Various

“ Charles. You, Uncle! Then it was you who was your friend all the time? Oh, you're really too rich, you know!
Mr. T. I have never desired it; but it will certainly be a very useful addition to our—ah—modest income, Charles. But you should check yourself, my boy, in this—ah—immoderate laughter. There is nothing that I can see to cause such mirth in the fact of your Uncle's having made a fortunate investment in a gold-mine.
Charles (as soon as he can speak) . But it ain't a mine, Uncle, it—it's the music-hall! Give you my word it is. ”

“ Morocco Bound is not a piece at all, but a sort of variety show, just held together by the thinnest thread of what, for want of a better word, may be temporarily dignified as "plot." Mr. Charles Danby is decidedly funny in it. Mr. Templar Saxe is a pretty singer. Mr. George Grossmith well sustains the eccentric reputation of his family name; and, if any opposition manager could induce the present representative of Spoofah Bey to appear at another house, it would be "all up" with Morocco Bound, as such a transfer would entirely take "the Shine" out of this piece. ”

“ A good man struggling with the adversity of having to make a speech on a topic harried to death in the other House through course of over eighty days.
"Yes," said the Member for Sark, waking up from gentle slumber indulged in in corner seat at end of Gallery; "but why didn't he halve his adversity? If he'd been content with an hour we should all have been grateful, and he would have been spared a moiety of his anguish."
Business done.—Second Reading of Home-Rule Bill moved in House of Lords. ”

“ Mrs. T. I appeal to Mr. Curphew to say whether such a place is a proper resort for any young man.
Curphew (to himself) . Wish I was well out of this! (Aloud.) I—I really don't feel qualified to give an opinion, Mrs. Toovey. Many young men do go to them, I believe.
Charles (to himself) . Is this chap a prig, or a humbug? I'll draw him. (Aloud.) I suppose, from that, you never think of going yourself?
Mrs. T. Mr. Curphew's tastes are rather different from yours, Charles. I am very sure that he is never to be seen among the audience at any music-hall, are you, Mr. Curphew? ”

“ Gracefully and gratefully we arose to play tennis, and sat down again after the evening meal to take our coffee and cigarettes. Bless thee, P'm'th! thou art delicious! thou art refreshing! Hot in the hottest August ever known thou certainly art, that is, at midday, down in your valley and your town! ”

“ The Bishops, in great force, clustered, a group of fluttering white lawn, on right of Woolsack. "The white flower of a blameless Parliamentary life," the Markiss says of them. Not an inch of red benches visible on Opposition side. Even Ministerial benches full, though, as was made clear in course of debate, not all who sit there are Ministerialists. Rosebery, looking more boyish than ever, sat amid the elders on Front Bench; makes no sign of intention to follow Selborne; takes no note nor betrays other evidence of uneasiness. Selborne preaches for hour and half. ”

“ Miss Jennie McNulty does nothing in particular admirably; and Miss Letty Lind, charming in her entr'acte of skirt-dancing, is still better in her really capital dance with the agile Charles Danby. This entertainment has reached its hundred and fiftieth night (!!!) , and all those who are prevented from going North to stalk the wily grouse may do worse than spend a night among the Moors in Morocco Bound. ”

“ Mr. Toovey is slowly recovering from the mental collapse produced by the mention of the word "Eldorado."
Mrs. Toovey. Althea is out of the room, Pa, so there is no reason why you should not speak out plainly.
Mr. Toovey (to himself) . No reason—oh! But I must say something. If only I knew whether it was my Eldorado—but, no, it's a mere coincidence! (Aloud—shakily.) Charles, my boy, you—you've shocked me very much indeed, as you can see. But, about the name of this establishment, now—isn't it a curious one for—for a music-hall, Charles? M—mightn't it be confused with—well—say a mine, now? ”

“ BREAKING IT GENTLY.
Son of the House (who wishes to say something polite about our friend's astounding shooting, but who cannot palter with the truth) . "I should think you were awfully clever at Books, Sir!" ”

“ Yes, my love, I shall certainly speak to Charles after supper—very seriously. (To himself.) And end this awful uncertainty!
Curph. (to himself, as he follows to the Dining-room) . "Not a fit person to be mentioned in her hearing!" I wonder. Would she say the same if she knew? When shall I be able to tell her? It would be madness as yet.
Scene III.—The Study. Mr. Toovey and Charles are alone together. Mr. Toovey has found it impossible to come to the point.
Charles (looking at his watch) . I say, Uncle, I'm afraid I must trouble you for that wigging at once, if I'm going to catch my train back. ”

“ Oddly enough, but quite appropriately, the acting-manager in front, who looks after the fortunes of Morocco and its Moors, is Mr. A. Blackmore. Out of compliment he might have let in an "a" after the "k," dropped the final "e," and given himself a second "o." Still, in keeping with the fitness of things, he has done well in being there.
ANCIENT SAWS RESET. "All work and no pay makes Jack a striking boy."
"All pay and no work makes Jack's employer go without a shirt." ”

“ Yes, Charles, but—I don't wish to be hard on you, my boy—we are all liable to err, and—and, in point of fact, the reason I was a little upset at the mention of the Eldorado is, that a very dear old friend of mine, Charles, has lately lost a considerable sum through investing in a Company of the same name—and, just for the moment, it struck me that it might have been the music-hall—which of course is absurd, eh?
Charles. Rather! He couldn't possibly have lost it in the music-hall, Uncle; it's ridiculous!
Mr. T. (relieved) . Just what I thought. A man in his—ah—responsible position—oh no. ”

“ Questions usually every day about cholera at Grimsby and Hull. That all very well; an incident possible to regard with philosophical mind. But cholera in our own kitchen quite another sort of microbe.
"I'm a family man," said Cobb. "It's no use denying it, and I will not attempt it. Was thinking of staying to see this out; begin to think the Session unduly prolonged. In short, if I may quote an old proverb adapted to the occasion, I would say, When cholera comes in by the window Cobb goes out by the door." Business done.—Third night Home-Rule debate in Lords. Supply in Commons. ”

“ On the left of the picture in the foreground stands, en evidence it is true, but with a reverential air as of one who knows his place in society and keeps it, our old friend and contributor, Robert the Waiter!! It must be he. It is the very man, unless he has a Scotch double, or unless he was born a twin, and the other Robert was a Scotchman. There he is. Get the paper and see.
Noah's Ark Masonry.—For the first time Mr. Punch, G.A.U.W.G.M., and Past Grand Everybody, met with mention of the "Royal Ark Mariners." ”

“ House of Commons, Monday, September 4.—What happened to-night in connection with the Blameless Bartley, Bart., should have useful effect in checking the tendencies of the censorious. Having settled business arrangements by moving Resolution, Mr. G. skipped out of House to pack up for his journey to Scotland. No boy at end of term more eager for holiday; none more thoroughly earned. ”

“ Charles. If they did, you wouldn't catch me there. But I can tell you, it's not so bad as you seem to think; every now and then they get hold of a really good thing. You might do worse than drop into the El. or the Val., the Valhalla, you know, some evening—just to hear Walter Wildfire.
Curph. Much obliged; but I can't imagine myself going there for such a purpose.
Mrs. T. Charles, if you suppose Mr. Curphew would allow himself to be corrupted by a boy like you——
Charles. But look here, Aunt. Walter Wildfire's all right—he is really ”

“ I'm a doocid fine Cha-appie!" &c., &c.
"OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY!"
[Mr. Gladstone has gone on a visit to Mr. George Armitstead, at Black Craig Castle, Perthshire. Mr. Henry Gladstone stated that the Prime Minister would receive no deputations, and that the holiday would be purely recuperative.]
Pensive Premier museth:—
Purely recuperative! Ah! precisely.
Leave me alone, and I shall manage nicely.
How the bees boom amidst the purple heather!
Better than Bowles and Bartley! (Yawn.) Wonder whether
They're "booming" still about Sir William's head ”

“ A. No, and bludgeons are less effective than revolvers.
Q. But may not the use of revolvers produce the military?
A. Yes, but they can do nothing without a magistrate reading the Riot Act.
Q. But, the Riot Act read, does not the work become serious?
A. Probably. But at any rate the work is lawful, because unremunerative.
Q. But how are the wives and children of strikers to live if their husbands and fathers earn no wages?
A. On strike money.
Q. But does all the strike money go to the maintenance of the hearth and the home? ”