W. S. Gilbert

“ PEERS. We'll go! (Exeunt Lord Mountararat, Lord Tolloller, and Peers. Fairies gaze wistfully after them.) (Enter Fairy Queen.) QUEEN. Oh, shame—shame upon you! Is this your fidelity to the laws you are bound to obey? Know ye not that it is death to marry a mortal? LEILA. Yes, but it's not death to wish to marry a mortal! FLETA. If it were, you'd have to execute us all! QUEEN. Oh, this is weakness! Subdue it! CELIA. We know it's weakness, but the weakness is so strong! LEILA. We are not all as tough as you are! QUEEN. Tough! Do you suppose that I am insensible to the effect of manly beauty? ”

“ Bloodthirsty little maiden! [Aloud] A fig for this Fairfax! Be mine— he will never know— he dares not show himself; and if he dare, what art thou to him? Fly with me, Elsie— we will be married tomorrow, and thou shalt be the happiest wife in England! ELSIE Master Leonard! I am amazed! Is it thus that brave soldiers speak to poor girls? Oh! for shame, for shame! I am wed— not the less because I love not my husband. I am a wife, sir, and I have a duty, and— oh, sir!— thy words terrify me— they are not honest— they are wicked words, and unworthy thy great and brave heart! Oh,shame upon thee! ”

“ So that a maid is fair to see, Ev'ry maid is the maid for me! (Dance) Cyril: I am a maiden, frank and simple, Brimming with joyous roguery; Merriment lurks in ev'ry dimple Nobody breaks more hearts than I! Nobody breaks more hearts, more hearts than I All: Haughty, humble, coy, or free, Little care I what maid may be. So that a maid is fair to see, Ev'ry maid is the maid for me! (Dance) Florian: I am a maiden coyly blushing, Timid am I as a startled hind; Every suitor sets me flushing, Every suitor sets me flushing: I am the maid that wins mankind! ”

“ For I am a Pirate King! And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King! For I am a Pirate King! ALL: You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King! KING: And it is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King. ALL: It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King! Hurrah for the Pirate King! KING: When I sally forth to seek my prey I help myself in a royal way. I sink a few more ships, it's true, Than a well-bred monarch ought to do; But many a king on a first-class throne, If he wants to call his crown his own, Must manage somehow to get through More dirty work than e'er I do, For I am a Pirate King! ”

“ A life-love can engender, O my love! A truce to sighing And tears of brine, For joy undying Shall aye be mine, BOTH. And thou and I, love, Shall live and die, love, Without a sigh, love— My own, my love! (Enter Robin, with Chorus of Bridesmaids.) CHORUS. If well his suit has sped, Oh, may they soon be wed! Oh, tell us, tell us, pray, What doth the maiden say? In singing are we justified, Hall the Bridegroom—hail the Bride! Let the nuptial knot be tied: In fair phrases Hymn their praises, Hail the Bridegroom—hall the Bride? ”

“ Upon our words and honours, Ma'am, we will! Princess: But we go further: Will you undertake That you will never marry any man? Florian: Indeed we never will! Princess: Consider well, You must prefer our maids to all mankind! Hilarion: To all mankind we much prefer your maids! Cyril: We should be dolts indeed, if we did not, seeing how fair — Hilarion: (Aside to Cyril) Take care — that's rather strong! Princess: But have you left no lovers at your home Who may pursue you here? Hilarion: No, madam, none. We're homely ladies, as no doubt you see, And we have never fished for lover's love. ”

“ GIANETTA and TESSA (together) . Farewell, my love; on board you must be getting; But while upon the sea you gaily roam, Remember that a heart for thee is fretting— The tender little heart you've left at home! GIA. Now, Marco dear, My wishes hear: While you're away It's understood You will be good And not too gay. To every trace Of maiden grace You will be blind, And will not glance By any chance On womankind! If you are wise, You'll shut your eyes Till we arrive, And not address A lady less Than forty-five. You'll please to frown On every gown That you may see ”

“ WILFRED A— I— I may have been mistaken. We are but fallible mortals, the best of us. But I'll make sure— I'll make sure. [Going] PHOEBE Stay— one word. I think it cannot be Fairfax— mind, I say I think— because thou hast just slain Fairfax. But whether he be Fairfax or no Fairfax, he is to marry Elsie— and— and— as thou hast shot him through the head, and he is dead, be content with that, and I will be thy wife! WILFRED Is that sure? PHOEBE Aye, sure enough, for there's no help for it! Thou art a very brute— but even brutes must marry, I suppose. ”

“ CHORUS. Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo, D'ye see? Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo! (HORNPIPE.) (Exeunt Chorus.) (Enter Robin.) ROB. Richard! RICH. Robin! ROB. My beloved foster-brother, and very dearest friend, welcome home again after ten long years at sea! It is such deeds as yours that cause our flag to be loved and dreaded throughout the civilized world! RICH. Why, lord love ye, Rob, that's but a trifle to what we have done in the way of sparing life! I believe I may say, without exaggeration, that the marciful little Tom-Tit has spared more French frigates than any craft afloat! ”

“ When you marry, merry maiden, Then the air with joy is laden; All the corners of the earth Ring with music sweetly played, Worry is melodious mirth, Grief is joy in masquerade; CHORUS. Sullen night is laughing day— All the year is merry May! (At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The Gondoliers and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off, much alarmed.) GIU. And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest! What's a bachelor? A mere nothing—he's a chrysalis. He can't be said to live—he exists. MAR. What a delightful institution marriage is! ”

“ ERN. You won't be haunted much longer. The law must be on its last legs, and in a few hours I shall come to life again—resume all my social and civil functions, and claim my darling as my blushing bride! JULIA. Oh—then you haven't heard? ERN. My love, I've heard nothing. How could I? There are no daily papers where I come from. JULIA. Why, Ludwig challenged Rudolph and won, and now he's Grand Duke, and he's revived the law for another century! ERN. What! But you're not serious—you're only joking! JULIA. My good sir, I'm a light-hearted girl, but I don't chaff bogies. ”

“ NANK. Yes, and I see my own. If I insist on your carrying out your promise, I doom you to a hideous death; if I release you, you marry Ko-Ko at once! TRIO.—YUM-YUM, NANKI-POO, and KO-KO. YUM. Here's a how-de-do! If I marry you, When your time has come to perish, Then the maiden whom you cherish Must be slaughtered, too! Here's a how-de-do! NANK. Here's a pretty mess! In a month, or less, I must die without a wedding! ”

“ Bridegroom and bride! We in sincerity Wish you prosperity, Bridegroom and bride! SONG—TESSA. TESS. When a merry maiden marries, Sorrow goes and pleasure tarries; Every sound becomes a song, All is right, and nothing's wrong! From to-day and ever after Let our tears be tears of laughter. Every sigh that finds a vent Be a sigh of sweet content! When you marry, merry maiden, Then the air with love is laden; Every flower is a rose, Every goose becomes a swan, Every kind of trouble goes Where the last year's snows have gone! ”

“ WILFRED Aye, it's well for thee to laugh. Thou hast a good post, and hast cause to be merry. POINT [bitterly] Cause? Have we not all cause? Is not the world a big butt of humour, into which all who will may drive a gimlet? See, I am a salaried wit; and is there aught in nature more ridiculous? A poor, dull, heart-broken man, who must needs be merry, or he will be whipped; who must rejoice, lest he starve; who must jest you, jibe you, quip you, crank you, wrack you, riddle you, from hour to hour, from day to day, from year to year, lest he dwindle, perish, starve, pine,and die! ”

“ CHORUS OF CONTADINE. List and learn, ye dainty roses, Roses white and roses red, Why we bind you into posies Ere your morning bloom has fled. By a law of maiden's making, Accents of a heart that's aching, Even though that heart be breaking, Should by maiden be unsaid: Though they love with love exceeding, They must seem to be unheeding— Go ye then and do their pleading, Roses white and roses red! FIAMETTA. Two there are for whom in duty, Every maid in Venice sighs— Two so peerless in their beauty That they shame the summer skies. ”

“ MAIDENS DRAGOONS A blessing on his solicitor! A curse, a curse on his solicitor! [The SOLICITOR, horrified at the Dragoons' curse, rushes off, L.] COLONEL [R.C. BUNTHORNE up L., surrounded by the Ladies.] Stay, we implore you, Before our hopes are blighted; You see before you The men to whom you're plighted! DRAGOONS Stay, we implore you, For we adore you; To us you're plighted To be united— Stay, we implore you, we implore you! DUKE [C.] Your maiden hearts, ah, do not steel To pity's eloquent appeal, Such conduct British soldiers feel. [Aside ] Sigh, sigh, all sigh! [They all sigh.] ”

“ ALEXIS Why, at present, it can't be denied, the aristocracy hold aloof. ALINE Ah, the working man is the true Intelligence after all! ALEXIS He is a noble creature when he is quite sober. Yes, Aline, true happiness comes of true love, and true love should be independent of external influences. It should live upon itself and by itself—in itself love should live for love alone! BALLAD—ALEXIS Love feeds on many kinds of food, I know, Some love for rank, some for duty: Some give their hearts away for empty show, And others for youth and beauty. ”

“ It's an instrument rare, To be handled with care, And ought to be treated as such, Ought to be treated as such. ALL It is purely a matter of skill, Which all may attain if they will: But every Jack, He must study the knack If he wants to make sure of his Jill! If he wants to make sure of his Jill! PHOEBE Then a glance may be timid or free; It will vary in mighty degree, From an impudent stare To a look of despair That no maid without pity can see! And a glance of despair is no guide— It may have its ridiculous side; It may draw you a tear Or a box on the ear ”

“ Audacious tyrant, do you dare To beard a maiden in her lair? Hildebd: Since you inquire, We've no desire To beard a maiden here, or anywhere! Soldiers: No, no. We've no desire To beard a maiden here or anywhere! SOLO — Hildebrand Hildebd: Some years ago, No doubt you know (And if you don't I'll tell you so) You gave your troth Upon your oath To Hilarion my son. A vow you make You must not break, (If you think you may, it's a great mistake) , For a bride's a bride Though the knot were tied At the early age of one! ”

“ Wake the lute that sets us lilting, Dance a welcome to each comer; Day by day our year is wilting— Sing the sunny songs of summer! La, la, la, la! SOLO — King. A King of autocratic power we— A despot whose tyrannic will is law— Whose rule is paramount o'er land and sea, A presence of unutterable awe! But though the awe that I inspire Must shrivel with imperial fire All foes whom it may chance to touch, To judge by what I see and hear, It does not seem to interfere With popular enjoyment, much. Chorus: No, no—it does not interfere With our enjoyment much. ”

“ ALEXIS Enough, Aline, I shall know how to interpret this refusal. BALLAD—ALEXIS Thou hast the power thy vaunted love To sanctify, all doubt above, Despite the gathering shade: To make that love of thine so sure That, come what may, it must endure Till time itself shall fade. They love is but a flower That fades within the hour! If such thy love, oh, shame! Call it by other name— It is not love! Thine is the power and thine alone, To place me on so proud a throne That kings might envy me! A priceless throne of love untold, More rare than orient pearl and gold. ”

“ I'll go bail You hit the nail, And if you fail, The deuce is in it! King: You grow up and you discover What it is to be a lover. Some young lady is selected— Poor, perhaps, but well-connected. Whom you hail (for Love is blind) As the Queen of fairy kind. Though she's plain—perhaps unsightly, Makes her face up—laces tightly, In her form your fancy traces All the gifts of all the graces. Rivals none the maiden woo, So you take her and she takes you. ”

“ IOL. Oh, Strephon! rejoice with me, my Queen has pardoned me! STREPH. Pardoned you, mother? This is good news indeed. IOL. And these ladies are my beloved sisters. STREPH. Your sisters! Then they are—my aunts! QUEEN. A pleasant piece of news for your bride on her wedding day! STREPH. Hush! My bride knows nothing of my fairyhood. I dare not tell her, lest it frighten her. She thinks me mortal, and prefers me so. LEILA. Your fairyhood doesn't seem to have done you much good. STREPH. Much good! My dear aunt! it's the curse of my existence! What's the use of being half a fairy? ”

“ Dance and exeunt Nanki-Poo, Yum-Yum, Pooh-Bah, Pitti-Sing, and Ko-Ko. Enter Katisha. RECITATIVE and SONG.—KATISHA. Alone, and yet alive! Oh, sepulchre! My soul is still my body's prisoner! Remote the peace that Death alone can give— My doom, to wait! my punishment, to live! SONG. Hearts do not break! They sting and ache For old love's sake, But do not die, Though with each breath They long for death As witnesseth The living I! Oh, living I! Come, tell me why, When hope is gone, Dost thou stay on? ”

“ Have you such a thing as a dungeon on board? ALL. We have! DICK. They have! SIR JOSEPH. Then load him with chains and take him there at once! OCTETTE RALPH. Farewell, my own, Light of my life, farewell! For crime unknown I go to a dungeon cell. JOS. I will atone. In the meantime farewell! And all alone Rejoice in your dungeon cell! SIR JOSEPH. A bone, a bone I'll pick with this sailor fell; Let him be shown at once At once to his dungeon cell. BOATSWAIN, DICK DEADEYE, and COUSIN HEBE He'll hear no tone Of the maiden he loves so well! ”

“ Observe his flame, That placid dame, The moon's Celestial Highness; There's not a trace Upon her face Of diffidence or shyness: She borrows light That, through the night, Mankind may all acclaim her! And, truth to tell, She lights up well, So I, for one, don't blame her! Ah, pray make no mistake, We are not shy; We're very wide awake, The moon and I! Enter Pitti-Sing and Peep-Bo. YUM. Yes, everything seems to smile upon me. I am to be married to-day to the man I love best and I believe I am the very happiest girl in Japan! ”

“ Thy bride! No! no! LORD CH. It shall be so! Those who would separate us woe betide! IOL. My doom thy lips have spoken— I plead in vain! CHORUS OF FAIRIES (without) . Forbear! forbear! IOL. A vow already broken I break again! CHORUS OF FAIRIES (without) . Forbear! forbear! IOL. For him—for her—for thee I yield my life. Behold—it may not be! I am thy wife. CHORUS OF FAIRIES (without) . Aiaiah! Aiaiah! Willaloo! LORD CH. (recognizing her) . Iolanthe! thou livest? IOL. Aye! I live! Now let me die! (Enter Fairy Queen and Fairies. Iolanthe kneels to her.) ”

“ You are a lucky fellow, sir—a very lucky fellow! ALEXIS Father, I am welling over with limpid joy! No sicklying taint of sorrow overlies the lucid lake of liquid love, upon which, hand in hand, Aline and I are to float into eternity! SIR M. Alexis, I desire that of your love for this young lady you do not speak so openly. You are always singing ballads in praise of her beauty, and you expect the very menials who wait behind your chair to chorus your ecstasies. It is not delicate. ALEXIS Father, a man who loves as I love— SIR M. Pooh pooh, sir! ”

“ CHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDS. Fair is Rose as bright May-day; Soft is Rose as the warm west-wind; Sweet is Rose as the new-mown hay— Rose is queen of maiden-kind! Rose, all glowing With virgin blushes, say— Is anybody going To marry you to-day? SOLO—ZORAH. Every day, as the days roll on, Bridesmaids' garb we gaily don, Sure that a maid so fairly famed Can't long remain unclaimed. Hour by hour and day by day, Several months have passed away, Though she's the fairest flower that blows, No one has married Rose! ”

“ To love for money all the world is prone: Some love themselves, and live all lonely: Give me the love that loves for love alone— I love that love—I love it only! What man for any other joy can thirst, Whose loving wife adores him duly? Want, misery, and care may do their worst, If loving woman loves you truly. A lover's thoughts are ever with his own— None truly loved is ever lonely: Give me the love that loves for love alone— I love that love—I love it only! ALINE Oh, Alexis, those are noble principles! ALEXIS Yes, Aline, and I am going to take a desperate step in support of them. ”

“ ANGELA Aesthetic! He is aesthetic! GROSVENOR Yes, yes — I am aesthetic And poetic! MAIDENS Then, we love you! [They break away from the DRAGOONS, and kneel to GROSVENOR.] DRAGOONS They love him! Horror! BUNTHORNE and PATIENCE They love him! Horror! GROSVENOR They love me! Horror! Horror! Horror! ENSEMBLE [all parts sung at the same time] PATIENCE DUKE List, Reginald, while I confess My jealousy I can't express, A love that's all unselfishness, Their love they openly confess; That it's unselfish, goodness knows, His shell-like ears he does not close You won't dispute it, I suppose! ”

“ Yet, mercy should alloy our stern resentment, And so I will be merciful— say on! TRIO—RUTH, KING, and FREDERIC RUTH: When you had left our pirate fold, We tried to raise our spirits faint, According to our custom old, With quips and quibbles quaint. But all in vain the quips we heard, We lay and sobbed upon the rocks, Until to somebody occurred A startling paradox. FREDERIC: A paradox? KING: (laughing) A paradox! RUTH: A most ingenious paradox! We've quips and quibbles heard in flocks, But none to beat this paradox! A paradox, a paradox, A most ingenious paradox! ”

“ Be eloquent in praise of the very dull old days which have long since passed away, And convince 'em, if you can, that the reign of good Queen Anne was Culture's palmiest day. Of course you will pooh-pooh whatever's fresh and new, and declare it's crude and mean, For Art stopped short in the cultivated court of the Empress Josephine. And ev'ryone will say, As you walk your mystic way, "If that's not good enough for him which is good enough for me, Why, what a very cultivated kind of youth this kind of youth must be!" ”

“ And the wicked flames may hiss Round the heroes who have fought For conscience and for home in all its beauty, But the grim old fortalice Takes little heed of aught That comes not in the measure of its duty. The screw may twist and the rack may turn, And men may bleed and men may burn, O'er London town and its golden hoard I keep my silent watch and ward! CHORUS The screw may twist and the rack may turn, O'er London town and all its hoard, And men may bleed and men may burn, O'er London town and all its hoard, O'er London town and its golden hoard I keep my silent watch and ward! ”

“ Cyril: If, as you say, A hundred lovely maidens wait within, To welcome us with smiles and open arms, I think there's very little doubt we shall! QUARTET (Princess, Cyril, Hilarion and Florian) "The World is But a Broken Toy" Princess: The world is but a broken toy, Its pleasure hollow — false its joy, Unreal its loveliest hue, Alas! Its pains alone are true, Alas! Its pains alone are true. Hilarion: The world is ev'rything you say, The world we think has had its day. Its merriment is slow. Alas! We've tried it, and we know, Alas! We've tried it and we know. ”

“ LORD MOUNT. And I may say I think the same; Not even love Should rank above True Friendship's name! PHYL. Then free me, pray; be mine the blame; Forget your craze And go your ways In Friendship's name! ALL. Oh, many a man, in Friendship's name, Has yielded fortune, rank, and fame! But no one yet, in the world so wide, Has yielded up a promised bride! WILLIS. Accept, O Friendship, all the same, ALL. This sacrifice to thy dear name! (Exeunt Lord Mountararat and Lord Tolloller, lovingly, in one direction, and Phyllis in another. Exit Sentry.) ”

“ Oh no, King Hildebrand, I am no snob! Hildebd: (Furiously) Stop that tongue, Or you shall lose the monkey head that holds it! Gama: Bravo! Your King deprives me of my head, That he and I may meet on equal terms! Hildebd: Where is she now? (Threatening) Gama: In Castle Adamant, One of my many country houses. There She rules a woman's University, With full a hundred girls, who learn of her. Cyril: A hundred girls! A hundred ecstasies! Gama: But no mere girls, my good young gentleman; With all the college learning that you boast, The youngest there will prove a match for you. ”

“ Though tear and long-drawn sigh Ill fit a bride, No sadder wife than I The whole world wide! Ah me! Ah me! Yet maids there be Who would consent to lose The very rose of youth, The flow'r of life, To be, in honest truth, A wedded wife, No matter whose! No matter whose! Ah me! what profit we, O maids that sigh, Though gold, though gold should live If wedded love must die? Ere half an hour has rung, A widow I! Ah, heaven, he is too young, Too brave to die! ”

“ Hilarion: Alas, my liege, I've heard, That Princess Ida has forsworn the world, And, with a band of women, shut herself Within a lonely country house, and there Devotes herself to stern philosophies! Hildebd: Then I should say the loss of such a wife Is one to which a reasonable man Would easily be reconciled. Hilarion: Oh, no! Or I am not a reasonable man. She is my wife — has been for twenty years! (Holding glass) I think I see her now. Hildebd: Ha! Let me look! Hilarion: In my mind's eye, I mean — a blushing bride All bib and tucker, frill and furbelow! ”

“ Exit Ko-Ko ENSEMBLE. NANKI-POO. The threatened cloud has passed away, YUM-YUM. And brightly shines the dawning day; NANKI-POO. What though the night may come too soon, YUM-YUM. There's yet a month of afternoon! NANKI-POO, POOH-BAH, YUM-YUM, PITTI-SING, and PEEP-BO. Then let the throng Our joy advance, With laughing song And merry dance, CHORUS. With joyous shout and ringing cheer, Inaugurate our brief career! PITTI-SING. A day, a week, a month, a year— YUM. Or far or near, or far or near, POOH. Life's eventime comes much too soon, PITTI-SING. You'll live at least a honeymoon! ”

“ Don't you remember that old kissing-song He'd sing to blushing Mistress Lalage, The hostess of the Pigeons? Thus it ran: SONG (Cyril) "Would you know the Kind of Maid" (During symphony Hilarion and Florian try to stop Cyril. He shakes them off angrily.) Cyril: Would you know the kind of maid Sets my heart aflame-a? Eyes must be downcast and staid, Cheeks must flush for shame-a! She may neither dance nor sing, But, demure in everything, Hang her head in modest way, With pouting lips, with pouting lips that seem to say, "Oh kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, Though I die of shame-a!" ”

“ Life's a pleasant institution, Let us take it as it comes! Set aside the dull enigma, We shall guess it all too soon; Failure brings no kind of stigma— Dance we to another tune! LUIZ. String the lyre and fill the cup, DUCH. Lest on sorrow we should sup. ALL. Hop and skip to Fancy's fiddle, Hands across and down the middle— Life's perhaps the only riddle That we shrink from giving up! (Exeunt all into Ducal Palace except Luiz, who goes off in gondola.) (Enter Gondoliers and Contadine, followed by Marco, Gianetta, Giuseppe, and Tessa.) CHORUS. Bridegroom and bride! ”