Murtagh McDermot

“ I went on thus melancholy, till I perceiv'd my self to ascend the Hill, and then I bent my self wholly upon confirming what I had heard; but to my great surprize, I found scarce one Word I had heard to be true, except that the Mountain is very high. It is certain that it is very large too, and that many may have ascended it; but then they may have ascended by different Ways, and some may have met with more inequalities in their ascent than others, which may have occasion'd a Difference in their Accounts of its Height. ”

“ I must inevitably die with Hunger, tho' I were secure from being crush'd by filling to either of the Planets: But my Pride soon prevail'd over this desponding Humour, when I consider'd my Circumstances in another light. ”

“ What has been said, may suffice to vindicate me from such Aspersions as evil-minded Persons may cast upon me, who look no higher than their own native Earth. It remains that I address my self to those of a more generous Disposition, who I hope will excuse small Faults, and impute them rather to my Ignorance, than to any design of imposing on the Publick. ”

“ Does not every Body know that Nature in all her Works delights in Uniformity? Why then may not the Inhabitants of our secondary Planet be like us in their Behaviour? I doubt not, but if I had seen more of them I should have been able to describe Persons like some of our Neighbours. ”

“ It may seem a little strange, that those Herbs shou'd be so powerful; but if we consider that the Moon has an Influence upon the Plants of the Earth, whence they derive their medicinal Qualities, it follows that the nearer any Plant is to that Body, it possesses those qualities in a more eminent Degree, and consequently that those which grow upon it must excel all others. ”

“ Her uncommon Character I confess, made me once turn Fribbigghe's Rival and pay her a Visit under the Pretence of Courtship. I am justly sensible how much I expose my self, in putting my self in competition with such a contemptible Animal as a Beaux, who has nothing but his being a Beaux to recommend him: But why may I not be allow'd this Liberty, as well as some of my Countrymen are allow'd to go to Bawdy-Houses for Speculation. ”

“ For granting that there were such Animals upon Leaves, why do not those upon Tobacco produce the same Effect, or why may we not hear those upon Tea Leaves roar before they get into a Lady's Mouth? Surely none wou'd be so unmannerly as to blame a Lady for the crying of an Animal so hard to be seen. ”

“ So that I now fancied my self made a Star, and that as my Body was to give Light to Men's Eyes, so my Actions which I accounted good, were to be set as an Example they shou'd imitate. And altho' upon surveying my self, I found nothing Luminous about me, yet I was persuaded those on Earth wou'd think otherwise, and that I was render'd incapable of perceiving it my self at that Time, lest being conscious of it I shou'd become too haughty and unfit for that exalted Station. ”

“ Worthy, Daring, Adventurous, Thrice-renown'd, and Victorious Captain Lemuel Gulliver.
HALL a Poet find a Patron, and not a Lunatick? Let it not be said, Gulliver's alive, or the Laputians had e're now crush'd us, by coming down to mourn him; yet his Lustre dazzles; he cannot be conceal'd: His Fame rings loudly in the Moon: To Clods of Earth I tell it. ”

“ It may be said, that the Author never has been in the Moon, since he relates very little, but what is observable among us, for he talks of Plays, Coffee-Houses, Balls, Ladies, Teas Intriguing, Pythagoreans, and other Things, which may be easily apply'd to our selves, and are in Use among us. To this I answer, First, That to condemn a Man without sufficient Evidence, is contrary to our Irish Statutes, neither can suck Evidence be had, till some Body arrives from the Moon, who I am sure will bear Witness to all I have set down. ”

“ The Offer he made me of his Friendship was as provoking to me, as any Thing he could have said to me. I told him that I could not be by any Means persuaded to keep such a Fool, as I was sure he was, Company, and that I was resolv'd to make him as ridiculous as I could. I then pull'd off his Wig, and shook all the Powder in it upon his Cloaths, whilst he was asking me all the while, whether that was Usage for a Gentleman, and was telling those that flock'd about us how much his Cloaths, which I had spoil'd, had cost him. ”

“ The Cat which was the Male, was a noted Fortune-hunter, and one that had as little pretensions to a Lady's Heart as any in the Kingdom of Qugns, if he was consider'd to be what he really was. He was one that laid out his small Fortune entirely upon his Cloaths, and contented himself with more ordinary Meals than an Irish Footman wou'd do, when he eat at his own Expence. He was a great Pretender to Wit and good Sense, tho' destitute of both: This I affirm on my own certain Knowledge of the Man, but others proceeded some what further, whose Censure I shall submit to the candid Reader. ”

“ He was of Opinion, that the Humours of the Body insist as much upon Liberty and Property, and are as sensible of an Affront as an Englishman, and that Distempers arise only from their striving to keep out Strangers; besides, the animal Spirits are design'd for a Standing Army to suppress Riots, and assist the weak Proprietor; but considering the great waste I had made of them, and that Brandy was a spirituous Liquor, he fear'd that a Dram wou'd be too powerful an Enemy for what was left of my animal Spirits, and that the Conflict wou'd end in my Destruction. ”

“ Another said, since by the help of Microscopes, we have discover'd certain Eminences upon Leaves, and certain Animals creeping, nay, running among them, as wild Beasts do in a Forrest, it is probable that those Animals, upon drying of a Tea Leaf, are dried too, and become hard, and are seemingly dead, as Swallows are in Winter; but when they are put into hot Water, they come to life again, and being taken along with the Water into a Lady's Mouth, they irritate the Nerves of her Tongue, and cause some Uneasiness in that Member, which makes it then so apt to defame others. ”

“ At all publick Places she only minded the various Appearances which others made; perhaps it may be hence concluded, that she was a Lady of good Sense and one that observ'd Mankind, to make her own Conduct the more Regular: But I assure you that she only minded the Outside, and could not smell a Beaux Brain's, for the Essence in his Wig, or discover a groveling Soul in a Brocade Wastcoat; and People that did not much care for her, were wont to say that it was a Maxim with her, that much Powder on a Beaux Shoulders signified much Sense ”

“ N. B. Perhaps some may imagine my being in the MOON to be only a mere Dream; but why one should not be as likely as the other, I shall leave it to the Judgment of the Reader after he has read the Foregoing TRIP, &c. ”

“ I call'd to mind all the eloquent Jargon I had ever heard or cou'd think of, and resolv'd that Nonsense shou'd pass for Wit with my now adorable Blmmsl; since I was persuaded that her Understanding was much about the same Size with that of most of our Irish Ladies, who never begin to believe that a Man loves them till he has told them such Lies as would startle any but themselves. I swore that my Body was like a Bundle of Matches, which was fir'd by the Lightning of her Eyes, and earnestly pray'd that a gentle Breeze of her Pity wou'd vouchsafe to cool my glowing Heart. ”

“ He was one that had been a Brute, but by applying to Learning, and considering his Folly, he recover'd his human Shape; he was generally despis'd by all Beasts, and by some reputed to be a Conjurer, since there were Beasts that affirm'd themselves to be more virtuous than him, yet were in no likelihood of recovering their human Form. ”

“ The best Philosophers have been famous for their own Conjectures, some of which I have follow'd, and made bold to add my own, where they were not very positive. Other Accounts I have related according to the receiv'd Doctrine of the Moon, for which I am oblig'd to my dear Friend Tckbrff. ”

“ That at high Water, the subjacent columns of Water are greater, or at least equal to the Bulk and Weight of the Vessel, and at low Water the contrary; it follows, that there must be a certain quantity of Water, less than which wou'd not be able to sustain a Body of a certain Weight and Magnitude. This may be easily apply'd, by considering that Air and Water are both Fluids, and differ only in their Density, and some other Properties which I have no occasion to mention ”

“ The only Objection of any Moment which this Account is liable to, is, that it is very strange that so remote a Cause should operate so strongly and universally upon Ladies, and not upon Men, who have not yet degenerated into Misses. ”

“ Now since we know that all Bodies, especially those of a more soft Texture, derive certain Qualities from those Bodies which are nearest to them, so as sometimes to appear quite different from what they really are; it is probable that different Men diligently attending different Brutes to observe their own, had their correspondent Members transform'd into those of the Brute they attended ”

“ He reply'd, that the Reason why those Transformations did not make them Honest, was owing to the Ignorance of their Deformity; for every Man judg'd favourably of himself by a Misconstruction of his Actions, and it was observable, that no Person who had any part of a Beast in his composition, cou'd with a slight View behold his own Defects, tho' he often saw more brutal Members in others than they really had, which proceeded from a Desire they had that it shou'd be so; for they mistaking Virtue for a relative Thing, imagin'd every Man to be Virtuous, than whom they cou'd find one more Brutal ”

“ Tckbrff, after we had withdrawn from the King, told me that he believed we were all honest Men in my Country, and could wish to be among them; for surely, said he, none that has but the least part of a Man about him, can disobey those most reasonable Laws of that excellent Constitution, where the Interests of the King and the People are so blended, that it is impossible for the one to subsist without the other ”

“ But to this I answer, that the Delicacy of a Lady's Constitution renders her more capable of being influenc'd by a weak and remote Cause than a Man is; for surely there is a Difference between the Dirt which they are made of, and the Dirt of which the rest of Mankind is form'd, or else they would never take so much upon them. But to return whence I digress'd: I sat with Blmmsl till it was near the Time that I was to meet Fribbigghe at. ”

“ The Assembly was made up of Brutes and half Brutes, there were Bears, Wolves, Tygers, Foxes, Monkeys, Cats and Dogs, &c. and those of several Kinds, with certain other Animals, very like the Pictures which I have seen of Beasts, in the East and West-Indies; others had only one or more Members of Beasts ”

“ For my Tutor, upon his Entry, was discoursing very seriously with a young Man whom he brought to assist him, and among other Words, often mentioned Lmldnse, which I repeated very distinctly. The whole Company turn'd their Eyes upon my Tutor, who, appearing surpriz'd, left the Room. I ran to the young Man, whom I had not seen before, and by many obliging Gestures prevail'd upon him to stay with me. ”

“ One of the Mules approach'd me with a Candle and a Three-penny Piece, whilst the other secur'd my Hands, and my Tutor offer'd to open my Mouth, often repeating Lmldnse. I thought at first they had design'd the Three-penny Piece for the same Use to me that Demosthenes made of Pebbles, 'till they began to proceed to the Operation. My Tutor had made me roar so much, and become so uneasy, by an immoderate Expansion of my Jaws, that I happily put out the Candle, which gave me some respite, and frustrated their Intentions ”

“ I gave him also an Account of their proceedings against a King, that thro' Faction and private Interest was put to Death, yet might have sav'd his Life and his Crown if he wou'd consent with wicked Ministers to oppress his People. Here Tckbrff express'd the greatest Indignation and Horror mix'd with a Degree of Pity for the unthinking Contrivers of his Death; and ask'd me how I could preserve my human Shape among such a corrupted Multitude. ”

“ Tckbrff, as learned as he was, and to whom I am much indebted, cou'd not give me a natural Reason for this manner of Compliment, which was peculiar to Men of high Rank; for the common People affected Cleanliness in that Case, and made use of joining their Lips to those of their Friends upon meeting. He told me indeed, that the joining of the Lips of Friends was founded in Nature, and bore an Hieroglyphical Meaning. For since it is by what proceeds from the Mouth, that a Man is well or ill reputed of; and that we cannot judge of all Men by their Writings ”