Stewart Edward White

“ As to person, he was a thick-set, matter-of-fact individual whose opinions of things in general were well summed up in his frequent remark: "Business is not run on sentiment." Anyone more unlike the English magazine hero it would be difficult to imagine. So much the better test.
The dinner, as a dinner, was not a success. Miss Goodwood was too distraite to attend properly to her duties as a hostess. The scheme occupied all her thoughts. And, worst of all, she had to appear without the celebrated diamonds, for the reason that up to the soup they had not put in an appearance. ”

“ Wonder where his nibs is!"
"I'm damned!" ruminated Bincker, outside the window. "It's a regular servants' plot to rob her," and he culled a stake from the nearest flower bed.
Pie Face was groping in bewildered darkness near the front steps.
Bincker stepped in through the open door.
"Hand over, you villain!" said he.
"'And over wot?" asked the accomplice, ostentatiously concealing the package with every symptom of delight.
"That package—Miss Goodwood's diamonds!" replied the hero, taking a firmer grip on his bludgeon. ”

“ He could send the diamonds by registered post. The colored butler would do for the villain, because he always did what he was told; and the buttons would make an admirable accomplice, because he, too, read the English magazines—after Miss Goodwood had finished with them. The mise-en-scène was quite perfect, for the Goodwoods were at the time in their country home on the outskirts of a village; and from the front gate a lonely road led past a kind friend's empty cottage, the key of which was easily procurable from the caretaker. As for the hero, he did not matter so much. ”

“ No one ever undertakes to carry important diplomatic messages and is nearly asphyxiated on the train. No one ever comes here and is a mysterious Indian prince. No one ever steals your diamonds and takes them to a dark house on a lonely road where your lover can rescue them. ”

“ I suppose you intend to leave this man here unconscious?"
"Oh, no," said Pie Face, sweetly; "you can carry him."
Bincker, the hero, carried James, the accomplice. Pie Face followed, bearing the package of diamonds. In time they arrived at a small ex-grocery, which now served as a bureau of police. It was kept by a tall, red-haired youth with invisible eyebrows, ordinarily somnolent, but now aroused to the gibbering state by the alarming visit a few moments before of the inanest youth in search of the police. ”

“ Her father, the earl, must take the diamonds from the bank to her house, and place them on a table while he consults the family lawyer in the adjoining library. During his absence the box must be stolen by a villain, who must escape into a garden. In the garden he must leave footprints. The hero must be opportunely passing, engaged in smoking a cigar before retiring. He must follow the villain to the nearest deserted house, where will await the accomplice. After a few words the thieves will separate. Enter the hero. ”

“ This meant that they would also stay the night. By the same mail went a request to her father (the earl) that he send out her diamonds for use at a dinner party the twenty-fifth of the month. The company would be chaperoned by Miss Tibbs, a maiden aunt with an hysterical nature and a kittenish disposition.
Of the three young men, Miss Goodwood, after deliberation, chose a practical business man. There seemed more chance of testing the inherence of American chivalry in his person. Much depended, after all, on how the hero rose to the occasion. ”

“ THE BLAMELESS VILLAIN
By Stewart Edward White
THERE was once a young girl who was a sentimentalist, and read the English magazines. "Oh, why has the age of chivalry departed from us?" she would wail to one of her very dearest friends. "Our young men are too busy to undertake Quests for us. Life is too strenuous. ”

“ In time the sentimental young girl evolved a plot constructed on the lines of the best authorities as set forth by the Buckingham, the Piccadilly, the Fleet Street, the Imperial and other periodicals. ”