Various

“ Lestocq's amusing farce, The Sportsman, now being played at the Comedy Theatre, must inevitably recall to the experienced play-goer the plot and situations of The Serious Family and The Colonel, Truth, The Candidate, Artful Cards, and it may be some others of the same extensive dramatic family. In this piece the husband, under pretence of joining a shooting-party, is accustomed to absent himself from home, in order to indulge his propensity for gambling, and he invariably brings home to his wife the hares and rabbits he has shot. ”

“ I shall go up and introduce myself in a minute, and do what I can to make the young fellow feel himself at home. (Intercepting Lord S. in the act of moving towards Miss Seaton.) Excuse me, my Lord, but, as the uncle of our worthy host and hostess, I should like the honour of shaking you by the hand. (He shakes hands.) My name's Gilwattle, my Lord, and I ought to tell you before I go any further that I've no superstitious reverence for rank. Whether a [pg 53] man's a lord or a linen-draper, is exactly the same to me—I look upon him dimply as a human being. ”

“ IS SCIENCE PLAYED OUT?
["In a grain of butter you have 47,250,000 microbes. When you eat a slice of bread-and-butter, you therefore must swallow as many microbes as there are people in Europe."—"Science Notes" in Daily Chronicle.] ”

“ As I purchased the five square yards on which my little tobacco-shop is built in confident expectation of being bought out at a high figure, I consider that any further delay in the matter involves something like a breach of public faith. Why should not the Government help? ”

“ Her view is, that "half a loafer is better than no dance."
In order to get men, we have been obliged to invite the gentlemanly crossing-sweeper at the end of our road, two hawkers who sell blocks of wood in the street, a respectable coal-heaver, and our green-grocer's assistant. They have each had half-a-dozen dancing lessons (at our expense) , and are to be paid a guinea a-piece, on condition that they dance at least six dances before going down to supper. ”

“ As the person of highest rank here, he certainly ought to take me in!
Mr. Tid. He's done it, Maria. He's no more a Lord than I am. Miss Seaton knows him—I just heard her call him "Mr. Clayton," or some name like that!
Mrs. Tid. (aghast.) So this is the sort of person you would go and engage! He'll be found out, Montague, I can see Uncle edging up towards him already. And anyhow, you know what his opinions are. A pretty scrape you've got us into! Don't stand gaping—bring the man up to me this minute—I must give him a hint to be careful. (Lord S. is led up and presented.) ”

“ Erskine been in the Chair by the cross-benches some years now. Naturally growing philosophical; insensibly cultivates habit of sententious speech.
"Wonder you can be so garrulous, Toby," he says, "considering the number of Speeches you hear in a Session. We take in eloquence at the pores, and I for one have no tendency toward exudation."
"Ah," I said, "perhaps that's the lack of exercise. Dear old Gosset! he was better off in that respect. Remember how he used to waltz up and down between doorway and table with Bradlaugh? A heavy partner, too, especially taken after dinner. ”

“ The world will look bright when we find in high places
A perfect accord 'twixt the Three Christian Graces!
The First Bal Masqué of the Season.—Big success. Greater crowd there than when these entertainments came to an end at the beginning of last year. All sorts of disguises were permitted, but it is said that two viveurs who came late, disguised in liquor, were denied entrance. The Snow Man found it very hot, and melted. Prizes were to be given away. But there was one prize, an elegant lady, closely masked and hooded, whose identity remained a puzzle to everybody. ”

“ Looking over McCullagh Torrens' book the other day, I noted what Dizzy said when that genial statesman, the former Member for Finsbury, inquired after the health of Lady Beaconsfield. 'They tell me she is better, but you know what better is at 83.' I'm as well as can be expected going o' 84. I must admit it's pretty well. I'll undertake to walk a mile, run a mile, eat a meal, and make a speech with any fellow ten years my junior."
Certainly no one on Treasury Bench exceeds Mr. G. in vivacity or overflowing energy. ”

“ It certainly is rather slow for the Girls who have not had a partner all the evening. Still, I did not expect them to bring pencils and paper with them, and play games of "consequences" in the billiard-room.
Since Gentlemen have taken to sharing a dance among several Ladies, they have become very conceited. ”

“ In the Second Act the police make a raid on the gambling Club, and the husband escapes in any coat he can lay hold of, following the example of the unfortunate hero of Artful Cards, only that the situation at the end of that Second Act was far stronger in that play than it is in The Sportsman. ”

“ Is much comforted by consciousness that, whilst Sage of Queen Anne's Gate views composition of Ministry with mixed feelings, and will not commit himself to promise of fealty till he is in possession of full details of their policy, he unreservedly approves the Squire. ”

“ But—they don't want the poor devils that crowd over in the steerage!
So Oi'm sittin' on the stile, Mary, and there Oi'll loikely sthop,
For they don't require poor Paddy in their big new Chandler's Shop.
Uncle Sam's some punkins, Mary, but he's not a great green goose;
An' he's goin' to sthop a braggin' ov that latch-string always loose!
MIXED NOTIONS—NO. IV. EGYPT.
Two Well-Informed Men, an Inquirer, and an Average Man, in suburban morning train to London. ”