Percy Keese Fitzhugh

“ I said, very sarcastic, “and anyway, I stay awake while I’m turning around. Do you think Cruson Robsoe got mad just because he was on a desert island? All he had was a footprint in the sand and we’ve got a fish—to look at. Isn’t he pretty? I bet there’s nice white meat inside of him, and a lot of bones. I wonder if he has a funny-bone? As long as we can’t get away from here let’s each tell our favorite dessert. I say let’s die bravely, like boy scouts, hungry to the end.”
All of a sudden, good night, Garry nearly fell off the railing; he was waving his hands and shouting, “A sail! A sail!” ”

“ Hervey said.
Mr. Warren said, “Are you scouts all one patrol?”
I said, “No, I’ll tell you how it is. We belong to different patrols but we go around together and they call us the Vagabond Patrol. We’re insane, but we’re harmless. See? My patrol is the Silver Fox Patrol and Warde, that’s this fellow, he’s in my patrol. Bert Winton is in a troop from out west and Pee-wee Harris is in the Raven Patrol; that’s in my troop, and this little fellow belongs in that patrol, too. He’s more to be pitied than blamed. ”

“ Gee whiz, the woods aren’t lonesome, but places where people used to be are lonesome.
All of a sudden Garry said, “Listen—shh.”
“It’s just those timbers creaking above us,” I said.
He said, “It sounded like a voice.”
“Well if it’s a voice up there where the bell is,” Warde said, “it hasn’t got any body to it. I can see all around up there; I can see inside the bell.”
Pee-wee just stared at us, “What did I tell you?” he whispered. “Voices without bodies, those are the worst kind. ”

“ I gave one look at poor little Willie Cook trying to look savage, and then I doubled up. Pee-wee had black all around his mouth and he was swinging his belt-axe; he looked awful funny.
He stood right in front of the bus and shouted, “Who are you and why? We captured a portable garage! Do you think we can’t capture a jitney bus? Nobody can pass this spot. We’re here to do a good turn whether you want us to or not. We’re wild and savage, we live on fish and milk chocolate and we were starving on a desert drawbridge. Hold up your hands and make the scout salute. To-night you sleep at Temple Camp. ”

“ Be careful, don’t trip and go stubbing your toes,
But follow your leader wherever he goes.
Oh, boy, that started us off. We were like horses when they hear a brass band. Hervey gave me a shove and said, “Go ahead, start off, you’re the only patrol leader here, it’s up to you.”
“It’s your game,” I said.
“Go ahead, lead,” he began laughing, “and let’s keep it up till we get to Temple Camp. It’s no fun if you flunk.”
That was just like him, he didn’t care who led as long as he was moving. That fellow goes off in the woods a lot by himself and he doesn’t care anything about merit badges himself. ”

“ If you think we’re going to have anybody interfering with our good turns you’re mistaken. You didn’t know the woods were infested with wild scouts, did you? So now get out of the way while Darby Curren pulls us out of the ditch, and then do what we tell you. All you’ve seen so far are the tame scouts up at camp; we’re the wild, outlaw scouts. This is Hervey Willetts, the human squirrel—I’m the nut. We run Temple Camp, don’t worry, leave it to us. The road to Temple Camp is a one way street and don’t you forget it! ”

“ Warde said. “Are we going to jolly Pee-wee or start a parade?”
“Answered in the affirmative,” I said.
By that time all those fellows were laughing and Darby Curren said to them, “These boys are the moving spirits of camp, they are; especially that Willetts youngster.”
“Sure, we always keep moving,” I said. “Every day is moving day with us. I hope you’ll like us when you don’t know us so well.”
“We like you already,” one of those Columbus scouts piped up.
“You mean you like lunatics?” Pee-wee shouted at them.
Mr. Warren said, “Oh yes, we like lunatics. ”

“ I lie awake at night and say them. If you once get those verses in your head, good night! Most all the rest of that day we were singing them. I guess the people in Catskill Landing thought we were a lot of lunatics. So now I’m going to write those verses down again But you want to be careful not to let them get you or you’ll come to be a raving maniac. If you do you can blame Hervey Willetts.
Don’t ask where you’re headed for nobody knows,
Just keep your eyes open and follow your nose;
Be careful, don’t trip and go stubbing your toes,
But follow your leader wherever he goes. ”

“ Hervey said, “Sure it is, because then we know where not to go. We never start out without taking a destination with us.”
After a little while the jitney bus came along from the other direction and we all set up a shout. Darby Curren was driving it and scouts were sticking their heads out of the windows. Gee whiz, maybe what we were going to do was crazy, but when I saw the faces of those fellows I said, “Crazy things are all right; as long as a thing is a good turn it doesn’t matter.” ”

“ Warde said; “Chocolate Drop* is just about beginning to peel potatoes. Pretty soon he’ll be stirring up batter for cookies. I think they’re going to have strawberry jam and crullers to-night and—and cheese and—lemon pie. They’ll be having baked beans to-night, too, on account of it being Saturday. Oh boy, I can just see that nice slice of brown pork on top——”
“Will you keep still!” Pee-wee screamed.
“Sure,” said Hervey; “whatever it is, let’s do it. If we’re going to starve let’s get some fun out of it. I bet I can beat anybody starving.” ”

“ Pee-wee said.
“Do you mean dinner isn’t fun?” Garry asked him.
“I’m just as crazy as you are,” Bert said to me, “but we might as well go crazy in the right direction if we can only find out what that is.”
“Carried by a large minority,” I said; “the board of directors is appointed to find out the direction, so we can go crazy in that direction.” Warde said, “The trouble is that other people that pass here are not so crazy as we are and they’d like to know which way is which. Some people are peculiar.”
“Some people are worse than peculiar,” the Animal Cracker shouted. ”

“ Garry shouted.
“Mm-rn!” I said. “We’ll fry the fish and eat him while we’re waiting for the duck to cook.”
“Let’s not bother with the fish,” I said: “Luck seems to be coming our way at last.
“Have you got him?” I shouted to Pee-wee as he climbed up over the railing at the other end of the bridge.
“Yop,” I heard him say.
“We’ll only have to clean the fish and scale him,” Warde said, “and it’ll be a nuisance. Let’s fry the duck instead. There’ll be plenty for all hands because that’s a good big one. Fish only makes you thirsty, anyway. I’m not so crazy about fish—not when there’s duck. ”

“ It’s not like we are. All we’ve lost are our bearings and one potato. That roof is in a bee-line with Temple Camp. When we get to the road where the house is I know the way to camp all right without any smoke beacons. There’s a trail through the farther woods. Let the smoke die. What do we care? The boy scouts will live forever. Let’s take a good rest and sort of get sobered up so we’re not seeing things and then let’s make a bee-line for that house. If Hervey will lead us to that house I’ll lead the party to camp from there. ”

“ Willie Cook just looked at me, kind of scared, and he said, “I’m going to do what this fellow says because he’s a patrol leader. I heard a scout at camp say so.”
“Bully for you, Kid,” I said; “you just follow me and you can’t go right! Can he, Hervey?”
“Except by accident,” Hervey said.
“Sure, and we don’t have that kind of accidents,” I told the kid. “You’re right. Proof is more important than appetites. Isn’t it, Garry?”
“Will you stop your crazy nonsense and let’s cook the food?” Pee-wee screamed. “You all make me tired! ”

“ I said, “Sure, maybe if we’re patient we’ll have some mishaps. While there’s life there’s hope.”
“Trust to Hervey,” Bert said.
Pee-wee said, “I could do without the mishaps if I had some more food.”
“When you’re hungry you’re supposed to eat a little at a time,” I told him. “Don’t you know when a man is starving they give him one spoonful of milk to begin with? You have to get used to eating.”
“I’m used to it already,” our young hero shouted.
Warde said, “You’d better look out; did you ever hear about the fish——”
“There isn’t any more fish,” I said. ”

“ I guess none of us knew anything about that old branch but Hervey Willetts. That fellow knows about the funniest things and places. He can take you to old shacks in the woods and all places like that. He knows all the farmers for miles around camp. He knows where you can get dandy buttermilk. And he knows where you can get killed by quicksand and a lot of other peachy places. He says that’s the kind of sand he likes because it’s quick. He believes in action, that fellow.
I said, “As long as you know where we’re going suppose you be leader for a little while.”
“I’ll be leader,” Pee-wee shouted. ”

“ I’ll follow my leader, but——”
Just then Hervey threw a gumdrop into Pee-wee’s hat.
“Maybe you’re right after all,” the kid said; “you know the rules about the game——”
“Now listen,” Hervey said. “Who’s got a watch that’s right?”
“I’ve got a watch that’s right,” I said, “and it’s the only thing here that is right.”
“That’s because it goes around and around just like we do,” Hervey said; “it never gets anywhere but it keeps going. You can depend on a compass because it always points one way, but a watch keeps changing, you can’t depend on it. ”

“ He’s a funny kind of a scout but he’s awful generous. He can’t keep still, that’s one thing about him. Most scouts are always trying for things but all he cares about is action—he eats it alive.
So the first thing I knew I was marching along with the other fellows behind me and they were all singing those verses and kind of marching in step to them. Gee whiz, we couldn’t get those verses out of our heads. It was awfully funny to hear Pee-wee shouting them. ”

“ Bert said; “he’s lost and he knows it.”
I said, “That’s one thing I like about the raving Ravens; they’re always sure of themselves. When one of them gets lost he knows it.”
“You make me tired!” Pee-wee yelled. “He’s a tenderfoot. He’s going to be the best scout in my patrol——”
“That’s easy,” I said. “Maybe he isn’t the best scout in camp, I’m not saying, but he’s the best scout that’s lost in the woods. A scout is thorough. He’s some scout all right; when he gets lost he gets good and lost.” Then I shouted, “What’s the matter, Kid? ”

“ Pee-wee, you’re a brick.”
“It’s an inspiration,” Pee-wee said; “we’ll wind our funny-bone hike up with a crazy good turn, hey? We’ll furnish accommodations. Troops don’t have to go to houses because the houses come to them. Everything is the other way round. While they’re on their way back to Catskill Landing they’ll meet a house and we’ll put them in it and send them back to camp.”
“Good idea,” Hervey shouted; “accommodations delivered while you wait; take your house home with you. Let’s all climb up on the top of it.” ”

“ You can’t blame us.”
“You’re all crazy!” he screamed. “Are we going to go home to camp and get something to eat or not? Do you think I’m going to starve?”
“Not while you’re conscious,” I said. “Would you like to lead the way foodward or shall we elect another leader? What say we all? Shall Pee-wee lead us to the promised land or not? Answer, not. You’re rejected by a large plurality.”
“Let Garry try it,” Hervey said. “Warde’s all right only he has too much sense.”
So that time we started in the right direction, following the old tracks toward the turnpike, with Garry leading us. ”

“ Especially near a bridge it’s dangerous because there are apt to be piles sticking up under the surface of the water. So that’s why we have a rule never to dive unless we know about the place where we’re diving. But, gee whiz, if it’s a case of an auto plunging into the water or taking a chance myself, I’ll take the chance every time. And I know that Hervey Willetts would dive into the Hudson River from the top of the Woolworth Building if anybody dared him to do it. ”

“ If he had only hiked one mile it would have been all right to go back with one potato, but he’s been roaming all over the woods, miles and miles, and so he needs to take back more proof; he needs all the proof he has. He’s a good Raven. Come on, Kid, cook the things and put your initials here and then we’ll all go back to camp and show them the stuff. When the raving Ravens see those nice brown potatoes and that meat cooked just as if you were the chef of the Waldorf Castoria they’ll hand you the second-class badge. ”

“ Pee-wee shouted. “Will you talk sense and let’s start for camp? We’ve been starting for camp all morning.”
“That’s the right way to do,” I told him; “have a lot of different starts and if you can’t use one you can use another. Didn’t you ever hear of having two strings to your bow? A scout should never try to go anywhere without having two or three extra starts.”
Just then Hervey and Bert and Garry started moving the turntable around and, good night, you should have seen Pee-wee stare. ”