W. Pett Ridge

“ Martha, the maid, went like a shot, and returned from Lewisham with something of the swiftness of a shot, but doing more than any shot could have done, in that she carried Trafalgar all the way back, talking to the youth as though she were the mother of twelve, instead of being a single young woman not yet seventeen. ”

“ Alfred remarked sagely that accidents on the railways always happened when you least expected them, and, being challenged by the nervous sisters for further information, described with much burlesque detail a disaster in which he declared he had borne conspicuous part by stopping an express train with his head; a recital arrested by Caroline, who declared her belief that the Devonshire young women did not realize when her husband was in earnest and when be was serious. The younger sister said that thank goodness she was not going to marry a joking husband ”

“ Mellish, on his return home, declared himself perturbed at the news of Caroline's acceptance of the amount, and said that she ought to have waited. He instructed Alfred to ask for £30, which amount, to Alfred's surprise, the inspector, in a few days, brought to him. By that time he was in a condition to be removed, and although he appeared quite content to stay on, Caroline insisted that they should no longer test the kindness of their young hostess. They started with a sensation of possessing uncountable riches. ”

“ The other passengers on their way to spend an afternoon at the Crystal Palace applauded this frank statement. A matron in the corner declared sportively that she often wondered that, what with your Houses of Parliament and your goodness knows what, something could not be done to abolish work of all kinds; for her part, she would not greatly complain were she never to see a flat-iron again. The matron's husband advised her not to talk silly nonsense, but found himself shouted down by most of the other holiday-makers in the compartment, who encouraged the lady to proceed. ”

“ He whispered to Alfred, in passing on the platform, that having tired of small affairs, he was now about to engage upon a big business.
'Gi-gantic,' said Mr. Ladd confidentially, as he stepped into the smoking compartment next the one which they entered.
'Rather nice busy old gentleman,' remarked Caroline, when they had taken their seats.
'Very busy,' replied Alfred cautiously.
'I like to see old people active,' she said.
'Sooner see them active,' said Alfred, 'than be active meself.' He looked round at the other passengers for approval, glad in his Cockney way to have an audience. ”

“ Elf,' declared William, whilst Caroline upstairs put the boy to bed, '’pon my word if I ain't missed you all like anything.'
'Some of us can't easily be done without.'
'The place seemed empty,' went on William Finnis; 'everything seemed to go crooked; me meals was a torture. I never seemed to hear no pleasant voices, and altogether, I tell you, I fairly got the 'ump.'
'Well, 'ere we are now, at any rate,' said Alfred importantly, 'and simply covered all over with money.' He told William the result of his dealings with the railway company. ”

“ The matron's husband welcomed this remark as sound common-sense, and added, without looking at his wife, that he wished there were more people who gained some idea of logic instead of giving up their minds to tomfoolery, and not being satisfied unless they were rushing off to the Palace at least once every two or three years. ”