Nikolai Gogol

“ Then I went with Dobchinski to Pachechuyev's—will you stop, Peter Ivanovich—there, do have done with your interfering!—So off we go to Pachechuyev's, and on our way Dobchinski says, "Let's go," says he, " to the inn. I've eaten nothing since morning . . . there's such a rumbling in my inner man" . . . Yes, sir, in Peter Ivanovich's internals. " But they've got some fresh salmon in the inn," he says ; " so we can have a snack." We hadn't been in the public-house a moment, when in comes a young man—
DOBCHINSKI (as before) . Rather good-looking and well-dressed. ”

“ Scene IV (The GOVERNOR, BOBCHINSKI, DOBCHINSKI, and the POLICE-OFFICER, SVISTUNOV.)
GOVERNOR. Well, is the droshky ready ?
SVISTUNOV. Yes.
GOVERNOR. Go into the street ... or no, stop ! ... go and bring . . . Why, where are the others ? How is it you are alone ? ”

“ There are peccadilloes and peccadilloes. I tell every one plainly that I take bribes, but what kind of bribes? Why, greyhound puppies. That's a totally different matter.
GOVERNOR. H'm, whether they're puppies or anything else, they're all bribes alike.
JUDGE. No, indeed, Anton Antonovich. But suppose, for example, one receives a cloak worth five hundred roubles, [3] or your good lady receives a shawl . . .
GOVERNOR (testily) . Yes ; but what has that got to do with your being bribed with puppy greyhounds? Besides, you're an atheist; you never go to church ”

“ I know you're fond of sport, but there is a proper time and place for everything—when the Inspector is gone you can put it back again. Then your assessor . . . he's certainly a learned man, but he reeks of spirits, as if he had just come out of a distillery ”

“ It's the devil, if you've got an old bird to deal with ; but a young man's all on the surface. You, gentlemen, had better get your departments in order, while I'll go by myself, or with Dobchinski here, and have a private stroll round, to see that travellers are treated with due consideration. ”

“ I had a kind of presentiment, and I say to Dobchinski, " There's something up here, sir ! " Yes—and Dobchinski beckoned, and called up the landlord, Vlas, [15] the inn-keeper, you know—three weeks ago his wife presented him with a baby—such a fine, forward boy—he'll grow up just like his father, and keep a public-house. Well, we called up Vlas, and Dobchinski asks him quite privately, "Who," says he, "is that young man ? " And Vlas replies, " That," says he—oh, don't interrupt me so, Peter Ivanovich, please; good Lord ! ”

“ It would be better too if there weren't so many of them ; otherwise it will be at once ascribed to bad supervision or unskilful doctoring.
CHARITY COMMISSIONER. Oh, Christian Ivanovich and I have settled all about the doctoring ; the nearer we get to nature the better : we don't go in for costly medicines. A man is a simple affair—if he dies, he dies ; if he gets well, why, then he gets well. And it wouldn't be easy for the sick people and Christian to understand one another ; he doesn't know a word of Russian. ”

“ Now, Peter Ivanovich (to DOBCHINSKI) , let us be off!
BOBCHINSKI And me—me too! ... Let me come too, Anton Antonovich !
GOVERNOR. No, no, Bobchinski, it's impossible! Three's no company, you know, and we couldn't find room in the droshky either.
BOBCHINSKI. Oh, that doesn't matter; I'll manage it—I'll trot behind the droshky on foot—on foot—on foot! I only just want to peep through a chink, so, to see what his ways are like. . . .
GOVERNOR (turning to the POLICE-OFFICER and taking the sword) . Run directly and get the constables together—let 'em each take a ... ”

“ But you, Luka Lukich, as Director of Educational Establishments, ought to have an eye on the teachers. They're very clever people, no doubt, and are blessed with a college education ; but they have very funny habits—inseparable from their profession, I suppose. ”

“ The more litter there is the more it will show the Governor's zeal and activity. ”

“ GOVERNOR. Tell me, then, have you read anything about any chinovnik from Petersburg ?
POSTMASTER. No, nothing about any one from Petersburg, but plenty about the Kostroma and Saratov [9] people. It's a pity you don't read the letters. There's some very fine passages in them. For instance, not long ago a lieutenant writes to a friend, describing a ball in first-rate style—splendid ! " Dear friend," he says, "I live in Elysium ; heaps of girls, music playing, flags flying," . ”

“ There's the ante-chamber, where the petitioners usually wait ; you've let the attendants breed geese there, and the goslings go poking their beaks amongst people's legs. Of course, rearing geese is a laudable object, and there's no reason why an usher should not do so ”

“ but he lectures with such ardour that he quite forgets himself. I once listened to him. As long as he was holding forth about the Assyrians and Babylonians, it was all right ; ”

“ As regards the local administration, and what Andrei Ivanovich is pleased to call one's "little faults" in his letter, I don't understand what he means. Why, of course, there isn't a man living who has not some peccadilloes to account for : Heaven made him so—let freethinkers say what they like.
JUDGE. What do you mean by peccadilloes, Anton Antonovich ? ”