Various

“ Well, he a dear kind Husband was to me,
But now my Days are spent in Misery.
The Fifteenth Comfort of Matrimony. Last, and not least of all these Comforts is,
The Man that's Wedded unto some Disease,
A peevish, crazy, and a sickly Wife,
The Burthen and the Nusance of his Life ”

“ Nay, If in Prison he shou'd chance to lie,
A Loving Wife brings Comforts and Supply.
She pays him visits with Delight and Care,
And Loves him ne're the less for being there.
Answer to the Second Mock Comfort. And why shou'd not a Man adore his Wife,
Since She's the only Comfort of his Life. ”

“ The Fifteenth Pleasure of a Town Life. Satyr and couculde—and sum the Evils up,
Shew the great wonder how the Land shou'd 'scape,
From Fires, Famines, Pestilence and Rage,
To crush so vile, so proffligate an Age?
For let the Church be Empty as it will,
You'll see the Play-house, and the Taverns fill:
Whole Afternoons, whole Nights they'll Squander there,
Yet can't Spare one poor Minute on't for Pray'r,
This is the Sum of a Licentious Town,
Where Lewdness is into Example grown.
FINIS.
THE Fifteen Comforts OF Cuckoldom. ”

“ His sons and Daughters educated so,
None better bred, none cou'd gentiler go:
The Sons are now set up to drive their Trade,
The daughters married, and their Fortunes paid.
One Son runs out, another takes ill ways,
For which their Father's Pocket always pays;
The Daughter's Husband breaks, and she must come
And live a burthen on him again at home;
Until the daily Cares that they impart,
Break first his Substance, and then break his Heart.
The Tenth Comfort, &c. One thinking to encrease the Joys of Life,
Marries a Beautiful young Buxom Wife ”

“ Are real Comforts of a high Degree.
Answer to the Thirteenth Mock Comfort. The Lawyer's Wife is brought in for her share,
To recompence her Loving Husband's care;
As he by Bribes hath Honest Men undone,
She gives to Knaves, what he might call his own.
But Drugs and Poysons to a married Wife,
I cannot understand it for my Life.
For she that has a Husband need not fear,
But all Suspicion soon will disappear.
No matter where or when the Child was got,
It always falls unto the Husband's Lot. ”

“ Blushes—or wou'd do if he'd any Grace.
Tells Her the truth in Penetential strain,
And vows he'll never do the like again,
She weeps, forgives him all—but must endure,
The manner, and the Charges of a Cure;
Where One in twenty scarce so perfect be,
But that they leave it to Posterity.
The Sixth Comfort of a Town Life. Or where they 'scape the plagues of Pox and Pills,
The Sin is liable to fifty Ills,
Of equal Danger, tho' a diff'rent Cure,
As he that dreading Claps wou'd Sin secure ”

“ Her Husband's Love to her shou'd be the more;
No Cost or Care too much for such a Wife,
Whose Vertuous Charms adds Pleasure to the Life:
Such Comforts on a married Life depend,
There's nothing like a Loving Bosom-Friend.
If Husband's Stock is wasted by mischance,
A careful Wife will soon the same advance.
Answer to the Ninth Mock Comfort. The Man more often is the cause of Loss,
By Drinking, Whoring or some Earthly Cross ”

“ The Fifteen Comforts, &c. The first Comfort of Cuckoldom. As I last Night in Bed lay Snoring,
I sweetly dreamt of Drinking and of Whoring,
Which waking me from a most pleasant Sleep,
To my dear Wife I very close did creep,
And offering to give her what I shou'd,
Quoth she, you Fumbler you can do no good,
Give me the Man that never claps his Wings,
But always Life and Courage with him brings,
'Tis such an one wou'd please; but as for you
If Night and Morning some small matter do ”

“ Daughters for Marriage fit, and Sons for Trades,
Is Blest with Comforts of the Marriage Bed.
Charges encreasing daily, and the thought
Where to get Money to dispose 'em out?
Or then perhaps he feels the greater Curse,
The Sons turn Sots, or Fools, the Daughters worse ”

“ The best and most Experienced Remedy for Sore or Weak Eyes, that ever yet was made known to the World, being of that wonderful Efficacy, that it infallibly dispels any Humour or Salt Rheum distilling from the Head; and takes away all Soreness, or Redness, or Swelling: It also strengthens weak Eyes (Sometimes occasioned by the Small-Pox) and will disperse any Film or Cataract growing over the Eye, whereby the Sight oftentimes becomes dim ”

“ I have experienced those kind Wives too who are commonly upon the religious Point of going to Lectures when alas they had no other Business at Church than to meet their Gallants, who presently coaches 'em, because they dearly love Jilting. ”

“ Oh! then (my Husband) how we live in Peace.
She's then all Charms, no Comforts here below,
Are like what she and her dear Spouse do know.
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Answer to the Fifteenth Mock Comfort. A Peevish Husband makes a peevish Wife,
And so brings Scandal on a Married Life.
No wonder then if Sickness and Disease,
Brought on by Crosses, doth the Body seize.
All this is owing to a hair-brain'd Man,
Whose base ill nature all the strife began.
Then why shou'd Women thus be stil'd a Curse?
When Man himself perhaps is ten times worse. ”

“ I am in a little pain lest the Title shou'd give Offence to some, whom I am unwilling to disoblige; yet I hope be more Judicious, when they see the design will allow it both their Pardon and Approbation: for 'tis more than a little odds, had I call'd it the Fifteen Plagues of Whoring, whether the young Gentlemen most concerned in it, would have given themselves the trouble to peruse it. As they are Children in their Actions, they must be dealt with like Children, and have their Horn-books Gi [*?] ”