Timothy Dexter

“ I greatly marvel that any man will disgrace thieving, and think that the doers thereof are worthy of death, considering it as a thing that cometh near unto virtue, being used in all countries, and allowed by God himself; the thing which I cannot compendiously show unto you at so short a warning, and on so sharp an occasion. I must desire you, gentle audience of thieves, to take in good part what at this time cometh into my mind, not doubting but that you, through your good knowledge, are able to add much more unto it, than this which I shall now offer unto you. ”

“ Seeing mankind so bad by nature, I think when the candle goes out, men and women is done, they will lay as dirt or rocks till the great gun fires, and when that goes off the gun will be so large that the gun will contain nine hundred million tons of the best of good powder, then that will shake and bring all the bones together, then the world will be to an end. ”

“ I hope our worthy and honorable rulers will bring those rude lads to see themselves and lick the dust like serpents, and ask forgiveness of their betters, and do so no more, but repent and live.
Now fellow citizens is it wisdom, is it policy, to use a man or men so shocking bad as to oblige them to leave the town where they paid one Dollar a day to support government? ”

“ This great philosopher may indeed by styled a phenomenon in nature! The many literary qualifications he possesses rank him foremost among literary characters.———That unequalled production from the pen of this wonderful philosopher, denominated "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," has not only received universal applause, and been ranked as of the first magnitude in the literary world, but has had such rapidity in its sale, that a copy cannot be procured, though diligently sought after by men of the most transcendant merit. ”

“ On Monday last arrived in this town the most noble and illustrious Lord TIMOTHY DEXTER, of Newburyport, Massachusetts, who has since his arrival requested the publication of the following stanzas in this day's paper, as a humble tribute to the incomprehensible majesty of his name! While they serve as a brilliant specimen of the gifted talents and admirable sublimity of the Laureat, from whose pen they flowed, the virtuoso in genealogies, and the worshippers of noble rank and boundless fortune may derive a rich and delicious satisfaction from the subject to which they are devoted! ”

“ Thus you see that God delighted in thieves.
But most of all I marvel that men can despise thieves, whereas in many points you be like Christ himself; for Christ had no dwelling place no more than you—Christ at length was caught, and so will you—he went to hell and so will you. In this you differ from him, for he rose and went into heaven—so you will [30] never do without God's great mercy, which God grant you. To whom with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, be all honor and glory, for ever and ever. Amen.
From the Providence Phœnix of December, 1804. MARQUIS OF NEWBURYPORT!! ”

“ The individual, who exercised most influence over Dexter was a negro woman, named Lucy Lancaster, or as she was commonly called "Black Luce," a woman of uncommon strength of mind, great shrewdness and remarkable for her powers of memory and knowledge of human nature, but as wicked as she was sagacious. ”

“ First, Fortitude and stoutness of courage, and also boldness of mind, is commended of some men to be a virtue; which being granted, who is there then that will not judge thieves to be virtuous? For they are of all men the most stout and hardy, and the most void of fear; for thieving is a thing usual among all men; for not only you that are here present, but also many others in divers places, both men, women and children, rich and poor, are daily of the faculty, as the hangman at Newgate can testify ”

“ A divorced followed and she became intemperate, lost what little reason she had, and is still living, a wretched object. Lord Dexter himself, if we may judge from his own writings and from what we have heard, was not happy in his domestic relations. He complains much of his wife, whom he calls the "gost," and charges the cause of his separation from her for thirteen years to his son Bishop. His own temper was irascible, and several stories are told of the excesses, into which it would sometimes lead him. ”

“ For if you examine the whole course of the Bible you will find that thieves have been beloved of God; for Jacob, when he came out of Mesopotamia, did steal his uncle Laban's kids. The same Jacob did also steal his brother Esau's blessing; and yet God said, I have chosen Jacob and refused Esau. The children of Israel, when they came out of Egypt, did steal the Egyptian's jewels of silver and jewels of gold, as God commanded them to do. ”

“ He says that there is but one only living and true God, who is a good, wise, and powerful spirit (this Indian say too) and that there are three persons in the god head, of one substance and power, God the father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost, that the Father is of none, neither begotten, or proceeding, the Son is eternally begotten of the Father, the Holy Ghost eternally proceeding from the Father and the Son, and that the Holy Ghost visited a virgin, and conveyed the Son into her ”

“ He had previously served one or two campaigns as a soldier, and on his return from the wars he taught school for some time in New Hampshire. The ballads, which he hawked about, were generally his own composition. Every horrid accident, bloody murder, a shipwreck, or any other dreadful catastrophe, was sure to be followed by a statement of the facts, a sermon and a poem. In the capacity of ballad maker and monger he attracted the notice of Dexter, in whose service he entered for a small salary as poet laureate. ”

“ A friend to good order, honor to whom it belongs—to great men a friend—to all good citizens and honest men good bye.
Whereas many philosophers has judged or guessed at many things about this world, and so on. ”

“ This large body wants dressing to get our living of this creature and by industry we get a living—we and all the animal creation is less than fleas in comparison on the back or belly of this very large immense body. ”

“ He wore a livery, consisting of a black frock coat, adorned with stars and fringes, a crooked hat and black breeches. He was crowned in the garden of his patron with a wreath of parsley, instead of laurel, but the ceremony was interrupted before its completion by a mob of boys, and both patron and poet put to flight. ”

“ I guess the world is one very large living creature, and always was, and always will be without any end from everlasting to overlasting, and no end. What grows on this large creatures is trees and many other things. ”

“ She thought him an honest man, and not so deficient in intellect as many people supposed, and attributed his eccentricities to an excess of animal spirits.—This was probably to some extent true, though it is certain that other spirits contributed in no small degree to the excesses of his temper and the peculiarities of his taste. ”

“ Timothy Dexter, the author of the following curious and unique production, entitled "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones," which is here re-printed verbatim et spellatim from the original edition, was born in Malden, January 22, 1747. Having served an apprenticeship with a leather dresser, he commenced business in Newburyport shortly after he was one and twenty, and being industrious and economical, he soon found himself in good circumstances. In the year 1770 he married, and receiving a considerable amount of money with his wife, he was thus put in possession of a moderate fortune. ”