“ Indeed, Natalia, Sargent is making these last days of my life very happy, for in his success I seem to get a pleasure so deep that at times I imagine his triumphs are my own."Natalia moved restlessly, as if to rise, then sank back on the stool again."Why is it that every one I meet seems to worship him?" she murmured, half complaining. "You have always loved him more than me—yes, you have, dear Uncle Felix, and now, when I come back home, I find Dicey is his slave—and willingly, too. He has stolen the love of you both from me. I am growing very, very jealous of him. ”
Quotes from The Lead of Honour ()
“ It's the contrast, Morgan, that's it. You give me what I have not. You meet a demand of my nature. It is that which makes the perfect love."Talbot looked at her a moment, his face grown serious and almost sad. "It is not my own happiness that I ever think of—there is only one thing that could ruin that for me—losing you," he said, Natalia's hand still clasped in his own. "But when I think of the great difference between us, I wonder if it is possible for me to make you happy. I love gaiety and the world, and people, and deep down in your heart, I don't believe you do. ”
“ How perfect that her honeymoon should be spent in the surroundings that her mother and father had known at such a time. In each detail she imagined she could discover some preference of theirs; in the quiet and aloofness of the early morning she felt intuitively that they were with her.The sound of a step behind her made her turn quickly, a quick frown at the interruption changing instantly into a smile of happiness, for Morgan had seen her from his window and followed her."It is our wedding day, sweetheart," he said when he had reached her and put his arm about her. ”
“ Do you think a murderer could bring you any happiness?"Natalia shrank back from her, reaching out for the steadying hand of Judge Houston."Mrs. Jervais," he expostulated gently, "Natalia is suffering, too. You forget that in your own grief. Have you no kind words for her?""It is no time for kind words, Felix Houston. It is only bitterness and hatred that I have now! Why should I feel kindly towards a woman who has brought a man here that he might kill my husband? When she has lost as I have, then I shall be kind, perhaps! And it will not be long that she will wait! ”
“ When Mammy Dicey had blown out the candle and left the room, closing the door tight after her, Natalia jumped out of bed and ran to the window. Raising it, and pushing the shutters far apart, she leaned out so as to get a view of the big gate.The moon was just rising, and by its cold, white light she could see far down the empty road. She stood looking out, until the night wind chilled her, and she shivered under her thin nightgown. Finally she closed the shutters and crept back to bed, huddling herself beneath the heavy quilt until she stopped trembling. ”
“ She did not move from her position in the doorway, all the time gazing at Natalia with a concentrated expression that gathered intensity as she waited.Suddenly Natalia turned and saw her. Holding out her arms impetuously she made a step towards her—then stopped. The other woman's face repelled her."What can I say—what can I tell you?" Natalia murmured. "You must know how I feel for you—how I suffer with you."Mrs. Jervais' eyes seemed to be burning into the girl before her."Suffer! What do you know of that? Why should you suffer? You have not lost the one you love—yet." ”
“ Suddenly a sob broke from her, and in that moment Morgan pressed her to him in a close embrace and covered her face with kisses. All the passion of the man had been called into life by the sob. He knew now that she did love him. The tragedy and its days of misery were forgotten in the future that stretched before them, as brilliant and as beautiful as it had ever been.Pure and true and noble! The words still rang in Natalia's consciousness, blotting out even the thought that her lover had regained his strength. ”
“ Natalia's anger went as it had come. The next moment she was seated before the mirror, with Dicey brushing and platting her hair."We always did quarrel, Mammy," she laughed happily again. "I suppose it proves our love, don't you? But it does make me so jealous to find you loving somebody more than you do me," she added, reflectively. "It really is odd how he makes people love him," glancing at Dicey's enigmatic face reflected in the mirror. "I'm talking about your master, Mammy. I see now that I have lost your love entirely. ”
“ Talbot leaned over and looked into her face, smiling. "Really, did you think that you loved Sargent? I can't get used to the idea," he laughed. "And to think of Sargent Everett being in love with anybody! He was always too deep in books when I knew him. It would be very easy to realize that people would love him—all of us did at school. But somehow, I always felt that people did not mean much to him."At his words, Natalia drew herself away in mock hauteur. "Am I to infer, sir, that you understand why I should have loved him, but not how he could have loved me?" ”
“ He laid down the book, and met Sargent's glance again. "You see now there are reasons for man making laws with which the life of a murderer can be taken. It is the command of God. It is His law given to us for self-protection."Sargent shook his head wearily."Vengeance is mine," he quoted slowly, in response. "With that, I see no reason for this law of man's. Why should we judge? Why should we decide that a man has no right to live? 'Thou shalt not kill,' is the word spoken by God. There is no evasion of it—I can see only that one interpretation. ”
“ Morgan drew her hands into his, laughing all the time. "Yes, Natalia, I'll wager if it came to a point, that you were very much more in love with him than he was with you.""Perhaps you are right, Morgan," Natalia answered his laugh happily. "But I did love him—I assure you.""And it makes me wonder all the more that you fell in love with me after loving Sargent. We are not a bit alike. But then I suppose you are variable—indeed I know you are. But it's to be hoped that you will not be any more. It's a wonderful thing—how people do change their loves, isn't it?" ”
“ Every argument that she had used lately seemed to lead directly to one answer—Sargent Everett. The confidence he inspired in every one seemed without limit; even Judge Houston, with an age and experience that were exceptional, was willing to trust everything to him, gaining from that trust a happy confidence where doubts were unknown. And deeper than this trust, was the love that she had seen with her own eyes. Mrs. Houston showed it in the brightness of her face when she discussed him, and Dicey seemed to be under a spell which not even her love for Natalia could affect. ”
“ It was the moment in her love when she realized for the first time that two people can never be wholly one—that a vast gulf of early years and childhood and dreams would always separate them, no matter how great became the love of their maturer years.So sensitive was she to his moods and preferences, that she had understood as they lingered before the gate and looked into the grove of magnolias, that the charm of the spot and the happiness of a honeymoon spent in it would be hers so much more fully than his. ”
“ And I thought of you and Aunt Maria growing old together so beautifully, and I know now, Uncle Felix, that Morgan and I shall do the same.... When I have a child, Uncle Felix, think how everything that has gone before will be as nothing! When I have one that is mine, a part of me—that is what will make my life divine!" Suddenly she put her hands up to his face and kissed him. "Forgive me! Forgive me! I did not mean to wound you. I did not mean to thrust my happiness at you—so." ”
“ The gleaming mahogany floor gathered into its embrace the reflection, and in the subdued light and the strange fragrance of passed years breathing life into the speechless objects, Natalia felt that she was growing nearer to what it all represented to her than she had ever been before."Seventy-six years," she said again thoughtfully. "How beautiful to grow old as you have done, Uncle Felix. Nay, is it growing old? It seems to me that with you and Aunt Maria it has been a gradual growing nearer to a beautiful future life—a gentle approach towards God. ”
“ I came as soon as Uncle Felix told me."He stared at her a long time, the wild, hunted look gradually dying out, leaving only an expression of dumb misery."Natalia! Natalia!" he murmured at last, as if realizing for the first time that it was she. "Natalia—that is your wedding dress! Oh, my God!" he cried out, turning away from her and leaning against the wall. "It can never be now—never—never!" Then came the dry, hard sobs of a man who sees nothing but despair before him. ”
“ Natalia murmured, sinking on the bench near the gate, and motioning Talbot to the seat beside her. "Let's sit down here for a while. You don't mind my dreaming aloud to you, do you?"His arm slipped about her until her head rested against his shoulder, and her eyes closed for a moment as if she had suddenly grown weary."No, indeed, dear, dream all you want, and tell me about your old school days with Sargent. Aren't you proud that your tutor has become so celebrated?" ”
“ It was an exceptional time for the gossips and when the report spread over the town that all the refreshments were coming from a distance, and that it was actually a fact that the fiddlers were to be brought up from New Orleans, the whole place thrilled with expectancy.At last the day of the arrival came. As the boat eased itself against the wharf and the great ropes were thrown ashore and made fast, Judge Houston stepped forward and shaded his eyes with his hand. At last his face lighted up with a smile as he saw the face of the little girl peering out of the crowd of passengers. ”
“ She pressed his hand gently. "She's at the impressionable age, and she loves you with all her little, pent-up nature. She will not forget."Sargent met her glance warmly. "You see, it is so different with me, from most men. My sensitiveness, my wretched infirmity, seems to make everything so much more serious to me. And when any one gets hold of my affections, I feel a tremendous need for them always. That is the way with Natalia—it was her sweet dependence, her yearning for sympathy, her quaint charm that have bound me tocher for ever. ”
“ But I dread something, Uncle Felix, something that is coming. I don't seem to have the strength for the duty that lies before me. It is not so much the outcome of the trial," she continued, calmer, "as what will come afterwards."The old man pressed her hand sympathetically. "I know," he said thoughtfully. "That is a question that had to come to one of your nature. And the hardest part of it is that no one can help you; you must work it out alone. Only one thing can bring you back your happiness—Morgan and your love for him." ”
“ Sargent glanced to where Natalia was leaning from her saddle and talking intently with Judge Houston. For the first time that day the tenseness of his face relaxed, and the memory of the courtroom and all it meant slipped from him."I believe I gained her love," he answered slowly, "by first loving her. Don't you think that is the only real way to gain another's love?""Yes—there are very few who fail to respond to being loved. It is so flattering," she smiled lightly. "But Natalia needed you just when you came. You know how out of sympathy she and Mrs. Brandon are?" ”
“ Natalia shook her head slowly, and smiled. "No, I'm not doing a thing for you, Morgan, that doesn't give me pleasure. Don't try to find flaws in our love, or search for some hidden reason for unhappiness. It's too perfect as it is, and I love you better, Morgan dear, when you are not attempting an analytical state of mind." She laughed at him gayly. "You're the old-fashioned lover who brings nosegays to his lady-love, and writes her billet-doux, and is always telling her how beautiful she is—that is why I love you so, Morgan. That has always been my ideal of a lover since I was a little girl. ”
“ In his low modulated voice he told the young fellow starting out on the life journey things that were to come back to him many years later. Afterwards Sargent Everett often recalled his words about success when he was feeling its empty sting: "The path of the successful man is not strewn with flowers. Failure and disappointment are the walls that, when once passed, become golden experiences. Success judged by the outside world and felt by the one who has succeeded are two very different things—sometimes, perhaps most often, the success seen by the world is the least of all successes. ”
“ Here people were standing in excited groups. A block beyond the street was a seething mass of men. Standing on the fence of the courthouse yard, a rough, savage faced man was inciting the crowd, gesticulating wildly to make himself heard above the noise. There was a deep, vibrating murmur rising from the crowd, filling the air with a foreboding sound. On all sides one could read plainly indignation and violent antagonism.Judge Houston's face grew pale and set as they drew nearer the jail. One glance at the crowd had told him what it represented. ”
“ I should always see the serious side of life if it were not for you. I am so glad that we are different, dear. You see—we are antidotes. You correct my seriousness—I sober your lightheartedness."Morgan looked at her curiously."Yet you can be as gay as I, Natalia. You were so at school; you were on our long voyage together. It is only since we have been engaged that you have changed. What is it? Are you not entirely happy?""Of course I am—the happiest woman in the world! Only I feel my happiness differently from you. It is a more serious thing to me. It's my nature, I suppose. ”
“ He was in the carriage now, on the back seat, and beside him sat an old, grizzled-haired man, whose weather-beaten, joyful countenance beamed upon Sargent in his hour of triumph.As she watched them the signal was given, the drums beat a resounding tattoo, the fife took up the melody, and the parade began to move. Through the gate they went and out into the road, where the sounds gradually grew muffled and the flaring torches, gleaming through the trees, became faint as fireflies. At last the drum sounded in a faint echo; then the night grew once more dark and still.A hand grasped Natalia's. ”
“ The scene rose before the listeners with a vividness that the real one would have lacked, for the wonderful voice of the young lawyer had set fire to their imaginations, and each man saw through his eyes. Every sentence jarred like an electric shock. There was no attempt at eloquence. Where was the need of it with such a subject? And while Sargent was unconsciously inflaming the passions of the crowd back of him, he continued to gaze straight into the blood-shot eyes of the prisoner with all the pent-up vital force within him. ”
“ Sargent turned away from the brilliance of her glance. It was almost too much for him to bear that she should have thought that was what he meant. Suddenly his lips tightened firmly. She should not know!"You don't know what happiness it is to me to know it," Natalia continued, her face glowing with a new happiness. "I thought I had caused you to give up your election, to come to me. Now, it is all different. Everything with you is successful—absolutely everything you undertake." ”
“ I am only a human being—with all the pent-up yearnings for what I see others possessing. Why should I not use my opportunity now that it has come to me? I will, Great God, I will! Don't stop me! I'm going to her to plead my cause, to lay my love before her. She will not refuse it—she shall not. There is a time in every man's life when he must forget everything but himself! I am going to do that now!"Judge Houston did not interrupt him. When the wild flow of words had ceased he remained quietly beside Sargent, giving no sign that he had heard what was said. ”
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