Néricault Destouches

“ Elizabeth
Anna, who are these people?
Anna They are two of the dancers your father has brought. They are dressed to amuse, apparently.
Jeremy
Yes, my ladies, we come to give you a little moment of sport.
Anna
I know that mug!
Jeremy
Mug! Oh! Mug yourself!
Manly (to Jeremy)
Will you shut up?
Elizabeth
What do I hear? It's Manly's voice— It's Manly that I see. Ah,
Heaven!
Manly Don't be frightened, Elizabeth. Yes, it is Manly who presents himself to you, and who cuts through insurmountable obstacles to obtain the pleasure of seeing you. ”

“ Smiling with contempt. BLUNTLY.
Why, to say the truth, sir, virtue is a currency
that grows scarce in the world now-a-days—
and some men are so much in need of it, that
they think nothing of stopping a harmless female
passenger in her road through life, and plundering
her of it without remorse, though its loss, embitters
every hour she must afterwards pass in her
journey.
Enter Henry. HENRY.
Sir George, my father, liberated from prison
by your bounty, is come gratefully to offer——
Enter Willford and Eleanor. ”

“ I thought her death would leave me free.— Now, I am a slave to my children, who force me to go against my own wishes, and to preserve decency, without which I dare not proceed. I have to be careful my affairs are not noised about all over town. I have a son who is bigger than I am: what a mortification for a father who doesn't wish to renounce the world! I have a sweet and pretty daughter—who doesn't want to be a nun. ”

“ Elizabeth I swear to you that I'm terribly nervous and I believe that although you just got here, it would be better for you to leave.
Anna And I, for one, think it isn't necessary. Count on Belinda saying nothing. Wait till she gets married. What a talent for pacifying a jealous husband. The man will be lost—for husbands in this country are the nicest in the world and it doesn't take much skill to trap them. ”

“ Anna Don't worry. I—I am stronger than a man about discretion. Speak or I will break with you.
Trim You take me on my tender side. All right, I've got to tell you. The greatest men engage in madness for these little bitches.— Nobody can hear us?
Anna
Not unless you speak loudly.
Trim
The devil! There are not childish games.
Anna
Well, then?
Trim If someone discovers the mystery, my master will be disinherited— there it is, more or less.
Anna
The deuce!
Trim And I, on the other hand, will inherit a beating. I don't like the idea of such a windfall.
Anna
You are only exciting my curiosity. ”

“ Mr. Manly, the lawyer, whom your father employed,
is a man who pretends to a great deal
of morality; and it was he who, when your father
found himself dying, alarmed his conscience,
and persuaded him to make this Will in favour
of a second person. Now, I think that you and
I both together, ought to have a meeting with
this conscientious lawyer.
SIR GEORGE.
But I should imagine, Mr. Blackman, that if
he is really a conscientious man, you and he will
not be upon good terms.
BLACKMAN.
Oh! people of our avocation differ in respect
to conscience. ”

“ Anna Cast your spell over some honest man, agree together, and marry secretly.
Elizabeth
You give me advice like that?
Anna My word, Miss, one has to help save your life. When a father pays no attention to your needs—it is permitted to take care of oneself, if one can do it honorably. Don't waste your time pretending, I am sure you love Manly. ”

“ No, Sir George, nothing—since I possess all
that was yours.
SIR GEORGE.
How!
LADY CAROLINE.
Behold a friend in your necessities—a mistress
whom your misfortunes cannot drive away—
but who, experiencing much of your unkindness,
still loves you; and knowing your every folly,
will still submit to honour, and obey you. ”

“ Anna Death! There's a father who deserves a daughter who will marry herself.
Elizabeth
Would you do such a thing?
Anna
Me? Ten times!
Elizabeth Well, my poor Anna, I have already taken your advice. We've already secretly married— My aunt witnessed it at her house, where I am able to meet Manly. Unfortunately, my happiness won't last long. My father is alarmed at the frequent visits I make to my aunt. He has ordered me not to go there and has forbidden Manly to come here. I am in despair and my fret has throne me into a sickness I think I'll die of. ”

“ Ah, my lady, what a charming thing to have
such a lover—Sir George prevents every wish—
he must make the best of husbands.
LADY CAROLINE.
And yet my father wishes to break off the
marriage—he talks of his prodigality—and, certainly,
Sir George lives above his income. ”

“ Jeremy What do you want, little girl? If I understand you, I will give you a spanking.
Belinda
A spanking. Ah, ah—listen.
Jeremy
Yes, a spanking. Come one, bring me a switch right away.
Belinda
Look at this drunk who wants to give me a whipping.
Jeremy
Drunk! This little minx is too smart to live.
Anna Listen, little girl! Don't go telling stupid stories. It's your father himself who invited these gentlemen.
Belinda
I am well aware he invited them. But to dance, not make love.
Elizabeth
What? You have the impudence—
Belinda Come on, come on. ”

“ SIR GEORGE.
But I fear——
BLACKMAN.
Fear nothing.—There are a vast number of
resources in our art.—It is so spacious, and yet
so confined—so sublime, and yet so profound—
so distinct, and yet so complicated—that if ever
this person with whom your fortune is divided
should be found, I know how to envelope her
in a labyrinth, where she shall be lost again in
a hurry.——But your father's lawyer being a
very honest—I mean a very particular man in
his profession,—I have reason to fear we cannot
gain him over to our purpose.—If, therefore,—
Enter Bluntly. ”

“ Anna It's true that music and dancing are pleasant, but I don't think this is exactly what your daughter needs to get her health back.
Matthews
Oh, I see where you're coming from. You mean she needs a husband!
Anna Without a doubt. A husband is a sort of prescription medicine for a languishing daughter.
Matthews
I know my daughter: she's very virtuous.
Anna Does it mean you can't want a husband because you're virtuous? On the contrary, it's her virtue which makes an honest girl want a husband. Those who are not so scrupulous have an easier time of it. ”

“ Elizabeth
And how did you get in?
Manly I sent the dancers and musicians to your home and paid them some money to introduce me as one of their comrades. I thought it was wise that Jeremy play a role, too. Jeremy doesn't dance badly, and I only do passably well—and we ought to appear indistinguishable in the little divertissement that is being prepared.
Anna And, how can Jeremy help you? He is so drunk that he doesn't know what's going on.
Jeremy Don't worry, I'm never better than when I'm drunk. On my oath, I was born to be a musician. ”

“ Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at at what you see? Lucre, my dear Lucre, are not you amazed at what you see? (...) being insured from any future emand by some certain proofs. (...) being insured from any future demand by some certain proofs. ”

“ Walter All your measures will be useless. I pray heaven to destroy me, if I ever take another wife, except Julia, Miss Prescott. All the world knows Julia,—Miss Prescott, to be wise and virtuous. She had noble birth and a fortune large enough so that we can live comfortably without having a charge on you. The whole world is ours.
Matthews It infuriates me to agree he's right, and that I cannot disapprove this marriage without injustice. ”

“ Mr. Manly takes the paper, and while he is
reading, Sir George says apart—— SIR GEORGE.
How near to the brink of infamy has my
imprudence led me! And s'death, my
confusion takes from me the power to explain, and
expose the scoundrel.
Mr. Manly, I will leave you for the present;
but you shall hear from me shortly,—when this
matter shall be accounted for clearly—perfectly
to your satisfaction, you may depend upon it.— (Going.)
MANLY.
Stay, Sir George, and——
BLACKMAN.
Aye, Sir George, stay and see Mr. Manly's
objections wholly removed. He seems to doubt
the evidence of paper ”

“ Invention is the only Art, And mere Translation but a second Part; Besides—we Men of Taste—can ne'er withstand E'en Nature's Garrick thus at second Hand! Then why do Comic Writers live on Theft, When such Ragouts and Dainties still are left? Not richer were, in Congreve's days or Behn, For now, the Males are Females—Women, Men— Nay some so manly, and so orthodox, Will drive you four in Hand—or hold the Box ”

“ Anna That's the exact picture of a young, emancipated woman. Elizabeth, on the other hand, is a traveler who observes the rules with such a scrupulous exactitude that she's reduced to the last extremity. Sir, remember, one cannot always withstand thirst, so it's unwise to put a young girl in the need of refreshing herself along the way by extending the journey.
Matthews You're wasting your breath, I don't believe that eagerness to get it has caused Elizabeth's sickness. ”

“ Anna Return to your room, Miss Elizabeth. You, gentlemen, go join your pretended comrades. I wish to sound out Trim and learn from him whether or not Walter has some inclination. In that case, you have common interests, and I plan to unite them to upset your father's plans.
Elizabeth
Good idea. We must let her try. Her efforts may be useful to us.
Manly You can count on being rewarded in proportion to the degree your services prove useful to us. ”

“ Is that the situation of your lodgers at present?
BLACKMAN.
Yes.—But they made a better appearance
when they first came, or I had not taken such
persons to live thus near to your master.
BLUNTLY.
That girl (looking at Eleanor) seems very
pretty—and I dare say my master would not care
if he was nearer to her.
BLACKMAN.
Pshaw, pshaw—she is a poor creature—she is
in great distress. She is misery itself. ”

“ Walter
And, by what right, Madame, if you please?
Nugent
Believe me, Madame, it's better to swallow the pill quietly.
Countess
Wait and see. He will marry me or I will have him abducted.
(Exit Countess.)
Matthews Let her talk. It's a woman speaking. Anna, go find Julia. When you cannot prevent things, you have to accept them with a good grace. I am going to tell her myself that I recognize her as my daughter.
Julia (unmasking) Here I am, sir. Let me receive this precious title and tell you that I will do everything possible to be worthy of it. ”

“ But it doesn't depend on him to love you.
Countess
Then, why was it necessary to deceive me with false protestations?
Trim
They were not his.
Countess
And, whose then?
Trim His father's who let it all happen. You offered to help him in his needs. The occasion was pressing. He saw a way to profit by your generosity. For recompense you wanted signs of love. ”

“ If you please. (Rapping again.) What spirit
there is in that, Rat, tat, tat, tat.—And what
life, frolic, and joy, the whole house is going to
experience except myself. As for me, I am
ready to cry at the thoughts of it all. ”

“ So, to preserve decency, I have to marry her off. What an aggravating necessity for a father who loves his own comfort more than his daughter! What role should I play?— For the time being better keep them amused, so as to have time to arrange matters in the way I wish.
(Enter Anna.)
Anna What's going on, sir? I've just seen I don't know how many men down there getting drunk. What guzzlers! They've already emptied more than thirty bottles, and they complain they are dying of thirst. Who are they?
Matthews
They're dancers and musicians. ”

“ I heard some deep ones in the Green-Room, say, They had their fears and doubts—whilst some did
quake— And others wish'd it bed-time for her sake. Do you, our best Physicians, ever kind, } Prescribe our true Cephalic for the Mind, Of these our Neighbours, and kind Friends—behind, And with it, give a cordial of the best, To one, with deepest Gratitude imprest. For some there are—I have them in my eye— Will sicken and turn pale with jealousy, Whene'er we scribbling Women wield the Pen, Or dare invade the Rights of scribbling Men ”