W. S. Gilbert

“ Eve. Ted Athelney a lover of mine! Oh, that’s too absurd. Ted Athelney—that great, clumsy, middle-aged, awkward, good-natured, apple-faced man, a lover of anybody’s, and least of all, of mine! Why he’s forty! Oh, it’s shocking—it’s horrible! I won’t hear any thing so dreadful of any one I love so much.
Fred. You admit that you love him?
Eve. Oh, yes, I love him—but I don’t love him. (Nestling against Fred.) Don’t you understand the difference?
Fred. I don’t like his calling you Eve.
Eve. Why you wouldn’t have him—oh, you never could want Ted Athelney to call me Miss Van Brugh? ”

“ Daily she goes for to weep—for to wail—
(Hey, but I think that little maid will die!)
Both. Now tell me pray, and tell me true,
What in the world should the poor soul do?
She. If I were the youth I should offer her my name—
(Hey, but her face is a sight for to see!)
He. If I were the maid I should fan his honest flame—
(Hey, but he’s bashful as a youth can be!)
She. If I were the youth I should speak to her to-day—
(Hey, but she sickens as the days go by!)
He. If I were the maid I should meet the lad half way—
(For I really do believe that timid youth will die!) ”

“ ROSE. A maiden, and in tears? Can I do aught to soften thy sorrow? This apple— (offering apple) . MAR. (Examines it and rejects it.) No! (Mysteriously.) Tell me, are you mad? ROSE. I? No! That is, I think not. MAR. That's well! Then you don't love Sir Despard Murgatroyd? All mad girls love him. I love him. I'm poor Mad Margaret—Crazy Meg—Poor Peg! He! he! he! he! (chuckling) . ROSE. Thou lovest the bad Baronet of Ruddigore? Oh, horrible—too horrible! MAR. You pity me? Then be my mother! The squirrel had a mother, but she drank and the squirrel fled! ”

“ Edith Let us gaily tread the measure, Make the most of fleeting leisure, Hail it as a true ally, Though it perish by-and-by. Girls Hail it as a true ally, Though it perish by-and-by. Edith Every moment brings a treasure Of its own especial pleasure; Though the moments quickly die, Greet them gaily as they fly. Kate Far away from toil and care, Revelling in fresh sea-air, Here we live and reign alone In a world that's all our own. Here, in this our rocky den, Far away from mortal men, We'll be queens, and make decrees — They may honour them who please. ”

“ Pirates kneel, Police stand over them triumphantly. Pirate King We yield at once, with humbled mien, Because, with all our faults, we love our Queen. Police Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen. All Yes, yes, with all their faults, they love their Queen. Police holding Pirates by the collar, take out handkerchiefs and weep. Major-General Away with them, and place them at the bar! Enter Ruth Ruth One moment! let me tell you who they are. They are no members of the common throng; They are all noblemen who have gone wrong. All They are all noblemen who have gone wrong. ”

“ Why, sir, I am an old horse-soldier, and yet not so very old neither but that I can wield quarter-staff or give the Cornish fling as well as another. No mere trooper neither, but a sergeant of horse, if you please; and one that hath cut his way through war’s intestine, as a hot knife cuts butter. One who has so snicked, chipped, chopped, slashed, cut, drilled, and carbonaded, with sword, with pistolet, with mace, with arquebus, with petronel, and with what-not, that he’d make no more of passing a rapier through that boy’s body of thine than of spitting a penny herring. ”

“ Enter Phyllon.
Oh, Phyllon! picture to thyself a town
Peopled with men and women! At each turn,
Men—wicked men—then, farther on, more men,
Then women—then again more men—more men—
Men, women, everywhere—all ripe for crime,
All ghastly in the lurid light of sin! Enter Selene.
Phyl. In truth, dear sister, if man’s face and form
Were a true index to his character,
He were a hideous thing to look upon;
But man, alas! is formed as we are formed.
False from the first, he comes into the world
Bearing a smiling lie upon his face,
That he may cheat ere he can use his tongue. ”

“ There are a hundred maids within these walls, All good, all learned, and all beautiful: They are prepared to love you: will you swear To give the fullness of your love to them? HILARION. Upon our words and honours, Ma'am, we will! PRINCESS. But we go further: Will you undertake That you will never marry any man? FLORIAN. Indeed we never will! PRINCESS. Consider well, You must prefer our maids to all mankind! HILARION. To all mankind we much prefer your maids! CYRIL. We should be dolts indeed, if we did not, seeing how fair — HILARION. (Aside to Cyril) Take care – that's rather strong! ”

“ So that a maid is fair to see, Ev'ry maid is the maid for me! (Dance) Cyril: I am a maiden, frank and simple, Brimming with joyous roguery; Merriment lurks in ev'ry dimple Nobody breaks more hearts than I! Nobody breaks more hearts, more hearts than I All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free, Little care I what maid may be. So that a maid is fair to see, Ev'ry maid is the maid for me! (Dance) Florian: I am a maiden coyly blushing, Timid am I as a startled hind; Every suitor sets me flushing, Every suitor sets me flushing: I am the maid that wins mankind! ”

“ Mabel Frederic, save us! Frederic Beautiful Mabel, I would if I could, but I am not able. Pirates He's telling the truth, he is not able. Pirate King With base deceit You worked upon our feelings! Revenge is sweet, And flavours all our dealings! With courage rare And resolution manly, For death prepare, Unhappy General Stanley. Mabel (wildly) Is he to die, unshriven — unannealed? Girls Oh, spare him! Mabel Will no one in his cause a weapon wield? Girls Oh, spare him! Police (springing up) Yes, we are here, though hitherto concealed! Girls Oh, rapture! Police So to Constabulary, pirates yield! ”

“ HILDEBRAND. Where is she now? (Threatening.) GAMA. In Castle Adamant, One of my many country houses. There she rules a women's University, With full a hundred girls, who learn of her. CYRIL. A hundred girls! A hundred ecstasies! GAMA. But no mere girls, my good young gentleman; With all the college learning that you boast, The youngest there will prove a match for you. CYRIL. With all my heart, if she's the prettiest! (To Florian.) Fancy, a hundred matches – all alight! — That's if I strike them as I hope to do! GAMA. Despair your hope; their hearts are dead to men. ”

“ Hilda rushes to her, as they place her on the ground, near the sun-dial. Florian kneels by her, and takes her hand.
Hil. Vavir, my love—my gentle sister. See,
He loves thee—Florian loves thee! He is here
To tell thee this—to call thee back to life.
Come at his call! The earth is bright for thee.
See how he loves thee. Oh, Vavir, come back!
Vav. (very faintly) . It is too late—too late! I feel the hand
Of Death upon my heart. So let it be.
My day is spent—my tale is nearly told!
Hil. Vavir—Vavir!
Have pity on us! Gentle little soul,
Fly not to thine appointed Heaven—not yet—
Not yet—not yet! ”

“ Every day will bring some joy That can never, never cloy! ROSE. Richard, of him I love bereft, Through thy design, Thou art the only one that's left, So I am thine! (They embrace.) BRIDESMAIDS. Hail the Bridegroom—hail the Bride! Let the nuptial knot be tied! DUET—ROSE and RICHARD. Oh, happy the lily When kissed by the bee; And, sipping tranquilly, Quite happy is he; And happy the filly That neighs in her pride; But happier than any, A pound to a penny, A lover is, when he Embraces his bride! ”

“ It is part of the punishment of women who sin as I have sinned, that those who are dearest to them shall suffer with them. See how I am punished. I have placed a mark of shame on you whom I love beyond all on earth. I have inflicted a lasting injury on you whom I would have died to serve. I have cursed you whom I would have blessed. I have degraded you whom I would have exalted. Eve, my darling—out of my sin has come your love for me. I have no claim to that love. I have cheated you into honoring me; for that honor comes of my sin. I do not ask for love—I do not ask for honor. ”

“ FLORIAN. Will Prince Hilarion's hopes be sadly blighted? CHORUS. Who can tell? Who can tell? FLORIAN. Will Ida break the vows that she has plighted? CHORUS. Who can tell? Who can tell? FLORIAN. Will she back out, and say she did not mean them? CHORUS. Who can tell? FLORIAN. If so, there'll be the deuce to pay between them! CHORUS. No, no – we'll not despair, we'll not despair, For Gama would not dare To make a deadly foe Of Hildebrand, and so, Search through the panorama For a sign of royal Gama, Who today should cross the water With his fascinating daughter – Ida, Ida is her name. ”

“ Frederic, pardon!
Fred. Rise, sweet one; I have long pardoned you.
Ruth (rises) . The two words were so much alike.
Fred. They were. They still are, though years have rolled over their heads. (Ruth goes up with Samuel.) But this afternoon my obligation ceases. Individually I love you all with affection unspeakable, but collectively, I look upon you with a disgust that amounts to absolute detestation. Oh! pity me, my beloved friend, for such is my sense of duty, that once out of my indentures I shall feel myself bound to devote myself heart and soul to your extermination!
All. Poor lad! ”

“ POOH. I am told that her right heel is much admired by connoisseurs. KO. My good sir, I decline to pin my heart upon any lady's right heel. NANK. It comes to this: While Katisha is single, I prefer to be a disembodied spirit. When Katisha is married, existence will be as welcome as the flowers in spring. DUET—NANKI-POO and KO-KO. (With YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, and POOH-BAH.) NANK. The flowers that bloom in the spring, Tra la, Breathe promise of merry sunshine— As we merrily dance and we sing, Tra la, We welcome the hope that they bring, Tra la, Of a summer of roses and wine. ”

“ WILFRED A— I— I may have been mistaken. We are but fallible mortals, the best of us. But I'll make sure— I'll make sure. [Going] PHOEBE Stay— one word. I think it cannot be Fairfax— mind, I say I think— because thou hast just slain Fairfax. But whether he be Fairfax or no Fairfax, he is to marry Elsie— and— and— as thou hast shot him through the head, and he is dead, be content with that, and I will be thy wife! WILFRED Is that sure? PHOEBE Aye, sure enough, for there's no help for it! Thou art a very brute— but even brutes must marry, I suppose. ”

“ PSYCHE. If Cyril, ma'am, Does not behave himself, I think you will. PRINCESS. And you, Melissa, shall I find you here? MELISSA. Madam, however Florian turns out, Unhesitatingly I answer, No! GAMA. Consider this, my love: if your mama Had looked on matters from your point of view (I wish she had) , why, where would you have been? BLANCHE. There's an unbounded field of speculation On which I could discourse for hours! PRINCESS. No doubt! We will not trouble you. Hilarion, I have been wrong – I see my error now. Take me, Hilarion – "We will walk this world Yoked in all exercise of noble end! ”

“ PEERS. We'll go! (Exeunt Lord Mountararat, Lord Tolloller, and Peers. Fairies gaze wistfully after them.) (Enter Fairy Queen.) QUEEN. Oh, shame—shame upon you! Is this your fidelity to the laws you are bound to obey? Know ye not that it is death to marry a mortal? LEILA. Yes, but it's not death to wish to marry a mortal! FLETA. If it were, you'd have to execute us all! QUEEN. Oh, this is weakness! Subdue it! CELIA. We know it's weakness, but the weakness is so strong! LEILA. We are not all as tough as you are! QUEEN. Tough! Do you suppose that I am insensible to the effect of manly beauty? ”

“ GIANETTA and TESSA (together) . Farewell, my love; on board you must be getting; But while upon the sea you gaily roam, Remember that a heart for thee is fretting— The tender little heart you've left at home! GIA. Now, Marco dear, My wishes hear: While you're away It's understood You will be good And not too gay. To every trace Of maiden grace You will be blind, And will not glance By any chance On womankind! If you are wise, You'll shut your eyes Till we arrive, And not address A lady less Than forty-five. You'll please to frown On every gown That you may see ”

“ Bloodthirsty little maiden! [Aloud] A fig for this Fairfax! Be mine— he will never know— he dares not show himself; and if he dare, what art thou to him? Fly with me, Elsie— we will be married tomorrow, and thou shalt be the happiest wife in England! ELSIE Master Leonard! I am amazed! Is it thus that brave soldiers speak to poor girls? Oh! for shame, for shame! I am wed— not the less because I love not my husband. I am a wife, sir, and I have a duty, and— oh, sir!— thy words terrify me— they are not honest— they are wicked words, and unworthy thy great and brave heart! Oh,shame upon thee! ”

“ When you marry, merry maiden, Then the air with joy is laden; All the corners of the earth Ring with music sweetly played, Worry is melodious mirth, Grief is joy in masquerade; CHORUS. Sullen night is laughing day— All the year is merry May! (At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off, much alarmed.) GIU. And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest! What's a bachelor? A mere nothing—he's a chrysalis. He can't be said to live—he exists. MAR. What a delightful institution marriage is! ”

“ WILFRED Aye, it's well for thee to laugh. Thou hast a good post, and hast cause to be merry. POINT [bitterly] Cause? Have we not all cause? Is not the world a big butt of humour, into which all who will may drive a gimlet? See, I am a salaried wit; and is there aught in nature more ridiculous? A poor, dull, heart-broken man, who must needs be merry, or he will be whipped; who must rejoice, lest he starve; who must jest you, jibe you, quip you, crank you, wrack you, riddle you, from hour to hour, from day to day, from year to year, lest he dwindle, perish, starve, pine,and die! ”

“ CHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDS. Fair is Rose as bright May-day; Soft is Rose as the warm west-wind; Sweet is Rose as the new-mown hay— Rose is queen of maiden-kind! Rose, all glowing With virgin blushes, say— Is anybody going To marry you to-day? SOLO—ZORAH. Every day, as the days roll on, Bridesmaids' garb we gaily don, Sure that a maid so fairly famed Can't long remain unclaimed. Hour by hour and day by day, Several months have passed away, Though she's the fairest flower that blows, No one has married Rose! ”

“ Bridegroom and bride! We in sincerity Wish you prosperity, Bridegroom and bride! SONG—TESSA. TESS. When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right, and nothing's wrong! From to-day and ever after Let our tears be tears of laughter. Every sigh that finds a vent Be a sigh of sweet content! When you marry, merry maiden, Then the air with love is laden; Every flower is a rose, Every goose becomes a swan, Every kind of trouble goes Where the last year's snows have gone! ”