W. S. Gilbert

“ Now take, for example, my case:
I've a bright intellectual brain—
In all London city
There's no one so witty—
I've thought so again and again.
I've a highly intelligent face—
My features cannot be denied—
But, whatever I try, sir,
I fail in—and why, sir?
I'm modesty personified!
As a poet, I'm tender and quaint—
I've passion and fervor and grace—
From Ovid and Horace
To Swinburne and Morris,
They all of them take a back place,
Then I sing and I play and I paint;
Though none are accomplished as I,
To say so were treason:
You ask me the reason? ”

“ The aching memory of the old, old days?
Time was when Love and I were well acquainted.
Time was when we walked ever hand in hand;
A saintly youth, with worldly thought untainted,
None better-loved than I in all the land! ”

“ Oh, philosophers may sing
Of the troubles of a King;
Yet the duties are delightful, and the privileges great;
But the privilege and pleasure
That we treasure beyond measure
Is to run on little errands for the Ministers of State!
After luncheon (making merry
On a bun and glass of sherry) ,
If we've nothing particular to do,
We may make a Proclamation,
Or receive a Deputation—
Then we possibly create a Peer or two.
Then we help a fellow creature on his path
With the Garter or the Thistle or the Bath:
Or we dress and toddle off in semi-State
To a festival, a function, or a fete. ”

“ There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat—
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that—
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist—
They'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed!
There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano organist—I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
They never would be missed—they never would be missed! ”

“ A feeling of disgust upon her senses there will fall
When she looks upon his body chopped particularly small."
He traced that gallant sorter to a still suburban square;
He watched his opportunity and seized him unaware;
He took a life-preserver and he hit him on the head,
And Mrs. Brown dissected him before she went to bed.
And pretty little Alice grew more settled in her mind,
She never more was guilty of a weakness of the kind,
Until at length good Robber Brown bestowed her pretty hand
On the promising young robber, the lieutenant of his band. ”

“ Hey, willow waly O!
I fain would discover
If you have a lover?
Hey, willow waly O!
SHE.
Gentle sir, my heart is frolicsome and free—
(Hey but he's doleful, willow, willow waly!)
Nobody I care for comes a-courting me—
Hey, willow waly O!
Nobody I care for
Comes a-courting—therefore,
Hey, willow waly O!
HE.
Prithee, pretty maiden, will you marry me?
(Hey, but I'm hopeful, willow, willow waly!)
I may say, at once, I'm a man of propertee
Hey, willow waly O!
Money, I despise it,
But many people prize it,
Hey, willow waly O! ”

“ He is an Englishman!
For he himself has said it,
And it's greatly to his credit,
That he is an Englishman!
For he might have been a Roosian,
A French, or Turk, or Proosian,
Or perhaps Itali-an!
But in spite of all temptations,
To belong to other nations,
He remains an Englishman! ”

“ Herself compelled, in life's uncertain gloamings,
To wreathe her wrinkled brow with well saved "combings"—
Reduced, with rouge, lipsalve, and pearly grey,
To "make up" for lost time, as best she may!
Silvered is the raven hair,
Spreading is the parting straight,
Mottled the complexion fair,
Halting is the youthful gait. ”

“ Every goose becomes a swan,
Every kind of trouble goes
Where the last year's snows have gone!
Sunlight takes the place of shade
When you marry merry maid!
When a merry maiden marries
Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries;
Every sound becomes a song,
All is right, and nothing's wrong. ”

“ There are one or two rules that all Family Fools
Must observe, if they love their profession.
There are one or two rules
Half a dozen, maybe,
That all family fools,
Of whatever degree,
Must observe, if they love their profession.
If you wish to succeed as a jester, you'll need
To consider each person auricular:
What is all right for B would quite scandalize C
(For C is so very particular) ;
And D may be dull, and E's very thick skull
Is as empty of brains as a ladle ”

“ A CHILD'S HISTORY OF ENGLAND, by Charles Dickens, with 50 illustrations. Tired of listening to his children memorize the twaddle of old fashioned English history the author covered the ground in his own peculiar and happy style for his own children's use. When the work was published its success was instantaneous.
BLACK BEAUTY, THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A HORSE, by Anna Sewell, with 50 illustrations. A work sure to educate boys and girls to treat with kindness all members of the animal kingdom. Recognized as the greatest story of animal life extant. ”

“ THE STORY OF EXPLORATION AND DISCOVERY IN AFRICA, with 80 illustrations. Records the experiences of adventures and discoveries in developing the "Dark Continent," from the early days of Bruce and Mungo Park down to Livingstone and Stanley, and the heroes of our own times. No present can be more acceptable than such a volume as this, where courage, intrepidity, resource, and devotion are so admirably mingled. ”

“ For they'd none of 'em be missed—they'd none of 'em be missed!
THE POLICEMAN'S LOT.
When a felon's not engaged in his employment
Or maturing his felonious little plans.
His capacity for innocent enjoyment,
Is just as great as any honest man's
Our feelings we with difficulty smother
When constabulary duty's to be done:
Ah, take one consideration with another,
A policeman's lot is not a happy one! ”

“ "You have a daughter, Captain Reece,
Ten female cousins and a niece,
A ma, if what I'm told is true,
Six sisters, and an aunt or two.
"Now, somehow, sir, it seems to me,
More friendly-like we all should be.
If you united of 'em to
Unmarried members of the crew. ”

“ The padre said, "Whatever have you been and gone and done?"
"I have helped mamma to steal a little kiddy from its dad,
I've assisted dear papa in cutting up a little lad,
I've planned a little burglary and forged a little check,
And slain a little baby for the coral on its neck!"
The worthy pastor heaved a sigh and dropped a silent tear—
And said, "You mustn't judge yourself too heavily, my dear—
It's wrong to murder babies, little corals for to fleece:
But sins like that one expiates at half-a-crown apiece.
"Girls will be girls—you're very young, and flighty in your mind ”

“ And keep the bowl a-flowing on—
A working-man needs pints of gin
To keep his clockwork going on."
Bob shuddered: "Ah, you've made a miss,
If you take me for one of you—
You filthy beast, get out of this—
Bob Polter don't want none of you." ”

“ Roll on, thou ball, roll on!
Through pathless realms of Space
Roll on! ”

“ Never you mind!
Roll on!
Roll on, thou ball, roll on!
Through seas of inky air
Roll on!
It's true I've got no shirts to wear;
It's true my butcher's bill is due;
It's true my prospects all look blue—
But don't let that unsettle you!
Never you mind!
Roll on!
(It rolls on.) ”

“ CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS AND THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA, with 70 illustrations Every American boy and girl should be acquainted with the story of the life of the great discoverer, with its struggles, adventures, and trials. ”

“ THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS AND WHAT ALICE FOUND THERE, a companion to "Alice in Wonderland," with 50 illustrations by John Tenniel.
BUNYAN'S PILGRIM'S PROGRESS, with 50 full page and text illustrations.
A CHILD'S STORY OF THE BIBLE, with 72 full page illustrations.
A CHILD'S LIFE OF CHRIST, with 49 illustrations. God has implanted in the infant heart a desire to hear of Jesus, and children are early attracted and sweetly riveted by the wonderful Story of the Master from the Manger to the Throne. ”

“ Captain Reece The Bishop and the Busman The Folly of Brown The Three Kings of Chickeraboo To the Terrestrial Globe The Bishop of Rum-Ti-Foo General John Sir Guy the Crusader King Borria Bungalee Boo The Troubadour The Force of Argument Only a Dancing Girl The Sensation Captain The Periwinkle Girl Bob Polter Gentle Alice Brown Ben Allah Achmet SONGS OF A SAVOYARD The Englishman The Disagreeable Man The Modern Major-General The Heavy Dragoon Only Roses They'll None of 'Em Be Missed The Policeman's Lot An Appeal Eheu Fugaces—! ”

“ "Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
And the mate of the Nancy brig,
And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig." ”

“ It is just the book for intelligent boys, and it will help to make them intelligent and patriotic citizens.
THE STORY OF ADVENTURE IN THE FROZEN SEAS, with 70 illustrations. By Prescott Holmes. We have here brought together the records of the attempts to reach the North Pole. The book shows how much can be accomplished by steady perseverance and indomitable pluck.
ILLUSTRATED NATURAL HISTORY, by the Rev. J.G. Wood, with 80 illustrations. This author has done more to popularize the study of natural history than any other writer. The illustrations are striking and life-like. ”

“ THE RIME OF THE ANCIENT MARINER, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, with 46 full page engravings by Gustave Dore. Cloth, full gilt, large imperial quarto (11 x 14-1/2 inches) , $3.00.
BUNYAN'S PILGRIM'S PROGRESS, with 100 engravings by Frederick Barnard and others. Cloth, small quarto (9 x 10 inches) , $1.00.
DICKENS' CHILD'S HISTORY OF ENGLAND, with 75 fine engravings by famous artists. Cloth, small quarto, boxed (9 x 10 inches) , $1.00.
BIBLE PICTURES AND STORIES, 100 full page engravings. Cloth, small quarto (7 x 9 inches) , $1.00. ”

“ Thoughts consolatory and encouraging to the Christian pilgrim as he journeys onward to his heavenly home.
18 THE IMPREGNABLE ROCK OF HOLY SCRIPTURE, by the Rt. Hon William Ewart Gladstone, M.P. The most masterly defence of the truths of the Bible extant. The author says: The Christian Faith and the Holy Scriptures arm us with the means of neutralizing and repelling the assaults of evil in and from ourselves. ”

“ SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON, with 50 illustrations. The father of the family tells the tale of the vicissitudes through which he and his wife and children pass, the wonderful discoveries made and dangers encountered. The book is full of interest and instruction. ”

“ THE FABLES OF ÆSOP. Compiled from the best accepted sources. With 62 illustrations. The fables of Æsop are among the very earliest compositions of this kind, and probably have never been surpassed for point and brevity.
GULLIVER'S TRAVELS. Adapted for young readers. With 50 illustrations.
MOTHER GOOSE'S RHYMES, JINGLES AND FAIRY TALES, with 234 illustrations.
LIVES OF THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES, by Prescott Holmes. With portraits of the Presidents and also of the unsuccessful candidates for the office; as well as the ablest of the Cabinet officers. ”

“ Andrew Murray. "The best work on prayer in the language."
11 HOLY IN CHRIST. Thoughts on the Calling of God's Children to be holy as He is Holy. By the Rev. Andrew Murray. "This sacred theme is treated Scripturally and robustly without spurious sentimentalism."
12 THE MANLINESS OF CHRIST, by Thomas Hughes, author of "Tom Brown's School Days," etc. "Evidences of the sublimest courage and manliness in the boyhood, ministry, and in the last acts of Christ's life."
13 ADDRESSES TO YOUNG MEN, by the Rev. Henry Ward Beecher. Seven Addresses on common vices and their results. ”

“ THE FAIREST OF THE FAIR, by Hildegarde Hawthorne. "The grand-daughter of Nathaniel Hawthorne possesses a full share of his wonderful genius." Cloth, 16mo., $1.25.
A LOVER IN HOMESPUN, by F. Clifford Smith. Interesting tales of adventure and home life in Canada. Cloth, 12mo., 75 cents.
ANNIE BESANT: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY. Cloth, 12mo., 368 pages, illustrated. $2.00.
THE GRAMMAR OF PALMISTRY, by Katharine St. Hill. Cloth, 12mo., illustrated, 75 cents.
AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY MINUTES. Contains over 100 photographs of the most famous places and edifices with descriptive text. Cloth, 50 cents. ”

“ NAMES FOR CHILDREN, by Elisabeth Robinson Scovil, author of "The Care of Children," "Preparation for Motherhood." In family life there is no question of greater weight or importance than naming the baby. The author gives much good advice and many suggestions on the subject. Cloth, 12mo., $.40. ”

“ Standard Religious Literature Appropriately Bound in Handy Volume Size. Each Volume contains Illuminated Title, Portrait of Author and Appropriate Illustrations.
WHITE VELLUM, SILVER AND MONOTINT, BOXED, EACH FIFTY CENTS.
1 KEPT FOR THE MASTER'S USE, by Frances Ridley Havergal. "Will perpetuate her name."
2 MY KING AND HIS SERVICE, OR DAILY THOUGHTS FOR THE KING'S CHILDREN, by Frances Ridley Havergal. "Simple, tender, gentle, and full of Christian love."
3 MY POINT OF VIEW. Selections from the works of Professor Henry Drummond. ”

“ TRIF AND TRIXY, by John Habberton, author of "Helen's Babies." The story is replete with vivid and spirited scenes; and is incomparably the happiest and most delightful work Mr. Habberton has yet written. Cloth, 12mo., $.35. ”

“ Another's love-sick boy!
HENRY ALTEMUS' PUBLICATIONS. PHILADELPHIA. PA.
STEPHEN. A SOLDIER OF THE CROSS, by Florence Morse Kingsley, author of "Titus, a Comrade of the Cross." "Since Ben-Hur no story has so vividly portrayed the times of Christ."—The Bookseller. Cloth, 12mo., 369 pages. $1.25.
PAUL. A HERALD OF THE CROSS, by Florence Morse Kingsley, "A vivid and picturesque narrative of the life and times of the great Apostle." Cloth, ornamental, 12mo., 450 pages, $1.50. ”