ”

“ One morning, as Lady Desmond and nurse were standing in silent concern, by her bed-side, noticing sadly the deep traces of grief on her young face, she suddenly roused herself from the species of lethargy into which she had fallen, and stretching out her hand to Lady Desmond, said—
"Forgive me, Georgina, forgive me, nurse, I am very selfish and wrong to lie here so indolently; I will endeavour to do better, to be resigned. I will get up and go out in the carriage with you, Georgy, if you wish." ”

“ Our tale is ended, and Kate Vernon merged in "The Viscountess Egerton."
We may not promise that her future will be all unclouded, but, at least, she has a true, strong heart—a bold, clear spirit to aid her through the rugged paths of life; to stand beside her in the storm, and finally, to glide with her into the calm, still evening of time.
Lady Desmond is still a widow; she passes much of her time amongst her hitherto uncared-for tenantry, and her happiest hours are spent in the pleasant circle collected at Allerton. ”

“ Lady Desmond seemed to cling more to Miss Vernon since she had made the confession detailed in the last chapter; she had seemed more cheerful, and hopeful too, as if relieved by her confidence in another—her manner with Lord Effingham, had more of frankness and courage, and he, ever keen and quick, was evidently aware of some change in the mind, or heart, he knew so well; and for the moment seemed roused from his habitual indifference to a deeper and more palpable interest. Kate watched all this anxiously. "Is he afraid of losing her," she thought. ”

“ Kate would have faced the most deadly peril with far less tremor than her really much-loved cousin; she felt, however, that the message sounded friendly, little imagining that "Miladi's love" was an addition of Louise's, who never could conceive one to Miss Vernon unprefaced by some such sugary prefix. Kate found Lady Desmond lying on the sofa, looking deadly pale and exhausted; she held the note in her hand.
"You are right," she exclaimed abruptly, as Kate shut the door and stood before her; "we have much to arrange, for inaction is torture." ”

“ Kate felt that she quailed before the true picture he had sketched.
"Your eyes are less faithful to your cousin's cause than your lips—they admit much," continued Lord Effingham.
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"Then what I look I will speak," returned Kate, with sudden boldness. "Georgina, if she does care for you, is not a woman to give away her heart unasked. I have known and loved her all my life—that she is not indifferent to you, is, in my eyes, incontrovertible proof that you endeavoured to win her affections. ”

“ I have now known Lord Effingham for nearly two years; and I pronounce him incomprehensible, impenetrable; and yet," continued Lady Desmond, passionately, "as mystery has always proved the strongest attraction to man's mind, so I feel irresistibly impelled to gaze into an abyss, I cannot fathom, where everything seems uncertain and obscure; I am undecided whether he is the coldest of egotists, or a man of the strongest, deepest, most passionate feeling. Do you believe in mesmerism, Kate? I begin to do so; how otherwise can I account for the influence that unaccountable man exercises over me ”

“ Impossible! yet why was Lord Effingham admitted secretly? Why did Kate seem so ready and willing to be left alone? Why did she so pertinaciously endeavour to turn her from her unfortunate attachment; and Lady Desmond groaned aloud as these, to her tempest-tossed mind, incontrovertible proofs of treachery rose up before it. "But his influence is irresistible, and how was she to be wiser than I was. Why am I [171] called beautiful?" And she flew to the glass: it flung back the image of a countenance so darkened and disturbed by the storm within, that she shrank from it. ”

“ Grandpapa gone, nurse gone, Georgy, Mr. Winter, his kind wife, all I was ever linked with in happy days, far away."
"My love, don't go there; stay a bit longer with us; you know, if the house was only a little larger, I would not let you go away for ever so long; but—"
"Dear friend," said Kate, recovering herself—"I was surprised into this outburst—do not mind it—I am quite resolved to go to Mrs. Jorrocks. Nay, when I have conquered my foolish weakness, I shall be pleased to be near my old haunts. I will go to my room and think—I am always better when I think by myself." ”

“ Nurse will surely not object to a separation for a few weeks, she will not think it strange."
"Leave nurse to me," said Kate, anxious to relieve her cousin's mind of the slight uneasiness which inflected her voice; "she will be difficult to manage, but you may trust me with her."
"There is nothing to be managed," said Lady Desmond, with cold hauteur. "But we have agreed to endeavour to avoid any gossip that might arise from ——; though why should I fear any. You will write to Mrs. Storey, and see nurse, and to-morrow——." ”

“ Lord Effingham raised himself from his recumbent position, with a sudden gleam of light in his deep-set eyes.
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"Then what description of man do you think likely to feel such love?" asked Lady Desmond.
"One whom we both knew and loved, might have felt thus, Georgy, and he, indeed, was a good man."
"The contradictions of human nature are incomprehensible, even to profounder philosophers than you are, Miss Vernon," said the Earl, "and it is not always the most irreproachable characters who have loved most devotedly. ”

“ Yet, I fear he must be selfish, and cold-hearted, to think so little of your feelings. Oh, dear Georgy, try not to love him; how can you love where you do not trust? pray to God to help you, and make up your mind to endure a little present pain, in the hope of future peace; let us leave this place, and go away from him—he has no right to make you wretched—let us go."
"No—impossible," said Lady Desmond, faintly, as if wearied by her own emotions. "Never was the spell so strong on me as now. I cannot—nay more, Kate, I will not break it; do not look so sadly, so shocked. I will be reasonable ”

“ She wants some one who will be a cheerful associate, and read aloud nicely, and be like a daughter to her; she lives with her daughter, Mrs. Wilson, but she is so much engaged with her house and servants and sons, Mrs. Jorrocks is often lonely."
"I think I know a lady who might suit you," said Kate, suddenly captivated with the imaginary picture of a gentle, lonely old lady who wanted a daughter's companionship. ”

“ Winter! I am not so sure of that! a much more fastidious man might be pleased with the table we kept at A——."
Winter pulled a long face, expressive of contrition for his fault; and Kate interposed her soothing influence.
"Colonel Egerton was too glad to see you, and to come to you, to be difficile."
"Well, Mr. Winter, I must go home before it is quite dark," said Mrs. Storey.
"And I will escort you, my dear madam, to the omnibus—where can I catch Langley?" asked Winter.
"Oh, at his house; he goes out very little." ”

“ Yes, we must part for a time. I could not bear the alternate affection for, and doubt of you, which sweep across my mind. I will see if he cannot [187] yet prevail on you to overcome that repugnance which—pah! repugnance to him! Well, Kate, do not mind me; I cannot speak coherently; remember we have a part to play for a while together, then separately; and where—where can you go? I am selfish—I hate myself; but for a short time we will separate; and Kate, you will not disdain—you will not forget it is my duty to provide for you. I promised your grandfather!—and, oh! ”

“ I see our former acquaintance, Fred Egerton has been performing prodigies of valour against those wretched Sikhs—what deplorable [84] insanity war is! I have no patience with such courage. Well, good night, I wish you could have a peep at the moon-lit mountain range, opposite my window. Ah! dear child, you have known much sorrow, but who can look on the exquisite loveliness, which earth, though cursed for our sins, still possesses, and doubt that boundless beneficence and wisdom alike framed our dwelling place, and directs the current of our lives, God bless you, Kate ”