Ring Lardner

“ Even under the present conditions, which is said to be the worst in history from a doctor's or pall bearer's standpoint, a big majority of the people engaged in this kind of arts is headed for the rocks and what will it be if a few more of their prospective customers decides to not drink or smoke ourselfs to death. ”

“ THE worst of this situation is that the gents and ladies effected by same is not the kind that can meet the situation and save themselfs by changeing their line of business the way some people could, like for inst. ”

“ Well friends, I suppose you know what day this Sunday is without me reminding you, namely New Yrs. day which is the day when so many people makes resolutions which they think will improve themselfs in some way, either swear off habits that ain't good for their health or quit wasteing so much money or something. ”

“ Well then, it ain't necessary to tell nobody that we have been in the throws of a business slump and that same ain't over yet and that when a man quits smokeing or drinking or decides to become a tight wad he is dealing a blow to business in gen. ”

“ But of course when doctors, nurses and undertakers desserts their own field to try and get jobs as telephone girls or clerks or boot leggers, why that ain't going to improve the non employment situation not one iota and in fact just the opp, so it should ought to be the aim of every man, woman and child to try and keep the above mentioned artists busy in their own profession which the only way to accomplish same is for all of us to take down sick and some of us to even make the supreme sacrifice and die. ”

“ He would half to find some walk of life where you guess for a living and they's only a few jobs besides Dr. where it don't make much difference whether you guess right or wrong, like for inst. telephone operator or weather prophet neither of which commands no such ridiculous stipend as a Dr. has been brought up to expect. ”

“ It is generally always the men folks that does the swearing off, maybe because the ladies is all ready perfect, but whatever is the reason it is the gents of my sex that makes the most important resolutions wile all the women do is stand around and get ready to laugh, except in a few cases where a woman will maybe get into the spts. ”