Samuel Rowlands

“ Tom made his bargaine, thus with bonnie Dicke
If it should chance my foote or so should slip,
How wouldst thou use me or after what Size,
Wouldst bare me shorter or wouldst let me rise.
Nay God forbid our quarrells not so great,
To kill thee on advantage in my heat. [22]
Tush we’le not fight for any hate or soe,
But for meere love that each to other owe.
And for thy learning loe Ile shew a tricke,
No sooner spoke the worde but downe comes Dicke,
Well now (quoth Tom) thy life hangs on my sworde,
If I were downe how wouldst thou keepe thy worde? ”

“ The fellowe sure hath seene some dreadfull spright
Masse rightly guest, why sure I did divine,
Hee’s haunted with a Spirit feminine.
In plaine termes thus, the Spirit that I meane,
His martiall wife that notable curst queane,
No other weapons but her nailes or fist,
Poore patient Idiot he dares not resist,
His neighbor once would borrow but his knife,
Good neighbor stay (quoth he) ile aske my wife:
Once came he home inspired in the head,
He found his neighbor and his wife a bed,
Yet durst not sturre, but hide him in a hole,
He feared to displease his wife poore soule. ”

“ The play is done and foorth the foole doth goe,
Being glad that he cousned the Cut-purse soe.
He thought to jybe how he the Cut-purse drest,
And memorize it for a famous jest.
But putting in his hand it ran quite throw
Dash’t the conceite, heele never speake on’t now,
You that to playes have such delight to goe,
The Cut-purse cares not, still deceive him so.
[21]
A drunken fray.
Dicke met with Tom in faith it was their lot,
Two honest Drunkars must goe drinke a pot,
Twas but a pot, or say a little more,
Or say a pot that’s filled eight times ore. ”

“ But Tom he scorne to kill his conquered foe,
Lets Dicke arise, and too’t againe they goe.
Dicke throwes downe Tom, or rather Tom did fall,
My hilts (quoth Dicke) shall braine thee like a maull,
Is’t so (quoth Tom) good faith what remedie,
The Tower of Babell’s fallen and so am I.
But Dicke proceedes to give the fatall wound,
It mist his throate, but run into the ground. ”

“ And unto Shor-ditch where the whores keepe hell,
Shew’d him the Lyons, Gyants in Guild-Hall,
King Lud at Lud-gate, the Babounes and all,
At length his man, on all he had did pray,
Shew’d him a theevish trick and ran away,
The Traveller turnd home exceeding civill,
And swore in London he had seene the Devill.
[30]
Three kinde of Couckoldes,
One, And None.
First there’s a Cuckolde called One and None,
Which foole, from fortune hath receiv’d such favour
He hath a wife for beutie stands alone,
Grac’d with good carriage, and most sweete behaviour
Nature so bounteous hath her gifts extended. ”

“ They drinke to healthes devoutly on their knees,
Dicke drinks to Hall, to pledge him Tom rejects,
And scornes to doe it for some odde respects
Wilt thou not pledge him thar’t a gill, a Scab,
Wert with my man-hood thou deservest a stab,
But tis no matter drinke another bout,
Weele intot’h field and there weele trie it out.
Lets goe (saies Tom) no longer by this hand,
Nay stay (quoth Dicke) lets see if we can stand. ”

“ Hat without band like cutting Dicke he goe’s,
Renowned for his new invented oathes.
Sometimes like a Civilian, tis strange
At twelve a clocke he must unto the Change,
Where being thought a Marchant to the eye,
He tels strange newes his humor is to lie. ”

“ For’s bootes and spurs, a horse-man doth appeare.
Was met with, by an odde conceited stranger,
Who friendly told him that he walk’d in danger. [11]
For Sir (in kindenes no way to offend you)
There is a warrant foorth to apprehend you.
Th’offence they say, you riding through thee streete,
Have kil’d a Childe, under your Horses feete.
Sir I protest (quoth he) they doe me wrong,
I have not back’d a horse, God knows how long,
What slaves be these, they have me false bely’d? ”