Various

“ I was earlier than usual that morning, which was bad luck, as I heard Fitz-Jones click his gate behind me and thud after me in his snow-boots. Fitz-Jones and I had a little disagreement, not long ago, about the sole possession of a servant-maid. Since then there has been a coolness. Curiously enough, the hideous frost that raged at the moment (the thermometer stood at twenty-five degrees in the henhouse) seemed to thaw Fitz-Jones. And I knew why.
Last summer Fitz-Jones had spent four torrid days with the thermometer at 75 degrees, winding up his pipes in straw "against" the winter. ”

“ The player who is funny and calls the red the Cherry, the Robin, the Cardinal or the Lobster.
The player who comes to the game as to a solemn ritual and neither smiles nor speaks.
The player who keeps on changing his cue and blames each one in turn for his own ineptitude.
The player who can use his left hand as well as his right: a man to be avoided. ”

“ STEPHEN McKENNA more than two hundred pages to get the seconds out of the ring and leave his hero, Deryk, face to face with an income of something over a million a year. Before this happened the youth had become engaged to a girl, been thrown over by her, experienced the wiles of Circe and gone in more or less vaguely for journalism. Then came the income and the question what to do with it. Of course he didn't know how to use it to the best advantage; it is universal experience that other people never do. But Deryk impressed me as more than commonly lacking in resource. ”

“ For instance, when I left London most people I knew seemed to have a feverish desire to get to Paris. They were ready to move heaven, earth and the Ministry of Information to obtain the desired passport. They would go to any lengths to prove how necessary their presence is here during the Peace Conference.
And now I find my countrymen over here longing with an equal feverishness to go home again. Ils s'attristent. Ils s'ennuient. They have nostalgie in its acutest form. It quite goes to my heart to hear the pathetic questions they put to newcomers: "How is London looking? ”

“ The player who swears at most of them.
The player who doubts the accuracy of your scoring. Avoid this one.
The player who hits everything too hard. This is a very exasperating man to meet because fortune usually favours him. Either he flukes immoderately or he does not leave well. He is usually a hearty fellow with no sense of shame. Perhaps he says "Sorry;" but he adds, "It must have been on."
The player who hits everything too gently: the lamb as compared with the previous type, who is a lion. The lamb is good to play with if you prefer winning to a real contest. ”

“ Hence the following classification of players who are to be met with in clubs, country-houses or saloons by any ordinary wielders of the cue. Any reader who has ever endeavoured to master what may be called (by way of inversion) the Three Balls Art has power to add to their number.
The player who, as he drops behind in the game, says so often that it is months since h" touched a cue that your success is robbed of all savour. ”

“ She fell at a good price to a splendid type of West Country farmer, and the auctioneer whispered to me, "I'm glad old Carey's got her. There's not a man in the county keeps his horses better."
"Old Carey" came up to me as we were moving off. "I had a son in France," he said, "in the gunners, too, but he hadn't the luck of the old mare"—he hesitated a moment and his old eyes looked steadily into mine—"for he'll never come back. The mare'll be all right, Sir," he went on as he walked off, "easy work and full rations. I reckon she's earned them." ”

“ Nature red in tooth and claw has not mothered them—they are too well-bred for that; they simply bite with their tongues. Mrs. Almar, who is married and purely piratical, comes off worst in the encounter, and the more artful Christine, ultimately falling in love with the object of her artifices, becomes human enough to marry him, despite his lapse from financial eligibility. ”

“ Brushing aside minor causes the Leader of the House, in his forthright manner, said the root of the matter was that "Labour wants a larger share of the good things which are to be obtained in this world"—not an unreasonable desire, he indicated, but one which would not be permanently realised by strikes directed against the whole community. ”

“ The responsibilities of office are irksome to his imperious temperament. There is something almost tragic in a figure, equipped with the qualities of an hereditary autocrat, endeavouring to accommodate himself to the needs of a democracy. ”

“ SPEAKER definitely decides the problem of precedence, it is to be feared that the hoped-for acceleration of business will not occur, for at present each of them thinks it necessary to speak whenever the other does, like the hungry lions on Afric's burning shore. For all their outward politeness I am sure "the first lion thinks the last a bore" ”

“ Though of course we all know that Welsh people do sometimes make even more sensational triumphs in the Metropolis; just possible indeed that this fact may have some bearing on the recent flood of Cambrian fiction. Certainly, if A Little Welsh Girl achieves success on the strength of Mr. LLOYD GEORGE's triumph, she may thank her luck, for I have my doubts whether she could manage it unassisted. ”

“ Unhappily Miss MILLER lacks the gift of delicate satire and the sense of humour that the society novel above all others seems to require. With a lighter and less matter-of-fact treatment one would accept more easily the overdrawing of her rather impossible felines. ”

“ The Winter's Tale, III. 3.
"At the Dogger Bank fight, Lion, the flagship of Sir David Beatty, was crippled. Some people say she was torpedoed, almost miraculously, by a Hun destroyer from five miles' range (which version is probably tripe) ."—Scottish Paper.
Like so many things that we read in the Press nowadays.
[pg 140]
NOUVELLES DE PARIS. (With acknowledgments to the "Society" Press) . Paris, Feb., 1919.
Dearest POPPY,—Que la vie est drôle! Who was it said that there are two great tragedies in life—not getting what you want, and getting it? ”

“ It is not known whether Labour or the Peace Conference has done most to send up the price of these luxuries.
Officials of the Waiters' Union are perturbed over the rumour that restaurant habitués are preparing to strike in favour of a fifty per cent. reduction in tips.
Several of our leading magistrates declare that unless some High Court judge asks, "What is beer?" they will be compelled to do it themselves. ”

“ He has also a keen eye for the humours of life, and can make his jest with most admirable brevity. "Doubtless," he says in a foreword, "the whole world will fly before many years have passed, but for the moment most people have to be content to read about it." ”

“ The contract must be completed. It was a sacred duty. Besides—a minor point—what about payment?
So Mr. McTurk was despatched to Glenwhinnie, N.B., where in a speech of great power he pointed out the path of duty.
Amid scenes of enthusiasm the work went on apace.
And at the other end the well-known firm of McClusky, McCleery & McClumpha tore down the buildings with equal enthusiasm.
And that is the state of affairs just now in Glenwhinnie, N.B. What will happen when—as they are bound to do—the wreckers overtake the builders is a matter for speculation. Mr. McTurk may make another speech. ”

“ The chief thing wanted now was to "clean the land," where noxious weeds, the Bolshevists of the soil, had been spreading with great rapidity. As for the tractors, the Board thought it a good thing that the farmers should possess their own, but would retain in its own hands enough of them to help farmers who could not help themselves—not a large class, I imagine, with produce at its present prices. ”

“ Only a person with a perfectly healthy skin, says a contemporary, can afford to face the keen winds without taking precaution. If you have any doubts about your skin the best thing is to leave it at home on the hat-rack. ”

“ Every trick and every device of camouflage should be brought into play. There should be no violent preliminary bombardment of ground-bait to alarm the hostile forces, but the sector should be unostentatiously registered on the preceding night. ”

“ And then, just as we were getting away, they spotted us, and a battery opened on us good and strong. By a mixture of good luck and great effort we'd got all the guns away but one, when a shell landed just in front of the leaders and knocked them both out with their driver; at the same time the gun was jerked off the road into a muddy ditch. Almost simultaneously another shell killed one of the wheelers, and there we were with one horse left to get the gun out of the ditch and along a road that was almost as bad as the ditch itself. ”

“ This request was repeated by Sir SAMUEL HOARE, who, having spent a year and a half during the War in that distracted country, declared that "we must decide between Bolshevists and anti-Bolshevists." Unfortunately that is exactly what, according to the PRIME MINISTER's reply, we cannot do. The Allies are not prepared to intervene in force; they cannot leave Russia to stew in Her own hell-broth. ”

“ I have hinted that the tale is hardly likely to gain universal popularity; let me add that certain persons, notably very young Socialists and experts in Labour journalism, may find it of absorbing interest. ”

“ He denounces me as 'a political chameleon, taking on the colour of those who at the moment happen to be his associates.' But what are you to say of a man who clamours for a saviour of the situation and then turns him into a cock-shy ”

“ It is refreshing to come across a case of really rapid demobilisation.
"A message from Vienna states that the Emperor Carl intends to be a candidate in the forthcoming elections for the Australian National Assembly."—Australian Paper.
But there is no truth in the rumour that, by way of reprisal, Mr. HUGHES intends to put in for CARL's vacant throne. ”

“ And make thee glad that thou hast done thy bit.
"SELF MADE MAN
Young widwep lady intelligent, wealthy wishing to remarie, wishes to make acquaintance in a Swiss Sportplace with a well situated english or american gentleman. Preference is given to a businessman, self made, with fine caracter aged 35-45 handsome as the lady is it too."—Swiss Paper.
We foresee a rush of profiteers to the Alps.
[pg 151]
Sportsman. ”