Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey

“ To bring a girl up all her life to believe it’s her duty in every small thing that comes along to put herself last and her family in front, and then when she’s a grown-up woman, and a man comes along who believes, poor thing! that she could help him and make him happy, then just at that moment you tell her to be selfish and think only of herself. ... ’Tis not that way I’ll conduct my love affairs!” cried Pixie O’Shaughnessy. Her eyes met Bridgie’s, and flashed defiance. “When I meet a man who needs me I’ll find my own happiness in helping him!” ”

“ I heard you telling Geoffrey that you expected to have a real good time.”
“And suppose I did? What about that? Would you prefer me to be lonely, and miserable?”
“Oh dear!” cried Pixie poignantly; “we’re quarrelling! Whose fault was it? Was it mine? I’m sorry, Stanor. Don’t let’s quarrel! I want you to be happy. Could I love you if I didn’t do that? I want it more than anything else. Honor is coming to-morrow, and I shall ask her to look after you for me. She knows so many people, and is so rich that she has the power to help. She will be glad to have you so near. ”

“ Joan’s lips twisted into a sad smile.
“You understand a great deal, Pixie—more than I do, it seems, even after seven years! I never looked at things in that light. I just expected Geoffrey to keep on adoring, whatever I did. What made you think such things?”
“Nature!” said Pixie promptly. “And, my dear, I’m clever at loving—I always was. It’s my only gift, and I have studied it just as other people study drawing and music. What you have to do, Esmeralda, is to forget everything and every one else for a while, and comfort Geoffrey. Don’t make a scene and worry the poor man. ”

“ From Pixie O’Shaughnessy to Bridgie Victor:
“Not a moment have I had to write to you, Honey, since the first wee note, and I’ve been here a whole three days. It’s the most distracting thing in the world when you’ve nothing to do, and takes up more time than you’d believe. I think of you all in the morning in the dear little house, every one bustling round, and only longing for more hands and legs to get along the quicker, while here we sit, the six of us, dawdling over breakfast, with not a thing to think of but how to waste the time until we can decently begin to eat again! ”

“ Her tiny feet skimmed the ground, her tiny head reared itself jauntily on the slender neck, the brilliance of her smile, the embracing kindliness of her glance more than compensated for the plainness of her features. Like most people who made the acquaintance of Pixie O’Shaughnessy, Stephen Glynn was already beginning to fall under her spell and marvel at the blindness of his first impression. She was not plain; she was not insignificant; she was, on the contrary, unusually fascinating and attractive!
“But she does not love him,” Stephen repeated to himself. “She does not know what love means. ”

“ It’s the way with life; ye go jog-trotting along, blind and cheerful, until suddenly ye bang your head against a wall, and your eyes are opened! ’Twas the same with me. I looked at myself every day, but I never saw. Habit, my dear, blindfolded me like a bandage, and looking at good-looking people all day long it seemed only natural that I should look nice too. But this morning the sun shone, and I stood before the glass twisting about to try on my new hat, and, Bridgie, the truth was revealed! ”

“ I’m an expert at bazaars. Bridgie has had part of a stall several times for things for the regiment; but where is your work?” demanded Pixie sternly. “When you take part in a bazaar it means every room crowded out with cushions and tidies, and mats and pincushions, and sitting up at nights, finishing off and sewing on prices, and days of packing up at the end, to say nothing of circulars and invitations, and your own aprons and caps. I haven’t noticed a bit of fuss. How can you be going to have a bazaar without any fuss?” ”

“ Pixie’s heart contracted in a pang of longing; it was almost like the pang she had felt in the drawing-room of Holly House on that dread afternoon when the news of her father’s death had been broken to her—a pang of longing, a sore, sore feeling of something wanting. She shivered, then drew herself together with indignant remembrance. She was engaged! What sentiments were these for an engaged girl? How could she feel a blank when still more love was added to her share?
“If you talk till doomsday, Esmeralda, I’ll keep my word. Stanor loves me and says I can help him. ”

“ I know it,” said Pixie. She did not sigh, as would have seemed appropriate at such a moment, but exhibited rather a cheerful and gratified air, as though her own poverty were an amusing peculiarity which added to the list of her attractions.
“Of course, my dear, nobody ever dreamt for a moment it could be done, but it’s always interesting to pretend. Don’t we amuse ourselves for hours pretending to be millionaires, when you’re all of a flutter about eighteen-pence extra in the laundry bill? I wonder at you, Bridgie, pretending to be practical.” ”

“ When you love anyone very, very much, what touches them touches you. You can’t keep apart. You mayn’t always know it with your mind, but the best part of you, the part that feels, it knows!”
She smiled in his face with frank, glad eyes, but Stanor flushed and looked at the ground.
“Should you know it, if I were unhappy, Pixie? I should know it about you. I came this afternoon partly, mostly, because I knew how you’d be feeling, and I thought, I hoped, that I might help. Does it help you, Pixie, to have me sitting beside you, instead of being alone? ”

“ Too soft!” declared Bridgie sternly. “‘Them,’ indeed! Plural, I’ll trouble you! Just realise, my child, that there are not enough men to go round, and don’t waste time making pictures of a chorus who will never appear. If you have one lover, it will be more than your share; and it’s doubtful if you ever get that.”
“I doubt it,” maintained Pixie sturdily. “I’m plain, but I’ve a way. You know yourself, me dear, I’ve a way! ... I’m afraid I’ll have lots; and that’s the trouble of it, for as sure as you’re there, Bridgie, I’ll accept them all! ”

“ The succeeding hours were filled with a nightmare-like struggle against odds which palpably increased with every hour. Stephen came in and out, turned himself into a messenger to obtain everything that was needed, sent round a hamper of cooked dainties which would provide the small household for days to come, drove to the station to meet Bridgie and bring her to the flat, and oh! the joy, the relief, the blessed consciousness of help, which came to nurse and patient alike at the sight of that sweet, fair face! ”

“ Stanor Vaughan felt within him the stirrings of tenderness and pity with which a strong man regards weakness in any form. Pixie was by nature such a jaunty little thing that it seemed doubly pathetic to see her so reduced. A fellow wanted to take her up in his arms, and comfort her, and make her smile again. A flush rose in Stanor’s cheeks as he recalled an incident of the night of the accident. After the hurried return to the house, the three guests had sat alone, waiting in miserable suspense for the doctor’s verdict, but Pixie had disappeared. ”

“ She knew that Pixie had altered, felt the alteration every day of her life, in a subtle, indefinite manner which had escaped the masculine observation. There was a certain expression which in quiet moments had been wont to settle on the young face, an expression of repression and strain, which now appeared to have departed for good, a certain reserve in touching upon any subject connected with love and marriage, which was now replaced by eager interest and sympathy. ”

“ Pixie laughed with characteristic complacence.
“Yes; but why especially at this moment? I always am, aren’t I? And how superfluous, me dear, to talk of trust? What have I got to trust?”
A fortnight later Geoffrey and Joan Hilliard, Stephen Glynn, and Pixie journeyed to Liverpool to see the last of the travellers. The little party stood together on the deck of the great vessel, surrounded on every side by surge and bustle, but silent themselves with the silence which falls when the heart is full. ”

“ Stanor would grumble suddenly at the end of one of his fiancée’s mirthful sallies, whereupon Pixie, her vanity hurt by his want of appreciation, would snap out a quick retort.
“If I’m sad you want me to be glad, and if I’m glad you’re annoyed that I’m not sad! There’s no pleasing you! You ought to be thankful that I’m so strong and self-controlled. ... Would it make it easier; if I were hanging round your neck in hysterics?”
“Oh, bar hysterics! But a tear or two now and then... Suppose it was Bridgie who was going instead of me?—would you be as strong and self-controlled?” ”

“ The next day Honor Ward made a farewell visit to the Hall, and took lunch with the family in the panelled dining-room, where she had joined in many merry gatherings a few weeks before. Pixie saw the brown eyes flash a quick glance at the place which had been allotted to Robert Carr, but except for that glance there was no sign of anything unusual in either looks or manner. Honor was as neat, as composed, as assured in manner as in her happiest moments, and the flow of her conversation was in no wise moderated. ”

“ There must be lots,” agreed Stanor, with a sincerity which condoned the banality of the speech. “About your good nature for one thing, I should say, and your generosity in forgiving a blundering man, and your jolly disposition which makes you smile when another girl would have been wild. I can understand all those and a lot more, but, just as a matter of curiosity, I should like to know what are you conceited about most?”
Pixie O’Shaughnessy smiled. ”

“ That day in Liverpool, on the landing-stage, did you notice a girl standing near me—a girl with a fur cap?”
“No, Pixie. I noticed only one girl—yourself!”
“She was parting from a man—her lover or husband—who was leaning over the rail and looking down at her. Stanor ... they ... cared! They loved each other. ... All these years I have had their faces in my heart. I looked at them, and I looked at you, and I understood the difference!”
“I was miserable enough, Pixie. All men do not show their feelings in the same way.” ”

“ Joan Hilliard was silent. In her heart of hearts she realised that there was nothing more to say. Pixie was Pixie. As well try to move a mountain from its place, as persuade that sweet, loving, most loyal of creatures to draw back from a solemn pledge. Something might be done with Stanor perhaps, or, failing Stanor, through that erratic person, his uncle. She must consult with Geoffrey and Bridgie, together they might insist upon a period of waiting and separation before a definite engagement was announced. Pixie was still under age. ”

“ After that first sharp moment Pixie had no coldness in her heart towards Honor Ward.
Stanor was talking, moving restlessly to and fro, telling the story of the past years in jerky, disconnected sentences, blaming himself, exonerating Honor. The sound of his words penetrated to Pixie’s brain, but not the sense. It seemed to her useless to listen; there was nothing more to be said.
Suddenly she rose from her seat with an air of decision.
“I think you had better go. Bridgie, my sister—Mrs Victor—is here. I would rather you didn’t see her. She will be angry; they will all be angry. ”

“ Lounging along the country lanes, his hands thrust deep into his pockets, Stanor told himself that it was a disappointing old world: a fellow always imagined that when he got engaged he would have the time of his life; in books a fellow was represented as walking upon air, in a condition of rapture too intense for belief—it was disappointing to find his own experience fall so short of the ideal!
Sweet little Pixie, of course, was a beguiling creature. ”

“ A cry beneath the window, a sudden, unexpected noise might be sufficient to turn the frail balance.
Pixie was alone, more helplessly, achingly alone than she had been in her life. The doors of the sickroom were closed against her. Joan had no need of her. Joan wanted Geoffrey—Geoffrey, only—Geoffrey alone to herself. Even Bridgie’s telegraphed offer had been refused. “Not now! No. Don’t let her come—later on,” Esmeralda said, and turned restlessly away, impatient even of the slight interruption. ”

“ It was meant to be a picnic de luxe, but fate was kind to us, and it turned out very alfresco indeed. We started in the big car, Geoffrey driving, and all sorts of good things piled up in hampers, and at an appointed place the chauffeur met us and took possession, while we walked on through the woods. Such woods, Bridgie; all sweet, and dim, and green, the trunks of the great old beeches standing up straight and tall like the pillars of a great cathedral, and sweet, innocent little primroses peeping up through the moss, and last year’s leaves crackling under foot. ”

“ It breaks my heart when the girls refuse the nice man in books, and I always long to be able to run after him when he leaves the room—ashy pale, with a nerve twitching beside his eye—and ask him will I do instead! If I feel like that to another girl’s lover, what will I do to my own?”
Bridgie stared aghast. Her brain was still reeling from the shock of hearing Pixie refer to the subject of lovers at all, and here was yet another problem looming ahead. With a loving grasp of her sister’s character, she realised that the protestations to which she had just listened embodied a real danger. ”