Various

“ Let honesty be the drug in the market, and the rare herb dishonesty will be at a premium. It is gratifying to be assured, on aldermanic authority, that Shakspeare was wrong, and that in future for Hamlet's well-known dictum, "For to be honest as this world goes is to be as one man picked out of ten thousand," we must read "For to be dishonest as this world goes is to be as one man picked out of ten thousand." ”

“ The worst of it is that, with this beastly pain in my back, I begin to think my influenza is no sham at all. Stop in all day in warm room. In the evening feel headache, as well as pain in back. Fear the worst.
Friday.—No doubt about it. In bed. Must see the doctor. Letter from Gadsby. Wants me to go to the theatre to-night. Jolly party. Supper after at his house. Little dance to finish with. Jolly, lively fellow Gadsby. Knows lots of pretty actresses, and has all sorts of larks. Would have been good fun. And here am I in bed! Hang the influenza! But cannot risk anything. ”

“ Had Silomio personally moved, game would have seemed too stale. Probability is forty Members not been found to stand up in support of motion. Looks much better to have such action taken on one side of House and supported from the other; invests it with air of impartiality and unanimity. On challenge from the Speaker, Conservatives rose in body to support Cochrane's request. Having secured that object, and being on their legs, they strolled out, leaving Squire of Malwood, Sydney Buxton, and about a score of others all told, to listen to Cochrane's urgent message. ”

“ What I hanker after, at my time of life, at the close of a career not absolutely free from hard work, is some post not too arduous. Seems to me the Speakership would be the very thing; just enough to do, and not too much."
Mr. G. (disguised in Speaker's wig and gown) . "Rather fancy the costume would suit me down to the ground!"
If it had been anyone but Sark had said this, would have listened with incredulity. But Sark most respectable man.
Business done.—Robertson in excellent speech explained Navy Estimates.
Thursday.—The Silence of Silomio. No, it's not the title of a novel. ”

“ Friends need not fear for me, foes shall not frighten,
While you, and all my sons, stick to that motto!
A Parliamentary Paradox.—Sir Ellis Ashmead-Bartlett (alias "Silomio") begs the Government to suppress the Boers.
Convalescent.—After "a bout" of influenza, the best thing for the patient is to be "about again." ”

“ He, in the language of the Far-Western people, whips cosmos. But of those that write things not to be mentioned, no Then Man dwelling in the nether world can surpass the Now Woman. So at least they that are over the book-market tell me; but them I cannot easily believe. Further, to speak of such as collect history, but, being unworthy indeed of neglect do yet escape the notice of those that appoint to office, I give the front row to Mr. Oscar Browning.
Shakspeare sends an occasional Sonnet. ”

“ The old cock was about to offer some remarks in ridicule of these sentiments, when the housewife came into the yard, and, snatching up the New Hen, wrung her neck, remarking to herself as she did so, that a fowl that could neither lay eggs nor rear chickens, had obviously no place in the economy of nature. ”

“ A Poem of Platitude.
Yes, girls will be girls, and flirts will be flirts,
And coquette to the end of the chapter!
"There's safety in numbers," the proverb asserts,
And I'm sure that no saw could he apter. ”

“ In your opinion should not every play be seen by the Licenser, duly acted, with the costumes, before a licence can be granted? (b) and then that the licence be granted only on the condition that no alteration in word or action be made at any time, and under no pretence whatever, during the run, on pain of forfeiture of licence?
The above suggestions will serve as a foundation for some future Licensing Exam.-paper. ”

“ But they had done their appointed work, and Howard Vincent, an old campaigner, had secured opportunity for delivering his speech on hostile tariffs and bounties.
Grave doubt at morning sitting whether House could be made for the alluring joy. Vincent took up position in lobby much as recruiting-sergeant shows himself near Trafalgar Square. Accosted all Members passing by. Offered them free rations and front seats for the lecture if they would stay. Soon picked up enough men to reduce chances of count out. ”

“ He would come on by-and-by. Let others keep the thing going as long as possible; just when hapless Ministers thought it was over, and they might get to business, they should hear a well-known war-whoop; should discover Silomio at the table, in for a good hour's speech. Meanwhile he sat piling notes upon notes, pausing occasionally to cheer Cochrane, anon humming softly to himself
"Swaziland, my Swaziland!"
"Our Artist"—Sir Frank Blockwood, Q.C., M.P.
Under Secretary for Colonies deprecated in public interest irregular discussion of question at present time. ”

“ Ancient Custom.—"A quaint practice exists" at the Episcopal Palace, Fulham, "of waking up the domestics by means of a long pole." "Stirring them up," apparently, as the keepers do the beasts at the Zoo. The Sun reminds us of the existence of "rousing staves" for waking sleepers in church. About Regatta time riparian dwellers are frequently disturbed in their slumbers by "rousing staves," which, however, are sung by jolly young watermen, canoeists and house-boaters.
[Pg 139] ”

“ Alderman, true for you; but if a man will act honestly for a sovereign, what might not the addition of ten shillings do? It ought to make him more honest comparatively, while another ten shillings would make him superlatively honest. ”

“ Q. Is it possible that the candidates who have failed may find their objection to the existence of the office stronger than ever?
A. It is not only possible, but probable.
Q. And thus any non-journalist who accepts the appointment may not have a very pleasant time of it?
A. So it would appear to the casual observer.
MY INFLUENZA.
Monday.—This is the day I promised to go with my aunt to the first meeting of that new Society for the Propagation of Female Suffrage amongst the Turks. Wish I'd never promised. Don't see how I can escape. Why, yes, good idea—the influenza! I'll have it. ”

“ Our other dogs had evidently thought stealing the bone under the circumstances was very bad form, and the collie had been cut by them!
Yours sympathetically,
Parish Pump.
Sir,—I find that even kittens have a code of etiquette, and understand the niceties of social rank. The other day our kitten was on the table, when a winged creature which I took for a fly settled just in front of it. Pussy immediately gracefully retreated backwards till, on arriving at the edge, she slid to the ground. ”

“ Only those who live and work in the House of Commons know how marvellous is the combination, how infinite in its magnitude the loss impending.
Tuesday.—Talk to-night all about successor to the Speaker. A dozen names mentioned; general conclusion that whoever may be selected, he's not to be envied. The Member for Sark, turning up to-night for first time this Session, brings strange news. Has been on the Riviera, daily expecting influenza. Saw Mr. G. yesterday; the talk at Cap Martin, as here, all about the soon-to-be emptied Chair, and who is to fill it. Sark tells me he is quite certain Mr. ”

“ Q. You say that your duty is to preserve the purity of the public taste; was that also the object of the earlier of your predecessors?
A. Seemingly not, as the office was called into existence to serve as a bar to the dissemination of opinions of an entirely political character.
Q. But that is not now the raison d'être of the appointment?
A. Oh, no; for nowadays, thanks to the newspapers, politics enjoys free trade. ”

“ From eggs they must not hatch.
A Suggestion for Improving the Stage. —M. Coquelin for having played truant—not an absolutely new part for him—from the House of Molière has been condemned by the Court of Appeal to pay five hundred francs every time he performs away from the Comédie Française. This may, or may not, be hard on M. Coquelin, an artist whose absence from the stage would be much deplored: but could not there be, in England, some Court of Public Appeal, empowered to condemn an actor or two, not artists like M. Coquelin, in similar penalties for appearing at all? ”

“ Q. How long has the office been in existence?
A. About a century or so.
Q. How did the public get on before your office came into existence?
A. Fairly well, especially in the days of Shakspeare.
Q. Had the Bard of Avon to obtain a licence for the production of his plays?
A. No; they were then practically edited by the public.
Q. Could not the public edit plays in the reign of Queen Victoria with the intelligence displayed in the days of "Good Queen Bess"?
A. It is impossible to say, as the question has not been tested by experiment. ”

“ Redford as newly-appointed Licenser of Plays was announced. This is just to the late Licenser's assistant and deputy. But if the office is to be continued, why should it not be thrown open to competitive examination? ”