W. S. Gilbert

“ Tessa and Gianetta [together]
Farewell, my love; on board you must be getting; But while upon the sea you gaily roam, Remember that a heart for thee is fretting The tender little heart you've left at home! Gia. Now, Marco dear, My wishes hear: While you're away It's understood You will be good, And not too gay. To every trace Of maiden grace You will be blind, And will not glance By any chance On womankind! If you are wise, You'll shut your eyes Till we arrive, And not address A lady less Than forty-five. You'll please to frown On every gown That you may see ”

“ That King, although no one denies His heart was of abnormal size, Yet he'd have acted otherwise If he had been acuter. The end is easily foretold, When every blessed thing you hold Is made of silver, or of gold, You long for simple pewter. When you have nothing else to wear But cloth of gold and satins rare, For cloth of gold you cease to care-- Up goes the price of shoddy. In short, whoever you may be, To this conclusion you'll agree, When everyone is somebodee, Then no one's anybody! ”

“ If from my sister I were torn, It could be borne-- I should, no doubt, be horrified, But I could bear it;-- But Marco 's quite another thing-- He is my King, He has my heart and none beside Shall ever share it! Ah me, you men will never understand That woman's heart is one with woman's hand! ”

“ Quintette--Casilda, Duchess, Luiz, Duke, Inquisitor
Try we life-long, we can never Straighten out life's tangled skein, Why should we, in vain endeavour, Guess and guess and guess again? Life's a pudding full of plums, Care's a canker that benumbs. Wherefore waste our elocution On impossible solution? Life's a pleasant institution, Let us take it as it comes ! ”

“ Oh, philosophers may sing Of the troubles of a King, But of pleasures there are many and of troubles there are none; And the culminating pleasure That we treasure beyond measure Is the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done! ”

“ Enter Gondoliers and Contadine, followed by Marco, Gianetta, Giuseppe, and Tessa
Chorus
Bridegroom and bride! Knot that's insoluble, Voices all voluble Hail it with pride. Bridegroom and bride! Hail it with merriment; It's an experiment Frequently tried.
Bridegroom and bride! Bridegrooms all joyfully, Brides, rather coyfully, Stand at their side. Bridegroom and bride! We in sincerity Wish you prosperity, Bridegroom and bride!
Song
Tessa. When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right and nothing's wrong! ”

“ Recit--Marco and Giuseppe
And now to choose our brides! As all are young and fair, And amiable besides, We really do not care A preference to declare. A bias to disclose Would be indelicate-- And therefore we propose To let impartial Fate Select for us a mate! All. Viva! A bias to disclose Would be indelicate-- But how do they propose To let impartial Fate Select for them a mate? ”

“ Every sigh that finds a vent Be a sigh of sweet content! When you marry merry maiden, Then the air with love is laden; Every flower is a rose, Every goose becomes a swan, Every kind of trouble goes Where the last year's snows have gone! ”

“ For Marco and Giuseppe Palmieri, The pink and flower of all the Gondolieri. Giu. They're coming here, as we have heard but lately, To choose two brides from us who sit sedately. Ant. Do all you maidens love them? All. Passionately! Ant. These gondoliers are to be envied greatly! Gior. But what of us, who one and all adore you? Have pity on our passion, I implore you! Fia. These gentlemen must make their choice before you ”

“ Live to love and love to live-- You will ripen at your ease, Growing on the sunny side-- Fate has nothing more to give. You're a dainty man to please If you are not satisfied. Take my counsel, happy man; Act upon it, if you can!
Enter Chorus of Contadine, running in, led by Fiametta and Vittoria. They are met by all the Ex-Gondoliers, who welcome them heartily. ”

“ Duke. Shady? A nobleman shady, who is blazing in the lustre of unaccustomed pocket-money? A nobleman shady, who can look back upon ninety-five quarterings? It is not every nobleman who is ninety-five quarters in arrear--I mean, who can look back upon ninety-five of them! ”

“ Dead as the garnered sheaves, That love of ours--ah, woe is me! Born but to fade and die When hope was high, Dead and as far away As yesterday! ah, woe is me! Ensemble. Oh, bury, bury--let the grave close o'er, etc. Re-enter from the Ducal Palace the Duke and Duchess, followed by Don Alhambra Bolero, the Grand Inquisitor Duke. My child, allow me to present to you His Distinction Don Alhambra Bolero, the Grand Inquisitor of Spain. It was His Distinction who so thoughtfully abstracted your infant husband and brought him to Venice. ”

“ Some kind of charm you seem to find In womankind-- Some source of unexplained delight (Unless you're jesting) , But what attracts you, I confess, I cannot guess, To me a woman's face is quite Uninteresting! ”

“ At summer day's nooning, When weary lagooning, Our mandolins tuning, We lazily thrum. When vespers are ringing, To hope ever clinging, With songs of our singing A vigil we keep. When daylight is fading, Enwrapt in night's shading, With soft serenading We lull them to sleep. ”

“ Failure brings no kind of stigma-- Dance we to another tune ! String the lyre and fill the cup, Lest on sorrow we should sup. Hop and skip to Fancy's fiddle, Hands across and down the middle-- Life 's perhaps the only riddle That we shrink from giving up! ”

“ I am now about to address myself to the gentleman whom my daughter married, the other may allow his attention to wander if he likes, for what I am about to say does not concern him. Sir, you will find in this young lady a combination of excellences which you would search for in vain in any young lady who had not the good fortune to be my daughter. ”

“ Marco and Giuseppe stop him. Giu. Well, as to that, of course there are kings and kings. When I say that I detest kings, I mean I detest bad kings. Don Al. I see. It's a delicate distinction. Giu. Quite so. Now I can conceive a kind of king--an ideal king--the creature of my fancy, you know--who would be absolutely unobjectionable. A king, for instance, who would abolish taxes and make everything cheap, except gondolas-- Mar. And give a great many free entertainments to the gondoliers-- Giu. ”

“ They all dance off two and two--Gianetta with Marco, Tessa with Giuseppe.
Flourish. A gondola arrives at the Piazzetta steps, from which enter the Duke of Plaza-Toro, the Duchess, their daughter Casilda, and their attendant Luiz, who carries a drum. All are dressed in pompous, but old and faded, clothes. ”

“ Rising early in the morning, We proceed to light our fire, Then our Majesty adorning In its work-a-day attire, We embark without delay On the duties of the day. First, we polish off some batches Of political despatches, And foreign politicians circumvent ”

“ We shall all go on requesting, Till you tell us, never doubt it, Everything is interesting, Tell us, tell us all about it!
Is the populace exacting? Do they keep you at a distance? All unaided are you acting, Or do they provide assistance? When you're busy, have you got to Get up early in the morning? If you do what you ought not to, Do they give the usual warning? With a horse do they equip you? Lots of trumpeting and drumming? Do the Royal tradesmen tip you? Ain't the livery becoming! Does your human being inner Feed on everything that nice is? ”

“ When the breezes are a-blowing, Then our ship will be a-going, When they don't we shall all stand still! And away we go to the island fair, That lies in a southern sea, {We/They} know not where, and {we/they} don't much care Wherever that isle may be! ”

“ Because a Lord High Chancellor is a personage of great dignity, who should never, under any circumstances, place himself in the position of being told to tuck in his tuppenny, except by noblemen of his own rank. ”

“ And scramble money on the Rialto among the gondoliers. Giu. Such a king would be a blessing to his people, and if I were a king, that is the sort of king I would be. Don Al. Come, I'm glad to find your objections are not insuperable. Mar. and Giu. Oh, they're not insuperable. Tess. and Gia. No, they're not insuperable. Giu. Besides, we are open to conviction. Our views may have been hastily formed on insufficient grounds. They may be crude, ill-digested, erroneous. I've a very poor opinion of the politician who is not open to conviction. ”

“ No; but you can recognize two independent appetites. It's all very well to say we act as one person, but when you supply us with only one ration between us, I should describe it as a legal fiction carried a little too far. ”

“ There must be a good deal of this sort of thing- [business] --and a little of this sort of thing-- [business] and possibly just a soupçon of this sort of thing! [business] and so on. Oh, it's very useful, and most effective. Just attend to me. You are a King--I am a subject. Very good--
Qunitette--Duke, Duchess, Casilda, Marco, and Giuseppe
Duke. I am a courtier grave and serious Who is about to kiss your hand : Try to combine a pose imperious With a demeanour nobly bland. Mar. & Giu. Let us combine a pose imperious With a demeanour nobly bland. ”

“ Tessa I, no doubt, Giuseppe wedded-- That 's, of course, of slice of luck. He is rather dunder-headed, Still distinctly he's a duck. Gianetta I, a victim too of Cupid, Marco married--that is clear. He's particularly stupid, Still distinctly he's a dear. Marco To Gianetta I was mated; I can prove it in a trice: Though her charms are overrated, Still I own she's rather nice. Giuseppe I to Tessa, willy-nilly, All at once a victim fell. She is what is called a silly, Still she answers pretty well. Mar. Now when we were pretty babies Some one married us, that is clear-- Gia. ”

“ It is dull without female society. We can do without everything else, but we can't do without that. Mar. And if we have that in perfection, we have everything. There is only one recipe for perfect happiness. ”

“ Duke. My child, you are hard upon our suite. Cas. Papa, I've no patience with the presumption of persons in his plebeian position. If he does not appreciate that position, let him be whipped until he does. Duke. Let us hope the omission was not intended as a slight. I should be much hurt if I thought it was. So would he. [To Luiz.] Where are the halberdiers who were to have had the honour of meeting us here, that our visit to the Grand Inquisitor might be made in becoming state? ”

“ Each man kisses each girl. Gia. Thank you, gallant gondolieri: In a set and formal measure It is scarcely necessary To express our pride and pleasure. Each of us to prove a treasure, Conjugal and monetary, Gladly will devote our leisure, Gay and gallant gondolieri. La, la, la, la, la! etc. Tessa. Gay and gallant gondolieri, Take us both and hold us tightly, You have luck extraordinary; We might both have been unsightly! If we judge your conduct rightly, 'Twas a choice involuntary; Still we thank you most politely, Gay and gallant gondolieri! ”

“ At the end exeunt Duke and Duchess, leaving Casilda with Marco and Giuseppe.
Giu. [To Marco.] The old birds have gone away and left the young chickens together. That's called tact. Mar. It's very awkward. We really ought to tell her how we are situated. It's not fair to the girl. Giu. Undoubtedly, but I don't know how to begin. [To Casilda.] A--Madam-- Cas. Gentlemen, I am bound to listen to you; but it is right to tell you that, not knowing I was married in infancy, I am over head and ears in love with somebody else. ”

“ Marco, Gianetta, Giuseppe, and Tessa
This statement we receive With sentiments conflicting; Our thoughts rejoice and grieve, Each other contradicting; To those whom we adore We can be reunited-- On one point rather sore, But, on the whole, delighted!
Casilda, Luiz, Duke, and Duchess
Luiz. When others claimed thy dainty hand, I waited--waited--waited--waited, Duke. As prudence (so I understand) Dictated--tated--tated--tated. Cas. By virtue of our early vow Recorded--corded--corded--corded, Duch. Your pure and patient love is now Rewarded--warded--warded--warded. ”

“ At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off, much alarmed. Giu. And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest! What's a bachelor? A mere nothing--he's a chrysalis. He can't be said to live--he exists. Mar. What a delightful institution marriage is! Why have we wasted all this time? Why didn't we marry ten years ago? Tess. Because you couldn't find anybody nice enough. Gia. ”

“ As they know we object To pavilions and palaces, How can they respect Our Republican fallacies? Mar. & Giu. For every one who feels inclined, Some post we undertake to find Congenial with his peace of mind-- And all shall equal be.
The Chancellor in his peruke-- The Earl, the Marquis, and the Dook, The Groom, the Butler, and the Cook-- They all shall equal be.
The Aristocrat who banks with Coutts, The Aristocrat who hunts and shoots, The Aristocrat who cleans our boots-- They all shall equal be! ”

“ Exeunt all but Marco and Giuseppe.
Giu. Yet it really is a very pleasant existence. They're all so extraordinarily kind and considerate. You don't find them wanting to do this, or wanting to do that, or saying "It's my turn now." No, they let us have all the fun to ourselves, and never seem to grudge it. Mar. It makes one feel quite selfish. It almost seems like taking advantage of their good nature. ”