Various

“ Elton, representing the Hebraic money-lender—indispensable of late years to all Drury Lane dramas—wasn't I well aware that he was to be the comic villain, only set up to be knocked down again, and to be finally bowled out by the apparently simple Harry Nicholls? Then there is the scene at the Empire, admirably stage-managed, but the ladies should try to take just a trifle more interest in the strange proceedings of that eventful night, as they should also do when re-appearing as wedding guests in the last act. But these fair ladies are heartless; all's one to them, happen what may. ”

“ It's all very well to have a supreme Parliamentarian leading majority, small but compact. If you haven't got a Whip that can keep them together, who not only has them there on big field night, but always on the spot to repel surprises, where are you? In ordinary times it's comparatively easy to keep the Conservatives in hand, whether in office or out. Out or in the Liberals are skittish. This Session things have been peculiarly critical, as is shown in the cases of Napoleon Boltonparty and the Sententious Saunders. ”

“ Editor discovered in conversation with Would-be Reporter.
Editor (preparing to resume his work) . Well, from all you tell me, I imagine you must be a most accomplished person.
Would-be Reporter (smiling) . Well, I believe I am up to the standard required by the Institute of Journalists. My classics are fairly good, but I do not know as much as I should of mixed mathematics. However, I took a double first at Oxford; but then I had a particularly easy year. All the men against me were practically duffers. ”

“ Toovey——
Mr. Toov. Oh, you were quite right, it would never have done—never have done. I haven't breathed a word to Mrs. Toovey myself as yet. I was afraid I might be obliged to this morning. She discovered that dreadful Eldorado programme in one of my pockets, and was curious, very naturally curious, as to why I had kept it, but I passed it off—I managed to pass it off. I—I thought it better, at all events, till—till I had talked it over with you.
Curph. (to himself, relieved) . He takes it wonderfully well. ”

“ He had been followed from France to England, and had seen in an evening paper an account of the temporary indisposition of one very dear to him on board the boat. He was prepared for his visitor.
"I am very comfortable. I think England charming; love its fog, and am deeply impressed with the Lord Mayor. I soon had enough of the first meeting of the Congress of the Institute, but thought the ball at Guildhall excellent. I really have no more to say. Next please." But his Interviewer was not to be discarded hurriedly. He stood to his guns, or, rather, his reporter's book. ”

“ He shakes Mr. Toovey's hand with cordial gratitude, and rushes out.
Mr. Toov. (looking after him in some mystification) . A most high-minded young man, but a little too officious. And I don't understand why he makes such a point of my going to this Eldorado now. But, if I do go, I mayn't see anything to disapprove of; and, if I don't, I shall keep the shares—whether he likes it or not. He may be a very worthy young man, but I doubt whether he's quite a man of the world!
End of Scene V.
A STUDY IN PRESS-LAND.
(An Actuality, in one short Scene, at the service of the Institute of Journalists.) ”

“ And if you, my non-combatant readers, wish to know how the Burmese War was undertaken for the special benefit of Harry Nicholls, you just go and see for yourself the new drama, mysteriously entitled A Life of Pleasure, at T. R. Drury Lane, and for this advice you will thank
"Old Caspar." ”

“ An out-of-the-way place, with an excellent inn (the name of which escapes my memory, but it is the only inn near the bay) , where there is good accommodation for man and beast. Here the lobsters belong to precisely the same family as do those caught at Swanage, and no higher praise can be bestowed on any lobsters, those of Cromer, in Norfolk, included, than this. "Show me your lobster, and I'll show you the man to eat it!" ”

“ Never more annoyed in my life. Every girl says she has no dance left. What can have offended them all? The only partner I have is Cholmondeley-Chick's maiden aunt, and she faints in my arms after going once round the room. ”

“ As the road thither is occasionally steep, stout persons are requested to get out and walk up the hills, which they do with as good a grace as is possible under the circumstances on a broiling September mid-day. ”

“ Royal Assent given to Appropriation Bill. Curtain falls on last scene in Act I. of Session 1893; a play in two Acts.
"And whose Session should you say it has been, Toby?" asked Rowton, a man of universal sympathies, and an insatiable thirst for knowledge.
"Mr. G.'s, I suppose. At least, that will be the general verdict. He has outshone himself. Whether you like what he has done or detest it, you must pay homage to the tireless energy, the infinite skill, and the matchless eloquence with which it has been accomplished. Joseph has excelled himself as a Parliamentary force ”

“ I surely shall. First come, first served. And now you must allow me. (Returns to his work, to the surprise and disgust of Would-be Reporter. Curtain.)
"PIECE AND WAR!" AT DRURY LANE.
"Victory sits on our helms!" cries Sir Druriolanus Auctor to Henricus Parvus etiam Auctor, as they drive back to "The Helms, Regent's Park," after the curtain has descended on the last scene of the last act of A Life of Pleasure at Drury Lane. ”

“ It's only his shirt of mail, worn under his ordinary linen. He says he's going to Marienbad to get rid of it; that's only his joke. As for me, I don't think it's worth mincing matters. I, as you see, go the whole animal; but it's very wearing. Sandhurst told me it was a case of armour or assassination. Having tried the armour for three days, am not quite sure I should not prefer assassination. Excuse me, there's a strange man lingering in the corner."
And Woodall, shutting his head up in the helmet, warily walked off.
[pg 155]
WHO WOULD BE AN M.P.? ”

“ And "a spin of twelve miles" is as naught to the fair.
Theatrical News.—During the absence of Beckett from London, and The Second Mrs. Tanqueray having left town, The Tempter in the Haymarket tried to entice Charley's Aunt from the Globe to go in for A Life of Pleasure at Drury Lane, but The Other Fellow from the Court induced her to go for A Trip to Chicago in The Vaudeville, where he cruelly abandoned her, to take up with La Fille de Madame Angot, at the Criterion. ”

“ The things don't fit, you see; borrowed them from the Tower; some a size too large, which is bad; others a turn too small, which, considering they are made in metal, is worse."
Woodall got up, regardless of expense, in helmet, breastplate, things like kneecaps, and a piece of sheet-iron fitted to the small of his back. ”

“ Off (with the cummerbund) , and away for a tour in the North.
[pg 154]
A VERY GREAT MAN. (Cub Hunting.)
Young Farmer. "Well, Master Jack! Out again?"
Master Jack. "Why, Yes. Fact is, you know, always like to get as much in as possible before we begin to Advertise. Brings such a beastly lot o' Duffers out, don't you know!"
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Chatto and Windus have just issued a new edition of Ouida's Dog of Flanders. The well-got-up and cheaply-priced volume contains three other Stories, nearly as charming. ”