Samuel Rowlands

“ We are abused in a great degree,
For there’s no knaves so wronged as are we
By those that chiefely should be our part-takers:
And thus it is my maisters, you card-makers,
All other knaves are at their owne free-will,
To brave it out, and follow fashion still
In any cut, according to the time,
But we poore knaves (I know not for what crime) ,
Are kept in pie-bald suites, which we have worne
Hundred of yeares, this hardly can be borne.
The idle-headed French devis’d us first,
Who of all fashion-mongers is the worst:
For he doth change farre oftener than the moone ”

“ Tom made his bargaine, thus with bonnie Dicke
If it should chance my foote or so should slip,
How wouldst thou use me or after what Size,
Wouldst bare me shorter or wouldst let me rise.
Nay God forbid our quarrells not so great,
To kill thee on advantage in my heat. [22]
Tush we’le not fight for any hate or soe,
But for meere love that each to other owe.
And for thy learning loe Ile shew a tricke,
No sooner spoke the worde but downe comes Dicke,
Well now (quoth Tom) thy life hangs on my sworde,
If I were downe how wouldst thou keepe thy worde? ”

“ As sure as death ile ioyne my selfe with man,
For I perswade me tis a happy life,
Ile be a Bride vvith all the speede I can,
It's vvonder how I long to be a vvife:
Grace heer's good counsell, had you grace to take it
Susan tis sound, oh Besse doe not forfake it.
Good husband-men vve see doe euer vse,
To chuse for forfit those that breede the best,
And none vvill keepe bad breeders that can chuse,
Euen so your fowlers that often brood the nest,
Are most esteem'd, & their kinds worthiest thoght
All barren things, by all are counted nought. ”

“ And unto Shor-ditch where the whores keepe hell,
Shew’d him the Lyons, Gyants in Guild-Hall,
King Lud at Lud-gate, the Babounes and all,
At length his man, on all he had did pray,
Shew’d him a theevish trick and ran away,
The Traveller turnd home exceeding civill,
And swore in London he had seene the Devill.
[30]
Three kinde of Couckoldes,
One, And None.
First there’s a Cuckolde called One and None,
Which foole, from fortune hath receiv’d such favour
He hath a wife for beutie stands alone,
Grac’d with good carriage, and most sweete behaviour
Nature so bounteous hath her gifts extended. ”

“ Vnto the purpose I was borne, ile liue,
All maydes are fooles that vvill not ioyne vvith vs,
And vnto men their right of marriage giue:
Most vvorthy Bride, here is my hand and vow,
I loue a man in heart, as vvell as thou. ”

“ But being married to a jealous asse,
He vowes she hornes him, for he feeles a paire
Have bin a growing ever since last grasse,
No contrary perswasions hee’l indure,
But’s wife is faire and hee’s a Cuckolde sure.
[31]
The second.
None, and One.
The second hath a wife that loves the game,
And playes the secret cunnig whore at plaisure.
But in her husbands sight shees wondrous tame,
Which makes him vow, he hath Ulisses treasure.
Sheele wish al whores were hang’d, with weeping teares
Yet she her selfe a whores cloathes dayly weares. ”

“ Your liues are like those worthles barren trees,
That never yeald (from yeare to yeare) but leaues:
Greene-bowes vpon them only all men sees,
But other goodnes there is none receaues,
They flourish sommer and they make a showe,
Yet to themselues they fruitles spring & growe.
Consider beast, and fish and foule, all creatures,
How there is male and female of their kinde,
And how in loue they doe inlarge their natures:
Even by constrayn'd necessity inclyn'd:
To paire and match, and couple tis decreed,
To stocke and store the earth, with what they breed. ”

“ The fellowe sure hath seene some dreadfull spright
Masse rightly guest, why sure I did divine,
Hee’s haunted with a Spirit feminine.
In plaine termes thus, the Spirit that I meane,
His martiall wife that notable curst queane,
No other weapons but her nailes or fist,
Poore patient Idiot he dares not resist,
His neighbor once would borrow but his knife,
Good neighbor stay (quoth he) ile aske my wife:
Once came he home inspired in the head,
He found his neighbor and his wife a bed,
Yet durst not sturre, but hide him in a hole,
He feared to displease his wife poore soule. ”

“ And some, because we have no beards, doe thinke
We are foure panders, with our lowise lockes,
Whose naked chinnes are shaven with the poxe:
Divers opinions there be other showes,
Because we walke in jerkings and in hose ”

“ But Tom he scorne to kill his conquered foe,
Lets Dicke arise, and too’t againe they goe.
Dicke throwes downe Tom, or rather Tom did fall,
My hilts (quoth Dicke) shall braine thee like a maull,
Is’t so (quoth Tom) good faith what remedie,
The Tower of Babell’s fallen and so am I.
But Dicke proceedes to give the fatall wound,
It mist his throate, but run into the ground. ”

“ As well of wiues as you that are but maydes,
We praise not faults wherewith men are infected,
Nor yeeld applause to euery one perswades:
Our praysing men thus vnderstand you must,
Tis meant of those are honest, louing, iust.
Why there are men doe erre in what you hold,
Chast batchelers that neuer meane to match,
Who for the siugle life smooth tales haue told,
And yet the fleshly knaues will haue a snatch:
Ile ne're trust those that of themselues doe boast,
The great'st presisians will deceiue you most. ”

“ The play is done and foorth the foole doth goe,
Being glad that he cousned the Cut-purse soe.
He thought to jybe how he the Cut-purse drest,
And memorize it for a famous jest.
But putting in his hand it ran quite throw
Dash’t the conceite, heele never speake on’t now,
You that to playes have such delight to goe,
The Cut-purse cares not, still deceive him so.
[21]
A drunken fray.
Dicke met with Tom in faith it was their lot,
Two honest Drunkars must goe drinke a pot,
Twas but a pot, or say a little more,
Or say a pot that’s filled eight times ore. ”

“ I pray you here let this contention ende,
(We being all of selfe same woman kind,)
And each the other, with aduise befriend,
Because I see some of you well enclin'd:
To take good wayes, and so become good wiues,
Ile teach you certaine rules to leade your liues.
You that intend the honourable life,
And vvould vvith ioy liue happy in the same,
Must note eight duties doe concerne a wife,
To vvhich vvith all endeuour she must frame:
And so in peace possesse her husbands loue,
And all distast from both their hearts remooue. ”

“ Hat without band like cutting Dicke he goe’s,
Renowned for his new invented oathes.
Sometimes like a Civilian, tis strange
At twelve a clocke he must unto the Change,
Where being thought a Marchant to the eye,
He tels strange newes his humor is to lie. ”

“ Why then of all on earth that liue and moue,
We should degenerate and monsters proue.
Besse.
Monsters (forsoth) nere sleepe in maidens beds,
But they are lodged with your married wiues,
The knotty browes, and rugged butting heds,
Concerne not vs, professing single liues,
To learne your horne-booke we have no deuotion
Keepe monsters to your selues, we scorne the motion. ”

“ But hees a foole and longe in vaine hath staide,
He shoulde bespeake her, there’s none ready made.
[28]
The taming of a wilde Youth.
Of late a deare and loving friend of mine,
That all his time a Gallant youth had bene,
From mirth to melancholy did decline,
Looking exeeding pale, leane, poore, and thin,
I ask’d the cause he brought me through the streete,
Unto his house, and there hee let me see,
A woman proper, faire, wise and discreete
And said behould, heer’s that hath tamed mee,
Hath this (quoth I,) can such a wife do so? ”

“ They Maiestraites to right offensiue wronges,
They souldiers for their martiall valiantnes,
They artizans, for all to vse belonges:
They husbandmen to worke the earths increase,
And they the some of womens ioye and peace. ”

“ They drinke to healthes devoutly on their knees,
Dicke drinks to Hall, to pledge him Tom rejects,
And scornes to doe it for some odde respects
Wilt thou not pledge him thar’t a gill, a Scab,
Wert with my man-hood thou deservest a stab,
But tis no matter drinke another bout,
Weele intot’h field and there weele trie it out.
Lets goe (saies Tom) no longer by this hand,
Nay stay (quoth Dicke) lets see if we can stand. ”

“ Nothing vnfit, nothing vniust to doe,
But all in order orderly consisting,
Then what seeme they that wil not ioine their two
And so be one, without vnkinde resisting:
Surely no other censure passe I can,
But she's halfe woman liues without a man.
One, that depriues her selfe of whats her right,
Borne vnto care, and ignorant of ease,
A lustlesse liuing thing, without delight,
One, whom vnpleasantnesse best seemes to please:
Depriu'd of lifes sweete ioy, from kind remoued,
Of worthlesse parts, vnworthy to be loued. ”

“ For’s bootes and spurs, a horse-man doth appeare.
Was met with, by an odde conceited stranger,
Who friendly told him that he walk’d in danger. [11]
For Sir (in kindenes no way to offend you)
There is a warrant foorth to apprehend you.
Th’offence they say, you riding through thee streete,
Have kil’d a Childe, under your Horses feete.
Sir I protest (quoth he) they doe me wrong,
I have not back’d a horse, God knows how long,
What slaves be these, they have me false bely’d? ”

“ Then friend in trouble rhat his loue explaines:
For such a one we may resolue is true,
That changeth not, though fortune turne from yon.
And thus faire virgins, to you all farewell,
What I haue spoken doe proceede from loue,
The ioyes of marriage I want art to tell,
And therefore no more talke, but try and proue:
With wedding rings, be wiues of credit knowne
God send good husbands to you euery one. ”

“ Or robd some printed Booke, I doe protest:
I cannot tell, but his owne name is to it,
Which proues he takes vpon him for to doe it.
* * * * *
The Loue Letter.
The truest heart, shall nought but falshood cherish,
The mildest man, a cruell tyrant prooue,
The water drops, the hardest flint shall perish,
The hilles shall walke, and massie earth remooue:
The brightest Sun shall turne to darkesome clowde,
Ere I prooue false, where I my loue haue vowde. ”

“ When the complete works of Samuel Rowlands were issued by the Hunterian Club in 1872-1880, in an edition of two hundred and ten copies, the Editor was obliged to omit from the collection the poem entitled "The Bride." No copy of this tract was supposed to be extant. Twenty years later, in the article on Rowlands in the Dictionary of National Biography, Mr. Sidney Lee also names this poem as one of the author's lost works. All that was known of it was the entry in the Stationers' Register: [Footnote: Arber's Transcript, vol. iii. p. 609.] ”

“ And decently vnto her calling goe,
Not diuing in the frugall purse too deepe,
By making to the world a pecocke showe:
Though they seeme fooles, so yeelde vnto their wiues,
Some poore men doe it to haue quiet liues. ”