Néricault Destouches

“ Anna Death! There's a father who deserves a daughter who will marry herself.
Elizabeth
Would you do such a thing?
Anna
Me? Ten times!
Elizabeth Well, my poor Anna, I have already taken your advice. We've already secretly married— My aunt witnessed it at her house, where I am able to meet Manly. Unfortunately, my happiness won't last long. My father is alarmed at the frequent visits I make to my aunt. He has ordered me not to go there and has forbidden Manly to come here. I am in despair and my fret has throne me into a sickness I think I'll die of. ”

“ Jeremy What do you want, little girl? If I understand you, I will give you a spanking.
Belinda
A spanking. Ah, ah—listen.
Jeremy
Yes, a spanking. Come one, bring me a switch right away.
Belinda
Look at this drunk who wants to give me a whipping.
Jeremy
Drunk! This little minx is too smart to live.
Anna Listen, little girl! Don't go telling stupid stories. It's your father himself who invited these gentlemen.
Belinda
I am well aware he invited them. But to dance, not make love.
Elizabeth
What? You have the impudence—
Belinda Come on, come on. ”

“ Elizabeth I swear to you that I'm terribly nervous and I believe that although you just got here, it would be better for you to leave.
Anna And I, for one, think it isn't necessary. Count on Belinda saying nothing. Wait till she gets married. What a talent for pacifying a jealous husband. The man will be lost—for husbands in this country are the nicest in the world and it doesn't take much skill to trap them. ”

“ Anna Don't worry. I—I am stronger than a man about discretion. Speak or I will break with you.
Trim You take me on my tender side. All right, I've got to tell you. The greatest men engage in madness for these little bitches.— Nobody can hear us?
Anna
Not unless you speak loudly.
Trim
The devil! There are not childish games.
Anna
Well, then?
Trim If someone discovers the mystery, my master will be disinherited— there it is, more or less.
Anna
The deuce!
Trim And I, on the other hand, will inherit a beating. I don't like the idea of such a windfall.
Anna
You are only exciting my curiosity. ”

“ I thought her death would leave me free.— Now, I am a slave to my children, who force me to go against my own wishes, and to preserve decency, without which I dare not proceed. I have to be careful my affairs are not noised about all over town. I have a son who is bigger than I am: what a mortification for a father who doesn't wish to renounce the world! I have a sweet and pretty daughter—who doesn't want to be a nun. ”

“ Anna It's true that music and dancing are pleasant, but I don't think this is exactly what your daughter needs to get her health back.
Matthews
Oh, I see where you're coming from. You mean she needs a husband!
Anna Without a doubt. A husband is a sort of prescription medicine for a languishing daughter.
Matthews
I know my daughter: she's very virtuous.
Anna Does it mean you can't want a husband because you're virtuous? On the contrary, it's her virtue which makes an honest girl want a husband. Those who are not so scrupulous have an easier time of it. ”

“ Elizabeth
And how did you get in?
Manly I sent the dancers and musicians to your home and paid them some money to introduce me as one of their comrades. I thought it was wise that Jeremy play a role, too. Jeremy doesn't dance badly, and I only do passably well—and we ought to appear indistinguishable in the little divertissement that is being prepared.
Anna And, how can Jeremy help you? He is so drunk that he doesn't know what's going on.
Jeremy Don't worry, I'm never better than when I'm drunk. On my oath, I was born to be a musician. ”

“ Walter All your measures will be useless. I pray heaven to destroy me, if I ever take another wife, except Julia, Miss Prescott. All the world knows Julia,—Miss Prescott, to be wise and virtuous. She had noble birth and a fortune large enough so that we can live comfortably without having a charge on you. The whole world is ours.
Matthews It infuriates me to agree he's right, and that I cannot disapprove this marriage without injustice. ”

“ Walter
And, by what right, Madame, if you please?
Nugent
Believe me, Madame, it's better to swallow the pill quietly.
Countess
Wait and see. He will marry me or I will have him abducted.
(Exit Countess.)
Matthews Let her talk. It's a woman speaking. Anna, go find Julia. When you cannot prevent things, you have to accept them with a good grace. I am going to tell her myself that I recognize her as my daughter.
Julia (unmasking) Here I am, sir. Let me receive this precious title and tell you that I will do everything possible to be worthy of it. ”

“ Anna That's the exact picture of a young, emancipated woman. Elizabeth, on the other hand, is a traveler who observes the rules with such a scrupulous exactitude that she's reduced to the last extremity. Sir, remember, one cannot always withstand thirst, so it's unwise to put a young girl in the need of refreshing herself along the way by extending the journey.
Matthews You're wasting your breath, I don't believe that eagerness to get it has caused Elizabeth's sickness. ”

“ Anna Return to your room, Miss Elizabeth. You, gentlemen, go join your pretended comrades. I wish to sound out Trim and learn from him whether or not Walter has some inclination. In that case, you have common interests, and I plan to unite them to upset your father's plans.
Elizabeth
Good idea. We must let her try. Her efforts may be useful to us.
Manly You can count on being rewarded in proportion to the degree your services prove useful to us. ”

“ So, to preserve decency, I have to marry her off. What an aggravating necessity for a father who loves his own comfort more than his daughter! What role should I play?— For the time being better keep them amused, so as to have time to arrange matters in the way I wish.
(Enter Anna.)
Anna What's going on, sir? I've just seen I don't know how many men down there getting drunk. What guzzlers! They've already emptied more than thirty bottles, and they complain they are dying of thirst. Who are they?
Matthews
They're dancers and musicians. ”

“ But it doesn't depend on him to love you.
Countess
Then, why was it necessary to deceive me with false protestations?
Trim
They were not his.
Countess
And, whose then?
Trim His father's who let it all happen. You offered to help him in his needs. The occasion was pressing. He saw a way to profit by your generosity. For recompense you wanted signs of love. ”

“ Matthews Where did you spend the entire week? I know that it wasn't at Cliffordshire Manor. Clifford's aunt, the Countess, has come. She was staying with Clifford for two weeks, and she just told me that my son had not put in an appearance.
Trim
She wouldn't dare to say that to my face.
Matthews
That we'll see. She's still here.
Trim Oh, if she's still here, I have nothing to say. I cannot tell a woman of her quality that she's crazy.
Matthews You're trying to put me off the scent. But you won't succeed. I'm on my guard. Come on, tell the truth. ”

“ Walter Let's see our step-mother, and we will receive her with all the tenderness and respect we owe you.
Matthews She is also in the masquerade, and it was for her that I planned the party. Deign to unmask, Madame, and take these young marrieds for your children.
Sonia (unmasking) I'm very happy to enter into so loveable a family. I hope they are as happy as I am to be their mother.
Trim
Anna, shall we give our consent to this marriage?
Anna One could criticize it. But, come, it's necessary to grant a general amnesty.
Belinda
Papa. I have one more blessing to ask you. ”

“ On a day like this, we must think only of spreading joy.
(Enter Julia, Manly, and other Maskers.)
Countess The assembly is not numerous, but it is agreeable. Come here, Walter, here is a happy day for you.
Matthews
Assuredly, a happier one than he deserves.
Countess
You've been told my intentions.
Walter
Madame.
Countess Now, I will marry you. All your rivals will die of jealousy—but you deserve victory. As for the rest, your esteemed father has given his word for our marriage.
Nugent And, he promised me, too, Miss, that I will have the honor of marrying you. ”

“ Anna Only when they drink at somebody else's expense. I ought to watch them. But, sir, if you please, why have you brought this bacchanalia into your home? Are you giving a ball tonight?
Matthews Yes, child, I intend to give a kind of ball tonight, or rather a little concert mixed with dancing. That's what I brought these musicians and dancers for. ”