W. S. Gilbert

“ Shadow of a shade?
Schoolgirls we, eighteen and under.
From scholastic trammels free,
And we wonder— how we wonder!—
What on earth the world can be!
TRIO.
Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing, with Chorus of Girls. ”

“ I've got a little list — I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat—
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that—
And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist—
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!
Chorus. He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list ”

“ As the fiddler swings us round,
With a yeo heave ho,
And a rum below,
Hurrah for the homeward bound!
A wandering minstrel I, &c.
Enter Pish-Tush.
Pish. And what may be your business with Yum-Yum?
Nank. I'll tell you. A year ago I was a member of the Titipu town band. It was my duty to take the cap round for contributions. While discharging this delicate office I saw Yum-Yum. We loved each other at once, but she was betrothed to her guardian Ko-Ko, a cheap tailor, and I saw that my suit was hopeless. Overwhelmed with despair I quitted the town. ”

“ Enter procession of Yum-Yum's schoolfellows, heralding Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing.
CHORUS of GIRLS.
Comes a train of little ladies
From scholastic trammels free,
Each a little bit afraid is,
Wondering what the world can be! ”

“ Judge of my delight when I heard, a month ago, that Ko-Ko had been condemned to death for flirting! I hurried back at once, in the hope of finding Yum-Yum at liberty to listen to my protestations.
Pish. It is true that Ko-Ko was condemned to death for flirting, but he was reprieved at the last moment, and raised to the exalted rank of Lord High Executioner under the following remarkable circumstances:—
SONG.—Pish-Tush and Chorus.
Our great Mikado, virtuous man,
When he to rule our land began,
Resolved to try
A plan whereby
Young men might best be steadied. ”

“ All. The Japanese equivalent for Hear, Hear, Hear!
Ko. (presenting him) . 'Tis Nanki-Poo!
All.Hail, Nanki-Poo!
Ko.I think he'll do?
All.Yes, yes, he'll do!
Ko. He yields his life if I'll Yum-Yum surrender.
Now I adore that girl with passion tender,
And could not yield her with a ready will,
Or her allot, if I did not
Adore myself with passion tenderer still!
Enter Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, and Pitti-Sing.
All.Ah, yes!
He loves himself with passion tenderer still!
Ko. (to Nanki-Poo) . Take her— she's yours! ”

“ Being engaged to Ko-Ko, you know!
Nank. Being engaged to Ko-Ko!
DUET.— Yum-Yum and Nanki-Poo.
Nank. Were you not to Ko-Ko plighted,
I would say in tender tone,
"Loved one, let us be united—
Let us be each other's own!"
I would merge all rank and station,
Worldly sneers are nought to us,
And, to mark my admiration,
I would kiss you fondly thus— (Kisses her.)
Both. I/He would kiss you/me fondly thus- (Kiss.) ”

“ Enter Pooh-Bah.
Ko. Pooh-Bah, it seems that the festivities in connection with my approaching marriage must last a week. I should like to do it handsomely, and I want to consult you as to the amount I ought to spend upon them.
Pooh. Certainly. In which of my capacities? As First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chamberlain, Attorney-General, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Privy Purse, or Private Secretary?
Ko. Suppose we say as Private Secretary.
Pooh. Speaking as your Private Secretary, I should say that as the city will have to pay for it, don't stint yourself— do it well. ”

“ Then, if you really mean what you say, and if you are absolutely resolved to die, and if nothing whatever will shake your determination— don't spoil yourself by committing suicide, but be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the Public Executioner. ”

“ Yum-Yum.Everything is a source of fun. (Chuckle.)
Peep-Bo.Nobody's safe, for we care for none! (Chuckle.)
Pitti-Sing.Life is a joke that's just begun! (Chuckle.)
The Three. Three little maids from school!
All (dancing) . Three little maids who, all unwary,
Come from a ladies' seminary,
Freed from its genius tutelary—
The Three (suddenly demure) . Three little maids from school!
Yum-Yum.One little maid is a bride, Yum-Yum—
Peep-Bo.Two little maids in attendance come—
Pitti-Sing.Three little maids is the total sum. ”

“ Ko. (aside to girls) . Don't laugh at him, he can't help it— he's under treatment for it. (Aside to Pooh-Bah.) Never mind them, they don't understand the delicacy of your position.
Pooh. We know how delicate it is, don't we?
Ko. I should think we did ! How a nobleman of your importance can do it at all is a thing I never can, never shall understand.
(Ko-Ko retires up and goes off.)
QUARTET and CHORUS of GIRLS.
Yum-Yum, Peep-Bo, Pitti-Sing, and Pooh-Bah. ”

“ I go and dine with middle-class people on reasonable terms. I dance at cheap suburban parties for a moderate fee. I accept refreshment at any hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a very low figure. For instance, any further information about Yum-Yum would come under the head of a State secret. (Nanki-Poo takes the hint, and gives him money.) (Aside.) Another insult, and I think a light one!
SONG.—Pooh-Bah with Nanki-Pooh and Pish. ”