Roy Norton

“ Clair, alias Mary Brown, can be thankful that matrimonial-bureau sufferers are of such forgiving natures that, when properly settled with, they decline to prosecute. Yesterday she was discharged from bond, and at the same time learned of the death of her husband, James Whalen. To-day she was joined in the bonds of real matrimony to one William Christian, formerly a resident of Socorro, where he was best known as Turkey Bill. The happy couple will make their future home in Alaska—far from the maddened crowd. ”

“ Turkey Bill resolved to travel and get a liberal education thereby. He got a chance, after much effort, to go through to Kansas City with a stock-train. He was a pretty wise sort, and knew that the widely traveled man always has an edge on the fellow who has never been out of his own territory.
But Bill didn't have a very good time. He wasn't quite sure what kind of a game would be braced on him in his absence. He saw all the big buildings in Kansas City, and rode on street-cars for a half-day, then bought a phonograph and a pair of gilt opera-glasses for Mary, and got ready to go home. ”

“ Mary acted kind of mean about that. She never had her picture taken, and when Turkey tried to act as a missionary in the cause she bucked outright; said she'd “be hanged if she would.” A bunch of people that want anything bad enough get it. So the people in this case bribed Mrs. Hank.
She snap-shotted Mary, and then surreptitiously bartered the photographs gained thereby, and added doby dollars to her sack. Nobody objected to the price, because five is always cheap for a “right strikin' likeness” of a loved one, and these sure were “strikin'.” ”

“ It isn't commerce and manufacturing that makes a city. That was proven by Socorro. It's manicuring and Marcelling. Before Mary Brown came there were just three shacks in Socorro. Before she had been there six months there were thirty. Most every cattleman had his town cabin, and once a sheepman tried to break in. ”

“ She remembered the very day and train and time that Mary arrived, how she was dressed, what kind of luggage she carried, and what was in the luggage. This latter because Mrs. Hank got confidential with Jonesy and admitted having opened Mary's gripsack and scanned its contents. Jonesy listened attentively to all these details. He was like every other man that came near Socorro—got the Mary Brown bug as soon as he hit the camp. He bought one of Mary's photographs, and put it carefully in his inside pocket, thus confirming his initiation into the secret order of Mary Browns. ”

“ Her fame spread for many a day's ride, and it was astonishing how many men there were on the range who were in direful apprehension of losing their sunburnt locks, although most of them could have sported signs: “Hair to Let.” ”

“ The voice of Jones, in loud, full-lunged, derisive laughter, broke the silence.
“Engaged to marry you, eh? Well, that's good! That's one reason why she's going back East with me. She's under arrest. She ran a matrimonial bureau before she came here, has one husband living, and is engaged to fourteen other gents back there, from all of whom she's got money. And all the backwoods counties aren't heard from yet; but I'm closing the polls right now. I'm an officer, and reckon I'm due to get about three thousand dollars reward for this trip, and, by the way, I'm much obliged to you for the pass. ”

“ To one on the inside, business wouldn't have looked very flattering when Mary came. As a matter of historical fact, Turkey Bill was the only bald-headed man within a hundred miles, and he didn't belong to Socorro. ”