Percy Keese Fitzhugh

“ Pee-wee shouted; “because the more excited you get the faster you eat. Treasure Island is better than Dolly Dimple for eating those things—jelly cones. And anyway scouts have to be loyal and we’ll stick to you till they’re all gone and besides that I’ve read Treasure Island so I don’t have to listen if I don’t want to, I can just eat. Gee, I want to see you start making them because if they’re kind of disguised as ice cream cones I bet they’re good.” ”

“ In walking around examining the boat you passed to the north of the indistinct trail that Sandwich followed. And we, like fools, followed you. We are now facing south as we stand here. Our honor prevents us from turning around. Behold, Scout Harris, the little trail which brought us to the shore is now on our right instead of on our left. We cannot follow it back to the main trail.
“You, and you alone, have been our undoing! We cannot move from this spot except by entering the lake which is on our left, and the boat is chained. We are marooned in fetters. We can neither hike nor row. ”

“ All the while we were hiking along the road and all the fellows were laughing like they always do when Pee-wee and I are engaged in mortal come-back. He knows how to make nature yield—you know, all that kind of stuff. He can’t starve when he’s crossing a vacant lot, he can make table d’hote dinners out of roots like hunters lost in darkest Africa. ”

“ Every scout in camp knew about those two rusty old pieces of railroad track.
Brent said, very sober like, “What do you think of them? Is it a bull moose?”
“They look more like the tracks of a pig,” I said; “they’re pig iron.”
“You said you could pick up any tracks and hold them,” Westy said to Pee-wee. “Let’s see you do it.”
“You make me tired!” the kid yelled. “I stopped eating apple sauce on account of you.” ”

“ If a thing’s round and you start around it you can’t have any destination. That’s logic.”
“Absolutely, positively,” Warde said. “The equator is all right but it doesn’t get you anywhere. This is a round trip, we’re encircling the lake.”
“How many times are we going to encircle it?” the kid fairly screeched. “You call that logic? Do you think I’m going to keep hiking round and round and round and round the lake all day with nothing to eat? And anyway if there was a path to the left it would run into the lake only there isn’t any.”
“Well, probably it doesn’t run into the lake then,” Brent said. ”

“ After a little while we came around to the camp again and into Cabin Lane. A lot of scouts were sitting on the porch of Main Pavilion laughing at us. But what cared we, quoth I.
“Didn’t you find any path to the left?” one of them shouted.
“No, but maybe there’ll be one next time,” I said. “You never can tell. We’ve only been around once. It’s a beautiful afternoon this morning for an evening hike. So long, we’ll see you later. We’re busy doing our daily good turn.” ”

“ He just laughed kind of sneering like. He said, “You call yourself a scout. G-o-o-d night! You’re a peachy bunch, you fellows. You ought to all be slapped on the wrists—Arnoldson and the whole crowd.”
I said, “Yes, and how aren’t we scouts?”
“You’re all the time shouting about deduction, and observation and all that bunk,” he said. “I don’t claim to be a scout. But if I did I wouldn’t wear a pair of blinders. I wouldn’t hear a friend called a liar, I wouldn’t. Hey, Sandwich?”
“What did we do?” I asked him.
“Well, one thing,” he said, “did you notice the ’phone in Administration Shack to-night? ”

“ Brent said. “Anyway, you know Tom Slade and Uncle Jeb and the trustees want the fellows to forget about it. Whatever you do don’t get Hervey started on that, whether he knows about it or not. You know he can’t obey instructions, he just can’t, he’s built that way.
“The first thing you know he’ll be drowning himself or getting himself dismissed from camp and we’ll be to blame. It’s like waving a red flag in front of him. Nix on the buried treasure stuff; there’s plenty of fun without that. I’m sorry you mentioned the diagram.” ”

“ We were all laughing, thinking about Hervey sitting out there on that window shutter waiting for a chance to break the rule by an unavoidable cat—you know what I mean—a catas—something like an accident. Hervey was waiting for the apple sauce to stop going down so he could go down.
All of a sudden who should come strolling into the room but Brent Gaylong. He’s kind of long and lanky, and he wears spectacles, and he’s awful funny on account of being so sober. He takes everything as it comes, the same as Pee-wee does when he’s eating. ”

“ Mr. Arnoldson said; “I couldn’t sleep with the stigma of lying upon me.”
“He never sleeps anyway,” somebody said about Hervey.
Cracky, I have no use for sharpies, but I have to admit that this one was all right. And he could use dandy words too. He told Mr. Arnoldson just how it was, the whole thing. Hervey just stood there trying to balance that crazy stick on his nose—he didn’t look very much insulted.
Mr. Arnoldson said, “Well, scouts, I’m glad you arose so you can all hear my apology.” ”

“ I had to laugh to see how he went over and sat behind the counter and kept his eye on them.
“Gee whiz, one thing,” Pee-wee said; “I’m good and sore from falling down; my leg is stiff; maybe I ought to rest anyway, hey?”
The girl said, “They’re dancing over in the pavilion. Why can’t we go over there? It’s so poky sitting here. I want to have a dance. I know all the boys over there.”
“Do you mean to tell me you’d dance right after eating waffles?” the kid said. “Gee, that shows you don’t know what’s good for you. A scout isn’t supposed to hike right away after eating—gee whiz, you ask anybody.” ”

“ Pee-wee said, all excited; “you wouldn’t see it.”
Brent said, “This makes our expedition all the more interesting. Sir Harris has thrown a new light on the subject. If a thing goes away it must go somewhere. It can’t go nowhere—that’s logic. Nowhere is not a place.”
“Why isn’t it?” I said. “It’s got a name, hasn’t it?”
“If it wasn’t it couldn’t have a name,” Hervey said. “If Somewhere is a place, Nowhere is a place. All I know is the West Shore tracks come to a point away up the line and they ought to be separated. I’m going to hike up there this afternoon. ”

“ All of a sudden Hervey shouted, “I’ve got an idea!” Then he pulled up the stake that was stuck in the water near the stern of the boat. A chain went from the boat to that stake, and there was a padlock, but it wasn’t much good when he pulled the stake up. He said, “Ha, ha, we are shaved, I mean saved. This alters the whole face of nature. Just a minute and the trail will be on our left, and the hike can continue along the same lines as before.” ”

“ I said, “Once our young hero fell off a merry-go-round horse; that’s why he doesn’t care to go around much any more. Ever since then he’s been on the square. He thinks when he goes around he’s doing a good turn.”
Stella Wingate said to Pee-wee, “Don’t you mind them, they’re only making fun of you.”
“I could handle them all,” Pee-wee said, “if I wasn’t busy eating.”
So, then they began asking us about the scouts and about the kind of good turns we do and all that. It was nice sprawling around and eating jelly cones and just talking. You can have a lot of fun doing nothing. ”

“ If you want to go to Brookside you just row down the outlet and pretty soon you come to it.
I said, “How far is your camp from here. And can we get to it without turning to the right?”
Marjorie Eaton said, “I don’t see how you ever expect to get away from the lake if you keep turning to the left; you’ll just go around and around and around. I think you’re all too silly. You’ll just go hiking around forever.”
Brent said, “You never can tell, they may cut a road to the left some day while we’re going around.”
“Didn’t I tell you they’re all crazy?” Pee-wee shouted. ”

“ Marjorie said, “Well, he’s going to have the chance because he deserves it. But are you sure the wasps can’t get out?” she asked us.
“Not as long as that plug stays in,” Pee-wee said. “But if anybody took it out——”
“Good gracious!” Marjorie said.
“We wouldn’t touch it,” Stella put in, just shuddering.
“Then they’d come out good and mad,” Pee-wee said. “They’d be mad because I circumvented them. See? But as long as it stays in there they’re foiled.” ”

“ Apthorpe is very cross-looking and dignified. We were all laughing the way Pee-wee came along after us, kind of hesitating.
But anyway, I guess Mr. Apthorpe knew about us being crazy—the whole camp knows that by this time. It’s getting so up there that if you just mention the word hike everybody starts laughing. Anyway nobody ever gets mad at Brent, not even the trustees. And they only get mad at Hervey to his face—behind his back they have to laugh at him, scoutmasters and all. We should worry about being scared of trustees—they’re not as bad as principals anyway. And mathematic teachers. ”

“ I’m patrol leader of the Silver Foxes.
The best thing about the Ravens is that they’re not Elks. And the best thing about the Elks is that they’re not Ravens. And the worst thing about the Silver Foxes is that they’re in the same troop with the Elks and the Ravens—they’re more to be pitied than blamed. Temple Camp is at Black Lake and Black Lake is in the Catskills, and the Catskills are somewhere or other, I should worry, you reach them in the second grade, that’s all I know. ”

“ They’ll stick in the jam while they’re in a state of como, or coma, or whatever you call it, and we’ll capture them all by one master-stroke.”
Warde said, “You got that idea from the best way to kill flies by hanging a slippery cord above a plate of ice cream. The fly alights on the cord, slides off into the ice cream and freezes to death.” Brent said, “I’ve heard of that but it’s cruel and scouts don’t use it. In the seasick method the wasp is rendered unconscious first and he never knows he’s dead till afterwards. He dies in the jam, an ideal death. Even Pee-wee will admit that.” ”

“ All of a sudden there was a voice from the Mammoth Cave in the other rowboat. “Let’s foil him,” said Pee-wee. “Just for fun let’s keep on eating for a couple of hours till he’s called to camp-fire. That’ll keep Chocolate Drop in the shack.”
“Listen to the famine talking,” I said.
“He can even hold a heavy shutter up an hour or so with a half a dozen pieces of pie,” said Warde Hollister.
“You should worry about our suppers,” I told him. “We always take our time eating. We expect to spend a couple of hours at the board and you can spend a couple of hours on that board.” ”

“ Anyway it gave him a good scare and took all the nerve out of him.
Hervey said to him, “Well, you had a wild night. If you had only told me what you were going to do when we were talking over the ’phone I’d have joined in with you. And we’d have found it. It serves you right for staying away from dances. You have to come back with us to tell one of the keepers that I’m not a liar and then I’ll hike as far as Catskill with you if you’re going that way.”
“I’m staying at Brookside,” the sharpy said.
“Well, come over to Temple Camp anyway and see the fun,” Hervey said. “It’ll do you good.” ”