Roy Norton

“ Hence, atmospheric pressure. The earth is like a syringe. This here atmospheric pressure is the hand that squashes the bulb. Springs are little holes in the great syringe.
“These holes runs all the time unless they get plugged up. That's it, sir. Arcadia's hole got plugged!”
He stretched his arms out to loosen the sleeves of his tightly-fitting coat and secure a firmer grasp of his subject before getting well under way. The saloon-keeper put one hand behind his ear for a better hearing and the interested landlord paused with an air of great expectancy. ”

“ Thus it came about that on a certain day there rumbled across the sands and into Arcadia a freighter's wagon, bringing a drilling outfit, on the top of which were seated in state, the well-borer and the Recoverer of Springs. Professor Doctor Elisha Smith, V.S., A.Z.Z., had returned to his own again.
Uncorking his eloquence he sprayed it over Mirandy and her father. They hearkened to his scornful denials of ever having “lifted” a horse, saw in him a martyr to a justice that was well known to work with bandaged eyes, and took him back to their hearts. ”

“ Millions of 'em sir; millions of 'em.” He spat violently on the ground as a new idea portrayed itself on the hairless portion of his face
“The terrific concentration of my mind, sir, compels me to seek something to drink. I am athirst. Er—has the saloon man left, too?”
“No, he's the only business man that's till here. He sticks on account of Mirandy, my daughter.”
The Professor thrust his arm through that of the landlord and together they repaired to the idle “Home of the Thirsty,” where the proprietor, a wooden legged man, was playing “The Maiden's Prayer” on a harmonica. ”

“ Violent expostulations were followed by gurglings, gruntings, and growlings and more bad language. Nothing saved the burning of the sacks except the fact that they were impregnated with asbestos. The cowboys were given valuable additions to their vocabularies.
Mirandy and her father appeared, but their wonderment and indignation subsided when the saloon-keeper explained that he had “Recognized the creature in the bag as Mulligan the minute he set eyes on him, but didn't calkylate to raise no ruction.” Lord Nelson and he were in the same class, proving that wooden legs are no bar to heroism. ”

“ That is the word, sir, cogitate. Springs is caused in the first place by atmospheric pressure on the earth's top. Space is nothin' but air. There is so many other earths in it, that the air gets squeezed, as it were. ”

“ Beautiful croquet grounds afforded exercise and recreation for those whose systems need the invigoration of the health giving sun, and our magnificent ping-pong table was the envy of all other so-called resorts in Arizona. ”

“ I demand counsel and stand on my rights as a American citizen. There aint no law allowing you to separate me from my hair till I'm proved guilty. Whiskers is a sacred thing, because they are private property, and the Declaration of Independence and Patrick Henry mention 'The sacred rights of property,' or somethin' like that. It's unconstitutional, irrelevant, and uncompatible. I'm Mulligan with whiskers or I aint Mulligan. E pluribus unum says the law in Latin which same means united we are and divided be damned. ”