Paul de Kock

“ But now, madame, remember this: even if I had one or several mistresses, if I neglected or totally abandoned my family, that would give you no right at all to have a lover, A man’s position and his wife’s are entirely different. I may have love-affairs, waste my fortune, ruin my health; that will not dishonor you, madame, and will not bring strange children into the bosom of your family. It is not the same with the conduct of a wife; a single misstep ruins her in the eyes of society, and may compel her husband’s children to share their bread with her seducer’s children. ”

“ At last I stammered in an undertone and with an almost shamefaced air:
“Eugénie—will you be my wife?”
She did not answer, but her hand pressed mine affectionately; her bosom rose and fell violently; I met her eyes, which she tried to avert, and they were wet with tears. How sweet are the tears which pleasure causes one to shed! I fell at Eugénie’s feet, reiterating my oath to love her all my life.
I was still at her feet—one is so comfortable in that position before the woman whom one adores! It has been said, I believe, that nothing is more absurd than a man at a woman’s feet ”

“ As soon as I go anywhere nowadays, I hear people whispering when they look at me. They say: ‘That’s Monsieur Ferdinand Bélan,’ as they might say: ‘That is Voltaire, or Frederick the Great.’ I confess it doesn’t displease me. But au revoir, my dear fellow; the ladies await me, and I like dancing with Armide.”
I had no desire to detain Bélan. What a strange man! And yet not so strange after all; we meet with such characters not infrequently. But I did not enjoy his society at all.—He had caused me to lose sight of Ernest, and I set out to find him again. ”

“ I could still see Eugénie trampling upon my portrait, and it seemed to me that she could no longer love me, that her love and her fidelity were attached to that image for which she no longer cared.
I realized that I must be a man rather than a lover, for love does not last forever, but manliness sustains us throughout our whole life. While reasoning thus with myself, I sighed profoundly, for I still adored Eugénie; after all, jealousy is a proof of love, they say: my wife would come to herself and I would forgive her. ”

“ Should we have a wedding party? That was a question which I asked myself, and which I was tempted more than once to put to Eugénie. But a little reflection convinced me that I should be wrong not to celebrate my marriage. To please me, Eugénie would pretend that she did not care about a ball; but at twenty years of age, possessed of innumerable charms, endowed with all the graces which attract and subjugate, is it not natural for a woman to long to show herself in all the glory of her happiness? ”

“ EUGÉNIE AND MARGUERITE
After passing several weeks without speaking to each other, my wife and I came together again and became reconciled; but it seemed to me that the reconciliation was not very sincere, that it was simply a sort of smoothing over. Had these frequent scenes diminished our love? No, I still loved my wife; but when often repeated, disputes sour the temper and change the disposition. The words that people say to each other in passion, although forgotten afterward, deal a fatal blow to our illusions, and they never grow again. ”

“ We returned, walking rapidly, without speaking; poor Ernest had but one thought, to save his little Marguerite. We arrived. Ernest went up to his mistress with the surgeon. I remained in the hall, going upstairs and down in my excitement. I had simply said to Ernest:
“If you need anything, I shall be here.”
How long the minutes seemed to me! Those young lovers loved each other so dearly! the poor girl was so sweet! if she should die, how her lover would grieve for her and regret her! To lose such a long future of happiness! Ah! Death goes sadly astray when it closes eyes of sixteen years. ”

“ I told them, without mentioning any names, the adventure of Bélan and Hélène. That made them laugh heartily. I was not aware that I spoke with more interest of Mademoiselle Dumeillan than of others; but when I mentioned her name, I noticed that Mademoiselle Marguerite smiled and that Ernest did the same.
At last, after one of my anecdotes, Ernest said to me:
“My dear Monsieur Blémont, I should say that you were in love.”
“In love! I! with whom, pray?”
“Parbleu! with the fair-haired young lady who talks so well, who plays the piano so charmingly, who has such a sweet expression.” ”

“ We brought our daughter home. Her presence helped to divert my wife’s thoughts from her grief. The sight of her Henriette, her caresses, her first words, unintelligible to anybody but ourselves, enabled Eugénie at last to endure the loss she had sustained. A woman is a daughter before she is a mother, but she is a mother much longer than she has been a daughter; and in our hearts affection does not look backward, it inclines rather toward the later generation.
Madame Dumeillan’s death made my wife richer than I by four thousand francs a year. ”

“ Love, pleasure, happiness—those are what they gave to each other; and they were still as light of heart, as much like children, as when they lived under the eaves. Ernest, as a matter of courtesy, asked me about my wife; but I fancied that he was not anxious to see her again; for my part, I dared not urge him to come, although I was careful not to mention my quarrel with Eugénie.
When two people are young, especially when they are fond of each other, they cannot remain on bad terms long. Eugénie and I hovered about each other, but our accursed pride and self-esteem continued to keep us apart. ”

“ Come, my dear Blémont, let’s not laugh; help me to get out of this fix; I will do as much for you, and you may need me soon, for you are a terrible fellow too,—the terror of husbands. Great God! how you have maltreated the poor devils!”
“If I can be of any service to you I shall be glad to, but I don’t quite see how, unless I make Montdidier think that it was I who was in the cab with his wife; but that would not rehabilitate the reputation of his Hélène, and that is what we must think of first of all.” ”

“ Oh! do show me your Eugénie; I should like so much to see her.”
“At this moment there are too many people between us. But Ernest knows her, he will show her to you. Excuse me, but I shall have the pleasure of seeing you again.”
I left Madame Ernest; she probably considered me far from courteous. Mon Dieu! how horrible it is to have a suspicious wife; a man does not know what to do nor how to behave in society.
At that moment Bélan clutched my arm and said:
“Good-evening, my friend; you know that I am not a cuckold.” ”

“ If Eugénie was no longer the same with me as in the first months of our wedded life, it was doubtless because we are not permitted to enjoy such happiness forever. Enjoyment, if it does not entirely extinguish love, certainly diminishes its piquancy; when one can gratify one’s desires as soon as they are formed, one does not form so many. And yet Ernest and Marguerite were still like lovers! ”

“ I trust that I shall go to your wedding, too?”
“Really, I don’t know whether we shall have any celebration. That will be as Eugénie wishes; I assure you that I do not give any thought to that.”
“Well, I dream every night of weddings, banquets and dances; twice I have tipped over my somno, thinking that I was opening the ball. Really it is very nice to be married: if anyone would assure me twelve thousand francs a year, I wouldn’t remain a bachelor. Adieu, my friend: I must hurry to wait upon those ladies.” ”

“ Oh! of course it is much more moral to leave to a guilty wife the name of the husband whom she abandons, and to strange children a title and property to which they have no right!
And Ernest insisted that I should return to that circle where Madame Blémont was welcomed and made much of; whereas they would consider that they compromised themselves by inviting dear little Marguerite, who loved her children, devoted herself to her family and made Ernest happy; and why? because she was not married. Oh! that society, overflowing with vices and absurd prejudices, disgusted me! ”

“ Poor Caroline! she had thought that he was free and a bachelor. She had abandoned herself without fear to the pleasure of loving him.”
“Very well; but now when she knows perfectly well that he is married, and above all, when she thinks that it was he who deserted you, why does she bring her uncle here to Saint-Mandé, and settle down within two steps of us? Why does she invite Monsieur Blémont to come to see her? Is that the way for a woman to act with a man whom she is determined not to love, whom she is trying to forget? ”

“ We left Bélan, and I danced with my Eugénie. We were happy to dance together, to be again in those rooms which had been the scene of our own wedding. Our eyes expressed love and contentment. Surely we looked more as if we were at a wedding than anybody else there.
To dance is the best thing that one can do at a ball where one knows nobody. All those Beausires, who stalked solemnly about the quadrilles, and the old aunts who sat against the wall, seemed almost displeased to see other people apparently enjoying themselves. ”

“ I had been a fortnight at Mont-d’Or, and I had intended to pass only one week there. But I was enjoying myself; the company was agreeable; however, if Caroline and her uncle had not been there, I should have gone away; I was becoming accustomed to their society. There was nothing to do there but converse, so that we were together almost all day. I was not making love to Caroline, but she was very pretty; her black eyes alternated in expression between gentleness and mischief. Although one be not in love, there is always a charm attached to the presence of a pretty woman ”

“ Six months had passed, during which I had sought enjoyment apart from my wife. At first that course of proceeding was the result of our quarrel on the evening when I returned from Livry; afterward, spite and self-esteem took a hand. One is never willing to take the first step, especially when one has no reason for self-reproach. And yet that mode of life was very far from being pleasant to me; it was not at all in accordance with my tastes. The idea of being obliged to seek happiness away from my Eugénie and my family, I, who still loved my wife and adored my children! ”

“ I was sure that his wife was going through the same manœuvres with Eugénie. Bélan was right: those people would never forgive us if we married without letting them have a hand in it; but we could do without their forgiveness.
Madame Giraud walked away from Eugénie with evident displeasure. Eugénie glanced at me with a smile; I had guessed aright the subject of their conversation. The husband and wife met and whispered earnestly together; then they walked toward Madame Dumeillan and surrounded her, one at her right, and the other at her left; she could not escape them. ”

“ After a moment she continued:
“However, if I were married, I should not care any more about going into society! The little that I have seen of it has not made me love it.”
“My dear love,” said Ernest, “we should go into society as we go to the theatre, not to please others but to enjoy ourselves; when the play is tiresome, you are not compelled to stay to the end.”
“And Monsieur Dulac?” I said after a moment; “you have not mentioned him, Ernest. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you know. I suppose that he is more devoted than ever to Madame Blémont.” ”

“ Someone opened the door of their box,—Giraud, no doubt. No, it was a young man; he saluted the ladies and Mademoiselle Dumeillan smiled upon him; she talked and laughed with him! It was well worth while for me to go there to see that! Mon Dieu! how stupid a man can be! I was jealous, and all on account of a person whom I hardly knew, and to whom I had not said a word of love. Was not that young woman at liberty to have a lover, ten lovers indeed, if she chose? ”

“ However, I warned Monsieur Dalbreuse; I said to him: ‘My niece is mortally offended with you!’”
“Really, uncle, I don’t know what is the matter with you to-day. Did I tell you to say anything like that? Why should I be offended with monsieur? Because he intended to go away last night without even bidding us adieu? But after all, is not monsieur his own master? We are nothing more than mere acquaintances of his; people with whom he is content to amuse himself when it does not put him out, but of whom he ceases to think as soon as he has left them.” ”

“ I ate with the peasants, while my wife held her daughter and crooned over her. Eugénie said that I was a glutton, that I preferred the pie to my daughter. I was very fond of both. I admit that I was unable to arouse any enthusiasm for a little creature who could not speak and could not do anything but make faces; but my heart told me that I should be none the less a good father, for all that. Exaggeration leads one wide of the truth, and enthusiasm does not demonstrate real feeling. ”