W. Pett Ridge

“ Being as outspoken in praise as in blame, it resulted, as they walked over Westminster Bridge and took an omnibus, that not only Louisa, but Erb himself, had attained a glowing state of content, and when they arrived eventually at the house in Eaton Square (lighted recklessly below and sparsely illuminated above) they felt that the world might possibly contain their equals, but they were certainly not prepared to look on anybody as a superior. ”

“ Danks pointing to Alice.
“Wrong!” remarked Erb. “Someone says all the gels laugh at you.”
“That's you,” decided Mr. Danks, pointing at cook. Cook now convulsed with amusement.
“Wrong again! Someone says you can't recite for nuts.”
“I say,” urged Mr. Danks, wriggling on the chair, “I'm as fond of a joke as anyone, but really—— That sounds like you, miss.” Louisa shook her head negatively.
“You're not lucky, old man. Someone says you'll never get married in all your life for the simple reason that no one wants you.” ”

“ Couples, standing up, waited impatiently for the real waltz to commence; young women moving a smartly-slippered foot; Louisa formulating her first protest against convention by saying aloud to her partner, a precise footman, “Oh, let me and you make a start!” ”

“ Erb, finding himself possessed with a hope that Lady Frances might presently speak to him, tried to compensate for this weakness by telling Miss Luker, when they were lifting one foot and swinging round at the far end of the kitchen, that the title meant nothing to him, and that, for his part, he preferred to mix with everybody on a common platform, to which Miss Luker replied, “Ah! that's because you're a railway man.” ”

“ The awkward silence continued, broken only by the music from the pianoforte and the swishing of skirts.
“Erb,” said his sister Alice, frowning over Mr. Danks's shoulder, “remember where you are.”
“Exercise tack, my dear sir,” recommended the butler. “Exercise tack.”
“Even visitors,” remarked the housekeeper severely, so that the young woman at the pianoforte should hear, “even visitors ought to draw the line somewhere. We can't help our opinions, but we can all stop ourselves from expressing them.” ”

“ Presently, in one of those sudden blanks of general talk that surprise the unwary, his raised voice was heard to say—
“——Consequence is that the few revel in luxury, while the many——” He hesitated, and went on floundering through the silence. “Whilst the many 'ave not the wherewithal to buy their daily bread.” ”

“ Miss Luker was quite a marvellous young woman, for she could dance and talk calmly at the same time, a trick so impossible to Erb that, when he attempted it, he found he could only stammer acquiescence to some contestable theory advanced by his partner, or ejaculate some words in acceptance of an undeserved compliment. ”

“ Nevertheless, some excuse could be urged: whenever he glanced at Miss Luker, now with the gloomy young man for partner, he found that her large eyes were looking at him, and she turned away quickly with great show of confusion. When the Lancers had, by gracious permission of the housekeeper, repeated its last figure, cook, beckoned aside by the footman, introduced her partner with due formality. Mr. Danks—the footman bowed.
“We—er—know each other by reputation, Mr. Barnes.”
“Very kind of you to say so, Mr. Danks,” said Erb. ”

“ They were going back to dancing after this unsuccessful essay, when a quiet tap came at the door of the kitchen; and the couples, standing up to begin, suddenly released each other, the French lady's-maid crying humorously, “Ciel! c'est mon mari!” Conversation ceased, and cook bustled forward and opened the door.
“May I come in, cook, I wonder?”
“Why,” cried cook, hysterical with delight, “as though you need ask, my dear, I mean, m'lady!”
It seemed to Erb that the West End possessed some exceptional forcing properties that made all of its young women grow tall. ”

“ The young woman at the pianoforte, aroused from a brief nap, was ordered to play a schottische.
At this point the evening suffered a check. It was cook's fault. Cook, fearing that the hours were not moving with enough rapidity, suggested games; suggested also one called the Stool of Repentance. Necessary for one person to leave the room, and Mr. Danks being selected for this honour, went out, and the others thereupon selected libellous statements, of which Erb took charge. ”