Samuel Langhorne Clemens

“ In France, all is clock-work, all is order. They make no mistakes. Every third man wears a uniform, and whether he be a marshal of the Empire or a brakeman, he is ready and perfectly willing to answer all your questions with tireless politeness, ready to tell you which car to take, yea, and ready to go and put you into it to make sure that you shall not go astray. ”

“ In cool mornings, before the sun was fairly up, it was worth a lifetime of city toiling and moiling, to perch in the foretop with the driver, and see the six mustangs scamper under the sharp snapping of a whip that never touched them; to scan the blue distances of a world that knew no lords but us; to cleave the wind with uncovered head, and feel the sluggish pulses rousing to the spirit of a speed that pretended to the resistless rush of a typhoon! ”

“ The Emperor moreover was a liberal patron of the opera, which he generously subsidized during its stay in Mexico.
On occasions honored by the presence of Maximilian and Carlotta, the elite and fashion and the heiresses to the great fortunes of Mexico shone out in all the splendor of magnificent silks and priceless diamonds. The building was packed with representatives of the wealth and elegance of Mexico's capital. The boxes at the Imperial were taken for the season; the most desirable and highest priced having been those nearest the Empress. ”

“ Turning to the other extreme of society, the city of Mexico contains immense wealth, which is lavished in all the means of comfort and luxury known to civilized life. Houses, whose forbidding exterior of stone and plaster, with grated prison-like windows, give no idea of the grandeur within, are adorned with all that art and wealth can supply, brought from abroad at incredible expense. ”

“ Like most large cities, Mexico presents the extremes of wealth and poverty. Beggary is reduced to a system. Incorrigible offenders are known to the police as having for years imposed upon the sympathies of strangers by drugging their own children (or those hired for the purpose) and passing them off for diseased or dying. Attempts were made under the Empire to stop this, but ineffectually. The lame, the blind, and the deformed are thrust in one's path, in every stage of disgusting loathsomeness, clamorous for charity. ”

“ Altogether, that array of beauty offered a brilliant picture, especially if the Emperor and Empress happened to be present. Everybody was expected then to be in extreme full dress, and a connoisseur in toilet, lorgnette in hand, would find enough to occupy his attention. It was a sumptuous array of rich dresses, incredible jewelry, and gorgeous regimentals. The Imperial couple rarely sat out the opera, and on their departure with the favored two or three who had been honored with a place in their box the same marks of respect were shown by the audience. ”

“ Costly and elegant furniture, libraries, pianos, paintings, and statuary, and all that goes to complete the appointments of a sumptuous mansion, are displayed oftener with reckless profusion than in conformity with good taste. The private equipages in the streets are a special means of exhibiting wealth. Many are richly ornamented with silver; mules are in general demand for carriages, though a fine span of English or American horses now and then dash along, the reins held by liveried coachmen, while behind sits the footman in all the splendor of red, green and yellow. ”

“ To be armed when traveling, for ever so short a distance beyond the walls of Mexico, is and always was prudent for even ordinary persons, but for a ruler, be he Governor, Emperor or President, it is a necessity. For the capture and holding for ransom of an Emperor and Empress by a band of swift mountain guerrillas, was worth all the risk of the undertaking. ”

“ Two thousand miles of ceaseless rush and rattle and clatter, by night and by day, and never a weary moment, never a lapse of interest! The first seven hundred miles a level continent, its grassy carpet greener and softer and smoother than any sea, and figured with designs fitted to its magnitude—the shadows of the clouds. ”

“ You are in the hands of officials who zealously study your welfare and your interest, instead of turning their talents to the invention of new methods of discommoding and snubbing you, as is very often the main employment of that exceedingly self-satisfied monarch, the railroad conductor of America. ”

“ There are no unsightly stone walls, and never a fence of any kind. There is no dirt, no decay, no rubbish, anywhere— nothing that even hints at untidiness, nothing that even suggests neglect. All is orderly and beautiful—everything is charming to the eye. ”

“ We are getting used to tidy, noiseless waiters, who glide hither and thither, and hover about your back and your elbows like butterflies, quick to comprehend orders, quick to fill them, thankful for a gratuity, without regard to the amount, and always polite—never otherwise than polite. ”

“ No, they have no railroad accidents to speak of, in France. But why? Because when one occurs, somebody has to hang for it! Not hang, may be, but be punished with such vigor of emphasis as to make negligence a thing to be shuddered at by railroad officials for many a day thereafter. "No blame attached to the officers "—that lying and disaster-breeding verdict so common to our soft-hearted juries—is seldom rendered in France. If the trouble occurred in the conductor's department, that officer must suffer if his subordinates cannot be proven guilty ”

“ If by any possibility you have managed to take the wrong train, you will be handed over to a polite official who will take you whither you belong, and bestow you with many an affable bow. Your ticket will be inspected every now and then along the route, and when it is time to change cars you will know it. ”

“ Deformed creatures too horrible to contemplate are carried in chairs and placed under one's window, until exorcised with a few pieces of copper money; and others crawl along the pavement, shod hands and feet with square blocks of wood to prevent their toilsome progress from wearing away the flesh. There are beggars of all degrees and kinds—church, secular, and society beggars, and those who have their expenses paid and hand over their earnings to their employers. ”

“ Perhaps no other theatre in the world could present so many noteworthy and exciting features—interesting from the nature of the events with which they were associated; and forming themselves a part of the remarkable political drama upon which the curtain has so recently fallen in sadness and gloom. ”

“ The seats and backs are thickly padded and cushioned, and are very comfortable; you can smoke if you wish; there are no bothersome peddlers; you are saved the infliction of a multitude of disagreeable fellow-passengers. So far, so well. But then the conductor locks you in when the train starts; there is no water to drink in the car; there is no heating apparatus for night travel ”

“ You cannot pass into the waiting-room of the depot till you have secured your ticket, and you cannot pass from its only exit till the train is at its threshold to receive you. Once on board, the train will not start till your ticket has been examined—till every passenger's ticket has been inspected. ”

“ Merchants and tradesmen who flocked to Mexico at this time, invited by the era of peace which it was believed the Empire would ensure to the distracted country, were surprised to find it the largest and rich- est city of the American tropics ”

“ Compactly and regularly built, principally of stone, the first impression is of strength and solidity. The eye rests upon imposing churches, convents and public buildings of curious architecture and adorned with venerable sculpture ”

“ Meanwhile we are getting foreignized rapidly and with facility. We are getting reconciled to halls and bedchambers with unhomelike stone floors and no carpets—floors that ring to the tread of one's heels with a sharpness that is death to sentimental musing. ”

“ Within Guadalajara, Puebla, Querétaro, Guana- that period the European powers, not juato and Jalapa, and all the fortified even excepting the little German prin- seaports giving access to the interior on cipalities, had formally recognized and both sides of the continent, had been sent their embassadors to the new- surrendered, most of them peaceably, to born nation of the West. The United the Imperial forces. The contest had States alone held menacingly aloof, been for the moment abandoned. The and continued earnestly to remonstrate Empire was everywhere triumphant. ”

“ We are getting used to ice frozen by artificial process in ordinary bottles —the only kind of ice they have here. We are getting used to all these things, but we are wot getting used to carrying our own soap. We were sufficiently civilized to carry our own combs and tooth-brushes, but this thing of having to ring for soap every time we wash is new to us, and not pleasant at all. ”

“ At no time since the days of its an- cient glory in the reigns of the Aztec kings, has the capital of Mexico con- tained so large a population as dur- ing the late Empire. The exhausting wars waged between the Liberal and Church factions had finally driven the wealthy proprietors towards the chief popular centres—the greater number gravitating to the city of Mexico ”

“ Maximilian and Carlotta often appeared in public. They usually occupied the barouche alone; but sometimes the remaining seats were filled by their guests who had been invited to dine at Chapultepec. The little troop as above described, upon issuing from the grand entrance of the palace, opening upon the Plaza, drove past the Cathedral, generally down the Calle de los Plateros and thence to the western gates of the city. Towards evening, the streets of Mexico are generally thronged. ”

“ They seem to have been selected with a special view to litheness of form and power of endurance. Whole regiments of them had served in Africa, whence they had brought swarthy, bronzed faces, and great muscular development. Every man was an athlete. ”