Nikolai Gogol

“ All along I knew that I should lose my money. Said I to myself: 'The devil take you, you false, accursed card!'"
Just as Nozdrev uttered the words Porphyri entered with a fresh bottle of liquor; but Chichikov declined either to play or to drink.
"Why do you refuse to play?" asked Nozdrev.
"Because I feel indisposed to do so. Moreover, I must confess that I am no great hand at cards."
"WHY are you no great hand at them?"
Chichikov shrugged his shoulders. "Because I am not," he replied.
"You are no great hand at ANYTHING, I think." ”

“ You find that you cannot as soon as you find that you are not winning? Thrash him, you fellows!" And as he spoke Nozdrev grasped the cherrywood shank of his pipe. Chichikov turned as white as a sheet. He tried to say something, but his quivering lips emitted no sound. "Thrash him!" again shouted Nozdrev as he rushed forward in a state of heat and perspiration more proper to a warrior who is attacking an impregnable fortress. "Thrash him!" ”

“ What is in the wind?"
"How could I have hatched such a scheme as you say? One could not very well hatch a scheme out of such a trifle as this."
"Then for what purpose do you want the serfs?"
"Oh, the curiosity of the man! He wants to poke his fingers into and smell over every detail!"
"Why do you decline to say what is in your mind? At all events, until you DO say I shall not move in the matter."
"But how would it benefit you to know what my plans are? A whim has seized me. That is all. Nor are you playing fair. You have given me your word of honour, yet now you are trying to back out of it." ”

“ He advances to the great encounter, and impulsively cries, "Forward, my sons!"--cries it without reflecting that he may be spoiling the plan of the general attack, that millions of rifles may be protruding their muzzles through the embrasures of the impregnable, towering walls of the fortress, that his own impotent assault may be destined to be dissipated like dust before the wind, and that already there may have been launched on its whistling career the bullet which is to close for ever his vociferous throat. ”

“ It only needs repainting to look a perfectly splendid britchka."
"The ramping, incorrigible devil!" thought Chichikov to himself as at all hazards he resolved to escape from britchkas, organs, and every species of dog, however marvellously barrel-ribbed and tucked up of paw.
"And in exchange, you shall have the britchka, the barrel-organ, and the dead souls," repeated Nozdrev. ”

“ I have counted every move, and can remember each one. That piece has only just become added to the board. Put it back in its place, I say."
"Its place? Which IS its place?" But Nozdrev had reddened a good deal. "I perceive you to be a strategist at the game."
"No, no, good friend. YOU are the strategist--though an unsuccessful one, as it happens."
"Then of what are you supposing me capable? Of cheating you?"
"I am not supposing you capable of anything. All that I say is that I will not play with you any more."
"But you can't refuse to," said Nozdrev, growing heated. ”

“ Yes, THEY are not the persons to inspire envy. Rather, it is the folk of the middle classes--folk who at one posthouse call for bacon, and at another for a sucking pig, and at a third for a steak of sturgeon or a baked pudding with onions, and who can sit down to table at any hour, as though they had never had a meal in their lives, and can devour fish of all sorts, and guzzle and chew it with a view to provoking further appetite--these, I say, are the folk who enjoy heaven's most favoured gift. ”

“ Once upon a time I believed you to be a good fellow, but now I see that you don't understand civility. One cannot speak to you as one would to an intimate, for there is no frankness or sincerity about you. You are a regular Sobakevitch--just such another as he. ”

“ The hardness of their muscles will surprise you, and they have jowls as sharp as needles."
So saying, he led the way to a small, but neatly-built, shed surrounded on every side with a fenced-in run. Entering this run, the visitors beheld a number of dogs of all sorts and sizes and colours. In their midst Nozdrev looked like a father lording it over his family circle. Erecting their tails--their "stems," as dog fanciers call those members--the animals came bounding to greet the party, and fully a score of them laid their paws upon Chichikov's shoulders. ”

“ Chichikov duly thanked his interlocutor, but continued to decline either the grey horse or the roan mare.
"Then buy a few dogs," said Nozdrev. "I can sell you a couple of hides a-quiver, ears well pricked, coats like quills, ribs barrel-shaped, and paws so tucked up as scarcely to graze the ground when they run."
"Of what use would those dogs be to me? I am not a sportsman."
"But I WANT you to have the dogs. Listen. If you won't have the dogs, then buy my barrel-organ. 'Tis a splendid instrument. As a man of honour I can tell you that, when new, it cost me fifteen hundred roubles. ”

“ The thing is so amusing that I shall die of it!"
"I say that there is nothing to laugh at," repeated Chichikov. "It is in fulfilment of a promise that I am on my way to Sobakevitch's."
"Then you will scarcely be glad to be alive when you've got there, for he is the veriest miser in the countryside. Oh, _I_ know you. However, if you think to find there either faro or a bottle of 'Bonbon' you are mistaken. Look here, my good friend. Let Sobakevitch go to the devil, and come to MY place, where at least I shall have a piece of sturgeon to offer you for dinner. ”

“ Well, Nozdrev had just such a weakness. The more he became friendly with a man, the sooner would he insult him, and be ready to spread calumnies as to his reputation. Yet all the while he would consider himself the insulted one's friend, and, should he meet him again, would greet him in the most amicable style possible, and say, "You rascal, why have you given up coming to see me." Thus, taken all round, Nozdrev was a person of many aspects and numerous potentialities. ”

“ The flaxen-haired man was one of those people in whose character, at first sight, there seems to lurk a certain grain of stubbornness--so much so that, almost before one has begun to speak, they are ready to dispute one's words, and to disagree with anything that may be opposed to their peculiar form of opinion. For instance, they will decline to have folly called wisdom, or any tune danced to but their own. ”

“ Only when morning was approaching did he fall asleep. On rising, he made it his first business (after donning dressing-gown and slippers) to cross the courtyard to the stable, for the purpose of ordering Selifan to harness the britchka. Just as he was returning from his errand he encountered Nozdrev, clad in a dressing-gown, and holding a pipe between his teeth.
Host and guest greeted one another in friendly fashion, and Nozdrev inquired how Chichikov had slept.
"Fairly well," replied Chichikov, but with a touch of dryness in his tone.
"The same with myself," said Nozdrev. ”

“ Permissibly we may suppose that his wife succeeded in gleaning from him few details of the fair.
"What a fool!" said Nozdrev as, standing by the window, he watched the departing vehicle. "Yet his off-horse is not such a bad one. For a long time past I have been wanting to get hold of it. A man like that is simply impossible. Yes, he is a Thetuk, a regular Thetuk."
With that they repaired to the parlour, where, on Porphyri bringing candles, Chichikov perceived that his host had produced a pack of cards. ”

“ Why, three days ago you were at the fair?"
"Wiseacre! Cannot one be at a fair and buy land at the same time? Yes, I WAS at the fair, and my steward bought the land in my absence."
"Oh, your STEWARD bought it." The brother-in-law seemed doubtful, and shook his head.
The guests returned by the same route as that by which they had come; whereafter, on reaching the house, Nozdrev conducted them to his study, which contained not a trace of the things usually to be found in such apartments--such things as books and papers. ”

“ And almost as Chichikov spoke he saw a third chessman coming into view between the queens. God only knows whence that chessman had materialised.
"No, no!" shouted Chichikov as he rose from the table. "It is impossible to play with a man like you. People don't move three pieces at once." ”

“ You see, it is a REAL organ. Look at it for yourself. It is made of the best wood. I will take you to have another view of it."
And seizing Chichikov by the hand, Nozdrev drew him towards the other room, where, in spite of the fact that Chichikov, with his feet planted firmly on the floor, assured his host, again and again, that he knew exactly what the organ was like, he was forced once more to hear how Marlborough went to the war. ”

“ Nozdrev's face will be familiar to the reader, seeing that every one must have encountered many such. Fellows of the kind are known as "gay young sparks," and, even in their boyhood and school days, earn a reputation for being bons camarades (though with it all they come in for some hard knocks) for the reason that their faces evince an element of frankness, directness, and enterprise which enables them soon to make friends, and, almost before you have had time to look around, to start addressing you in the second person singular. ”

“ Yet just as unexpectedly may that man start abusing you to your face--and do so in a manner worthy of a collegiate registrar rather than of a man who wears a star on his breast and aspires to converse on subjects which merit reflection. ”

“ Everywhere they are to be seen in our midst--the only difference between the new and the old being a difference of garments. Persons of superficial observation are apt to consider that a man clad in a different coat is quite a different person from what he used to be.
To continue. The three vehicles bowled up to the steps of Nozdrev's house, and their occupants alighted. ”

“ Such traits are mostly the outcome of a boisterous temperament, as is additionally exemplified by the fact that if at a fair he chanced to fall in with a simpleton and to fleece him, he would then proceed to buy a quantity of the very first articles which came to hand--horse-collars, cigar-lighters, dresses for his nursemaid, foals, raisins, silver ewers, lengths of holland, wheatmeal, tobacco, revolvers, dried herrings, pictures, whetstones, crockery, boots, and so forth, until every atom of his money was exhausted. ”

“ The tour began with a view of the stables, where the party saw two mares (the one a grey, and the other a roan) and a colt; which latter animal, though far from showy, Nozdrev declared to have cost him ten thousand roubles.
"You NEVER paid ten thousand roubles for the brute!" exclaimed the brother-in-law. "He isn't worth even a thousand." ”

“ For that matter, even a man of good standing and of respectable exterior--a man with a star on his breast--may unexpectedly press your hand one day, and begin talking to you on subjects of a nature to give food for serious thought. ”

“ Consequently in a trice he would be there--quarrelling, and creating disturbances over the gaming-table (like all men of his type, he had a perfect passion for cards) yet playing neither a faultless nor an over-clean game, since he was both a blunderer and able to indulge in a large number of illicit cuts and other devices. The result was that the game often ended in another kind of sport altogether. That is to say, either he received a good kicking, or he had his thick and very handsome whiskers pulled ”

“ Thereafter the host took his guests to look at a young wolf which he had got tied to a chain. "He is fed on nothing but raw meat," he explained, "for I want him to grow up as fierce as possible." Then the party inspected a pond in which there were "fish of such a size that it would take two men all their time to lift one of them out."
This piece of information was received with renewed incredulity on the part of the brother-in-law.
"Now, Chichikov," went on Nozdrev, "let me show you a truly magnificent brace of dogs. ”

“ Next, he called for a bottle of madeira--"as fine a tipple as ever a field-marshall drank"; but the madeira only burnt the mouth, since the dealers, familiar with the taste of our landed gentry (who love "good" madeira) invariably doctor the stuff with copious dashes of rum and Imperial vodka, in the hope that Russian stomachs will thus be enabled to carry off the lot. ”

“ For instance, he would begin telling a story to the effect that he possessed a blue-coated or a red-coated horse; until, in the end, his listeners would be forced to leave him with the remark, "You are giving us some fine stuff, old fellow!" Also, men like Nozdrev have a passion for insulting their neighbours without the least excuse afforded. ”

“ Petersburg and Moscow who spend their time in considering what they shall eat on the morrow, and in composing a dinner for the day following, and who never sit down to a meal without first of all injecting a pill and then swallowing oysters and crabs and a quantity of other monsters, while eternally departing for Karlsbad or the Caucasus, the author has but a small opinion. ”