Richard Head

“ Coming into the Ocean, I found my self possest with a new Spirit, and if there was ever any such thing as transmigration of Souls, certainly it was at that time, some new drown’d Sea-mans Soul hovering on the Deep, took up its habitation in my body, entring in at my mouth as I gap’d for breath, which the swiftness of the Ships sailing, and tossing of the Waves together, had almost totally deprived me of. ”

“ There are a certain sort of gentle and subtle Rooks whose outside speaks as much a Gentleman as most of the first magnitude. This Cunningham seldom plays in an Ordinary, yet will sit there a whole evening to the intent he may observe who winns, if considerable, and the winner seem Plyable, generous, and Bubbable, he will some way or other insinuate into his acquaintance by applauding his happy hand, congratulating his success &c. and then familiarly, yet civily prompt him to a glass of Wine that they may drink to the continuance of that good fortune. ”

“ Would it not mad you to have so strange a fortune, as with a very small Sum to run up to Eighteen hundred pounds, and loose it again with his small stock in less than three days? I knew one with Fifty Shillings, win Five hundred pounds of his own at one time in his life, and thereupon putting himself into a Garb not mis-becoming an Earl, played again, the Dice ran against him, lost every penny he had, or could borrow; hereupon he grew stark mad, and hang’d himself in his own Bed-cord. ”

“ This noise in our Chamber confirmed the justness of their fears throughout the house, only that of our Mulletters was of a different nature; for he believing his Masters (as he call’d us) were getting up to find what was the matter, endeavoured to get down the said way he got up, but groaping with his hands, met with the shattered flask on the top of the stairs, which tumbling down to the bottom, the noise of the fractur’d glass perfectly resembled the gingling of Chains. ”

“ Now I thought it highly requisite to put my self into a better garb, and invest my self with such ornaments as might become a Gentleman, which I intended to personate. I accommodated my self with a Sword, and did not forget Spurs to my new Boots. Being thus bravely equipt Cap a pee; I grew weary of this City, and so left it, and my Landlord to his better Fortune. ”

“ The first thing they did when they came to a Town, was to acquaint the Mayor thereof with their intent, producing their Patent which authoriz’d them. Having the grant of the Mayor, most commonly they were permitted the Town-Hall to play in. At first, commonly they had usually such great audiences, and got so much Money, that it undid them, for it made them insolent, idle, careless, always drunk and continually quarrelling, so that the Town and Countrey growing weary of them, their poverty also made them weary of the Town. ”

“ I was as confident as any he or she here, that hanging was too ignominious a death for such a piece of Gallantry as I was, but assure your self Heaven has no respect of persons; the Sword of Justice spares no more the shining Gallant and huffing Bravo, than the meanest smutty Tinker ”

“ My Reputation in this City increased daily, so that I was now at liberty to pick and choose my company, I mean from the middle sort of people, which I knew how to delude, whereas I was not so ignorant, but that men of better breeding and learning would by my discolouring, Sea-faring hands, and illiterate tongue find out the imposture of my crafty pretences. ”

“ They are things of prodigious strength, which is sufficiently manifested in the ruin of the strongest Man, and back-sliding of the wisest Man. I hardly know, or have heard of any whom they have not stagger’d, excepting Job, who firmly stood maugre the Devil, and his Wife.
In the faces of the common Traders by diligent search, you may find some Raggs of over-worn Beauty, like old Clothes in Brokers windows, to make you believe that there are better wares within; yet he that trades with them, is like to have a bad bargain, for she can sell him nothing but the Pox, or Repentance. ”

“ I thank your good opinion, Sir, (said she) but I look upon her as unworthy to deserve the name of an owner, that either cannot, or durst not give what is in her possession; though you cannot give, Madam, yet you may so dispose of that beautious mirrour of your Sex, your Face, or what else you have, as that the frequent loan thereof, may be esteemed equal to the gift. She was quick of apprehension, and understood his drift, and though she answered him not, yet her smiles shewed a sufficient satisfaction to his amorous discourse, and her blushes bid him do if he durst. ”

“ Madam, you have promised to make me your Husband when it is in your power, and I believe it is in your thoughts that one day you may do it, for he who is your present Husband, appears to me and all the world to be half dead already ”

“ In Smithfield, London, I bought an Horse, he did so caper with the Fellow that rid him, that I feared this pamper’d beast would be to skittish, for a Sailer, that never bestrid any living Creature; the Horse cost me six Pound and a Crown, I could not get the punctuality of his Rogueship to bate me the odd Mony, though in three days time forty shillings proved the utmost value of this great bargain. ”

“ In the morning the Hostler going into the Stable found a Gentleman there hanging, upon sight whereof he ran into the house with an Outcry, which quickly reacht the ears of the Neighbourhood, so that in an instant the house was filled with people, every one giving his Verdict as his imagination prompted him; the general Vogue was that for some discontent he had thus desperately made away with himself. ”

“ Sessions approaching I often meditated on the word, Hanging; but the word struck so heavy on my Imagination, that it rather benummed than anyways quickned the sence of punishment: Death I lookt on then with the ignorant and misjudging eyes of a childish understanding, fancying that it was but the meer privation of Life, and there is an end, and not the separation of Soul and Body for a while, till they be by the Infinity rejoyn’d, never to be separated again, either in endless Joys, or Eternal Woes. ”

“ As my Master was taking in writing an exact account of my Estate, I thought he would have crackt a Gut by his excessive laughter; but when that stitch-begetting-tickling humour would give him leave, he askt me, what I intended to do with these commodities when I Landed? or what Merchant I had advised withal in the proper transportation of these Goods? Or whether (said he, laughing aloudly) have you received any Letters of advice from your Correspondence beyond Sea? ”

“ We found the People generally acute, and quick-witted, very facetious, and of a jolly temper, which suited well with the Nature of the Countrey. For to be brief, this Island is not inferiour to any other, either for its fatness or abundance; exceeding Italy in the excellency of their Grain, Saffron, Honey, Beasts-skins, and other things either for Profit or pleasure, in so much that as it was call’d by Tully the Granary of the world, so Homer call’d it the Island of the Sun, and would have us believe all things grew there spontaneously of their own accord ”

“ However she and her intended Husband held a Correspondency, but it was but with Letters, which were interchanged by her Chamber-maids assistance; In time all these mourning Solemnities were over, and she appear’d abroad again as resplendent as the Sun, and the fame of her plentiful Estate, great vertue, and charming beauty, drew to her many Adorers, whose business was Sirreverence, Love; she who was resolv’d what Instrument she would play on, and what Pipe should make her musick for the future, gave them all the hearing, but was absolute in her answers. ”

“ The Crowd and throng of People was so great about us, that the Constable made what speed he could to Shop us, so that we were forced to march a-pace, a thing that would vex a Horse to be on a Hand-Gallop to his own throat cutting. The Boys and Girls swarm’d about me, some calling me singly, Thief; others, theeving Bastard; which unpleasant sounds did so often beat against the 100Drum of my ear, that angers Heroick passion was quickly alarm’d, and did soon put it self into a posture of revenge. ”

“ The new married Couple were like a pair of Turtles, always wooing and courting each other, with so much ardency and affection, that they were look’d upon by all, as the best Pattern of a kind Husband and a loving Wife. After this manner they lived some years, and obtained the fruit of all their enjoyments, by having several Children Males and Females: But as it is usually and philosophically said that what is violent is seldom permanent, so it prov’d true in our two Lovers ”

“ Damn me, said another, that Fellow that speaks now hath no Soul; a Parrot would be taught to speak better, and understand more than he; a Baboon treads a Stage a thousand degrees beyond him; See but yonder 172Horse-fac’d Lover, is he fit to act that part with that hunting face of his? it is enough without the help of a Vizard to fright his Mistress into Convulsion fits, or make a young Woman miscarry, that hath not half gone her time. If reviling one another would not put them together by the ears, there was another expedient would infallibly do it. ”

“ Escaping that danger, I got the second days journey to Reading, alighting, I fell all along, for I had kickt away my Leggs in riding thither, Never did I find the difference till now of riding on a Yard-arm, and on the sharp-ridg’d back of a surfeited Jade; I had not so much skin left upon my Breech as would make a white patch for an Ethiopian Lady of Pleasure. Here I lay three days to recover the damage my posteriors had sustained by riding my wooden Horse. ”

“ Why you young Rogue? how dare you thus abuse an honest Woman (though I say it) of my Calling? I am old enough to be your Grandmother, and therefore you might have reverenced my Age. Besides I have paid Scot and Lot these two and thirty years where I live, and as well, or better acquainted with the Justice, than most of the Parish are with his Clerk; Sirrah, it is well known what I am; a Mother of many Children in an honest calling, and never left them to be kept by the Parish, as your Mother did you, Whores-egg. ”

“ These were three Rogues which had a long time design’d to rob this house, not living far off it; who were well acquainted with this house, and had heard that it was visited by Phantasms; now as they were about to mount the stairs they met with the flask, and broken glass in it, which frighted them away from that enterprize as effectually, as if the Devil with the gingling his Chains had come to meet them. ”

“ Having found out his Game, he strongely charged him with the Debt aforesaid, and was resolved that as he had taken so much pains, that the poor man should pay for it; poor man you must judge him to be, for it was impossible he should be rich, that had in seven years made so many removes. The money being demanded, poverty was pleaded; but he was deaf on that ear, and was resolved not to lose his labour. ”

“ Our Lovers though they often met, yet they used all wariness and circumspection, and our Gallant to take off the opinion of his still courting his old Mistress, began a Courtship with a new one, or at least pretended so to do, and thus the time was spent till such time as her time came to be delivered of a Child, which proving to be a brave lusty Boy, gave great joy to all parties, especially to the supposed Father, who was much joyed that he had so hopeful an Heir to enjoy his Estate, and his Wife being again strong, and having layn in her full time, he again accompanied her ”

“ I waited on my Master diligently, swabb’d his Cabbin daily, made his Bed, cleansed the House of Office often, and who so ready as I to fetch the Victuals abaft, and above all things minded my Masters ringing the Bell, as it was my duty, so it was my discretion and prudence; for had I at any time been playing the Rogue out of hearing the Bell, if it rang in that interval, I was assuredly drubb’d; for faults of a higher nature, I was laid over a Gun and lasht, or tyed by the Thumbs, and whipt with a Cat of Nine Tails. ”

“ And now poor Gentleman, not knowing what to do, walking melancholy in the New Exchange, he took special notice of a young Trader, who eyed him as much, as he her (for he was a handsom proper young man, and had cloaths on his back, a Gentleman needed not to be ashamed 176to wear,) they gazed at each other a pretty while at a distance, but Love quickly brought them nearer together. For having money in his Pocket, he approacht the Shop with a Pretence to buy some Linnen, where having seen some of several sorts, he bought some, the better to engage her in a discourse. ”

“ And now coming near the Coast of Europe I shall tell you my resolution, that I intend to make my self a voluntary Exile to my own Countrey. In order thereunto I shall shape my course for the Streights, which will harbor my design in disposing of my goods, neither will it be prejudicial to you to accompany me thither, since from thence you may dispose your selves to the best and most flourishing Countries of the World. ”

“ My heart leapt to think, how this project taking effect, neither I, nor my friend could want Money at any time. Could I have concealed this to my self I would have done it, and so supplyed (as I thought convenient) my Couzen with Money, the more to engage his affection to me. ”

“ And indeed for my part I cannot but applaud her prudence in not too hastily marrying after the decease of her Husband, if it were for nothing else than the dayly treats a woman shall meet withal in that condition, if she be handsome; if wealthy, how will the presents come tumbling hourly into her lap? ”