Anonymous

“ O let me beg of you, that you wou'd hearken to my sorrowful Complaint, pity my Tears, and suffer not your Family to perish, but bear a Fathers Heart towards these, that are the Children of your Body. Or if you'll pity neither me nor your poor Children, pity your self: for you will suffer most in the Conclusion: You cannot think that you please God in living as you do: Can you take Comfort (think you) in remembering that you have ruin'd both your self and Family, by keeping of a Whore, when you shall lie upon your Dying Bed, and your poor Soul is just taking of its flight into Eternity? ”

“ A dirty homely Joan! For my part, I admire how thou coud'st love her: She frets, I'll warrant you, because she lies alone: But who that is not Mad, wou'd lie with such a sapless piece of wither'd Flesh as she, when he may lie by such a one as I, that's sweet, and fresh, plump, brisk and airy, and that's full of Juice, just in the Bloom of all my Youth and Beauty. But if to this thou still prefer'st thy Dowd; take her for me, and much-good-do-thee with her.
By this Discourse, this Impudent and filthy Trull, quite sham'd him out of any thoughts of Vertue ”

“ Having already given you the Character of a Bawd, and shown you her Plea for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew you by what famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you have seen her cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you must readily acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be Superlatively Wicked. ”

“ Whore. That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in all your Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. Pimp, for all your sneering, I say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and make use of nothing but what's my own, and that no body can hinder me from. And I think 'tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. ”

“ Nay, didst thou not intice me to it Yesterday, and I appointed thee to come to Night, because I knew my Husband wou'd be at home to give thee thy Reward? Let the Maid speak, I won't be my own Judge—Yes, Sir, reply'd the Maid, I know that what my Mistress says is true—
The Goldsmith then seeming to look more wistly at him, What, Mr. Bramble says he, as if he'd been surpriz'd: Is't you that did intend to claw me off thus? And then to mend the matter, go to accuse my Wife too, as if she had been Dishonest with you; when I am satisfied there e'nt an honester Woman in the Kingdom. ”

“ Pimp. Your run too fast, Mrs Minx, and are a little too Confident: For tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and genteel Discourse ”

“ When you have got these fifty Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse your Mistress; if you find she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and you have nothing else to do but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, as I dare say she is, you must tempt her with Gold; and that you may be sure to make her bite, give her the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of her Husband.—A Pox take ye, for an Old Bitch, says he, in a kind of Passion; is this the way to bring me off for nothing?—You are too hasty still, replyes the Bawd ”

“ A BAWD
Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's, and a true Daughter of Eve, who having first undone herself, tempts others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of Sampson's Foxes, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. ”

“ For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd not be long without several Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are suitable for them. ”

“ We have seen in the last chapter how our Bawd drew in a young Married Woman to deceive her Husband, and wrong the Marriage-Bed: And in this Chapter you shall see how she draws in a Married Man to follow Whoring, so the Ruine of himself, a vertuous Wife, and all his Family: For if she can but Rise, she cares not who she Ruines.—But to the Story. ”

“ Had I ever given you any just occasion to withdraw your affections from me, you might have had a fairer Plea before Men, for doing what you do; tho' even that wou'd have been no Excuse at the Tribunal of God, whom you principally offend by your present wicked Life. But your own Conscience will tell you, if you dare ask it the Question, that it has been the Business of my whole Life, since I have been married to you, to carry my self towards you as a loving and a vertuous Wife ought to do to her Husband ”

“ And therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are, your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he that keeps you all alive. ”

“ No, I know better things: I will my self enjoy it while I live, for when I'm gone, the World is gone with me: Thou hast my heart, my Dear, and I'll not leave thee; tho' she shou'd Chat until her Tongue be weary. I'll find another way to make her quiet; or she shall have but very small Allowance: She tells me, Grief will kill her very shortly: I wish it wou'd, I shou'dn't grutch the Charges of giving her a Coffin and a Grave.
I (says the Coaxing Jilt) I like you now. Do as you say, and then I'll warrant you, you'll quickly make the Flirt submit her self: And win my heart for ever. ”

“ No, Sirrah, says the Goldsmith, you're a Rascal; and you accuse my Chaste and Vertuous Wife because she has discover'd your Baseness—'Tis plain enough that your Design was to debauch my Wife, and then to Rob my House; and I will make you suffer for't, before I've done with you. I've lost above Five hundred pounds already; and for ought I know you may be the Thief; for I have found you in my Chamber underneath my Bed, with Picklocks in your Breeches—Here Boy go call a Constable. ”

“ The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts, there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.
Prodigal. I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the old Prover, Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land ”

“ I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can't meet with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married, depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like being married without a Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. ”

“ She's grown ancient, says the Gentleman, but she has a Daughter that is a very fine Woman: Is she married says the Steward? No, says the Gentleman, but she deserves a good Husband, for she's very Handsome; and not only so, but she has a good Portion. After this Discourse, the Gentleman takes a Glass, Come Mr. Brightwell said he, to the Steward, here's a good Health to Mrs. Pierpoint and her Daughter Mrs. Betty; withal my heart replied Mr. Brightwel, (for that was the Steward's Name) and then he drank to the Gentleman, remembring all their Friends in Bedfordshire, especially at Hargrave. ”

“ Tho' I confess, my Business is to help a Gentleman that is in distress, to the Enjoyment of a Gentlewoman; and a Gentlewoman that has the like occasion, to a Gallant. In which I always take care to help either Sex to that which may be for their Purpose ”

“ In the West of England there lived not long since an Ancient Gentleman to whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him with a fair Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that might make his Life as happy as he cou'd desire: This Gentleman, being an Old Batchelor, had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than Ability to perform. ”

“ And these things, Madam, in Italy (as I have heard by several) are so common, that 'tis scarce thought a Crime: Or, if it be, 'tis but a venial one, as all the Devout Doctors of the Roman-Church, (nay, and the Pope himself) assures us: And therefore Madam, to deal freely with you, I have long since declar'd my self a Roman Catholick, for that Religion allowes us the most Pleasure while we live, and promises us Heaven when we die. ”

“ And my Husband being grown Jealous of me, by the familiarity he had observ'd me to have with his Man, after he had turn'd him off, as I have related, gave me this Gentle Reproof:
Wife, you cannot but be sensible that your Familiarity with your Man is become a Town-Talk; I have done what I can to prevent it, by turning him away; but if you don't mend your Manners, and Reform your Life, all that I can say, will be to no purpose. I am afraid you han't been Innocent in this matter: But since what is past cann't be recall'd', I will say no more of that ”

“ What have we here? A Wig, new Powder'd! Pray whose Wig is this? I'm sure 'tis none of mine; then looking on the Bed, he sees a pair of Breeches lie, Hey dey! Cries he, Pray whose are these? They're yours, said she, for ought I know, (speaking a little surlily) whose shou'd they be, d'ye think? They're none of mine, says he, I'm sure; But let me see, what is there in 'em?—Then searching of the Pockets, he pulls out a Gold Watch, about Nine or Ten Guineas, a Silver Snush-Box, and several Pick-Locks: As soon as he perceiv'd the Pick-Locks, So, so, cries he, here's a fine Trade indeed! ”

“ She has made the most of one, and now she must have another: Well, says the Bawd, Do but carry your self, reserv'd and Maidenly, and I have a Spark that has a good Estate, and will be able to spend high upon you; but he must have a Maid, and that I have taught you well enough how to Counterfeit:—Is he a married Man or single, says the Trull?—A married Man, replies the Bawd, but that's nothing as long as he has Money: It were better indeed, that he were single, for then I cou'd draw him in to marry you ”

“ Presently after the Drawer came and told 'em that the Room was now empty, which they forthwith went into, and had the conveniency through a hole in the Wall, to see the Gentlewoman unseen, who sat leaning her Arm upon the Table, in a very melancholy Posture, as one much dissatisfy'd; having a Glass of Wine before her, and Pen, Ink and Paper. Soon after the Waterman comes in again, and tells her the Gentleman had not been at home since Morning, nor did they know where he was. ”

“ For never any thing look'd more pale in the World. The very thoughts of it frightens me still—Besides the kindness that contrivance did me to make way for my Gallant's escape that time, 'twas very serviceable to me afterwards; for the Remembrance of the Ghost was always so fresh in my Husbands memory, that he wou'd never venture into the Room again by Candle-Light. So that my Love and I had other Assignations afterwards: and if my Husband happened to come home before he went, it was but putting him into the Dining-Room and he was safe enough, for I was sure my Husband never wou'd come there. ”

“ To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:
I have as genteel a House as most in London, with several Chambers very well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a Looking-glass in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they please by the Picture ”

“ This indeed increas'd my surprise, and made me a little mute for the Present; which he seeing, got between the Door and us, and then was so uncivil as to tell me, That I was a Vile Woman; and all the difference he knew between a Bawd and a Procurer, was only such as was between a common Tom-Turd-Man, and a Person of Qualities House-Maid, who Emptied Close-Stools: And then told Mrs Gertrude that the difference between her and the Trulls that pli'd in the Streets, was no other then betwixt a common Vau't and a Private Close-stool. ”

“ She thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar Bacon's brazen-Head, and is very forward to tell you that Time Was when the best Gentlemen wou'd have prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats Time's Past, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever she has, she makes it common. She hates Forty One as much as an old Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out ”